Lost In Mr. Parks (Park #3)

by Lilly James

  She hesitated. “I am, so don’t start that. I am happier than anyone to see you turn your life around, Evey. I just want you to do it your way.”

  “Finished?” I didn’t let Steph reply. I took her empty flute, marched towards the kitchen, and threw our flutes into the sink.

  “Evey?” Steph said in concern as I pressed my hands against the sink and bowed my head. I felt queasy all of a sudden.

  “I’m good, just feel a little light-headed.” I blew out a long breath, trying to stop the sick feeling that suddenly came over me. I felt Steph easing her way towards me, so I turned to put out my hands, stopping her from fussing. “I’m f—” Before I could finish my sentence, vomit rose in my throat and came out like a water shoot, all over Steph’s top.

  “Oh fuck.” I choked, trying to stop any more from spurting.

  “Oh my God, Evey.” Steph ushered me over to the sink, where it just kept coming through my mouth and nose, making my stomach churn and clench.

  “I’m all right,” I gasped when the sick finally stopped and allowed me to breathe. Finding the strength from my suddenly weakened body, I pulled myself along the worktops until I got to the barstool to pull myself up and take a seat. Steph was by my side instantly, fussing and worrying.

  “Evey, you’re sick? Why didn’t you tell me, honey?”

  “I’m fine, Florence Nightingale.” Then I looked down at her top and saw it covered in green and yellow, vile sick. “I’m so sorry.” But I couldn’t help laugh at the way her face turned in disgust when she looked down at it. “Do you have another one?”

  Steph quickly pulled off her top, leaving herself in only her bra, and threw the top into the bin.

  “You’re coming with me.” Pulling on my arm, Steph marched me to the bathroom.

  “What are you doing, you crazy woman?”

  Steph closed the door behind us, quickly sat me down on the toilet lid, then turned to rummage through the medicine cupboard.

  “What are you looking for?”

  Her fumbling had me bewildered. But then, most of the things she did had me bewildered. “A pregnancy test.”

  A laugh burst out of my mouth. “Steph, you have a bump the size of football. You are most definitely pregnant.”

  She spun around with a white box in her hand and blew a stray piece of hair from her eyes. “For you, Evey.”

  My smile dropped. I felt all sensation disappear, the blood in my cheeks evaporating. “Me?” I breathed, the word barely audibly.

  “Yes, you. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how big your boobs and arse have gone? You’ve had these headaches, not stopped eating, felt sick, and now you’ve just been sick. You are doing this test.” She pulled out a blue stick from the box and held it up, making my body recoil away from it like it had the dreaded lurgy.

  “I’m on my period, Steph. There is no way.” What she was insinuating was starting to rile me up. Just because I was feeling out of sort and had put on weight, it didn’t give her the right to throw around those extreme accusations.

  “Women can have periods the whole way through, Evey.” Steph glanced to the floor. “I think.”

  I shook my head, my eyes scrunching because she was being ridiculous. “Steph, that’s bullshit. Now fuck off. Seriously. Do you want me to have a heart attack?”

  Steph caught my hand and pushed the stick into my palm. “Do it.”

  “Ha,” I scoffed, trying to brush past her to get out of the bathroom. “You need to get a t-shirt on.”

  “I’m serious.” She grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me back into the room just as my foot was about step over the threshold. “If you don’t take this test, I will follow you around this house until you have to pee and push the damn thing under your foof myself.”

  “Wow.” I recoiled. “You are one hormonal pregnant lady.”

  “Evey.” She almost stomped her foot. “I’m serious. This is serious.”

  I handed her back the stick. “And I’m serious, Steph. I am not pregnant.”

  “Then prove it.” She threw the stick into my chest, making me catch it. I groaned, so angered by what Steph was insinuating that I took the stick and walked to the toilet.

  “Uh, get out, then.” I waved my hand to Steph, but she crossed her arms and dug her heels in.

  “Nope. I want to watch you do it.”

  “Jesus Christ.” I lifted up my dress, yanked down my thong, and sat on the toilet seat. “So I just piss on this thing?” I was glancing at the item, confused.

