THROTTLE: (A Stepbrother Romance)

by Stone, Holly

  The rain was still hammering on his window, and he thought about Emma going back to her home in the dark, alone. Imagining the dangers she might be facing was too much for him to bear. He grabbed the jeans he’d discarded earlier from the chair and pulled them on, found a fresh t-shirt from a dresser drawer, and drew on his coat.

  Seth had a big umbrella by the door that would shelter him from the worst of the rain. Jared was going back to Emma’s to make sure she was okay and to try and talk her out of her idea that they should be together. If a letter wasn’t going to work, maybe seeing her in person would do it.

  5

  Emma was undressing for bed when she heard a soft tap at the door. She pulled on her yoga pants and headed down the creaking wooden stairs, pausing to look through the spy-hole.

  It was Jared.

  Her heart did an almighty flip in her chest as though it was magnetized to him or something.

  When she pulled the door open he stayed motionless, taking her in, his chest rising and falling quickly as though he’d been running. Emma stepped to the side and motioned for him to come in and he did, just enough to allow her to close the door behind him. Her eyes ran over him slowly, taking him in from head to toe.

  The last remnants of his adolescence were gone, replaced by the lithe-bodied strength of a grown man. Prison had changed him. Gone was the soft expression he used to have just for her, the hint of innocence that’s there before a person has seen terrible things or experienced great hurts. If he'd been capable of killing at the age of eighteen, it sent a strange thrill straight through her to think of what he was capable of now.

  "You came," she said, taking a deep breath and turning away from him to glance out the bay window. It overlooked the end of their street, where the road gave way to gravel and dirt under the last of the city lights.

  Nothing but shadowed darkness and memories lay beyond.

  When she found the strength to look back again, Jared’s eyes seemed shadowed and dark, and it was as though they’d returned to the unfamiliarity that had crackled between then in the first few weeks after they’d met. His skin smelled of rain, the forest, and his own scent that hit her with such power that she felt woozy. Emma had missed his smell so much. It was one of the hardest things about being apart, that she didn’t get to be near him and breathe him in.

  She wanted to reach out to touch him, fingers shaking at her sides with the desire to strip away his clothes and his reserve one layer at a time. It was the closest they'd come to one another in so long. Her eyes scanned him for response and intention, still unsure what was going on in his mind.

  He reached up to cup the side of her face. It was a brief touch, his fingertips barely grazing over her skin, but when she reached for him too Jared took a step back.

  She wanted to kiss him so desperately. Wanted to throw her arms around his neck and taste his rain-touched lips, but couldn't bring herself to act when he seemed so remote. The clock ticked, the only sound in the otherwise silent house.

  “We can’t do this,” he said gruffly, as though he was talking around a lump in his throat. “You need to listen to what I said in that note. You gotta forget about me, Emma. Leave me be. It’s best for both of us.”

  “Is that what you really think?” Emma said, taking a step back until she was leaning against the wall.

  “I wouldn’t have written it if it wasn’t.”

  “I can’t do it, Jared,” she said, using all her internal resolve not to cry. “I love you. I want you. There’s no good reason for us to be apart anymore.”

  “There are plenty,” he said, finally looking her in the eye. What she saw in his gaze was agonizing. Hurt. Fear. And determination that was so fierce she knew she wasn’t going to win the battle that night.

  “You might be okay with giving up on us, but I’m not,” she said, quietly but firmly. “If you’re not ready now, that’s fine. But I’ll be waiting for you when you are, and nothing you can say will change my mind.”

  Jared rubbed his hand over his closely cropped hair in frustration, then took a deep breath and reached out for the door. “It was nice seeing you, Emma.” He paused and looked back at her over his shoulder. “You look real good. Take care of yourself, now.”

  Emma watched him leave until he was out of sight, greedy for every look at him she could get, and then closed her door on the cold, wet night.

  6

  Before he’d been convicted of voluntary manslaughter, Jared had been training to become a mechanic. The man who’d taken him under his wing all those years ago was Nolan, and it was to Nolan’s Auto’s that Jared was returning now that he was a free man.

  Having a job was a condition of his parole, but working was something damn important to him. A man wasn’t anything without employment, and he wanted to be able to repay Seth for his kindness.

  Jared was flat on his back, tinkering with the underside of a car that should have been scrapped a long time ago when he heard the soft tap of high heels against the concrete. He rolled himself out from under the vehicle, coming face to face with a pair of slender legs in pretty black shoes. As his gaze roamed higher he realized he’d been gawping at Emma’s legs like a man that hadn’t seen a woman in years. Well, he could be forgiven for it. It had been a long time since he’d seen anything as good as she looked at that moment.

  “What are you doing here, Emma?” he said, sitting up and getting to his feet, brushing the dust off his pants. He kept getting surprised at how little she was against his now burly frame. When they’d been teenagers, and he’d been scrawnier, their difference in size hadn’t seemed so apparent.

  “I brought you lunch,” she said, handing him a brown paper bag.

