3rd World Products, Inc., Book 5

by Ed Howdershelt

  The cow stopped some distance away and looked back at us rather suspiciously for a few moments, then shook her head hard and continued to move away.

  Marlin raised the wand and looked at it for a second, then pointed it at the cow and squinted. The wand was keyed to me, so nothing happened, of course.

  "They won't work for anyone but their owners," I said as I took the wand and zapped the cow, which again collapsed to the ground with a grunt.

  "Damn!" hissed Marlin. "No sound. No flash. No nothing. Just like that..?"

  "Yup. Just like that. Out cold and no harm done. It works on any living creature, as far as I know." Grinning at her, I asked, "You ready for one of your own yet?"

  Laughing shortly, Marlin said, "Oh, hell, yes!"

  Sticking the wand in my back pocket, I said, "You'll have to get with 3rd World, then. Want me to ring somebody up from the flitter?"

  With a glance at the flitter, Marlin said, "I have to clear all equipment purchases with the department."

  Leading the way back to the flitter, I said, "Then you'll know who to contact when it's cleared. This is just a call to find out who to call."

  I noticed that there were now only two cop cars in the lot as she asked, "You mean you don't know?"

  Shrugging, I said, "Nope. I was issued mine while the big ship was still here. I don't know who's in charge of sales."

  Marlin fell behind when I walked through the barrier field. After a moment, she cautiously followed and I handed her aboard as she spotted Steph and Sue, then Tiger, who had at some point moved to the console dashboard.

  "These are Stephanie, Sue, and Tiger," I said, indicating each in turn.

  Shaking hands with Steph and Sue, Marlin told us to call her Rhonda, but she gave Tiger only a glance before her attention turned to the flitter in general.

  I said, "Wait one. You aren't finished with introductions."

  Her left eyebrow went up slightly as she asked, "You mean your cat? I'm not really a cat person, I'm afraid. Allergies."

  Sue said, "Such allergies are usually incited by saliva or dander. Neither will be a problem aboard this flitter."

  Tiger knew the word 'allergy' from other such conversations. He sat as tall as possible, regally curled his tail around his forepaws, and proudly said, "I am not allergy. Hello."

  Looking first at Tiger, then at the rest of us, Marlin gave us a wry look and the comment, "Cute. Who's the ventriloquist?"

  Tiger knew that word from other first-meetings, too.

  "No," he said. "I talk. My collar talks. I am Tiger. Hello."

  Sue said, "His collar translates for him, Rhonda. That's why you're hearing feline vocals as well as words."

  With a slight sigh and a look that said that the joke had gone far enough, Marlin softly snorted, "Yeah. Right."

  "Marlin," I said firmly enough to get her attention. When she faced me, I said, "It's true. He talks through his collar. Believe it or don't, but don't hurt his feelings. Tiger's part of our little group and he deserves to be included."

  Hopping to a seat near her, Tiger stood up on the seat, put his forepaws on the back of the seat and said again, "Is true. I talk. My collar talks. I am Tiger. Hello."

  It took Rhonda another moment of staring at Tiger to reach a decision, but she finally said, "Uh... Hello, Tiger."

  "Thank you," he said. "You not touch?"

  "Ah... Like I said, I have allergies."

  "Not allergic to me. Not here."

  "He's right," said Sue. "No fur or dander escapes his field. You may touch him if you wish."

  Glancing at Sue, Rhonda asked, "His what?"

  "His field," I said, "Something else his collar does. Just pet him, Rhonda. You won't have any sniffles unless they're psychosomatic ones."

  Rhonda tentatively reached to pet Tiger. His happy little face made her laugh softly as he pushed himself into her hand. Once she'd made contact, it was as if she'd decided to throw caution to the wind; she took his face in both hands and ruffled his cheeks as he purred.

  "I haven't touched a cat like this since I was twelve," she said quietly, "That's when we finally figured out why I always looked like I had a cold. I was allergic to our Jennybelle." She sighed. "My aunt adopted Jennybelle, and after we cleaned the house really well a few times, my allergy problems went away, but I always missed my Jennybelle."

  Patting her shoulder, I said, "Take your time, then. Tiger's a glutton for attention and you've been saving it up."

