Rapid Response

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘Hi! Sorry I’m so late.’

  Ben had been one hundred per cent certain that he wasn’t going to attend the barbecue that night. He’d even told Sean that he wouldn’t be there, claiming that he had a prior engagement. He’d gone into work that day secure in the knowledge that he wasn’t going to put himself to the test by attending the party, so what had made him change his mind? The fact that he was suddenly having doubts about the decisions he’d made two years ago?

  ‘So long as you got here, it doesn’t matter about the time,’ Claire assured him. ‘What will you have to drink?’

  ‘Do you have any beer?’ He summoned a smile but it was hard to appear calm. Not only did he have to contend with his own ambivalence but Holly was staring at him as though he’d suddenly sprouted a second head. He had no idea what was wrong with her but it definitely didn’t bode well for the evening.

  ‘We most certainly do,’ Claire replied cheerfully, opening the fridge. She groaned. ‘Drat! It’s all gone. Hang on a sec and I’ll fetch some more from the garage.’

  She hurried away before Ben could tell her it didn’t matter and he grimaced. ‘I didn’t mean to send her rushing about after me.’

  ‘I’m sure she doesn’t mind,’ Holly replied distantly. She picked up her glass and sidled towards the door and, perversely, Ben realised that he didn’t want her to leave. So maybe he’d been mad to come, and crazier still to think about raking up the past, but putting all that aside there was no reason why they couldn’t spend a few minutes together, was there?

  ‘I saw you talking to Steven Meadows when he arrived at the hospital,’ he said, hurriedly latching onto a relatively safe topic. ‘It must have been a shock when he found out that both his son and his father were in hospital.’

  ‘It was.’ Holly took a sip of her wine then ran her finger over the condensation that had formed on the outside of the glass.

  Ben’s stomach muscles spasmed as he found himself imagining just how cool her fingertip would feel if it touched his skin. Goose-bumps suddenly sprang up all over his body and he had to breathe in and out a couple of times before he could concentrate on what she was saying—something about the Meadows family, if he wasn’t mistaken.

  ‘I checked on little Jack before I left tonight,’ he said rather thickly when she paused. ‘There’s been no change but at least his condition hasn’t deteriorated.’

  ‘That’s something to be grateful for.’

  She edged a little closer to the door and Ben rushed on, wondering what on earth was the matter with him. Why didn’t he let her leave and just thank his lucky stars that she wasn’t going to say anything that would make his life even more difficult?

  ‘The grandfather is doing fine as well. He’s got some movement back in his right side and his speech is coming back, although he’s still having problems finding the odd word at times.’

  ‘Good. I’m glad to hear it,’ she said mildly, taking another step.

  ‘And I signed in the motorbike and all the equipment as well.’ He shrugged when she glanced at him. ‘Everything is in order so you don’t need to worry about it.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  She took another step then stopped. Ben could almost feel her indecision as she stood stock still for a moment. When she turned towards him, he couldn’t decide if he was glad or sorry that he’d detained her, especially when he saw her chin lift. Holly was preparing herself for what might lie ahead and her bravery filled him with pride and sadness in roughly equal measures. She was just as unsure about what she was doing as he was but she wasn’t going to let it stop her. She was the most wonderful woman he’d ever known and it didn’t make him feel good to realise that he might end up hurting her again.

  ‘What’s going on, Ben? You’ve been avoiding me all week so why do I get the feeling that you suddenly want to talk to me? Has something else happened?’

  ‘Something else?’ he repeated, playing for time because he still wasn’t sure if he was going to carry this through to the possibly bitter end. ‘I didn’t know anything had happened in the first place.’

  She clicked her tongue in response to his pedantry. ‘You know very well what I mean so let’s not split hairs. You knew I wanted to talk to you which is why you’ve kept out of my way, but all of a sudden you’re the one who wants to talk and it doesn’t make sense. What is this all about? If it has anything to do with what happened two years ago, I think I have a right to know.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘LOOK, Holly—’

  ‘Sorry about the wait.’

  Claire came back with the beer and Ben stopped. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Holly leaving but there was nothing he could do about it. He thanked Claire for the drink then hurried outside but Holly had already gone to join the other guests. He watched her greeting Mandy and Kwame and turned away because there was no point trying to speak to her now. If—and it was a very big if at this stage—he did decide to tell her the truth, he needed to talk to her on her own.

  He got himself a burger from the barbecue then sat down on a bench under the apple tree because he needed a few minutes alone to get his head round this problem. A few more people arrived and he waved when he spotted Nicky and Gabriel amongst them. He knew that Josh was working that night because he’d checked the rosters, but in a perverse way he wished the other man had been there. It might have stopped him doing something foolish if Josh had been around. After all, what good would come of telling Holly the truth? What would it achieve? All it would do was to confuse the issue.

  His mind raced but he still hadn’t decided what he was going to do when someone switched on the stereo. As Ben watched, Sean handed the barbecue tongs to Kwame then led Claire onto the patio and took her in his arms. They looked so blissfully unaware of everyone else as they swayed in time to the music that it brought a lump to Ben’s throat. He knew how they felt because he’d felt that way too once upon a time. He’d only needed to hold Holly and the world and its problems had disappeared like magic. How he longed to recapture that feeling but it was too much to hope he could ever feel that way again. He and Holly were two very different people now and they could never go back to the way they’d been.

