“Well, you really have to watch a single bee very closely. Sometimes it’ll make a few small circles before it heads for the bee tree, but all bees will fly as straight as they can back to their tree. Shoot, boys, there ain’t nothin’ to it. Just get the direction from the first bee and then head that way. Keep doin’ that till they start goin’ the way you come, and then start lookin’ for a hole in a tree where bees are comin’ in and out.”
“Heck, Uncle Hugh that sounds easy,” I said. Shoot, I could just see dollar bills flying in and out of them bee trees.
“Now, boys, if you find the bee tree, remember that hollow tree is just full of bees waitin’ to sting you if you messes with them. Be sure you’re covered from head to toe, if you try to get any honey.”
“Oh, we’ll be real careful,” I said.
Well, we talked with Uncle Hugh for a while longer and the more we talked the more I could see that robbing a bee tree was a great way to pay off Doc and maybe have a little spending money in our pockets. We said our goodbyes and headed toward home. ’Course, me and John Clayton thought finding a bee tree was such a good idea, we ran all the way home, and when we got there we started planning how we were gonna find a bee tree, get a bunch of money, and pay off Doc. We couldn’t wait to follow a bee home. Heck, that sounded like so much fun and so easy.
“Hey, guess what?” I said. “If we find a bee tree we’ll, just fill some of those jars Momma has for cannin’ and, shoot, we can sell that honey for at least fifty cents a jar. We’re gonna make some easy money!”
“Yeah, Richard, and according to Uncle Hugh, a bee tree might have enough honey for forty or fifty jars of honey. Heck, them bees has been making honey all summer, and I’ll bet the bee trees are slam full of honey.”
Gosh, no kidding, it seemed like our luck had changed, and finally something good was going to happen to us. It was the first time we’d smiled since the upside-down funny book mess.
The next day as soon as school was out, John Clayton trotted up to my front gate. I was sitting in the living room working on our bee hats, ’cause I’d figured out a way to keep the bees from stinging us on our heads.
“Hey, I’m in the house. Come on in!”
“Look at these bee masks. This is just what we need to keep from gettin’ stung.”
“Paper sacks?”
“Yeah, but I fixed ’em up with air holes and put a little cellophane in front of our eyes to see through.”
“Well, they look a little flimsy to me.”
“Shoot, John Clayton, I guarantee these sacks are gonna work perfectly. Come on let’s get started and find a danged bee tree.”
“Okay, let’s check out your Momma’s flowers and find some bees.
We walked around the house to Momma’s flower bed, where bees were buzzing everywhere. We both watched and watched, and sure enough we could see bees leaving the flowers, making a few short circles, and then flying away.
“They’re headin’ for Flat Creek Swamp,” said John Clayton.
“Okay, let’s go. There’re going toward that big pine tree on the edge of the field.”
We walked to the tree, and in a few minutes we found more bees getting pollen from some wild flowers. We watched again, and sure enough we could see the bees flying off deeper into the swamp. After walking another few minutes, I yelled at John Clayton. “Look, that last bee is flyin’ away from the swamp. We must be close to the tree.”
We looked up every tree in the area, trying to find the bee tree, and then, just as we were about to give up, “Yes,” I yelled, “look, up in that big beech tree! See that hole about thirty feet up? That’s it! That’s the bee tree! My gosh, John Clayton, we’ve found the absolutely biggest bee tree in this whole danged swamp. Look at the size of that tree and look at that big hole where the bees are coming in and out.”
“All right, Richard! Look at the bees! Man, there’s thousands of bees goin’ in and outta that hole.”
Gosh, talk about being excited. I was just yelling, “Yeah, just think of how much honey is in that tree. This tree has dollar bills for leaves. We’re gonna be rich!”
Shoot, no kidding, I figured a tree that big with millions of bees might have a washtub full of honey in it. Heck, I thought we might make a hundred dollars outta that bee tree.
We ran all the way back to my house, where we tried on the bee masks. “Here, John Clayton, put this mask on and see if you can see okay.”
“Dang, Richard, I can see but it’s really hard to breathe.”
“Here, let me add a few more holes.” I punched a few more in the paper sack just for good measure, and then we put on shoes and socks, tied a string around the bottom of our pants leg to keep the bees from flying up, and stuffed our hands into some worn-out gloves we’d borrowed from Momma. We put tape around the base of the gloves, and then, just to be sure those danged bees wouldn’t sting through our pants, we put on a second pair. Heck, we’d been stung a few times last summer and them stings hurt like heck. We weren’t gonna take no chances with as many bees as were in that tree. We practiced putting on all our stuff several times in my backyard, and just as we finished dressing, Momma came out.
“Oh, Richard, John Clayton!”
Momma thought the bee clothes were the funniest things she’d ever seen, and she laughed out loud just looking at us. That really made me mad because I knew we were gonna bring home a whole dishpan of honey, and she’d really be glad that we’d robbed the bee tree.
“Momma, you won’t be laughing when you see all the honey we’re gonna get. Let me have your biggest dishpan.”
“You boys be careful. Those bee masks don’t look like they’ll keep the bees out,” she said, handing us a wash pan.
