by Diane Allen
‘You’ll not be doing that, I’ll make sure of it. Besides, another few weeks and we could be married and away from here. Enjoy, my Meg; let’s remember this moment as the first step in our life together,’ Sam whispered as he took pleasure in Meg’s inexperience of lovemaking.
‘I do love you,’ she sobbed as Sam lay to the side of her, smiling and spent. ‘You promise I’ll not get pregnant – that you took care?’ Meg wiped a tear from her cheek.
‘Stop worrying. You enjoyed it as much as me. I saw that, when you looked up at me and kissed me while I was busy on the job. It’s what life is all about, as long as we are careful.’ Sam turned his face up into the autumn sunshine and closed his eyes. ‘You’ll come with me? We could be out of here by next weekend.’
Meg composed herself and leaned on one arm, then looked down at the warm face of the man she loved. ‘I’ve never noticed before that you have freckles,’ she said as she traced the line of them over the bridge of his nose with a piece of mountain grass, before lying back down in his arms. ‘You promise that we wouldn’t move too far, and that we could go and see my mum and father, once we are settled?’
‘Aye, they might not want to see me, though, seeing as I’ll have pinched their little girl from under their noses.’ Sam opened his eyes and leaned on his elbow, looking at Meg. ‘We will be fine. I’ll always be there to look after you. You’ll never have any worries – I’ll take care of them all. Come away with me. I can take on the world if I know you are by my side.’ He stroked her long, dark hair and kissed her softly. He did feel something for Meg, but he hoped that she would not rise to the challenge of leaving everyone and everything she loved behind her. Yet at the same time he did not want to lose his latest lover. So he found himself uttering words that held no meaning. He would lead her on with his words until the very last minute, because saving his own skin was his priority.
‘I’d be giving up everything. My home, my family – everything!’ Meg sighed.
‘You’ve said yourself that your father favours Dan over you. And your mother would always welcome you home, you know that. Especially if she ever gets to be a grandmother!’ Sam grinned.
‘Shush, Sam, don’t joke. I’m worrying enough that we’ve gone too far this afternoon. After all, that’s why you are in the mess you are now in. And I’ve been stupid enough to let you have your way with me.’ Meg felt her stomach churn as the heat of the moment cooled, like the sun that was quickly being hidden by dark, threatening rain clouds that had appeared on the horizon.
‘You’ll be alright – stop your worrying. And I’m not in any mess really, because it was not my baby! Now I’ll talk to our Jack, get him to lend me some money. You sort out what you want to take with you and we’ll meet as usual next Sunday, but then we will be away. Will you be telling your parents and Harry, or not? Are you strong enough to do that, or do you want me to be there with you?’ Sam had to look as if he was planning his new life with Meg by his side, but knew she was still having doubts, and that these would win the day.
‘No, I’m not going to say anything to anybody. I’ll just leave a note to my mother and father, and to Harry. I couldn’t bear to face them; they’d only go out of their way to make sure I’d change my mind. They regard you as a leper, as well you know. I’m going to cause them so much hurt, and I love them all so much.’ Meg held back the tears yet again and looked at Sam, who was holding her hand tightly.
‘Yes, but you’ll have me to love you and look after you. And that I will, I swear. I love you, Meg Oversby, and we will be married and set up home, and will have a family once we are settled. That I promise you, with every bone of my body.’ Sam kissed her. He’d said the same words to many a lass, but perhaps this one would be different, although he had no intention of letting Meg drag him down when he left the dale.
‘Aye, lass, you are sodden. Have you walked all the way back down from Arkengarthdale? You look like a drowned rat!’ Harry exclaimed when Meg came into the back room, dripping and cold.
‘Yes, I got caught in the storm that brewed up out of nowhere. I didn’t even have a coat.’ Meg stood and looked at the pretty grey-haired woman who sat across from Harry, next to the fire.
‘Go and get changed out of those damp clothes, before you are to bury.’ The woman smiled as Meg looked her up and down. ‘And then come and join us both for tea. Harry wasn’t going to wait for you to return, but I made him when I saw the lovely spread that you had made for us both. There’s far too much for us two old duffers.’