  “Normally you pee in a pot and dip it in, but just do it,” Steph snapped. I rolled my eyes, held it under my vagina, and waited. And waited.

  “I can’t go,” I moaned to Steph, who was watching me with beady, ominous eyes, tapping an impatient foot. The rhythm of it was seriously irritating me.

  “Evey, just pee already.”

  “I’m trying, but nothing’s coming out. I have shy bladder syndrome.” I laughed.

  “Is there such thing?” Steph scowled, not finding the situation funny.

  “Clearly. Turn around.” I couldn’t stop laughing. It was absurd what she was making me do. I was probably sick because the taste of the lemonade kept making me feel queasy.

  Steph huffed and turned around and waited. And waited. When she suddenly started whistling, I began to pee.

  “We have liftoff,” I joked. I weed on the stick, then placed it on the side of the sink so I could wash my hands. Steph stormed her way over to me and picked up the stick.

  “You are getting grosser and grosser.” I grinned until Steph’s body completely froze.

  “Shit,” she gasped, turning to face me, her cheeks paling. “Evey…you’re pregnant.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I felt like those two words alone had punched a hole through my chest, leaving me winded. My body paralysed to the spot. “Don’t fuck around.”

  “It’s positive, Evey. Look.” She thrust the stick into my face, making me look at two strong, red lines.

  I worked a hard swallow down my throat, then another, but still no words would form. My mouth was suddenly loosing moisture and drying up. My body frozen in time. I shook my head, in utter denial, my mind choosing not to believe such bullshit.

  “It can’t be. I’m on the pill. I’m on my period.” By then I was shouting, my paralysed state turning to rage. “It’s wrong. Steph, it has to be wrong.”

  Steph stood immobile, finally not being able to string a sentence together as she watched my frantic state.

  “Give me another one. Let me do it again.”

  Steph turned to the cupboard and pulled out another white box, and I snatched it from her hands. Quickly, I took out the blue stick, yanked my thong down, and forced myself to pee. Then I waited again, waiting and praying it would only be one line that time. But no. Two strong, red lines appeared on the stick, the image making my hands go limp, the stick falling from my fingertips and onto the floor.

  “No,” I yelled, panic-stricken. “They’re wrong.” I frantically rummaged through the small cupboard, looking for another one. Throwing out everything that wasn’t another test in a desperate bid to find another one that would prove the previous two wrong.

  “Evey, calm down. It’ll be okay. Let’s think about this for a second.”

  I threw Steph’s hands from my shoulders and let myself out of the bathroom. “Think?” I yelled. “Do you realize this will ruin my fucking life?” I started pacing the living room floor, aimlessly clutching at my hair. “They have to be wrong,” I screamed in frustration. A fluffed-up cushion on the sofa caught my eye, and that was the first thing that got my wrath. I started punching at the cushion. Over and over. As hard and as fast as I could get my arm to swing.

  “No. No. No.” I was cursing, tears falling hard down my cheeks and sobs catching in my throat.

  “Evey, calm down.” Steph stopped my arms from flying out, pulled me into her body, and wrapped tight arms around my neck. I let go of my anger and sagged into her arms. Tea
rs came hard, and my body shook from the sobs bursting out of my mouth.

  “I can’t be pregnant. Tell me it’s wrong. Please,” I cried for an unknown amount of time in Steph’s arms, not even caring I hadn’t cried so much in my life. Not even wondering why I shed so many tears that didn’t relieve me of the pain I felt inside.

  “Evey.” Steph’s voice was soothing as she tried to unlatch my grip around her neck. “Look at me.” Yet nothing could comfort me. I felt frozen, praying my swarming mind to rewind what I’d just found out and make me blissfully oblivious again. I couldn’t look up at Steph. I dragged myself away and walked towards the windowsill. I’d calmed down; the sobs had given up but left me with an almighty sore throat, and my eyes were red, raw, and stinging.

  “I know it’s a shock, and I felt the same at first, but when you calm down and let it sink in, it’s the best feeling in the world.”

