THE RANCHER'S SPITTIN' IMAGE

by Peggy Moreland

  Though Mandy could see that the idea of staying behind didn't appeal to Sam, she was relieved when Sam finally gave her head a quick nod. "Okay. But be careful, Mandy."

  She grabbed Sam's hand and squeezed. "I will. And if Jaime should show up before I get back, don't let Jesse anywhere near him until I return."

  Dusk was already turning the landscape into gloomy shadows by the time Mandy started out on her search. Looking for tracks was impossible, what with the number of horses that roamed the pastures every day. She racked her brain, frantically trying to think like Jaime.

  Where would he have gone? Where would he go to hide?

  But no clue to his location came to mind. Squeezing her thighs against the horse's sides, she urged him into a trot, calling Jaime's name over and over again as she traversed the pastures and hills, until her voice was hoarse, her throat raw. Until stars peppered the sky.

  She fought back a sob, knowing the dangers that night brought in this rugged terrain. "Jaime. My baby," she whispered tearfully. "Where are you?"

  Jesse drove north on I-35, headed for Oklahoma and home, his gaze riveted on the road ahead. He knew some would accuse him of running again, but it didn't matter. He wasn't running. Not this time. He was merely giving himself some time to think rationally without the distraction of Mandy's presence or the vindictiveness of Margo's tongue to influence him.

  She's played you for a fool, Jesse. Again.

  A fool. A fool. A fool.

  Margo's words picked up the cadence of his truck's tires on the highway and pounded through his head.

  With each mile the throbbing in his temples increased, until the pain nearly blinded him.

  But it was nothing compared to the pain that vised his heart.

  Mandy. He was leaving her behind again. And Jaime. His son. The child that he'd known nothing about until Wade's will had brought him back to Texas and the Circle Bar. He was leaving him behind, as well.

  One only has to look at the boy to see the resemblance, both to you and to Wade. Others might be blind, but I never was. I knew from the first time I saw him that he was yours, no matter what lies the McClouds spread to explain his existence.

  Like Margo, Jesse would have known Jaime was his son, too.

  If he'd stayed all those years ago.

  But he'd run, leaving behind the memories, leaving behind the woman who'd promised love and forever, unable to bear the anguish of losing Mandy.

  He slapped a hand against the wheel. "Damn it! It wasn't just promises." Mandy had loved him. She still did. In his heart, he knew she'd never lied to him. Not then, and certainly not now.

  Then why are you running away again?

  Jesse narrowed an eye at the road ahead. "I'm not," he muttered under his breath, and jerked the wheel to the right, taking the exit to Georgetown. Crossing the overpass, he headed back down I-35. This time to the south. Back to Austin. Back to Mandy. Back to the son he yearned to claim as his own.

  He didn't stop until he reached the Double-Cross.

  Parking at the rear of the house, he stormed to the back door. Before he even reached the steps, the door was opening. But it was Sam, not Mandy, who stood in the wedge of light cast from the kitchen behind her. By her expression, he could only assume that he was no longer welcome on the Double-Cross.

  "Where's Mandy?"

  Sam's lips thinned and she planted her hands defiantly on her hips. "Haven't you hurt her enough?"

  "I need to talk to her."

  "From what I heard, I think you've said all she's willing to listen to."

  "Sam, please." Jesse dragged off his hat and dropped his head, digging his fingers through his hair.

  Sam saw the slight tremble in his fingers, but it was when he lifted his head and she saw the tears in his eyes that she felt her resolve weakening.

  "I love her, Sam. I need to tell her that."

  Sam wavered only a second before she blurted out, "Jaime ran away."

  Jesse's fingers closed around his hat's brim, crushing it between his hands. "When?"

  Sam's shoulders drooped, losing their defensive stance as worry burned through. "I don't know. Mandy left on horseback about an hour ago to search for him."

  "I need a horse."

  Sam prayed that Mandy would forgive her. "You can take mine. First stall on the left."

  Jesse wheeled, then turned back. "Thank you, Sam. I owe you one."

  Within minutes, Jesse had Sam's horse and was loping across the pasture, the moon and stars offering the only illumination against the dark night. Mandy had an hour lead on him, but he was determined to catch up with her before she found Jaime. He wanted to be there when they found him, and they would find him. He wouldn't allow himself to consider any other possibility.