‘This is Lizzie, Meg – Mrs Bannister. And as you may have gathered, she says what she thinks.’ Harry smiled at Lizzie with a look of love.
‘I always tell him there’s nowt wrong with that. At least everybody knows where they stand with me. Not like half of the two-faced buggers around here. Now, go on: get changed and then join us.’ Lizzie folded her arms and watched as Meg smiled at her.
‘Nice to meet you, Mrs Bannister. Uncle Harry has told me all about you.’ Meg smiled and looked at the couple. Lizzie was quite small with a perfect figure, her greying hair the only sign of how old she was, as there was not a wrinkle on her face. Meg could understand her attraction to Harry.
‘It’s “Lizzie”; we’ll have none of this “Mrs Bannister” larky. And I hope this old devil’s not been telling you too much.’ She giggled. ‘You’ve not been telling her all our little secrets now, have you, Harry?’
Meg grinned as she noticed her Uncle Harry’s face flush with embarrassment, then made her way upstairs to change out of her wet clothes and dry her hair with a towel. Lizzie was certainly different from her Aunt Mary, who had always been a woman of refinement and manners. Lizzie, on the other hand, seemed quite the opposite, with her glowing cheeks, perfect figure and open ways. Once in her room, Meg looked around her as she undressed out of her damp clothes and changed, to share tea with her uncle and his lover.
She looked at herself in the long wardrobe mirror and viewed herself critically. Her long, dark hair was sodden and her face, she thought, was not one of great beauty. Yet Sam Alderson had offered to elope with her and marry her. She ran her hands over her corseted figure, looking at her tight waist and small, pert breasts. She’d let Sam touch and fondle parts of her that no gentleman should ever have touched before marriage, and she closed her eyes, trying to blot out the sexual act they had both performed and enjoyed together. She should not have submitted to her feelings, she thought, as she stepped into her dry skirt and blouse. Is that what Sam had done with Margaret Parrington, only to leave her desperate and with child? Had he told Margaret that he loved her and wanted to marry her, only to discard her, as she had seen him do at the Bartle Fair? Now that she was away from Sam and his winning looks and smile, Meg had doubts about whether leaving everyone she loved behind her was the right thing to do. She was going to cause pain to her family. But she did love Sam, and a new life with him was more than tempting – a new life as Mrs Alderson, with a ring on her finger and a new home as well. That’s what Sam had promised, after all. She quickly quelled her doubts and went downstairs to join Harry and his new-found love, Lizzie.
‘Now aren’t you a picture? Harry said you were a bonny lass. It’s a wonder he isn’t having to shoo all the lads in the district from his shop door.’ Lizzie smiled at Meg and patted the cushion on the chair next to her, urging her to sit down.
Meg smiled and sat down next to Lizzie, feeling a bit uncomfortable at playing gooseberry between the two lovers. ‘Have you enjoyed your day here, Mrs Bannister?’ she asked politely.
‘Now remember, it’s “Lizzie”; you can even call me “Aunt Lizzie” if it makes it any easier.’ Lizzie grinned. ‘I have indeed. Harry has shown me his little empire. I’d never been upstairs before today, and they are good-sized bedrooms, I must say.’
‘Aye, well, that’s enough said about that.’ Harry coughed and gave Lizzie a dark look. ‘How about we have our tea, now that you are back? I take it Peggy was glad to see you. I bet she gets lonely
, looking after the clergyman and his house.’
‘She was glad to see me, and I’ve had a lovely day apart from the rain.’ Meg got up from her seat and put the copper kettle on the hearth to boil, as she uncovered the tongue sandwiches that had lain below a dampened tea cloth, to keep them fresh, since the early morning when she had made them. She then went into the pantry and brought out the sherry trifle, which she had likewise made earlier in the day, along with a caraway-seed cake and rock buns. The tea table looked impressively full and, as Lizzie had pointed out, there was far more than they needed, as the three of them sat down together.
‘I always say a little of what you fancy does you good,’ Lizzie said. She reached for a sandwich and smiled at Harry as she bit into it.
‘Aye, tuck in. I can’t do with waste.’ Harry winked at Lizzie as she reached for another sandwich, the first one being no sooner started than it was finished.
