“I’m done talking about this Brick so save your bloody breath.”
“Okay, then let me ask you this. Are you willing to keep hiding her from your family? Can you separate both aspects of your life this way and still be happy? Your mom is already chomping at the bit about you not going home. What are you going to do, lie to Remy and go home for a week or two and then come back and live this lie that you’ve created?”
At the mention of mum and Tiff I feel a pain in my chest that I’ve denied for months. I’m playing a very precarious game juggling both worlds at the same time and I know it, but I’ve planned and plotted and finally got what I wanted and it feels like it’s too late, too risky to go back and try to fix it.
They’ll all hate me if they know exactly what lengths I’ve gone to do this and while I’ve closed myself off to Remy, I can’t bear the thought of her finding out and hating me.
“We go on as before Brick. Gabe knows the drill and so do you. Get me the information I want, I don’t fucking care what you have to do to Carson to get it and then I want a game plan to take care of those bastards. Taking their money isn’t enough.”
“Just tell her who you really are. Please.” Brick says, trying one final time to talk some sense into me.
“I’m not discussing this with you Brick.”
“Good. Discuss it with me instead.”
My heart just about seizes when I look up and see Remy standing in the doorway to my office and from the expression on her face she must have heard quite a good bit of what we’ve been discussing.
“Carson is my business Remy. Go home.” I snarl, hoping that’s all she heard.
I can come back from that, maybe, if I push her hard enough.
“I don’t give a fuck what you do to Brian and you know it. I want to know who you are or I swear to God, I’m gone.”
Chapter 28
Remy
I’m so freaking mad and scared and just whammied I’m having trouble breathing here. After that truly raw phone conversation with Doc I forced myself to get in the car and come to Chase’s office, knowing that if I didn’t I would spend another night chewing myself to death about the doubt and insecurity I feel.
And also, once that insecurity takes hold, that it will be a veeery long road back to the place I was just a few weeks ago. A healthy place wherein I was focused on the here and now, not even thinking of the past but to gripe to myself about my family and the shitty hand I’d dealt myself with Brian.
Now all I can think about is that morass I thought I’d worked through and how I need to get all of this shit cleared away, in one way or another, before all of it implodes and freaking destroys me.
My safest option would be to just cut and run and leave all the stressors behind so I can focus and heal. But that would mean leaving Chase and as hard as he’s been lately, I still love him and want to try for something.
A life. Meaning. Maybe that family he talked about us having. I know I’ll get back to my job eventually because I love it too much to just lay down and give up, but there is more and I want it.
If Chase can stop shutting me down and just listen.
And now tell me exactly what’s going on.
I see him flinch and barely register Brick as he stops beside me and squeezes my shoulder comfortingly. His eyes are dark when I look up at him, but I see a gentle smile curve his hard mouth and that gesture gives me the courage I need to take a deep breath and plunge forward.
“Go easy on the guy. He’s not as invincible as he wants you to think.”
“Thanks Brick.”
He walks out and closes the door quietly behind him, the lock snicking shut the only sound in the room for long minutes as I just stand there and stare at Chase, centering myself and breathing, just breathing as those unusual eyes stay locked on mine.
They’re hard and cold, Chase’s unapproachable look that would normally scare me a little and get me to back off. Not today though. Today I am not taking no for an answer and I don’t give a shit if I promised him that I would stop trying for more.
He can either deal or let me go.
God, I hope he deals instead of folding this hand because I am so in love with him I’m upping the ante in a big way. I’m going all in and praying that we come out of this winner’s. If not, well I’m pretty sure the only choice I’ll be left with is to withdraw from play and save what little I have left.
“Go home.”
Aaah, so harsh and yet I see an intense desperation there. It’s so strong that for the briefest minute I consider sparing him. I let that wash though and instead straighten my spine, schooling my own features.
“And where is that? I survived something I shouldn’t have survived because I wanted a home with you. You were my home. How can I go home if I don’t even know who, where that is Chase?” I ask, pacing over to the seating area and lowering to the sofa with a grimace.
The extra distance isn’t ideal but I need to sit because my knees feel like rubber when he casts me a molten glare and his mouth compresses.
So he’s not talking? Fine. Maybe this is the end, maybe I have to accept that I messed up and ruined what little we had to build on, but I am not leaving this office before I tell him what I need to.
Then, I think I’ll have something to rebuild myself on and that, if this doesn’t work out, is all I have left.
“You don’t want to tell me?”
He shakes his head once and I see his jaw pop.
“Fine. Then you can listen to what I have to say.”
“No!”
He’s up and out of his chair in a movement that startles me and I look up to see him breathing roughly, his fists clenched at his sides. And God have mercy on me, his face is so filled with fury and desperation I swallow and have to suppress the urge to flee.
“When I was-”
“Shut up!”
His words slam into me with the force of a full body blow and I rear back in shock when he just stands there and keeps staring at me with icy fury.
“I was walking home late one night.”
“Don’t. I don’t want to hear what it is you have to say.”
