Lost In Mr. Parks (Park #3)

by Lilly James

  She fussed in her bedroom for quite some time, mumbling to herself as she rummaged around, cursing. I heard her saying she didn’t know where her pills had gone and sighing. Maybe that was why she was acting a little odd.

  She threw out a pair of her pyjamas to put on, so I got changed into the pink flannel two-piece and riffled in my bag for my phone. My intention was to text Steph and let her know where I was, but my battery had died.

  “Shit.” She’d be at her wits’ end if she didn’t know where I was. Steph’s dramatic and over-the-top mind would already be thinking I was drunk as a skunk in a local pub or left for dead in a ditch.

  “Tabby?” I had no choice but to call her from her fumbling. A couple of seconds later, she popped her head around the doorframe, exhaling and blowing up a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face.

  “Sorry. I won’t be a minute.”

  “Could I borrow your charger?” I got my words out quickly before she disappeared again. She glanced down at my phone in my hand.

  “I don’t have a phone.” Her nonchalant shrug made me recoil instantly. My bottom lip bent in confusion.

  “You do.” I laughed, feigning playfulness.

  She shook her head like she was being silly. “I mean, I don’t have a charger.”

  Shit. What the hell was I going to do? Two options floated around in my mind—go home, or stay and hope Steph would understand in the morning. Oh God. The second option was what I opted for, but I could see a formidable outcome.

  Tabby finally came into the living area in pyjamas. Her newly dyed brown hair had been pushed up into a messy bun, and her face was makeup free. She had a beautiful, enigmatic glow to her skin that New York agents would die for.

  I didn’t give her chance to put her bum on the sofa before I went in straight and hard with my questions.

  “So, Tabs. Tell me again. You moved here to London all by yourself?” I rummaged through my bag for my sweets and threw them into my mouth, trying to make my questions seem casual.

  Tabby shrugged, getting comfortable on the sofa and brought her legs up, crossing them over each other. “Yep.”

  “When?” I asked.

  She picked up a CD case that was beside her and glanced at it as she spoke. “A couple of months ago.” Then she looked up at the ceiling and questioned herself. “Was it? Yeah. A couple of months ago. I don’t have anyone else, remember.”

  I crunched on a pear drop. “What happen to your parents?”

  She pulled the pillow up to her stomach, an action that was almost childlike. “They abandoned me. So did my siblings.”

  Her story was piquing my interest. “Why did they abandon you?”

  She shrugged. “Didn’t want me ruining their perfect life, I suppose. My siblings were just as cruel to me.”

  “You have brothers and sisters?”

  Tabby nodded, still looking at the CD case. “One brother. One sister.”

  I stopped munching and put my sweets away. “So you have no contact with them?” I wanted to ask so many questions, and they couldn’t come as fast enough.

  She shook her head, throwing the case aside. “None. That’s what they chose. Not me.”

  I didn’t see any distress in Tabby’s eyes, neither did I sense any torment in her tone. What I did sense was anger. Hate. Even revenge brewing.

  “So they just tossed you to the side?” I was starting to sound like a damn reporter.

  Tabby looked into her lap. The only dismayed expression she’d shown. “I had a baby at thirteen years old, Evey. My father turned into a drunk because he’d lost everything. Money, business, and then his teenager was pregnant. Without his support, I turned to my part-time mother who was married to another man. She said I couldn’t cope with a baby. Said I was a disgrace, and if it got out that I was hers, with a baby so young, she would be ruined.” Her sigh told me she was more than frustrated with the situation. Who wouldn’t be? “I would have been a great mom. Mum. Mother. Whatever.”

  My gasp was horrified. “Did they…?” I was on the verge of asking if they’d made her give her child up for adoption, but the shake of Tabby’s head told me that wasn’t the case.

  “No. They took my baby in and got rid of me. I’m their dirty little secret.”

  I swallowed down my sorrow for Tabby. She had a hard and lonely upbringing, just like mine. Yet hers was so much worse because there was a child involved.

  “Jesus. I’m so sorry.” What else could I say? Well, I could have gone on about it, but I felt extremely uncomfortable with the subject. And since when was I a problem solver? Never.

