He shut off the ignition, and rested his elbow on the edge window. “This is the backside of Jude’s farm. I’ve been out here a few times, and I love how peaceful it is. It’s great if you feel the need to release some pent-up energy.” He said those last words with a little sarcasm in his voice.
“It really is,” I agreed. “I didn’t know that Jude lived so far away from school though. We must’ve driven more than twenty miles.”
“He doesn’t. His family owns hundreds of acres, and their house sits on the other side, much closer to town.” He pointed across the field.
I rested my head against the seat, gazing off into the distance. There was beautiful countryside for as far as the eye could see. “It’s nice here. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so stress-free. This was the best idea ever. Thank you.”
“I’m glad to hear it, and you’re welcome.” His sweet eyes met mine, and I thought about the first day he came to live with us. I loved him so much, even from the very beginning. “In the moment, things sort of feel normal.”
“What do you mean by normal?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he waved me off. “I don’t know why I said normal. I guess I meant things didn’t feel so hectic. You know?”
For a second there, I hoped he meant normal. It was one word that always lingered in the back to my mind. It was frustrating, to wish for normalcy and to never even get close enough to fathom it.
“You can say that again,” I agreed, before looking back out the window. I closed my eyes and made a mental list of the people that made me the happiest in the whole world.
My Parents.
Fox.
Obi.
Josh.
The list was short, but the people were significant.
If only Fox could see it that way.
“What are you thinking about?” Obi asked. His voice caught me off guard.
“Fox actually,” I admitted. “I keep hoping that one of these days he will come around, but it may take losing him for that to happen.”
“Losing him?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m going to move on with my life one of these days. I’m going to graduate from college. I’m going to have a degree, and I’m going to move out of this town and away from it all.” My voice rose as I threw my hands out in front of me. “I’m afraid by that time, Fox and I won’t be close anymore. There is so much resentment building up inside of me, that I’m finding it hard to forgive him. His behavior is irrational, and he’s suffocating me more and more every day.”
He twisted in his seat so that he was facing my direction. “You’re choosing Josh over Fox?” He accused.
I rolled my eyes. “Really? In any of those words that I said, did you hear me say that I was choosing Josh over Fox?”
“Well that’s what it sounded like.”
“That’s not what I said. This has nothing at all to do with Josh. The two of you have had me trapped like a caged bird forever. Fox is worse than you, but it’s gotten so bad that I find it hard to breathe sometimes. I don’t have girlfriends, or guy friends for that matter. I don’t leave the house unsupervised. I can’t date without Fox beating the crap out of someone. I don’t know if I’m coming or going, and most days I cry myself to sleep. I just want a life, you know. And I feel like Fox would rather see me miserable, than give me one day of happiness.”
He reached across the seat and took my hand. “I don’t think that’s true. He loves you. We both love you.”
“I know you love me. I love you guys too, but this isn’t about love. This is about life. You can’t expect me to be happy while I’m locked up inside that house all the time. There is no escape. It’s terrible. I feel like the only thing missing are the handcuffs and the steel bars.” I explained. “I was on the edge of breaking when Josh came into my life, and you guys have him to thank for the reason I’m still here.”
“What are you saying?” Tears welled up in his eyes.
“I’m saying that I’d rather have angel wings, than be a caged bird that can’t fly.”
He pulled me across the console of the car, and wrapped me in his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He pleaded as he held tightly. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll try to make him understand. I promise.”
I couldn’t speak, because the words were strangled with tears. I just hugged him harder and hoped that it would work. I wanted them all in my life, and I wanted these feelings to go away.
17
Josh
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. I can think of a zillion other things I’d rather be doing,” I complained.
In the past year, he had talked me into some crazy things, and some even crazier parties. Just when I thought I’d seen the tip top of crazy, he somehow manages to blow that out of the water. I should’ve been surprised, but I’d reached my limit of surprises. This time was different though. There must’ve been three hundred people there and everybody was wearing togas. Seriously, I couldn’t make this shit up. I didn’t even know that toga parties were a real thing. I mean, I’d seen it in the movies, but never in real life. I walked out of my dorm room with another grown ass man, wearing a sheet that looked like a dress.
What the hell was I thinking?
I felt ridiculous. I clearly wasn’t drunk enough for the thin white sheet and rope that barely covered my junk.
“I swear you’ll have a good time.” He nudged me farther inside the house. “Now quit your bitching.”
I reached for my gum that was tucked into the side of my toga, held up by a thin piece of rope. When it slipped from my side and hit the ground, I cursed under my breath. No way in hell was I bending over in that dress.
My nostrils flared, and for the first time in my life I wanted to give Garrett an elbow to the jaw. He could’ve easily mentioned that this was going to be a toga party when he asked me to come. The asshole suckered me in.
Wow! Bad analogy. I just meant that he was a complete pain in my ass, and I was an idiot for agreeing to come.
I should’ve just gone with my gut and backed out. It crossed my mind a few hundred times, and I probably would have if Gwen hadn’t sent me an emoji with hearts for eyes. As soon as I sent her the picture of me in the ridiculous get-up, she replied with that damn heart eyed emoji.