  He took it from her, frowning. What kind of game was she playing now? He’d told her that there couldn’t be anything between them, and here she was the next day, feeding him with—he looked in the bag—an amazing-looking meatball sandwich and homemade iced tea.

  “Thanks,” he said, embarrassed when his stomach growled loudly at the delicious smell.

  “I’ll see you around,” Emma said casually, as though they didn’t have any kind of complicated history or emotion between them, then turned to walk out of the garage, swaying her hips just slightly as she went.

  Jared watched her walk away for a few seconds then looked at the ground. God, she looked good in her work clothes, slick and professional. The fifteen-year-old girl she'd been was a figment of the past, a fleeting image in the back of his mind. Now she was a young woman, shapely and more desirable to him than ever before. She’d got him thinking dangerous thoughts, and he couldn’t allow himself to be tempted. He knew what he was doing was the best thing for her, and he just had to keep focused on that.

  And now he had a sandwich to take his mind off his issues. Except the sandwich tasted so amazing and it was homemade too. He hadn’t had homemade cooking since his arrest. The last thing Emma’s mum had cooked him was pot roast, and there were times when he was shoveling in the disgusting slop in the prison canteen when the thought of that meal could have bought tears to his eyes.

  He took another bite of the meatball sandwich and shook his head. Emma was using dirty tactics by targeting his stomach. As tasty and thoughtful as it was, it didn’t change the fact that his hands were stained forever by his crime. As justified as he was, those hands that had brought about death had no place on a sweet girl like Emma. That didn’t stop him devouring everything in the paper bag.

  7

  The point for round one was definitely hers. Emma smiled to herself as she made the short walk back to her office. Jared had looked at that sandwich like a starving man in the desert, and she had no doubt he’d be finishing the whole thing. Before she died, her mama had always commented that men were driven by their stomachs. It was a cliché but true, and she didn’t feel bad for using Jared’s weakness to her advantage. He was a stubborn man, and she was going to teach him a thing or two about who got to make the decisions.

  There were
only two appointments in her diary for the afternoon, which would give her some time to plan round two. Maybe she’d have to enlist Seth’s help in getting Jared to change his mind. Despite being frustrated as hell, she was actually starting to enjoy the challenge. Of course, it helped that she knew Jared loved her. There would be absolutely no point in flogging a dead horse. What was between them was as alive now as in the days before he…she didn’t want to think about that night. Not when her one o’ clock would be arriving at any minute.

  What she could remember was his sweet tenderness, the way he’d held her hand and listened to her share her hopes and dreams. Those moments seemed to have soft edges in her mind, so different from what had come after that they almost seemed to belong to someone else.

  She was typing up the details for a new listing when Nicky came through the door.

  “Hey,” she said, slumping into the chair in front of Emma’s desk. “Have you had lunch yet?”

  “Yeah. I had a sandwich. Why, are you heading over to Barney’s?”

  “I was gonna if you had time to come with me.”

  “I’ve got a one o’ clock.” Emma glanced at the time. She had fifteen minutes and an idea. “You know, you might be able to help me with something.”

  Nicky sat up straighter with interest. “Is this something to do with Jared?”

  “Kinda,” Emma said. It was going to be difficult to explain why she’d kept her and Jared’s letter-writing a secret, but if she wanted him back she was prepared to bare her soul. It had never been about a lack of trust. Nicky was her best friend. It was just that sometimes, sharing things that are really important is hard. Emma knew if she’d told Nicky about that first letter she’d have been asking for updates every time they met, and that would have made Emma miss Jared more. If that was possible. It had been nice to keep him to herself and protect their fragile bond from outside influence, even if that influence was well intentioned. “I know you already know this, but I’m in love with Jared. I have been for years. There’s never been anyone else for me and there won’t be.”

  Nicky’s eyes widened at the announcement, but then she smiled and nodded. “I suspected you were writing him all this time?”

  “Yeah.” Emma shook her head regretfully. “I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t find a way without making it more dramatic than it was. We were kids in the beginning, still trying to deal with the fallout of something so horrible, I couldn’t bear to talk about it. You remember how I was.” Nicky nodded. “And then, after a year or so had passed, it seemed normal for me to keep my contact with Jared private. No one asked me about him because they were scared of making me cry, so he became this person that existed just for me.”

  “And now he’s out?”

  “He left me a note telling me I was better off without him and that I should move on.”

  “Oh!” Nicky looked shocked, and Emma sighed.

  “And then I left him a note telling him I wasn’t going to do that.”

  “You go girl,” Nicky said with an approving grin.

  “And then he came over last night and told me he wasn’t changing his mind even though he loves me.”

  “He loves you!” Nicky’s grin got so broad that Emma wanted to give her best friend a hug. It felt so good to share this with her after keeping it a secret for so long.

  “Yeah, he does. Now I’ve just got to show him what a pig-headed idiot he’s being.”

  “Why does he think you’re better off without him?”

  Emma frowned, pondering on what Jared had said in his note. “He thinks he’s going to be a burden and that I should find a man who won’t be blighted by a criminal record for the rest of his life.”