  “They used to send me money to live on, but now that’s stopped. I have to earn my own money working at Starbucks, and that barley covers my rent.” Tabby pinched sweets out of my bag and threw some into her mouth. “Why are you and Wade on a break, Evey? Didn’t you move in with him?” When I frowned, she clarified, “You told me you did.”

  “Did I?” I hated that my memory was that of a goldfish. And why was she asking for the hundredth time about our damn break?

  She laughed confidently, flapping her hand in midair. “Yes, silly.”

  I apologised for not remembering. “Like I said a thousand times, we’re just spending some time apart. No big deal.”

  Tabby watched me knowingly. “It’s a biggie when you’re living together one minute and not the next.”

  I looked into my lap as I picked at the frayed sofa. “It’s complicated.” I scoffed. “We’re complicated.”

  “How so?” Tabby continued to dig. “There are endless pictures of you two on EGC together at COA charity ball, and you both looked so relaxed. But there were also photos of you arguing. Was that why you split?”

  My whole body swung around, and I blinked, trying to catch up as my heart raced and anxiety smashed through the roof. “What the hell is EGC?”

  “Entertainment Gossip Column,” she confirmed, feeling down the side of the sofa. She pulled out a magazine and threw it into my lap. “Huge in the States. Not so known over here. It was founded by a lady called Nadia Carter. She was at the ball. She’s a bitch, especially when it’s cold.”

  I tried to ignore her nonsensical rambling and focused on what she was really saying. “Nadia?” No fucking way. I took the magazine out of my lap and opened it up to a page that seemed to be folded over. “What did that little bitch say about me?” I was starting to feel irate, apprehensive, and panicky. Nothing on earth could stop me feeling anxious about appearing in magazines and being talked about. I wanted to live life in the shadows. I knew that being with Parks was not going to let me do that so comfortably, but I tried to forget he had a glamourous life I didn’t belong in. I just wanted to belong in Wade’s world. Just me and him. No one else.

  I quickly closed the magazine when I saw a picture of us both arguing that night. An argument about him using me to further hide his already hidden pain. One I thought we had in private.

  Tabby chuckled. “Calm down, they know nothing about you. They are all just dying to know the story about the girl who captured Wade Parks’s heart—”

  I put my hand up to stop Tabby midsentence. “The less they know, the better.”

  She nodded, getting it, and hugged her pillow. “So what is your story?”

  “My story.” I sighed, bringing my knees up. “Well, I’m an only child, my mum is a drug addict. My father an alcoholic. My mother abused me from the day I was born, and my father stood back and watched. I was brought up on a council estate, no money, no food, no nice clothes.” I looked down into my lap. It was hard reliving my past, but I was happy it was starting to become easier to talk about. “I got bullied, picked on. I had depression at the age of eleven. I mean,” I scoffed, “what kind of world do we live in where a child can get depression? It’s so sad.” I knocked back tears, ordering myself not to cry. “My grandparents were the closest thing I had to actual family, so when they died, I fell off the wagon. Started getting into drugs, if only to see what they did
for my mum. They did nothing for me. So I numbed my feelings with alcohol. That seemed to work.”

  I looked up to see Tabby listening closely, biting the tip of her thumbnail as she looked at me in concern. I reassured her, “I’m getting better. Parks is helping me. When he’s around,” I added on a mumble.

  Tabby nodded, seeming to be considering things in her head. “So who called your break? Him?”

  “Yes, him!” I rubbed at my forehead. The way Tabby recoiled at my fractious behaviour made me feel bad. “Sorry.” Looking away from her, I drew in a deep breath.

  Tabby paused, then placed her hand on mine. “Evey, I just want a friend, that’s all. Someone to share things with. Have chats with without feeling like I have something to prove. I trust you, and I hope you trust me, because trust is a big thing for me.”

  All Tabby was trying to do was form a bond with me. She had no one, and she was starting to rely on me. How could I throw that back in her face?