  He rode through the night, watching and listening, his fear for his son growing with each passing minute. Then a sound, muffled by the stand of trees he was passing through, made him pull his horse up short. He stood up in the stirrups, straining to listen.

  "Jaime!"

  The sound of Mandy's voice coming from just ahead of him had him digging his heels into the roan's sides. He galloped toward the sound, mindless of the scrape of tree branches that slapped at his arms and face.

  When the trees thinned, he saw her, standing on a ledge of rock, her hands cupped to her mouth, her horse ground-tethered not too far behind her.

  "Mandy!" he yelled. "Mandy!"

  She turned, spotlighted by moonlight, to stare at him. The defeat in her eyes frightened him as much or more than hearing of Jaime's disappearance. He reined his horse to an abrupt stop and swung down from the saddle.

  "I can't find him," she murmured dismally. "I've looked everywhere. The places where he usually camps out, his favorite fishing holes."

  "Oh, Mandy." Jesse wrapped her in his arms and drew her close. "We'll find him. I promise we'll find him."

  "It's so dark," she cried, curling her fingers into his shirt. "What if he's lying hurt somewhere?"

  "Jaime's not some greenhorn, Mandy. He knows how to handle himself out in the wild."

  "But where is he?" she demanded hysterically.

  "Have you looked on the Circle Bar?"

  Mandy pushed from his arms to look at him, her tear-filled eyes wide. "No, he would never—"

  Jesse caught her hand, leading her back to her horse. "There's a cave there," he told her, picking his way carefully through the loose rocks and cacti that covered the ground near the ledge. "When I was a boy, I used to hide out there myself. If I know Jaime, I'll bet he discovered that cave long ago."

  With Jesse taking the lead, they remounted and pressed on, heading for Circle Bar land. They rode for what seemed like hours to Mandy, before Jesse pulled up, holding up his hand. He jumped down from his horse, then turned to Mandy. "We'd better walk the rest of the way. It's too dangerous to try to navigate the path at night."

  After tethering their horses to a tree, Jesse caught her hand, pulling her along behind him. He stopped suddenly and Mandy bumped into him. "What?" she asked anxiously.

  Jesse pressed a finger to her lips, then pointed. Jaime's horse grazed on a patch of grass to their left. "He's here," he whispered, then tightened his hold on her hand, pulling her after him.

  Cedar choked the entrance to the cave, but Jesse knew it was there. He pushed branches aside until he found the jagged opening, then held them back for Mandy to enter in front of him. She stepped inside and stopped, unable to see so much as the hand in front of her face through the inky blackness.

  "I can't see," she whispered.

  Jesse stepped around her. "Here. I've got a lighter."

  His thumb scraped the wheel, and a small flame burst forth, offering a soft circle of light. Jesse took another step, then another with Mandy pressed at his back. He stopped, holding the lighter high. In its glow, he saw the sleeping bag and the huddled form wrapped in it. A small gasp escaped Mandy and she pushed past Jesse while he stooped to light the kerosene lantern that Jaime had left beside
his bedroll.

  "Jaime," she murmured, dropping to her knees at her son's side. "Oh, Jaime."

  He lifted his head, blinking. "Mama?" he asked, his voice rough with sleep.

  "Yes, Jaime. It's Mama." She ran a hand over his cheek, just to prove to herself that he wasn't hurt. "Oh, sweetheart, why did you run away?"

  Jaime pushed himself to a sitting position, shrinking away from her touch. "You lied to me. You said that my father was dead."

  Regret clogged Mandy's throat as she realized he had in fact overheard her conversation with Jesse. "Yes, Jaime," she admitted softly. "I lied. But I didn't do it to hurt you. Only to protect you."

  Jesse moved closer, unsure what his level of participation should be, and set the lamp beside his foot as he hunkered down beside Mandy. He lifted a hand to her shoulder and squeezed.

  Jaime's gaze shot to him. "You're my father, aren't you?"

  Mandy glanced up to meet Jesse's gaze. His questioning. Hers reassuring. "It's okay," she murmured. "He needs to know the truth."