That hurts a little, I won’t lie. And I’m really thrown for a loop because he’s acting like I’m about to tell him that I have Herpes or something. For all he knows I’m getting ready to discuss the golden status of macaroni and cheese, not tell him about my harrowing ordeal and the long months of recovery I endured despite my family’s lack of ‘give a shit’.
“Well you’re gonna.” I grit out, staring him down. “I have a lot to tell you. It’s about my past and a time in my life that I can’t ignore if I want to go the distance with you. If I can’t talk to you about this, if we can’t work through this together then I’m not sure I can stay, no matter how much I love you. No! Don’t ignore that either.”
Foolish man. Why is it always left to the woman to be the risk taker in these types of situations? Sure, maybe I don’t deserve his understanding after the way I’d attacked his character. I know now and probably knew then that the way he fights is not a bad thing, that I was laying my own shit at his door…
But here’s the thing. I freaking love the guy and he’s being purposefully obtuse because I scared him away. Where’s all that courage and intensity I saw in the cage? Why is it so hard for him to risk this when he’ll risk getting the crap kicked out of him by Brick or some other mountain.
“Remy I’ve told you-”
“Oh blah, blah, blah. It’s not easy for me to say these things. And you can bet your cute booty I’m not comfortable baring my heart to you when you’re not exactly interested, but I need to do this or I’m telling you this is goodbye.” I warn.
That gets his attention and I see his fists flex and tighten at my words.
“So. You either listen or I leave and then I’m gone. Your choice.”
He tenses even more before his lips curve in a mocking smile.
“You think I’ll let you go Rem?”
Oh, my poor deluded tycoon, I think, tipping my mouth into a sad smile that I feel all the way clear to my bones. Here he stands, thinking that he’s winning when really, we’re both losing.
“It’s moot. If we can’t talk and work through not only my issues but yours as well, then we don’t have anything Chase. You can keep me locked up in your house and get me to submit to you in bed, but at the end of the day it won’t mean a thing. You’re driving me away.”
My heart is in my throat at his point and I feel myself begging, with my eyes, my body, every fibre of my being. Just listen and I swear at the end we’ll win.
But he just shakes his head tiredly and retakes his seat.
“What we have is enough for me.”
Chapter 29
“You look like shit.”
I snort out a laugh and roll my eyes when Liv prances into the living room, her usual pep bringing with it annoyance instead of the joy I usually feel on seeing her.
Today I’m just irritable and not feeling it. And who can blame me? That stubborn jackass had called Hensley, gone nuts on the poor guy and then banished me back home.
That was it. No talking, no sharing, no trying to be more. Just no thanks Rem, I’m more than okay with an empty relationship built on fucking.
And then he’d had the balls to come home and try his shit with me. As if I’m going to be all hot and bothered when I’m plotting my escape. So no, when he’d sidled up to me in bed, after an hour long dinner in which we did no more than twirl our food around on the plate, I’d nixed that right off the bat and told him in no uncertain terms to get lost.
Although I kinda do feel bad about that since saying ‘fuck off ice cube’, wasn’t exactly necessary.
So yeah, no talk, no sex and the stark realization that no matter how much I plan I probably won’t make it out the door with one of the guys on my ass…BAD MOOD.
“Ah, I see all is not right in the land of Rem. Tell Aunt Liv what plagues thee.” She cooes, coming to sit beside me and hug me with a small squeeze and a lot of pomp.
I sigh and fling the print outs I’ve been perusing for Safe Haven, Chase’s charity, to the coffee table before leaning back and rubbing at my face.
“I tried to talk to Chase about some stuff yesterday and he totally shot me down. My therapist is not happy with me and I am so not happy with Chase or myself right now. That’s what’s plaguing me.”
She sits back and contemplates me with a few hmmms and aahs before standing, walking to the bar and coming back with an opened bottle of red wine and two glasses.
“Here. We’ll drink and talk and figure this out. Tell me what’s not making your therapist happy and we’ll put something together.”
My first inclination is to avoid that scenario and just bitch about Chase but I resist, and taking a deep breath I tell her everything. The fear, humiliation. Self-loathing. How my family abandoned me and how my only saving grace was my grandmother and her hard talking, no nonsense ways.
I let her cry on my shoulder and curse and sometimes pound on the sofa cushions in rage and then finally I dry her eyes and smile into them when it’s all said and done.
And then I take a deep breath and feel lighter, freer than I have in a long time. Nothing is like a good, solid friendship and I don’t know why I haven’t spoken to her about this before. Liv is and always will be my best pal because she’s always there for me. Even if she doesn’t quite agree with me.
I can count on her and she, well she’s as rock solid as they come.
“Well hell. That was a little more than the usual relationship drama I was expecting.” She quips and I snort a laugh at her silliness.
“Yup.”
She sits up and looks me square in the eyes, her bearing stiff, pissed off and the tiniest little bit hesitant. I let her be and leave her to think before she chews her lip, nods once to herself and then lets out a harsh breath.
“I want to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out before we discuss this. Okay?”