  His heart felt like lead as he stood up. He’d been wrong to come here tonight and the best thing he could do now was to leave before he made a mess of everything. He headed across the garden, hoping he could slip away without anyone noticing, but just at that moment Nicky came hurrying over and grabbed hold of his hand.

  ‘My dance, I think, Dr Carlisle. Come along!’

  Ben could hardly refuse and had no choice other than to follow her onto the patio. Fortunately, the music had changed to a tune that everyone knew so there were a lot of people dancing now. He saw Kwame dancing with Mandy then spotted Alison and her husband and smiled at them. Nicky gyrated around him, wiggling her hips and receiving a spontaneous roar of encouragement from the crowd. Ben tried to look as though he was having fun but he’d just spotted Holly dancing with Max and it was hard to focus on anything else…

  He frowned because the surgeon was holding Holly far too close to his way of thinking. This was a fast number so why did Max need to hang onto her like that? By the time the track ended, Ben could feel his hackles rising and knew he had to make his escape, only Nicky had started dancing again and he couldn’t just walk off and leave her. He gritted his teeth and turned so that he wouldn’t have to see what Holly was doing.

  Max had definitely had too much to drink, Holly decided as she removed his hand from her bottom and placed it firmly back on her waist. As soon as the music stopped she would make her escape, probably call it a night and go home. There was no point staying because she’d realised how stupid it would be to try and talk to Ben. It wouldn’t achieve anything—it would just create more problems. It would be far better to leave things the way they were.

  She and Max negotiated another uncoordinated turn and she suddenly found herself facing Ben. She blinked because she had no idea
what she’d done to warrant the glare he gave her. Another turn and they’d danced past him but Max’s hand was starting to wander again and she suddenly decided that, good manners or not, she’d had enough.

  ‘Sorry, Max, it’s time I left.’ She steered him towards a seat, shaking her head when he tried to grab her hand. ‘No. You’re going to feel very embarrassed in the morning so let’s not make matters any worse.’

  She left him there, rolling her eyes when Mandy gave her a sympathetic smile as she passed. Sean and Claire were still locked in each other’s arms and Holly didn’t want to disturb them so she decided to slip away without saying her goodbyes. She could always phone tomorrow and thank them then.

  She headed straight for the gate and had almost reached it when someone came hurrying round the side of the house. Her heart leapt into her throat when she realised it was Ben because she didn’t want to have to speak to him now that she’d made up her mind to leave things the way they were.

  ‘I was just going home,’ she said, quickly unlatching the gate. ‘I’ll see you at work.’ She went to close the gate behind her then stopped when she discovered Ben had followed her out.

  ‘I’m heading home as well.’ He shut the gate with a sharp little click then smiled rather grimly at her. ‘Do I take it that you’ve had enough of being mauled?’

  ‘Max has had a bit too much to drink, that’s all,’ she replied coolly, wondering why she felt the need to defend Max when he’d been such a pest.

  ‘And that’s an excuse for his behaviour, is it?’

  Holly blinked when she heard the rumble of anger in his voice. ‘No, but it probably explains it. No doubt Max will be mortified when he remembers what happened in the morning.’

  ‘Let’s hope so. It might teach him to keep his hands to himself in future.’

  His tone was sharp enough to draw blood and Holly stopped and stared at him. ‘I’m sure Max will be suitably repentant but don’t tell me you’ve never made a bit of a fool of yourself when you’ve had one too many.’

  ‘I’ve never mauled a woman if that’s what you mean. But maybe you didn’t see it as that. Maybe you enjoyed the attention.’

  Holly was so shocked that she could barely breathe, let alone speak. She just stared at him in utter amazement and saw a wash of colour run up his face.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he bit out. ‘I had no right to say that.’

  ‘You had no right even to think it, let alone say it!’ All of a sudden her voice came back and she rounded on him. ‘Who the hell do you think you are, Ben? You don’t own me and you certainly don’t have the right to pass insulting comments like that!’

  ‘I know, and I’ve said I’m sorry!’ He ran his hand through his hair and she was shocked when she saw that he was trembling.

  ‘Then make sure you don’t say anything like it again,’ she instructed, her anger sliding a notch or two down the scale from white hot to merely red.

  ‘I won’t. It’s just…’ He stopped and shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘It’s just—what?’ She put her hand on his arm when he went to walk away and felt the frisson that immediately rippled under his skin. She snatched her hand away again because she couldn’t deal with the thought that Ben still responded to her touch when this needed sorting out.

  ‘What were you going to say before you thought better of it?’ she prompted in what she hoped was a reasonable tone.

  ‘It really doesn’t matter, Holly…’

  ‘Of course it does!’

  ‘Why? What possible reason could you have for wanting to know what I think or how I feel?’ He laughed harshly and the sound made her wince because it was so filled with pain.

  ‘Because we used to love each other, Ben, and I still…care about you.’

