Tender Love

by Irene Brand

  “It takes time, Mark. It’s only been six months.”

  “I keep telling myself that, and months before Clarice’s death, she wasn’t able to deal with the children’s problems. I shielded her as much as possible.” He sighed. “But I don’t find it as overwhelming as I did a few months ago. It’s taking time to deal with my hang-ups, but I’m working on it.” He took a deep breath. “Thanks for listening to me, Alice. I’m probably imposing on you, but it’s been a long since I’ve had an adult to listen to me. A minister needs someone at home to support him, because he’s usually giving of himself all day. Even though I’m not working with a church congregation as I used to do, I’m a counselor at the bank, and I still have to deal with other people’s problems.”

  “When are you intending to take another church?” Alice dared to ask.

  “I don’t know, Alice—I really don’t know what to do.”

  The rest of the week, as soon as Eddie was settled in, it seemed natural for Mark and Alice to seek the peace and comfort of the patio. Alice excused her actions by believing it was a good time to discuss her rehab program for Eddie and to talk of Kristin’s maturation, but she knew those weren’t the only reasons she wanted to be in Mark’s company. Sometimes they didn’t talk much, but Alice felt that the times of silence were good for him. After being with people all day, he didn’t need to talk—he only needed a companion.

  And her work with Eddie had resulted in some progress. After one day of whining, Eddie learned to do a few things for himself. He walked slowly up and down stairs by himself, he went to the bathroom unattended, and Alice showed him how to straighten his bedsheets and cover them with a spread. Every morning, after he’d eaten his breakfast, she walked with him around the neighborhood streets, increasing the distance each day.

  When he dozed over his food one night at dinner, Mark gazed at him in concern, but he offered no complaint to Alice.

  Parents were invited to the closing exercises at the camp on Friday evening, and Mark arranged to leave work a few hours early on that day to attend.

  “I’d like for you to go with me, Alice, unless you have other plans for tonight,” Mark had said as he picked up his briefcase that morning and started to work.

  This isn’t wise, Alice cautioned herself mentally, but she heard herself saying, “I’ll be happy to go— I’m eager to find out how Kristin enjoyed herself.” She had a giddy sense of excitement as she helped Eddie dress, and later as she looked in the closet to choose her own garments. She’d mostly worn jeans and sweatshirts since she’d come to Richmond, but she chose a white cotton knit skirt styled with a self-sash, a multistitched elasticized waist, and inseam pockets. She pulled a blouse of cream fabric with an overall floral pattern over her head. Her long blond hair was brushed backward, and secured with a barrette. She strapped on a pair of white leather sandals and thought she looked well-groomed for a trip to camp.

  Alice prepared dinner early, and she ate with Gran and Eddie before Mark came home. She wrapped a plate of food with foil and kept it warm for him in the oven.

  “Oh, you didn’t need to do that, Alice,” Mark protested. “I often miss a meal.”

  “Which you shouldn’t,” she said. “Take time to eat, while I put the dishes and pans in the dishwasher.” She was sure Mark had gained a few pounds, and she wanted to continue the trend until he looked more like the man in the picture she often looked at on the living room mantel.

  He laid his briefcase and coat aside, washed his hands in the utility room, and sat down at the table.

  “I’m imposing on you, Alice, and I shouldn’t do it, but I make so many decisions that it’s occasionally nice for someone to just tell me what to do.”

  By now, Alice had learned Mark’s dietary habits. She took a salad from the refrigerator and placed it before him with a bottle of Italian dressing. She poured chilled tea over a glass of ice cubes and dropped in a sliver of lemon. When he finished with the salad, she handed him the warm plate of baked turkey, potato cakes and green peas.

  “I didn’t prepare dessert, for I think they’ll serve ice cream to everybody at the camp.”

  Mark didn’t voice any further appreciation, but it was reward enough for Alice to see him enjoying his meal while he looked over the front page of the newspaper that she’d laid by his plate.