  Sighing, Jesse turned to face his son. "Yes, Jaime. I'm your father."

  Jaime flattened his hands on his bedroll and dug in his heels, scooting back, putting distance between them. "I hate you!" he screamed wildly.

  Mandy sucked in a shocked breath. "Jaime! You don't mean that!"

  "Yes I do!" he cried, turning on Jesse. "You only pretended to like me. If you really cared for me, for my mom, you would've been here before, when we needed you." He hauled in a shuddery breath. "We don't want you here. Go back where you came from and leave us alone."

  The knife that had wedged itself in Jesse's heart when Jaime had first screamed "I hate you," twisted in his chest. Pressing his hands to his knees, he rose, emotion burning his throat as he turned away.

  Mandy grabbed his hand, stopping him. "No! Wait!" Clinging to Jesse, Mandy turned to face their son. "He does care for you, Jaime. It isn't Jesse's fault that he wasn't there when you were born."

  Jaime's scowl deepened. "Yes, it is. If he cared, he'd have been there. He wouldn't have let Grandpa treat you so mean."

  Mandy's eyes widened in surprise. "You were only a baby when Grandpa died. You couldn't possibly know how he treated me."

  Jaime's mouth curled into a belligerent pout. "Yes, I do. I've heard you and Aunt Sam and Aunt Merideth talkin' when y'all thought I wasn't around. I know that he didn't want me and he hated you for bringing me to the Double-Cross to live."

  Instinctively, Mandy reached for him, but Jaime drew back, refusing her comfort. Tears clotted in Mandy's throat as she drew her hands into an empty fist on her lap. "Oh, Jaime, I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to know all of that." She dipped her chin, drawing a deep breath before she lifted her gaze to Jaime's again. "But it wasn't your fault that Grandpa didn't want us around. And it wasn't mine, either. It was Grandpa's.

  "Do you remember when Jesse was talking to you about prejudices?" Though she could tell he resented her bringing Jesse's name into the discussion, Mandy pressed on. "Well, Grandpa was like that. He didn't like Jesse. First because he was a Barrister, and second because he was part-Mexican." She peered closely at Jaime. "Do you think that was fair of Grandpa, to hold those two things against him?"

  Unable to meet her gaze any longer, Jaime ducked his head, plucking at fuzz balls on his sleeping bag. "No," he muttered.

  Mandy released a long, slow breath. "I didn't, either. So I defied my father when he refused to let me see Jesse. I slipped out at night and met him in secret." She glanced up at Jesse and caught his hand again, drawing him back down beside her. "I did that because I loved Jesse. I wanted to marry him. But my father caught us one night and he threatened to kill Jesse if I ever saw him again.

  "And I was afraid. More afraid than I'd ever been in my life, because I was sure that my father would make good on that threat. So I refused to leave with Jesse, choosing instead to stay with my father." She shifted her gaze to Jesse's. "But I only did that so that I could buy some time in order to figure out a way for Jesse and me to be together always."

  Squeezing Jesse's hand, she turned her gaze back to Jaime. "But Jesse didn't understand what I was trying to do. He thought I was choosing my father over him. He left that night, not knowing that I already carried you, and moved away, not telling anyone where he was going. I didn't see him again until that day when he brought you back to the Double-Cross after he'd caught you fishing on Barrister land. He never knew you existed until that day."

  Throughout her explanation, Jaime had sat rigidly, listening, but when she paused, he turned his gaze on Jesse again, his expression still hostile, unforgiving. "How did you know I was your son?"

  Knowing how important this was, how much of his future depended on his response, Jesse chose his words carefully. "I didn't at first, but when you told me your name was McCloud, I started putting it all together. You looked like me. Your age, as best as I could tell, seemed about right." Jesse lifted a shoulder.

  Jaime's thin chest swelled beneath his T-shirt. "Then why didn't you tell me?" he shouted, balling his hand in his tangled bedroll.

  "I—"

  Mandy put a hand on Jesse's arm to interrupt him. "He wanted to," she said softly. "But I wouldn't let him."

  "Why not?" Jaime demanded angrily. "I had a right to know who my real dad was!"

  "Yes," Mandy replied patiently, "you did. But I was afraid that the news would be too hard for you to accept. You didn't even know Jesse. He was a stranger to you. I thought that if you and Jesse had a chance to get to know each other first, that the news would be easier for you to accept."