  “You’re right,” I relented, finally calming down and relaxing. “I’m just pissed. Wade’s…” My face scrunched as I tried to think of a worthy enough word to describe the love of my life. The man who breathed air into my lungs and life back into my soul. “The most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.” I glanced across the room as thoughts of Parks entered my mind. They never really left. “But he’s damaged too, inside. Just like me. And two damaged souls trying to mend each other was always going to be hard work.”

  The scoff that left Tabby’s throat brought me back to earth. My eyes narrowed as I watched her push off the sofa. “Wade wants for nothing, Evey. How the hell could he be damaged? Just look at his life. He doesn’t have a life like me, does she?—I mean, he.”

  Okay. That complete U-turn from Tabby would have knocked me right onto my arse if I was standing up.

  Why was she suddenly slating him? She turned her back on me and sagged. I knew she was—for some reason—trying to compose her sudden rage. “Tabby?” I questioned, in a damn pissy mood. She knew nothing about Parks and his life, so why would she come out with a snide comment like that?

  “I’ve got a really, really bad headache, Evey. I’ve misplaced my pills and I’m tired. Do you mind if I head to bed?”

  I quickly contemplated what to do. I wanted to leave. Wanted to get back to Steph’s and put her mind at ease. Wanted to get my charger for my phone and call Parks. The other part of my brain, the insane part, was willing me to stay in the bipolar company of Tabby and try and get to the bottom of her interest in the world of the Parks family.

  Tabby instantly picked up on my mental negotiating and was quick to jump in. “Evey, I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch. I just hate it when I hear of hugely successful people complaining about what they have. They have all the money in the fucking world. What the hell have they got to complain about?”

  I let out a sigh and patted the space next to me. Tabby accepted the invite and jumped back into her spot. “He may have all the money in the world, he may have everything he desires. But like it is for some of the rich and famous, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Money does not buy happiness, Tabby.”

  “But it buys a lot of other stuff. Evey, I sit here at night, lonely. Feeling lost. Feeling empty, and for what?” She glanced around her bare room. “What’s the point to all this? What’s the point to life if you have no one to love you?”

  I took another deep breath. Her statement took me back to dark times where I felt exactly the same. “Tabby, I know what it feels like to beg God to take it all away. Believe me, there is a hell, because I’ve seen it. But that’s not the answer.”

  So unlike me, I actually took Tabby’s hand in mine. Even wiped at a tear that fell from her eyes. “I was once asked what depression feels like. I said it was like drowning, only the people around you are still breathing. Looking down on you and not even knowing you’re finding it hard to breathe. Finding it hard to stay afloat.”

  Tabby closed her eyes, and her head dipped. I leaned over and pushed her hair out of her angelic face. I had never realized so clearly how young she really was. And all of a sudden I felt protective of this young woman who had been abandoned and lost her way in life. It was like looking at the old me. I was turning into her bloody mentor.

  “Tabby, you have to either pull yourself out of the depths or drown. And I don’t think you’re ready to give up. Are you?”

  She released the breath she was holding as though a jolt of pain speared through her chest, giving her no choice but to let it go in the form of a sigh and a thousand tears.

  “The only thing that keeps me alive in this world is knowing my daughter is on the same planet as me. I need her back, Evey. Promise me you’ll help me?” Unexpectedly she threw her arms around my neck and almost pushed me back as she broke down in my arms. My arms were stiff, and I could only pat her back and wonder how the hell I was going to promise her something I couldn’t do.

  Chapter Eight

  Next morning, I left Tabby sleeping, got changed in my night-before clothes, and made my way home. It was still early when I arrived back at Steph’s flat, so I intended on opening the door gently and tiptoeing to the bedroom. I fumbled around in my bag for my keys, even set it onto the ground so I could have a thorough look, but I couldn’t find them. Quickly, I backtracked where I’d been, trying to remember if I definitely had them or not. I know I did. I mentally told myself to clear out my skip of a bag as soon I got inside, and climbed to my feet. Shit. My plan to tiptoe into my bedroom and pretend to be asleep was not going to work. Bracing myself, I closed my eyes and knocked. Within seconds, the door was pulled open and I was greeted by a raving banshee.