  My eyes closed tight, absorbing the tears as I dismissed her claim. I shook my head, needing no words to warn her not to go on at me. I was trying to process all the information in my head. Steph’s advice made it worse.

  “It will. I know it may not seem like it now, but—”

  “No!” I spun around, swiping tears from my cheeks. “It will never be okay, Steph. I cannot have this baby. Don’t you get it? I don’t want a baby. I’ve never wanted a fucking baby.”

  Steph gasped so harshly I heard her inhale from across the room. What else did she expect from me? I turned from her again, leaned my palms on the windowsill, and looked out the window, mindlessly staring at the house across from me.

  “Fuck” left my mouth in a rush of breath. “This is insane. I can’t be a mother.”

  “Of course you can. You’re great with kids. I’ve seen you with Ella, with Ralph and Darcy. They dote on you. So will my baby. So will yours.”

  “There won’t be a baby, Steph.” A fresh batch of tears welled up in my eyes as I turned to look at her. Her own tears pooled in her eyes. “This can’t happen. I’ve never wanted kids…I—”

  “Evey, you’re scared.” Steph took my hand, ignoring the way I turned and tried to brush her off. “I get it. But you have me, you have Cheryl, and most of all, you have a fiancé who worships you.”

  The mention of Parks made me wince, made me panic and my mood shift again. “No. He doesn’t need to know. You can’t tell him.”

  Steph stepped away from me, her expression telling me she was both confused and pissed. “You have to tell him.” She scoffed. “It’s his child too.”

  “There isn’t going to be a child,” I chided bitterly. “I’ll get rid of it, and Wade will never need to know.” My eyes closed to try and block the way Steph’s eyes completely widened in shock and alarm. I worked a sharp swallow down my throat, wrapped my arms around myself, and turned to the window once more.

  “You want to get rid of the baby? Are you out of your fucking mind?” Steph’s shriek had me wincing, and she didn’t stop there. “We don’t believe in abortions, Evey. You can’t punish the child for your mistake.”

  I turned to her, getting in her face. “No, you don’t believe in abortions. And yes, it is a mistake. A mistake that can be erased just like pencil.”

  Steph’s hand came out of nowhere and straight across my cheek, giving me a stinging slap. My face turned to the side, but I kept it there, not wanting to look at the way I knew she was staring at me like I had the devil living inside. Maybe I did.

  “I know you can be a cold bitch, Evey, but that has topped the lot. How can you say that about your child? That’s a baby.” She pointed to my stomach. “A precious start of life! Some women would die to have this chance, and you want to get rid of it like it’s some sort of rubbish?”

  I remained silent. Remained cold and emotionless. I pushed my hair out of my face and went to skirt past her. As I did, she stepped in my way.

  “You are not running from this. You need to go away and think long and hard about what you just said. There is no reason in this world why you should get rid of that baby.” Her eyes dragged down my body before she stepped aside.

  “You know there are a whole lot of reasons why I can’t keep this baby, and the biggest reason is me.”

  The anger in Steph’s eyes was replaced with immense sadness. “I get that you’re scared, Evey—”

  “Don’t,” I warned, turning my back to her and making my way to the front door.

  “Evey! Don’t you dare leave.”

  “I can’t stay and have a hen night with this on my mind,” I yelled.

  “Let me call Wade, then. He can come pick you up.”

  Ignoring Steph, I stepped over the threshold and made my way out into the dark street, my mind too full up of emotion to even think of a destination.

  “Evey, please. Let me call Wade.” Steph was already calling him. I heard the tone of the keys on her phone as she tried looking for his number. Admittedly, I didn’t want to see him. How could I look the one man that knew me more than I knew myself in the eyes and tell him I was fine? However, if Steph called Parks and I went on a missing mission again, I knew in my heart she would tell him I was carrying his child. He couldn’t know.

  Quickly making up my mind, I turned and hastily made my way back into Steph’s. “Call him, tell him I’m sick. Tell Cheryl and your mum the same thing. Just party without me.”

  “How can we party without the hen? I had a stripper booked and everything.”

  “Then have him for yourself,” I snapped, throwing my hands up in the air. “How the fuck can I try to enjoy myself with this—” I pointed to my stomach, “—inside me?”