I was a sucker and a sap.
“I need alcohol.” I told him. “I need it fast and hard.”
He snorted when he laughed. “That’s what she said.”
“Nope,” I shook my head. “Not today.” Uh-uh. There would be no jokes while I was wearing that awful outfit, and had sweat creeping down my ass cheeks. I rolled my eyes and kept walking.
“Now you’re talking,” he replied, with a hard grip to my shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”
With a heavy sigh, I adjusted the rope around my waist and did my best to squeeze through the crowd of people. It’s one thing to rub against someone fully clothed, but in that sheet, I felt like I was slapping my balls against random people.
You ever been trapped between too chubby guys wearing a thin shirt?
I wouldn’t recommend it.
It took me about ten minutes to maneuver myself through the living room and kitchen, but I finally made it. I could already feel the breeze blowing in from outside. It felt amazing. These old houses were hard to keep cool, and it didn’t help adding hundreds of people. The doors were propped open, but it didn’t help. The summer heat in Arkansas could be brutal, but that house felt like the fiery pits of Hell. For some stupid reason, we walked through the house to get to the back yard. We should’ve just walked around the damn house, so I could avoid all the skin contact and sweaty people.
Ugh. I shivered just thinking about it.
As soon as I stepped foot outside, I felt an instant relief. I think I even moaned. A couple of girls eyed me, from near the edge of the deck, and I shrugged.
Making my way down the steps to the yard, I heard a familiar voice in the distance. I craned my neck to make sure I wasn�
�t hearing things.
Son of a bitch, I thought to myself, before I crouched down behind the guy in front of me.
The last person in the world I wanted to see was less than fifty feet away.
You may as well have taken at me out at the knees right then and there. It would’ve felt better than another confrontation with Fox Taylor. Keeping my eyes on him, I moved around the side of the deck. Out of sight; out of mind. Right?
This night just kept getting better.
Once I was out of his line of sight, I sent Gwen a text to tell her that he was there. It was more for me than for her, in case he wanted to break my neck this time.
“Josh!” I heard Garrett yell from the deck.
Could this night get any better? I looked up at the night sky, and closed my eyes wishing for a freaking time machine. I needed to get away, desperately.
“Josh!” he yelled out again.
I threw a hand up in the air to get his attention.
A group of guys standing around a keg looked over in my direction. I recognized a few them from the dorm, and lifted my head to acknowledge them. I didn’t mind seeing those guys. It was Fox that I was trying to avoid, and I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. He was heading straight for me.
I wet my lips, and wiped my sweaty palms against the thin material covering my thighs. This wasn’t going to be good.
There was a look of hatred in his eyes. His chin was lifted high, and his fists were clenched. He was going to pick a fight with me. I could feel it.
He shoved into my left shoulder and nodded his head to the right, and kept on walking. It was obvious he wanted me to follow him, and I was a dumbass for doing it. Holding my finger up to Garrett, I stalled him. He didn’t need to be a part of this. In fact, I wanted no one to witness whatever he was about to do or say. This was between us.
“I’m going to leave,” I spoke first, holding both hands up. “If I knew you’d be here, I wouldn’t have come.”
He had this edgy, bitter laughter before he spoke. “Good idea,” he nodded. “I don’t ever want to see your face again.”
That was it. No punch to the gut, no cussing me out. It must’ve been my lucky day. “Fine by me,” I agreed. It was too soon after the alley mess to be seeing each other. I could barely stand to look at him.
He leaned in closer so that no one around us could hear. His voice was deep and demanding. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, and if you ever go near my sister again, I’ll make sure you never walk again.”
What a piece of shit.
There was no way I was never going to see Gwen again.
“Is this what you did to her stalker? Threaten him with words, that you’d never follow through with.”
“Fuck you!” He grabbed me by the shirt and rammed my back against the wooden post of the deck. There were loud gasps from the crowd of people that surrounded us.
“Is this what you want,” I whispered. “You want to draw a big crowd over here, so everyone can see you kicking my ass.” His lips parted, and I thought he was going to say something, but instead he loosened his grip on my shirt.
“You’ve got five seconds to get out of my sight,” he whispered back.
“I only need three.” I bumped his shoulder hard, the same way he’d done mine. Then I walked off towards the side of the house. I heard Garrett call out my name, but I didn’t bother turning around. All I wanted to do was get in my car and drive away.
After about thirty minutes of circling through town, I ended up in Lee’s driveway. I didn’t bother calling Gwen. She didn’t need to get all upset again. It wasn’t like we actually fought.
I was still angry though. What a crappy day. I wanted to talk to my best friend, maybe drink some whiskey, and hopefully have an Ice Age marathon.
When I called her to tell her I was coming over, she said she’d order a pizza. God, I loved her. She was the greatest best friend a guy could have. We’d been through so much together, middle school, high school, and now college. Guys used to give me a hard time about having a girl as a best friend. I never cared. We clicked from day one.