  ‘And I still care about you, Holly, which is why we should leave things the way they are.’ He brushed her cheek with his knuckles in what was probably supposed to be nothing more than a friendly gesture of reassurance, but the response it generated was alarming.

  From both of them.

  Holly’s breath caught in an audible gasp when she felt the gentle pressure of his fingers on her skin but Ben’s gasp was even louder. She stared at him as they both stood there in the street as though rooted to the spot. There was no moon that night and his face was shadowy, lacking in colour, so that it was like looking at a negative rather than a real flesh-and-blood man. A man who had the power to give her life all the colour she could ever need. She loved him so much that all she needed was Ben and her life would be forever filled with rainbows and sunshine.

  She wasn’t aware of moving but she must have done because all of a sudden they were standing toe to toe and she was staring into his eyes with all the love she’d tried to deny these two long years clear to see. She saw his pupils dilate with shock and touched him—just lightly—on the chest because she needed the contact every bit as much as she needed air and food and warmth and shelter to exist. Her fingers splayed across his breastbone and stayed there while she felt his heart pounding beneath her palm.

  ‘Holly, we mustn’t…we shouldn’t…we…’

  Her lips fitted so perfectly to his that the rest of the sentence was sealed inside his mouth. All she was left with was the warm rush of air as the words tried to get out but it was enough because she understood what he was trying to tell her. This is silly. It could create more problems. And look what had happened the last time we kissed each other—we ended up in bed together!

  Her mouth tilted at the corners because it was all true but she wasn’t going to let that stop her. She was going to kiss Ben because it was what they both needed to survive!

  She stood on tiptoe, leaning against him for support as she seduced him with her mouth. His lips were so stubborn at first—staying tightly shut and refusing to soften—but she wasn’t deterred. Her own lips parted as she allowed the tip of her tongue to trace the outline of his and she felt his heart leap beneath her palm. Good. A positive response at last.

  Her tongue performed another circuit, pausing en route to enjoy the chiselled perfection of his Cupid’s bow and the deliciously sexy fullness of his bottom lip. She wasn’t an expert on mouths, by any means, but Ben’s had to be in the top one per cent of irresistible lips. It definitely came top of her own personal list.

  ‘This is crazy.’ He dragged his mouth away and glared at her. ‘Holly, do you realise how bloody stupid it is to stand here kissing me?’

  ‘Mmm, I suppose it is rather public,’ she replied dreamily. ‘Let’s go somewhere a bit more private, shall we?’

  ‘No!’ He grabbed hold of her hand and pushed her away. ‘We’ve been down that road before, remember, and it didn’t help.’

  ‘Because we went down it for the wrong reason,’ she said simply. ‘I thought I could get you out of my system by sleeping with you one last time but all it did was make me feel more mixed up about what I wanted.’

  ‘Then that just proves it would be madness to do it a second time, doesn’t it?’

  ‘No. What it proves, Ben, is that I’m still not over you. I can’t be if I feel this way. Oh, I’ve tried, believe me, because I didn’t want to admit that I still loved you—but I do.’ She looked him straight in the eyes, praying they would be able to find a way round whatever problems they had to face.

  ‘I asked Josh out purely and simply because I wanted to prove to myself that that I didn’t need you any more.’ She shrugged. ‘It didn’t work. That’s all I can say. I know we have problems to sort out and I suspect they stem from something that happened two years ago. But unless we get everything out into the open, I don’t think either of us will ever be able to get on with our lives.’

  She laughed mirthlessly, feeling the prickle of tears stinging her lids because it was still so painful to recall what had happened. ‘I’d hate to imagine myself being old and grey and still not know the real reason why you dumped me.’

  ‘And I’d love to be able to picture myself as being old
and grey,’ he said flatly and with so little emotion that her heart seemed to stall.

  ‘What do you mean by that?’ she whispered.

  ‘That there is no guarantee I’ll live long enough to be old or grey.’ He took her hands and gripped them so hard that she winced but he didn’t appear to notice. ‘In fact, if I had to lay odds on it happening then I’d have to put them very low indeed. I had cancer, Holly, and the truth is that I have no idea how long I might live.’

  Ben had thought about this moment many times and more so in the last few weeks. He’d pictured himself telling Holly about his illness and each time the scene had been set so perfectly. Maybe it would happen in a restaurant over a delicious meal when they were both feeling relaxed, or down by the river because that had become an increasingly attractive option since he’d moved to Dalverston. There was something about being close to water that was soothing and that would help to ease the shock. The one place he’d never imagined himself breaking the news to her had been in the middle of a street and he realised what a terrible mistake he’d made when he felt her sway.

  ‘Here. Lean on me.’ He put his arm around her waist and somehow managed to get her back through the gate then couldn’t decide where to go. He couldn’t take her back to the party in this state yet he couldn’t just keep her standing there either. He was in a quandary when Claire suddenly appeared and he heard her gasp of dismay when she saw them.

  ‘Holly’s feeling a bit faint,’ he explained quickly. ‘Would you mind if I took her inside?’

  ‘Of course not!’ Claire led the way, opening the door to the sitting-room. ‘Can I get her a drink of water or maybe coffee would be best?’