  While she secured Eddie in the back seat of Mark’s station wagon, Alice suppressed a sense of excitement, reminding herself that she wasn’t a girl going on a first date. She was a nanny now, and her role was to look after Mark Tanner’s children, not fancy that he’d invited her because he wanted her company; but she had trouble remembering that when she listened to Mark, who was an engaging conversationalist.

  “This reminds me of old times,” he said, as they left Richmond on I-64. “I used to direct a camp every summer, usually for boys in their early teens. It was a rewarding experience, and I’ve missed it.”

  “I often camped when I was a girl. We lived on a farm, and I went to 4-H camps more often than to church camps, and I loved them.”

  “What about family, Alice? Do you still have your parents?”

  “Yes, they live in a retirement community now, but the farm is still in the family, and my aunt and uncle are the tenants. I have a sister, too, who’s divorced with two children, so I have some understanding of what’s it’s like to be a single parent.”

  “My parents live in Tennessee,” Mark said, “and we don’t see them often. They own a business in a small town, and they can’t get away very often. They were here six months ago for the—” he paused and looked over his shoulder at Eddie “—the funeral,” he continued. “They feel badly that they aren’t close enough to help out with the kids, and I did consider moving back to my hometown, so I could have some help. But I have to stay in a metropolitan area to make the money I need right now.”

  Seeing that Eddie was getting fidgety, Alice said, “Let’s play a game, Eddie.”

  “We can’t play a game in the car.”

  “Oh, it’s a travel game. You count the number of animals you see in the fields on the left-hand side of the road, and I’ll count the ones I see on my side. We’ll get a point for each animal. How far can you count?”

  “I can count up to twenty. Kristin taught me.”

  “Then, as long as there aren’t more than twenty in any field, you have it made.”

  Alice fished a small notebook out of her purse. “I’ll keep score.”

  Mark entered into the spirit of the game, and since Eddie was too short to see what they were approaching, he would call out, “Coming up on the left—look quickly.”

  “Hey!” Alice protested in mock reproof after a few miles. “Two against one isn’t fair.”

  “Oh, stop complaining,” Mark said. “Coming up on the right—a large herd of cattle. Start counting.”

  Laughing, Alice counted, “One, two, three…” By the time they reached the camp, she and Eddie were neck and neck in total points. As he drove into the parking lot, Mark said, “I don’t know why I haven’t thought of something like that. Eddie has never been a good traveler.”

  “Most children aren’t, I understand,” she answered. “He didn’t enjoy his trip to the camp on Monday.”

  “No, Ethel said he was listless.”

  Well, thanks, Ethel. Apparently she’d reported everything to Mark. Alice wasn’t aware that she contacted him in the evening, so she must have telephoned him at the bank.

  Kristin and Susie raced to meet them when they approached the council circle where the closing program was to be held. One look at Kristin’s tanned face and the delight that flamed from her blue eyes repaid Alice for the money she’d spent on the child. If only she had the right to give this family everything they needed!

  Mark knelt and took Kristin in his arms. “Well, honey, have you had a good time?”

  “Yes, Daddy, and I want to come back next year. We’ve been horseback riding, swimming and hiking. But the food hasn’t been very good.”
She turned to Alice. “I’ve missed your good meals. If it hadn’t been for the snacks I bought, I’d have gone to bed hungry every night.” Worry crossed her face. “I’ve spent almost all of that twenty dollars you gave me.”

  From his kneeling position, Mark flashed a quick look toward Alice, and in spite of herself, her face grew warm.

  “I want to ride horses, too,” Eddie said. “Why can’t I come to camp?”

  “You’re too little, Eddie,” his sister said bossily. “But there is a family camp—we could come as a family sometime,” she said hopefully.

  “We’ll plan on that for next year,” Mark said, as he stood up.

  “Hey, Brother Tanner,” a man’s voice sounded, and soon Mark was surrounded by several men—some embraced him, others thumped him on the shoulder. “We’ve missed seeing you at our ministerial meetings.”