Before I could even knock on her door, she had it thrown open and a glass of amber liquid in her hand.
“What the hell happened to your face?”
Crap! I’d forgotten about the black eye. It looked better than it did before, but it was still noticeable. She was going to freak the hell out when I told her what happened.
“Can I have that drink before we get into details?” I asked, pointing to the glass in her hands. She passed it over and let me walk inside. “Where’s Letty?”
Letty was Lee’s roommate and best “girl” friend.
“She’s in the shower. Hope you don’t mind that she hangs out with us too.”
I pulled her into my chest for one of her famous hugs, and told her I didn’t mind at all. Just being there, with her, was enough for me. Sadly, we hadn’t spent much time together over the past few months. So much had been going on in our lives, and we’d been too busy for one of our all-night movie binges. Plus, I knew how Jude felt about it. We were all cool now, but there was a time when I thought he’d take Lee away from me. Our friendship was one of the few things in my life that held any meaning. Once I promised not to sleep in the same bed with her, Jude and I were good.
“Come sit down,” Lee said. She tugged on my arm, and led me over to the couch.
I plopped down on their oversize couch, and took a good look around. The place was awfully nice for two college students, but I knew that her Dad was fitting the bill. It seemed a lot nicer than the last time I was over though.
“Did you do something different around here?” I asked.
Her eyes lit up. “Yes,” she giggled. “I knew you’d notice. I’ve been really decorating, especially after Dad gave me free reign of the AMEX.”
“Nice,” I sipped my drink. “You really do have a talent for it.”
She nearly fell off the couch in excitement. “I’m so glad you think so, since I’m changing my major to interior design.”
“Wow. That’s great, Lee.” I meant it too. She had a good eye. “I’ll sell the houses, and you can decorate them.”
“I love that idea. We always did make a great team,” she confirmed. It was true. We made the best team. “Now tell me what’s going on, and explain the face?”
Letty joined us in the living room, and the two of them sat silent and still while I started from the beginning. I told them everything, making sure I didn’t leave a single detail untouched. I wanted a female view on the situation, and I was happy to have two. I felt relieved to get it off my chest, especially the part about the fight. It was like releasing pressure from an overfilled tire. My chest didn’t feel so tight anymore.
“He’s a gigantic fuck face,” Letty said out of the blue.
“Who?” Lee and I said in unison.
“Fox fuck face Taylor.” She growled.
We laughed, but I had to agree. “I don’t know what to do now.” I sighed as I leaned my head against the couch cushion. Ice Age was playing on the flat screen, but I couldn’t concentrate on it.
“I know what I would do, if I were you,” Lee smiled. She had a satisfying look on her face, as if she held the secret of all secrets.
“Well don’t hold out me. What do I do?”
“Text her right now, and ask her if she wants to get away,” she urged.
I gave her a questionable look. “Away?”
“Oh yeah,” Letty agreed.
Lee continued on, “Ask her if she’d like to go somewhere, just for a night or two. Go to her house, pick her up, and then the two of you go out of town for the weekend.”
“That would make Fox happy,” I said sarcastically.
“She’s eighteen years old. She doesn’t need his permission.”
“Good point,” I agreed.
“Tell her to ask her parents if she can go away with a friend or cousin or something, and then you take that girl away for a while. A
couple of days together would be great for you guys. You can finally talk, and get to know each other. You can even prove to that uptight brother of hers, that you are more than capable of keeping an eye on his sister.”
Why didn’t I think of that? “You, my best friend in the whole world, are brilliant.” I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“Of course, I’m brilliant. I can think of no one who would disagree,” she smiled wide.
“Can I get another one of these drinks?” I asked. My head was already spinning, but I needed more. Especially if I was going to skillfully map out a plan to take my girl away for a weekend. It had to be carefully thought out.
A couple of hours, and several drinks later, I was completely wasted. The girls were both asleep, and I was stumbling around the kitchen on the hunt for food.
There was nothing in the fridge, unless I wanted to cook. That wasn’t the brightest idea. I was in desperate need of a warning label, you know the ones that say do not operate heavy machinery. Mine would’ve also said “do not operate kitchen appliances” as well.
I closed my eyes and it felt like the ground was rising up from under me. The room was spinning, and I the sudden need to vomit slammed into me.
I’d never make it to the bathroom in time, so I rushed out to the backyard instead. It only took me about two steps outside before everything inside me came barreling out.
It wasn’t good. It felt like something was trying to claw its way from the inside out. I plopped down onto one of their patio chairs and tried to regain some of my lost focus. It was too hard though. The lights from the neighbors’ porch were glaring over the yard, and it looked like strobe lights thanks to my spinning head. Death would’ve been better to wish for than the nauseous feeling inside me.
Leaning my head to the side where it could rest against the cold iron table was the first bit of relief I felt. It was the one position where everything around me stood still.
As I lay there, my thoughts went to Gwen. I couldn’t wait to see her again. I had this desperate need for her.
Are you with me? Page 8