  Turning to Sue, I asked, "Who would Rhonda contact at 3rd World about buying some stun wands?"

  "Patricia Gladstone. Would you like me to call her?"

  "Whenever Rhonda's through communing with our morale officer. Thanks."

  Rhonda laughed and said, "I think I could pet Tiger and talk at the same time. Go ahead and make the call."

  The console screen came on and a dark haired woman said, "Patricia Gladstone. How may I help you?" then she seemed to peer at me and asked, "Have we met?"

  Marlin startled and stepped back from the console, then squeaked and startled again when Sue disappeared from beside her.

  "What..?" she began, but I turned my attention to the console screen and said, "No, I don't think we've met, Ms. Gladstone. I'm Ed and this is Detective Marlin. She's seen my wand and now she's interested in having one of her own."

  Taking Marlin's arm, I stood her in front of the console -- and within range of Tiger's questing rubbings -- and said, "There you go. One 3rd World sales rep, as promised. I'll step out of the office now and let you two talk details."

  Leaving Marlin to her own devices, I grabbed my coffee mug, hopped off the flitter, and headed toward the restaurant as a cop with corporal's stripes on his sleeves came out and headed toward me.

  Sue stood beside the cow, petting it as she waved to me. Steph joined her and seemed to study the creature intently.

  The approaching cop stopped and asked, "Is Detective Marlin aboard that thing?"

  "Yes, she is. She's on the phone with someone at the moment, though. And that 'thing' is a flitter, by the way."

  "Uh, huh. Who are you?"

  "Name's Ed. I came with the flitter."

  "Did you have anything to do with what happened here?"

  "I've already talked with Marlin about that."

  Stiffening slightly, the cop said, "Well, now I'm asking you."

  "My boss told me to talk to Detective Marlin, Corporal, and she might prefer things stay that way for now. Better ask her."

  Just because I was feeling ornery, I added, "You might want to find out who those women are with that cow, though. They sure don't look like farmers to me."

  When he looked where I pointed, I whispered, "Three suit on," vanished, and quietly stepped well away from him.

  His gaze found and studied Steph and Sue for a moment, then he looked back to find me gone and quickly pivoted to look around the lot.

  After another few moments of searching, he headed toward the flitter. I didn't think he'd be good company in his present mood, so I keyed my comm implant.

  "Flitter," I said, "Shields up. Soundproof and opaque. The cop approaching is not to be allowed aboard. Rhonda can talk to him when she leaves you."

  The cop's gait changed when the flitter's barrier field changed from translucent to opaque. He eased forward and touched the field, then knocked on it. When nobody answered, he took out his handcuffs and used them to knock louder.

  He waited some moments before he realized that nobody was going to let him in. With a last handcuff-swat at the barrier, he put the cuffs away and walked around the flitter toward Steph and Sue. I keyed my implant.

  "Ladies," I said, "That cop is a little tense at the moment. You may have to sedate him a bit to help him be nice."

  Sue chucklingly replied, "You're actually suggesting we sedate him, aren't you?"

  "Well, only if necessary. Hey, he may fall in love when he gets a closer look at you and be no trouble at all."

  Steph laughed and asked, "You thi
nk so, do you?"

  "Why not? I did. Later, ladies. I'm going to get a coffee."

  Chapter Twenty-one

  One of the cops escorted a woman toward the restaurant's door as I approached. I stopped beside the building to turn off my three suit, then held the door for them and entered the restaurant once they were past me.

  The other cop stopped me before I got very far past the door, eyeing my fatigue shirt, jeans, and golf shoes as I looked around the restaurant. The two baddies were gone, likely in the cop car that had left.

  Before he could say anything, I showed my ID and said, "3rd World sent me. I was in the area for other reasons."

  The cop's eyebrow went up as he said, "You must have really hauled ass to get here so quick."

  Shrugging, I replied, "I wasn't that far away. Where are the two 3rd World personnel?"

  He pointed at a man and woman sitting at a table conveniently near the coffee pots. I thanked him and headed that direction, stopping at the coffee pots on the way.

  At their table, I sat down as I said, "Hi, guys. I'm Ed. How are you two doing now that the ruckus is over?"