That sounds really ominous and I’m ashamed to admit that my first instinct is to cover my ears and start lalala-ing to avoid any more mental baggage. But then, that would make me Chase, and I’m still pissed enough to revolt against being anything like that coward.
“Okay. Shoot. Lay it all on me sister.”
Live rolls her eyes and regards me seriously.
“About a week ago I was using Gabe’s office computer to do some research for this…I kinda was looking into programmes to go to chef school or something.” She admits, giving my hand a squeeze to stop my automatic questions.
Later Rem. You can grill her later, I tell myself, though I’m shocked to think that Liv is turning her whole life around. She’s accepted that Gabe loves her and that he’s in it for the long haul. No more carefree footloose Liv. This woman is obviously settling in and making plans to live the life she wants.
And now I’m jealous.
“So you were on the computer…”
“Yeah and instead of clicking the Google icon I mistakenly tapped on one of his files. I almost closed it right down and went back to my business but I saw a name and that caught my attention so I started reading.”
I cock a brow at her, letting her know how I feel about that gross invasion of her boyfriend’s privacy and she smiles sheepishly and inclines her head.
“Yeah I know right? But that name…anyway, I read it all and at first I couldn’t make sense of any of it cause you know I’m no business buff but it started clicking into place for me eventually and then I just knew.”
“Knew what?” I say, practically having to bite my tongue to stop from yelling.
She takes a deep breath and I gird myself.
“I checked all the high school yearbooks online and then…the stuff on Gabe’s computer was a whole bunch of take-over plans. I couldn’t understand the money and numbers stuff but after few searches I found out that every single company that has been hostilely taken over by Chase Marshall is a company belonging to a whole bunch of dudes you went to school with. Those who weren’t born with a silver spoon and took over daddy’s company simply ended up filing for bankruptcy and were totally ruined.”
Huh? So maybe my brain is slow or something but I’m not tracking and I tell her so.
“Don’t you see Rem? Chase purposefully set out to ruin those men and what’s more, he’s not stopping at ruining Brian’s campaign. The man is planning to make sure that by the time he’s done with Brian there won’t be anything left but a washed up ex-jock slinging hash to make a living.”
But, but that makes no sense. I understand him ruining Brian because let’s face it, my ex is a douche who deserves to have the world see him for the ass he is, and I’m not too proud to admit that having him brought low gives me a thrill of joy.
But the others…
I listen as Liv tells me the names and the lengths Chase has gone to and slowly it all starts to solidify in my mind and come together. Okay, maybe not together, together, but I now know that he’s suitably ruined half the football team I used to be subjected to being Brian’s girlfriend.
Those men were not nice boys in school and what’s more I don’t think they are nice guys now, give or take a few who could have grown up and become decent human beings. Not likely but possible.
“He’s worked a vendetta? Why?”
Liv shrugs and sits back with a sigh, her face a study of strain and fatigue. Yeah, she looks about as good as I do now that I’m not wallowing in self-pity and paying attention.
“Dunno Rem, but for whatever reason the guy went after a whole bunch of guys from your old school.”
Because he wanted me?
But-
“Oh shit! He saw the photos!” I suddenly yell, springing to my feet and dancing around in a circle.
The dancing is not from joy but horror and total embarrassment.
“Tell me.”
I start pacing and tell her that last little thing that used to kill me b
ut is now so trivial I don’t even think about.
“After that…well whoever did those things to me also took photos and they uploaded them Liv. Nudes of me all over the place. My father and mother went nuts and had them removed. Two of the sights even got shut down, but some of it is still out there.”
“Your parents actually cared?”
“No.” I laugh, liking that I can find humour in this. “They just didn’t want the family name besmirched or something. Do you think he saw…oh my God! If those are the guys who did the photos…”
“Then they were the ones who attacked you!” Liv yells, springing to her feet with a curse and a look of pure terror in her eyes. “Rem, I think you may have married the guy who did that to you.” She breathes in horror and I feel myself start to crack.
This all makes so much sense and yet…
Chapter 30
Think Remy!
After my teachers had come down so hard on me and forced me to wake up I’d spent a lot of time on extra-curricular activities that had been more…brainy I guess. Debate, the newspaper, even freaking chess.
And I’d met a lot of nice people who’d not only tutored me and helped me raise my grade point average, but had been really kind and true friend material.
Of course none of them had been as great as Alex and I realize now that part of the reason I’d fallen so far had been because he was gone-
No side tracking Remy. Stay focused.
Okay, so I’d changed. A lot. Gone was the interest in my looks and cheer squad. Gone was the need to be popular and well liked. I’d literally changed myself in the space of a few short months and started being a good, better version of me instead of the vapid airhead my mom was grooming me to be.
And then I’d realized that the new me and Brian just weren’t gelling all that well. I found him clingy and vacant. By that stage I had a firm crush on Alex. A huge girl crush that made me giddy in a way I’ve never been before.
And I got the idea that maybe with a little more work on me, Alex might feel the same. Brian was pissed of course and to say that mom had been displeased is an understatement.
CHASED (A Standalone Billionaire Romance Novel) Page 13