‘Meg, you must think us both a bit forward, being friends like we are, so soon after Mary has died.’ Lizzie looked across at Meg, her face now quite serious. ‘It’s just that we aren’t getting any younger, and we both like one another’s company. I’ve always believed that you’ve to follow your heart, regardless of what other folk think. Oh, they’ll moan and call us all the names under the sun, but they’ll get used to us eventually. I know I’m being forward when I say that I do think a great deal of Harry, and I’d like to think he does of me. So you might be seeing me as a regular visitor, if Harry agrees.’ Lizzie held her hand out for Harry to grasp as she looked across at Meg.
‘You know what I think, lass. I’d like our affairs all out in the open, as I don’t like skulking about. Anyway, folk have seen us together, they know what we are about.’ Harry looked across at her. ‘You are fine with it, aren’t you, Meg? You wish us well, don’t you?’
‘I do, Uncle Harry, as long as you are both happy.’ Meg smiled at the old lovebirds.
‘As long as we follow our hearts, we will always be happy, Meg. And you must always do the same in your life, and take no heed of what folk say.’ Lizzie bent forward and kissed Harry on the cheek, making him turn bright pink.
‘I’ll remember that, Lizzie. I’ll try and follow my heart at all times, no matter what,’ Meg replied, thinking of her Sam, but also thinking: If only it was that easy.
18
The following week was one of the longest Meg had ever endured, with her head telling her to stay and be satisfied with her life, and her heart telling her to go with Sam and become his wife. By the time Thursday came and her parents were due to make their weekly visit, she felt guilty and unsure of herself, especially at the thought of lying to them and perhaps never seeing them again – or at least not for a month or two, until she and Sam had got settled.
‘Tha looks white, lass. Are you feeling alright?’ Harry glanced up from doing his books and looked at Meg, who had been strangely quiet all week.
‘I’m fine, thank you, Uncle Harry. I’ve not been sleeping that well, these last few days. But there’s no reason for it. I just can’t seem to drop straight off, like I used to do.’ Meg smiled as she felt her stomach churn at the thought of having to pretend until Sunday that her life was normal, so as not to give the game away about her forthcoming elopement.
‘I’ll have to give you more work to do – that’ll make you sleep,’ Harry laughed. ‘You know, if you are pining for home, you can always go back with them today. I’ll be alright now. But don’t you say owt about Lizzie to them, not yet. She’s a fine woman, but she’ll never fill Mary’s shoes, either in my eyes or your parents’. And they will never accept her, once they find out about her.’
‘I won’t say anything, Uncle Harry. And no, I’m not pining for home. I’m quite content to stay here for as long as you want me.’ Meg hated lying to Harry, as he’d been good to her and he was a kind man. The more she thought about her pact with Sam, the more she knew it was wrong. She was throwing away everything because of her infatuation with a lad she barely knew. A lad that all the dale, with the exception of his closest family, hated; and a lad that she had let take her virginity, in a moment of weakness.
‘Aye, well, as long as you are alright. And I thank you for not mentioning my private life to Tom and Agnes – not yet, anyway. Speak of the Devil, here they are, both your mother and your father, and they haven’t got that Dan with them today, so they are both yours and you needn’t listen to his blethering.’ Harry watched through the shop window as Agnes was helped out of the cart by Tom, and both he and Meg smiled as the couple entered the shop.
‘I don’t know where the weeks go to, the days pass so fast.’ Agnes took off her gloves and shawl and went straight over to Meg and hugged her. ‘I’m sorry I’ve not seen you for a fortnight, but with calves and babies, I couldn’t get away.’
Meg hugged her mum back and then exclaimed, ‘Babies! What babies?’
‘Nellie Birbeck’s! Didn’t Dan give you the note I sent you? I was coming over with him, until her young sister ran across the fields to say that Nellie was having bother birthing, and would I help. So I couldn’t let her down. As it was, she had a lovely baby boy; he’s a right grand ’un. Nearly ten pounds, that’s why he took some getting out.’
‘I’m glad for Nellie. But no, Dan never gave me your note, he just said you were both too busy.’ Meg smiled at her mum; she should have known she wouldn’t have let her down without a reason.