  "I'm not a baby. I would've understood."

  Mandy reached for his hand and this time Jaime let her take it. "I can see that now, although it's very hard for me to admit that my son's growing up. I guess in some ways I'll always consider you my baby."

  Jaime rolled his eyes. "Oh, geez, Mom, don't get all sappy on me."

  Mandy laughed in spite of the tears that pooled in her eyes. "I'll try not to, I promise." She looked up at Jesse, knowing that all was not settled yet. "Jesse wanted to tell you you were his son from the first moment that he saw you and I'm sorry that I stood in his way."

  Jaime shifted his gaze to Jesse, looking for confirmation.

  "It's true, son," Jesse murmured, his own throat tight with emotion. "I may not have been around when you were born, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you or want you. I do, and I want to claim you as my own. In fact—" he glanced at Mandy, needing her approval before looking back at his son "—I'd like to give you my name. I can adopt you, if the law requires it, and we can change your name to Jaime Barrister."

  Beside him, Mandy rocked back on her heels, her eyes wide with shock. "Barrister!" she cried on a disbelieving breath. The name had been like a curse word in her family's home for so many years, hearing it coupled with her son's name was like blasphemy.

  Jesse squared his shoulders defensively. "I may not be proud of the man who gave me the name, but the name is mine."

  Seeing that she'd insulted him, Mandy reached for his hand. "I'm sorry. It's just that…"

  Jesse took her hand more firmly in his and squeezed. "I know," he said, understanding her initial reaction. "But I think it's well past time we put that old feud to rest, don't you?"

  "Well, y-yes," Mandy stammered. "I guess it is."

  Jesse turned his attention back to his son. "I'm not ashamed of you, I want you to know that, and I'll be proud to tell the world that you're my son. I know that having a father is going to take some getting used to, but I hope you'll give me the chance to prove that I truly love you." He shifted his gaze to Mandy's, his expression softening, though his words were for his son. "I love your mother, too. Always have. And if it's okay with you, I'd like to ask her to marry me."

  Because he'd wanted the same thing ever since he'd met Jesse, Jaime grinned. "I guess that'd be all right."

  "Mandy?"

  Mandy stared at Jesse, her heart in her throat, unable to beli
eve this was all really happening. "Yes?"

  "Will you marry me?"

  It took Mandy less than a second to make the decision. She fell into his waiting arms, laughing and crying. "Yes, I'll marry you!" she cried.

  Drawing her closer against his chest, Jesse dropped his head over hers, finding her lips.

  "Oh, gross!" Jaime exclaimed, making a gagging sound. "Cut it out, you two, or I'm gonna hurl for sure."

  Drawing apart, Jesse and Mandy met each other's gaze, laughing. They stared a moment, their expressions slowly sobering, both aware of how far they'd come and how much farther they still had to go before the past could be fully resolved.

  "Barrister," Mandy murmured, staring deeply into Jesse's dark eyes. "Mandy McCloud Barrister." A laugh bubbled up from her throat. "I wonder what the McClouds and the Barristers, both past and present, will think about that?"

  "To hell with them," Jesse whispered, pulling her into his arms again. "It's what we want that matters. You, me and our son."

  * * *

  Epilogue

  « ^

  "I think I'm going to cry."

  Keeping her eyes on the bride and groom who stood behind a three-tier wedding cake, laughing as they fed each other generous bites of the white confection, Merideth slung an arm around Sam's slender shoulders and drew her sister to her side. "And ruin the makeup job I did on you? Don't even consider it."

  Reminded of the hours of primping she'd suffered through prior to the wedding at Merideth's insistence, Sam grimaced and folded her arms beneath her breasts. "I feel like some kind of cheap floozy."

  Merideth turned her head slowly, arching a haughty brow, as she looked down at her sister. "Cheap? Darling, I don't do cheap. First class, top of the line, that's my motto."

  "Easy for you to say. You like painting your face." Scowling, Sam glanced down at the dress Merideth had brought her from New York and immediately caught the scooped neckline and hauled it higher up on her chest. "And this dress! Cripes! A handkerchief would've covered more."