  They were both in their twenties and apparently off duty, given the way they were dressed. She wore a sweatshirt and cutoffs and had her reddish-brown hair tied back in a ponytail. He wore jeans and a flannel shirt and had one of those military cuts that only leaves a tuft of hair on top of the head.

  I sipped coffee as both of them eyed my outfit for a moment and decided how they'd handle my uninvited arrival at their table.

  The man abruptly asked, "Ed who? You weren't here during the robbery."

  "Attempted robbery," I corrected him, pulling the stun wand out of my back pocket and placing it on the table, "And I was here, actually. Outside, rattling keys at the door."

  Both of them stared at the wand briefly, then the woman sighingly said, "Oh, thank you so much. We didn't know what the hell to think when the gunmen just fell down. Why didn't you come inside after you stunned them?"

  Shrugging, I replied, "I wasn't dressed for dinner."

  He laughed, she didn't. Oh, well.

  "Sir," she said, "I only called my office because I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't use my cell phone and..."

  Shrugging again, I said, "No sweat. It's not like you're in any kind of trouble."

  "There wasn't anything else to do anyway, Joan," said the guy, "They had guns." He extended a hand to me and said, "Hi, I'm Dick Wexler."

  The woman said, "Joan Humes," and also shook my hand, "Are you with 3rd World Security?"

  "Yeah, sort of. I work for Linda Baines, but I don't spend much time on base. I was just visiting when you called, so I dropped by and..."

  Joan hissed, "Oh, my God! Linda Baines! Ed! Now I know who you are!"

  Wexler peered at her questioningly.

  Glancing around the room, Joan sharply whispered, "Dick! This is the guy who went to Iran!"

  Dick's eyes locked on me. Oh, hell. Nip this in the bud.

  I said firmly, "Hold it down, people. We aren't going to talk about 3rd World business in a public restaurant."

  With an 'are you serious?' look, Joan said, "What happened isn't exactly a secret, sir. Haven't you seen the news?"

  "Did you see me on the news, lady? No, you didn't, and you won't risk making me a news item in here, either. I just came in to see how you two were doing and get a coffee refill while a cop makes a call from my flitter."

  Holding up my coffee mug, I added, "And now I have it, so I'll be on my way."

  Pushing her seat back and rising, Joan excitedly hissed, "You came here in a flitter?!"

  It hadn't occurred to me that someone who worked at 3rd World's Earth headquarters would get so excited by the idea of seeing a flitter. I stood up, too.

  "Wanna see it? If you're all through in here, it's outside."

  Wexler said, "I'll go see if there's anything else we need to do. We filled out a couple of forms already."

  "Nah," I said, "Just head for the door. They know where to find you and if there's anything left to do, they'll tell you."

  As we neared the door, one of the cops started to say something and I asked, "Is Detective Marlin still aboard the flitter?"

  He closed his mouth and glanced around before he shrugged slightly and said, "Must be. I haven't seen her since we got here."

  "Oh, well. We'll find her. Do you need her in here?"

  "Naw, it's all note-taking at this point."

  "Good 'nuff." I led the others past him and outside.

  As soon as Joan saw the flitter, she stopped cold. Her jaw dropped and her eyes got big, then she stumbled down the steps as if staring at some sort of miracle in progress.

  Wexler and I exchanged a 'what the hell?' glance, then followed her as her speed increased to a quick march.

  Joan reached the flitter's barrier field well ahead of us, running her hands over the smooth surface of the field and tapping on it with her fingernails.

  "This is just marvelous!" she happily enthused as we joined her, "I've never seen one like this!"

  "Glad you like it," I replied, "But that isn't the flitter."

  She turned to give me a puzzled look. "What?"

  "That isn't the flitter," I repeated. "Flitter, put your shields down, please."

  When the apparently-stainless steel barrier field winked out of existence, Joan was left staring at the actual flitter almost three feet farther away, where Rhonda was sitting with Tiger.

  Joan's gaze swept the flat deck, six seats and console, and the two women aboard, then settled on Tiger, who'd taken his usual place on the small dashboard.

  "A cat?" asked Joan.

  "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what he is," I said, stepping onto the deck and turning to lend her a hand. Joan took my hand and stepped up as Wexler hopped aboard.