‘Aye, that lad, he’s not to be trusted with anything. The other day we found him looking at papers in the desk, and your father got mad with him.’ Agnes sighed and kissed Meg on the cheek again. ‘You must have thought we had deserted you.’
‘No, I knew there would be a good reason for you not to be here.’ Meg raised her head and nearly cried, realizing that Dan had been economical with the truth on purpose.
‘Aye, I kicked his arse, Meg. And now I’ve put a lock on the desk, although we’ve never had to do that before. But you don’t know what he’s up to. Now Dan’s got his feet under the table, he thinks he can do as he likes. Well, he’s finding out that he couldn’t be further from the truth, the cocky little bugger,’ Tom growled.
‘There, you see, my Meg, I told you there’d be a good reason they both hadn’t appeared. She’s had a face on her like a slapped arse, ever since Dan came on his own. Neither Meg nor I think a lot of him. He must take after his father, I’d say.’
‘Aye, you’ve got the better of the pair staying with you. Hasn’t he, our lass?’ Tom slapped Harry on the back.
‘Goes without saying. Our Meg has always been the only one, in my eyes.’ Agnes smiled at her daughter and noticed tears welling up in her eyes. ‘Hey, what’s this? What are these for? Are you wanting to come home?’
‘You mean you don’t like Dan, really? You realize he’s not all that he seems.’ Meg wiped away her tears; she’d felt unloved and jealous for nothing.
‘No, he’ll never replace you, and you are an idiot if you ever thought that. You are our lass. Now, how about you come home with us today, and put Dan back in his place as farm lad?’ Tom smiled at his daughter, whom he had truly missed.
‘No, I’m fine here. I just thought you hadn’t time for me, now that Dan is with you, and he’s that full of himself.’ Meg blew her nose and grinned through the tears. ‘He is all mouth – I should have known that.’
‘Too right. He’ll be out on his arse, if he carries on like he is doing much longer.’ Tom put his arm around his daughter’s shoulders and held her tight.
‘Now then, let me put this butter away. You put the kettle on, Meg, and then we’ll close the shop for an hour, and have a proper talk without bloody Dan!’ Harry smiled at Meg and her parents. The colour had come back into Meg’s cheeks already; she’d obviously been missing her mum.
‘Aye, come on, Meg. Take us through to the back room and we’ll have a catch-up. A cup of tea would be grand, before we get ourselves back home to see what damage Dan’s done. He let next door’s tup in with our ewes the oth
er day. Lord only knows what’s in lamb and what isn’t, now. He’s a bloody liability,’ Tom swore as he sat down with Agnes and watched Meg, as she laid out the tea things and made them feel at home. ‘No wonder Harry doesn’t want you to leave. You are his housekeeper, shopkeeper – the lot.’
Meg smiled. It was the first time her father had recognized her many skills. Perhaps Dan had blotted his copybook too many times, and at last her father had realized she was capable of doing anything a lad could do – and more. It was a pity he hadn’t realized it before, as the thought of leaving with Sam would not even have entered her head if she had known she was that loved and wanted. As it was, she was torn now. Was she to go with Sam, or should she stay? Whatever path she chose, hearts were going to be broken.
Meg tossed and turned all night, unable to make up her mind which way to head with her life. One minute she was getting married and in a new life, with Sam working as a railway navvy; the next she was letting him leave without her, to remain with Harry until near Christmas and then return home – a home where she knew she was loved, now that she had got reassurance from both her parents. She sat on her bed, then pulled on her bloomers and skirt. She didn’t know what to do, and she wished more than anything that she had not let Sam make love to her. The worry of perhaps getting pregnant was now beginning to play on her mind. If she went with Sam, at least he would look after her, come what may, whereas her family might well abandon her, just like poor Margaret Parrington’s. It was simply one worry after another, she thought, as she went downstairs, lit the fire and opened the shop door for the early-morning customers.
‘I’m off to see Lizzie this morn. Will you be alright in the shop on your own? It’s Friday, and we are usually thronged with folk. I’ve heard the bell go a time or two already. I wouldn’t go, but Lizzie’s set her heart on a hat she’s seen in a shop window in Leyburn, so I’ve promised her it for a treat.’ Harry looked across at Meg while they had breakfast together. ‘Tha looks red-eyed. Have you been crying?’