  “Poor Jared,” Nicky said. “It’s not like he did what he did in cold blood. Everyone in the town knows what happened and they all think he’s a hero. Nolan was desperate to hire him back.”

  “I know. I can’t help thinking that there’s more to it than what he’s saying.”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know.” The more Emma thought about it the more she suspected that she was right about something else going on with Jared. Her heart sunk as she considered that maybe, after seeing what he saw, he couldn’t bear to touch her. They’d never talked directly about what happened that night, but the nurses told her how Jared had carried her into the ER, wrapped in a blanket with tears streaming down his face. By the time Emma came around from the drugs, Jared had handed himself over to police. Maybe dealing with her half-naked body had caused him trauma that he couldn’t get over. He was telling her that his unwillingness for them to get together was for her benefit, but maybe it was for his. Could it be that he wanted to find someone whose body didn’t bring back negative memories? Maybe he couldn’t face the idea of having sex with her.

  “What?” Nicky asked, obviously seeing the realization pass across Emma’s face.

  “Maybe he doesn’t want me in that way. What if this is all because he can’t get past the memories of that night?”

  “Oh, Emma.” Nicky’s expression was filled with sympathy that only made Emma feel worse.

  “Whatever,” Emma said, pulling herself together. “He can think whatever he wants, but I’m still gonna try to get him to see sense.”

  “Good for you. So what’s the plan?”

  “I need to see him in a social situation. Maybe if we spend time together it’ll help him see that the past is in the past. I’m not the girl he knew and he’s not the boy that he was. It’s time for us to get to know each other as man and woman. What do you think?”

  “I think I know just the thing,” Nicky said with a twinkle in her eye.

  8

  Jared wasn’t in the mood for a night out, but Seth had insisted. It was time for Jared to show his face around town, apparently, although he wasn’t sure why. Everyone knew he was out; the gossip would have travelled like wildfire, especially as Seth lived next door to the town’s resident busybody. He’d seen plenty of people coming and going from the garage. He didn’t need to head to the busiest bar in town to stand around with a bottle of beer. If anything he was embarrassed at the responses he’d been getting; the women had been too smiley and at least two of the men who had daughters roughly the same age as Emma had patted him on the back as though he’d achieved some kind of sporting record, not done time for throttling someone to death.

  Maybe he should be more grateful. It was better to be respected than reviled, but life wasn’t so black and white.

  “You ready?” Seth shouted from the hall.

  “Yeah,” Jared replied, pulling on his jacket. He’d had to invest in new clothes when he was released. None of his old things were in fashion anymore, or fit his frame, more to the point. His thighs were thicker, his chest broader and arms bigger. Standing in the changing room of the most popular men’s clothes shop in town, he’d really noticed how much he’d changed.

  “Come on then. I need a beer.”

  They walked into town, hands in pockets because the fall air had a chill in it. Sam’s Bar was buzzing as usual, but the background chatter seemed to quiet somewhat when Jared walked through the door. That was exactly why he hadn’t been keen to come out. It was as though he were a curiosity, a circus freak. Twenty-six years old but with all the life experiences of a teenager. He didn’t recognize the music playing, and the women were dressed in fashions that seemed strange. No one looked the same; even those he recognized were different enough that he wanted to stare. But he couldn’t because all eyes were on him.

  Then he saw her, standing at the bar with her friend Nicky.

  Emma.

  She looked amazing in jeans and some kind of floaty top that skimmed her curves and slipped off her shoulder, revealing golden skin that had bits of him stirring below the waist. And her hair looked so soft. He remembered how it used to smell: sweet, like some kind of fruit. What he wouldn’t give to breathe her in, but he couldn’t.

  He wouldn’t.

  He’d stay stron
g, be polite. Nothing more.

  Seth looked over his shoulder, catching Jared’s eyes. “Are you okay to go over and say hi?” he asked, nodding his head to where the girls were standing.

  “I guess.” Jared knew they were going to run into each other in town. It was inevitable. And he couldn’t leave for a while, at least not until his parole was over. He’d just have to get used to it.

  Seth led the way and leaned in to kiss Emma and Nicky on the cheeks in such a relaxed and familiar way that Jared was suddenly filled with jealousy. They’d had years of adulthood to develop their friendships, and he’d been stuck passing the time trying to avoid getting beaten up or worse.

  “Jared,” Emma said softly. She must have noticed him zoning out.

  He nodded at her formally, and then at Nicky, who was smiling at him cautiously. Why was everyone looking at him like he was on the brink of having a breakdown or doing something bad?

  “I’ll get some drinks,” he said. “What do y’all want?”

  “We’ve got some,” Emma said. “Don’t worry about us.”

  “Beer,” Seth said, then turned to chat to Nicky about something that had happened in town that day. Emma followed Jared to the bar and he cursed under his breath.

  “Two beers,” he said to the bartender, who nodded.

  Jared turned and found Emma looking at him expectantly.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” she said.

  “I didn’t want to come.”

  Emma seemed to deflate before his eyes. “It’s good. You need to get out.”

  “Why? So everyone’s got someone to whisper about?”

  “That isn’t what they’re doing.”