  It occurred to Alice that these men had known Mark when he was serving at Tyler Memorial Church. As they continued toward the campfire burning in the distance, one older man, whom Mark had introduced as “Reverend Astor, my friend and mentor,” walked beside Mark, who was leading Eddie. Alice moved forward to join Susie and Kristin, as both of them talked at the same time about the incidents they’d enjoyed during the week. Although she didn’t intend to eavesdrop, she couldn’t avoid hearing the conversation behind her.

  “Brother Mark,” the man said, “it’s a great disappointment to me that you’ve forsaken the ministry. Have you forgotten the promise you made to serve our Lord with your life? Surely you aren’t happy rejecting your divine calling.”

  Mark didn’t answer at first, and Alice envisioned wrinkles creasing his brow, the bleak look in his eyes and a rigid cast on his lips—expressions she’d noticed a few times when he didn’t think anyone was looking.

  “You know why I had to resign from the pastorate. My wife was dying, and at that point, I believed my priority was my family, rather than my church.”

  “I agree with that, and it was noble of you to sacrifice your career for your family. But what about now? I’ve had several churches inquire about you and would willingly call you to become their leader.”

  “I’ve had churches contact me, but not one of them can come close to paying me the salary I’m receiving at the bank. And I’m not being mercenary—I’ve never demanded anything from a church—but my debts have accumulated to such an extent that if I don’t pay them, I’ll have to declare bankruptcy and end up losing our home.”

  “It’s obvious to me, Mark, that you’re placing your trust in the wrong security. You’ve been a pastor long enough to know that God meets the needs of His people. Trust Him for the future, not the security of a large salary.”

  Bitterly, Mark said, “I trusted Him for everything, but when He forgot Mark Tanner and his family, I had to turn elsewhere.”

  Over the girls’ chatter, Alice heard an audible moan from Reverend Astor. “If I hadn’t heard it from your own mouth, I wouldn’t believe you made that statement. Don’t let your troubles overwhelm you.”

  “I’m sorry,” Mark said, “I don’t know why I said such a thing—I really don’t believe it. It’s just that I’m having trouble coping with my own life right now, and I don’t believe I’m capable of dealing with the needs of a church congregation.”

  Reverend Astor put his arms around Mark’s shoulders. “I know you’ve had a difficult time, Mark, but you’ll come out of it a better man. Remember Job’s example. He had a lot of trouble, but he kept his faith in God’s goodness through it all.”

  “My friend, I’ve read the book of Job so much in the last two years that those pages in my Bible are almost threadbare. There’s hardly a day, I haven’t voiced Job’s words, “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.”

  “God bless you, Mark,” Reverend Astor said. “I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers.”

  When Mark again walked by Alice’s side, in a low voice, he said, “I suppose you heard the raking over the coals I just had.”

  Alice nodded. “I couldn’t keep from hearing. I’m sorry, Mark—try to forget it. Be happy for Kristin tonight.”

  “I can’t forget it. I know I’m not fulfilling God’s will for my life, and it’s making me miserable.”

  His eyes mirrored the anguish reflected in his words, and in spite of herself, Alice lifted a hand and touched his cheek. “One of my grandfather’s favorite sayings was, ‘The sky is the darkest just before the dawn.’ Dawn will come for you before long.”

  He reached out and squeezed her hand as she lowered it from his face. “The darkness has lifted a lot in the past three weeks,” he said meaningfully.

  On their way home from the camp, Mark was unusually quiet. Alice chose to sit in the back seat to give Kristin an opportunity to talk to her father, but eventually both Eddie and Kristin went to sleep. Alice made no effort to engage Mark in conversation, for she suspected he was wrestling with God much as Jacob in the Old Testament had done when he ran away from his brother’s wrath. If Mark Tanner had been the powerful voice for God that so many people believed he was, then God wasn’t going to release this man from the vows of service he’d taken without a mighty struggle. While Mark struggled, Alice prayed that God would once again bring peace to Mark’s heart, inspire him to accept a renewed call to ministry, and that his financial burden would be eased.

  Alice believed that God often expected an individual to put wings to her own prayers. Only God could help Mark with his spiritual needs, but she had the means to alleviate Mark’s financial burden. Was it the right thing to do? She couldn’t decide.