  “Evey,” Steph shrieked, curly hair messy and up in a bun. Her eyes were red, and she was still in yesterday’s clothes. Oh God. She was about to go full-blown drama queen on my arse. “Where have you been?”

  Ouch. Her voice was perforating my bloody eardrums. I held my hands up to calm her down. “Steph, calm your arse. I stayed over at a friend’s; my phone died. I know you must have been going out of your mind, but—”

  “Out of my fucking mind?” Her voice became shrill. “Let me smell your breath.”

  “What? No.” I gently pushed her away from me, but she was like Scrappy fucking Do.

  “Open,” she yelled. Her distrust was reasonable, but it was starting to piss me the fuck off. I breathed all over her face, then took a step back.

  “Are you ever going to trust me?”

  “You think I’m bad?” she called as I turned my back on her. “You should see Wade.”

  I froze on the spot. The mix of excitement and anger from hearing his name bulldozed my mind and caused my head to whirl like a spinning top. “He’s been here?”

  “He’s had a pissing search party out for you. Evey, you can’t just leave in the middle of the afternoon and not tell anyone where you are.”

  “I’m a grown-arse woman,” I yelled, pushing open my bedroom door, then slamming it on her voice. I scrambled to my drawer, then quickly pulled out my phone charger and plugged it into the wall socket. I waited anxiously and impatiently until it came back to life. When it did, my Samsung whistled over and over, telling me I had message after message. One hundred and thirteen missed calls. Are you fucking kidding me?

  I was about to call Parks back when the banging of the front door halted me from doing so. I knew who it was. It was the Incredible Hulk. Oh God. The pulse between my legs had already quickened. But it wasn’t sex I knew I was about to receive, it was a spank. Well, I wished for one, but angry spanking wasn’t something Parks did anymore. Boo him.

  I pushed my ear to my bedroom door. “She’s here,” Steph said, followed by brisk strides across the floorboards. I moved away from the door seconds before it burst open, and there stood Parks in a crumpled-up, white shirt and creased trousers. His hair was a messy mass of dark chocolate gorgeousness, and his green eyes were venomous. His shoulders were rising up and down as his chest heaved. Th
e dangerous sight of him had my heart beating like a relentless drum. My feet were stuck to the floor, disallowing me to move. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was excited or scared. Is there such thing as scared-excited?

  Parks booted the door closed, his eyes boring into mine. We had a standoff before he spoke quietly. Scary quiet. “Where the fuck have you been?”

  I opened my mouth to explain but then reasonably backtracked. He couldn’t come in my bedroom and demand to know where I’d been after he turned his back on me.

  “Does it matter? You basically told me to fuck off when I told you I needed you, and went back to your precious meeting.” Yes, my mouth was getting the better of me. Good.

  His jaw ticked as he clenched his teeth. I knew I should have been focusing on the anger he was consumed by, but how could I? Even in all his Hulkness, he was the sexiest male specimen to ever have graced the planet. All I wanted to do was let him angry-fuck me. Even angry-spank me. Anything. Anything to have his hands that I missed so deeply touching my skin. Giving me those chills and heat all at the same time. I wanted his cock that I so profoundly craved deep and hard inside me. I wanted to dig my nails into his back. Hear his name fall from my lips.

  “Don’t fuck with me, Evelyn.”

  I was quick off the mark with a comment he once said to me. “Oh, I will fuck with you, Wade. And you will love every minute of it.”

  His eye twitched, and the muscles in his neck strained so hard he almost popped a vein. He moved so quickly that I’d only realized he had moved his feet when he had me glued to the wall. My arms were pinned above my head, and he pushed his hips harder against the wall, making movement impossible. Although he was already enraged, my mouth and craving for punishment took over my sensible will.

  “Where the hell do you think I was? Drinking?” I knew he did. Was anyone ever going to trust me?

  Parks sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, his eyes darkening. “Not drinking, no. But if you tell me you were with another man, I will go down for fucking murder, Evelyn. I even beat Travie, thinking he was hiding you.”