  I turned and said to Sue and Rhonda, "Sue, Detective Marlin; meet Joan and Dick. They were in the restaurant."

  As everybody shook hands I asked Sue, "Where's Steph?"

  "Elsewhere," she said, with no further explanation.

  Nodding understandingly, I asked, "How'd Rhonda make out with Gladstone?"

  "Very well, I think. Gladstone spoke to Linda. You're to take Rhonda to Carrington base, where she'll be issued a stunner and some quick training."

  "Oh, wow," I said, turning to Rhonda, "You talked her into a freebie, huh?"

  Grinning, Rhonda said, "Not exactly. My department's been... slow... to accept them. I'm being issued a stunner for ninety days in an effort to open their minds a bit."

  "Sounds good. Ready to go?"

  "I can be ready in five. Be right back."

  Rhonda didn't wait to be offered my hand; she gave Tiger a quick pat, then hopped down and headed for the restaurant at a brisk march step.

  Apparently feeling bereft and neglected, Tiger looked at Joan meaningfully, but she was busy taking in the flitter. When he nosed her dangling hand, she squeaked, then apologized.

  "Oh, I'm sorry, kitty! I didn't mean to startle you."

  Tiger looked at me as if to ask where the hell I'd found this one, then he looked at Joan and said, "I not kitty. I Tiger. I not startled. You startled. I sorry startle you."

  Joan froze solid and stared at him. Wexler's eyebrows went up as he gave me a sharp look. Tiger sat down and waited for someone to say something.

  "Sue," I said, "Is that the best his translator can do? He sounds as if he just got off the boat from Cameroon."

  "I talk good," insisted Tiger. "Not Cam... where."

  "Yes, you do 'speak well', Tiger. But I think things could be just a little better. You sound like a foreigner who's still learning English, and your translator's supposed to know the language. I want you to sound as smart as you are, okay?"

  He seemed to give that some thought before he replied, "Yes. Sound smart good. Thank you, Ed."

  "You're welcome, friend Tiger." To Sue, I asked, "Well, milady? Is it fixable?"

  Nodding, she said, "I'll allocate some mor
e memory and work on it while we wait for Detective Marlin. It shouldn't be much of a problem."

  Taking her hand, I said, "Thank you, milady. Have I called you a gorgeous goddess today?"

  Rolling her eyes, she answered, "No, you haven't."

  "Well, then, you're a gorgeous goddess, ma'am. A captivating creature of magic. Right, Tiger?"

  He simply said, "Yes," then looked at Joan again.

  Manufacturing a sigh, Sue said, "Oh, thank you both so much. Need I remind you that you have guests?"

  "Nah. I'll get back to them sooner or later."

  Turning to face Wexler and Joan with a grin, I asked, "The talking cat kind of got to you, huh?"

  Wexler simply looked at me as if I was nuts. Joan started to say something, then froze again, this time with her mouth open. Wexler's expression matched hers.

  "Ah..." began Wexler, "Uh... Sue..? She, uh, disappeared."

  With a shrug, I said, "She does that sometimes."

  He raised a hand slightly in protest. "But..."

  Sipping coffee, I tried to look moderately inquisitive as I asked, "But what?"

  "But... People don't... people don't just disappear."

  "Sue does."

  Joan jarred his elbow with hers and muttered, "He's playing with us, Dick. They both are."

  "Wrong," I said. "I might be, but Sue isn't. She had a place to go and a thing to do." Gesturing at Tiger, I asked, "Are you going to pay some attention to Tiger?"

  "Yes, please," said Tiger, leaning as far forward over the edge of the seat toward Joan's hand as he could manage.

  Looking down at his teetering attempt to reach her hand, Joan bit back a chuckle and sat down with him.

  "Yes," she said to Tiger as she patted him, "I'm going to pay some attention to the kitty."

  Pausing as he stepped from his seat to her lap, Tiger said, "Not kitty. Tiger." He then finished traversing the gap and stood nose-to-nose with her as he said, "You smell good."

  Wexler gave me a glance. "He really talks?"

  Nodding, I answered, "He really talks."

  Shaking his head, Wexler muttered, "Well, damn."

  Rhonda appeared in the restaurant doorway and turned to say something to someone, then hurried toward the flitter.