  When Mark turned into his driveway, Kristin stirred as the garage door lifted and the light came on, but Eddie still slept soundly. Mark cast a fond look at his son. “Don’t waken him,” he said. “I’ll carry him upstairs and put him to bed.”

  “I’ll take care of Kristin.”

  Later, they met in the upstairs hallway after the children were in bed.

  “It seems we have a little matter of ten dollars to discuss,” he said, but his light tone indicated he wasn’t angry about it.

  “There isn’t anything to discuss. I have an income from my late husband, and it didn’t hurt me to help Kristin. I’ve been to camp, and I know how fast spending money disappears.” He paused at his bedroom, his hand on the door, and she said, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Good night, Alice. I enjoyed your company this evening.”

  She didn’t answer—she couldn’t.

  “I’m going to church this morning,” Alice announced as the Tanners enjoyed a leisurely breakfast on Sunday. “Anyone interested in going with me?”

  “I want to go,” Kristin said. “They taught us in camp that if we don’t go to church, we forget the important things in life.”

  “I’m planning on going to Tyler Memorial—that’s where my friend Betty attends.”

  “That’s where I want to go,” Kristin said excitedly. “It’s Susie’s church. Daddy, why don’t you go with us?”

  “Not today, honey. Eddie is still tired from his trip to camp.”

  Determined not to pressure Mark and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in Mark’s heart, Alice turned to Gran. “What about you?”

  “I don’t know,” she said hesitantly. “I’m pretty slow getting in and out of the car.”

  “Then we’ll start early and attend the second service. Kristin will be in Sunday school while we’re at worship.” She turned to Mark. “If we allow a half hour, will that be enough time?”

  “Yes, I should think so.” He was busily buttering his toast and wouldn’t look at her.

  “All right, everybody who wants to go to church, be ready in an hour.”

  “I want to go, too,” Eddie said.

  Mark looked at Alice then. “Do you want to bother with him? This is supposed to be your day off.”

  “Everybody was included in my invitation. Besides, he isn’t any bother. I know this is your day with the ch
ildren, but they should be in Sunday school. I’ll take the rest of the day off. I’m going swimming with Betty and her family this afternoon.”

  Betty smiled broadly when she met Alice and her adopted family at the door of the church, and Alice frowned at her as she assisted Gran up the ramp constructed to the right of the steps.

  “Can you find your class, Kristin, and will you take Eddie to his?”

  “Yes. Come on, Eddie.” She grabbed her brother by the hand and hustled him down the sidewalk to the large educational unit adjacent to the church.

  An usher took Gran’s arm and assisted her to one of the front pews where facilities were available for worshipers with hearing aids. “I’ll sit with Betty, Gran—see you after worship.”

  The organist’s prelude mounted in crescendo, and under cover of the loud music, Betty said, “Couldn’t get Mark to come, huh?”

  “I didn’t ask him directly, but I do think his conscience bothered him when the rest of us left.”

  “I hope so,” Betty answered. “When I think of some of the sermons he preached to us on commitment, and made us feel lower than snakes because we weren’t living up to our Christian potential, I long to have him squirm under the messages this minister is preaching. T’would do him good.”

  Although Alice agreed with Betty to some extent, she didn’t want to hear Mark criticized. “He’s still hurting. We should pray for him, not find fault with him.”

  Betty lifted her eyebrows, smiled broadly, and said, as the organist brought the prelude to a loud and reverberating conclusion, “Well! You have fallen in a big way!”

  Alice flushed. “It’s your fault—you shouldn’t have sent me there.”

  Throughout the worship service, Alice sensed Betty’s amusement and heard her faint chuckles. It was annoying, and Alice had a half notion not to go swimming with her in the afternoon.

  Monday morning, the phone rang, with a man asking for Mark. When Alice told him that Mark was at work, he said, “Will you give him a message? I’m the financial administrator at the hospital, and we’ve learned that the insurance company will not pay anything on several of the statements we submitted for his wife’s treatments.”