  Steph closed her eyes. Wisely choosing not to challenge me, she bit her quivering lip, then took a deep breath and called Parks. “Hey, Wade, Evey’s…uh…not feeling very well.” She couldn’t look at me, but I watched her eagerly, ready to dart if she gave away any inkling of the truth. “Could you come and pick her up? Sure. See you soon. Bye.” Steph breathed out shakily after hanging up, then stared at me. Her glare told me I was about to get a lecture. “You have to tell him. You can’t make this decision on your own.”

  Knocking back those building-up emotions, I brought my shield back up, guarding me from feelings. “Yes, I can. It’s my body. My choice. You tell him, Steph, and I swear to God, I will never forgive you.”

  Tilting her head back, she quickly knocked back tears that were starting to make another appearance, then glanced back at me, resentment clear in her expression as well as distress. “And I will never forgive you if you get rid of your baby. I have stood by you through thick and thin, Evey. I love you to death, even though you can be a shit. But this is something I can’t stand by and let you do.”

  I stepped into her space, my words venomous. “You have no choice.” My shrug was forced, my self-defence acting up for me.

  “You are my best friend, Evey, and I should damn well be here for you, supporting your decision, helping you through it, but how the fuck can I when your decision makes no sense?”

  “Nothing in my life makes sense. Fuck it. It’s what, the size of pea?”

  “I can’t look at you,” Steph breathed, bursting into tears before slamming the front door in my face.

  The wait for Parks to arrive was excruciating as I sat on the doorstep. Deep down I knew it must have killed Steph to hear me speak so cruelly about the way I wanted to terminate when she was happily enjoying her pregnancy and feeling deep pride and excitement about becoming a mother. In a blurry haze, I watched a car pull in front of me, and Parks quickly got of the driver’s side to take me in his arms.

  “Hey,” he breathed out, pulling me into him, making me inhale his scent, the scent that smelt like home to me. “You’re not well, Princess?” He cupped his palm around the back of my head as he cuddled me into him. Strangely, my arms stayed by my sides. I didn’t have the emotion or will in me to wrap my arms around him.

  “I think I’m coming down with something. No big deal. I just need some sleep.” My tone came across
cold and distant, and Parks picked up on it immediately. He pulled me from his chest at arm’s length. He tilted his head the side as he examined me curiously.

  “Let’s get you home.”

  Parks walked me to his car with a protective hand on my back, opened up the car door for me, and got me settled.

  “You didn’t get any time for your hen party. Will you reschedule?” His question was innocent, but I snapped at him unreasonably.

  “I bet you’re loving it, really. You get me home exactly where you want me.” My head was resting against the car window, but I sensed Parks was utterly taken aback.

  “I admit I missed you. I miss you every second I’m not with you, Princess. However, I wouldn’t make you feel like you couldn’t stay because I’d rather you were home with me. Where did that come from?”

  I hated the way he was being so nice. Why did he have to be so compassionate when I needed to be hated? Needed to be shouted at. Screamed at. Argued with.

  “I’m just tired.”

  When we got back to the apartment, I threw my stupid ‘Future Mrs. Parks’ top into the laundry basket and took off my makeup without looking in the mirror. My reflection would have only revolted me right then. I got changed into comfortable PJs that Parks laid out for me and climbed into bed.

  From the corner of my eye, I saw the bedroom door open, so I turned my back quickly, pulling the blanket over my head.

  “I’ve got you some hot chocolate, Princess. Thought it would make you feel better.”

  Pain speared through my chest and had my eyes closing tight. Tears gathered, but my heavy, closed lids held them back. “I don’t want anything,” I murmured from under the duvet. The room was quiet, then I felt the bed dip and the duvet get pulled back as he climbed in.

  “Do you need any pain relief?” he asked before kissing the back of my head. I turned even more so I was lying on my stomach, my body completely unapproachable.

  “Nope,” I whispered, because I knew if I spoke, the sob that was resting in my throat would have cracked.

  “Glass of water?” he continued, rubbing at my back.