“Heck, Momma, I fixed these masks myself, and I can guarantee you there’s no way a bee can get inside. We’re ready to go get some honey. Come on, John Clayton― let’s go.” We grabbed Momma’s wash pan, and hightailed it off to the bee tree.
It didn’t take us long until we were standing at the foot of the tree putting on all of our stuff. It was kinda hard to climb that big beech tree holding a wash pan, but, after a struggle, we climbed about thirty feet to a big limb, and we were ready to start robbing that bee tree.
I took a look in the big hole where bees were coming out like crazy.
“Yeah! Whooooo! Look at all the honeycombs!”
John Clayton held the pan while I reached in and pulled out the first big honeycomb.
“Can you believe this? Look at all the honey!” I yelled. “Money, money, money, this is just like picking dollar bills right off a tree.” I pulled out two more honeycombs before we climbed down.
“Heck, it’s getting’ late. Let’s get outta this danged swamp before it gets dark, and come back tomorrow with a big wash tub,” I said.
“Yeah, you’re right. I can’t believe how easy this is. Heck, tomorrow we have so much honey we’ll barely be able to carry it home.”
We walked up in my back yard with me yelling for Momma.
“Momma, Momma, come out here and look!”
Momma opened the screen door and looked out as I held up the dishpan with the three big honeycombs.
“I told you we were gonna get a lot of honey!”
Momma smiled and walked back in the house. The next morning she made biscuits, and we put honey and homemade butter on them.
“Daddy, you wouldn’t believe it. All we had to do was reach in the hole and pull out these huge honeycombs.”
“This is great honey, Richard, but be careful. When you start takin’ honey from a bee tree, those bees can get real excited and sting everything in sight.”
“Oh, Daddy, me and John Clayton have fixed the best bee stuff to protect us, and we didn’t have one bee sting us yesterday. We’re gonna make so much money you won’t believe it.”
Well, we were really excited now just thinking about all that money we were gonna make selling that honey. Heck, after all the bad stuff that had happened to us, I figured it was time to have a l
ittle good luck.
As soon as school was out we grabbed our bee stuff and head for the swamp. It was a hard climb up to the hole holding a dishpan, but after a struggle, we made it. John Clayton handed the dishpan to me for me to hold while he reached in the hole to pull out the honeycombs.
“Whoa, look at this big one,” he said. He handed me the honeycomb, and I dropped it in the dishpan. Boy, when John Clayton pulled out that big honeycomb, the bees just swarmed outta that tree―thousands and thousands. Heck, there was so many on my mask I could hardly see out. You know, it did make you feel kinda funny sitting up there on a limb thirty feet in the air with millions of bees swarming around, and you knew, if they could, they’d sting the fool outta you. John Clayton was just reaching in the bee tree for another honeycomb when I thought I saw something inside my mask. What the heck is that? I thought. Then I felt something crawling on my check, and before I could do anything, I felt a sting.
“Ouch! Dang, a bee stung me!” I yelled. Shoot, I was looking around in that mask trying to see the bee when it lit right on the end of my nose. Heck, I couldn’t even blink before that dang bee sent that stinger into the end of my nose.
“Ahaaaaa! There’s a bee in my mask! He’s stung me twice!”
“Naw, a bee can’t sting but once,” said John Clayton, who had just pulled out another honeycomb and was about to hand it to me.
“You mean … there’s more than one?”
Well, there was just a moment before things really got outta hand where I kinda hoped them two bees were real skinny, and they was the only ones that could get through the holes, but it wasn’t two seconds until I knew for danged sure them weren’t just skinny bees.
“Dang! Double dang! Another bee’s inside my mask! Oh, my god! Another one and another! Where are they comin’ from?” I yelled.
“I’ve got one―no two, ahaa, three, in my mask!” yelled John Clayton.
“Oh! Dang bees. They’re stingin’ me!” I screamed.
Well, things started going bad real quick, real quick. I dropped the pan. John Clayton chunked the last honeycomb back in the tree, and screamed, “I see another one and another one! They’re coming in the holes! You got them stupid holes too big! Ahaaa! There’re stinging me on my face! I can’t stand it!”
Well, they say sometimes you do things when you panic that don’t make a lick of sense, and when we started slapping those bee masks to kill the bees that were inside, that was right up there with one of the dumbest things we’d ever done in our whole entire lives. John Clayton’s mask just tore all to heck, and while he was swatting, more bees slipped through the holes in my mask, and soon we’d ripped off our masks. Now, instead of having one or two bees flying around in the mask stinging us, our bare heads were stuck up in a swarm of thousands and thousands of bees.
“Eyeeeeeeee! Oh! Dang! Dang! Get down! Get down! Hurry! Hurry! There’re stingin’ me all over my head!” screamed John Clayton.
“Oh! Ohooo! Oh! Oh! Oh! Let me outta this tree!” I screamed. We started down that tree like two wild Indians, but we weren’t near as fast as them bees. Shoot, they was even flying in my mouth and crawling in my ears. Let me tell you something right now; it hurts a bunch when a danged bee stings you on the cheek, but that don’t hold a candle to what it feels like when one of them stings you inside your ear. And when a bee stings your tongue, it’s even worse. Wow, when that bee zapped me inside my ear, I let out a scream like nothing you’ve ever heard in your whole entire life, but, while I had my mouth open screaming, two danged bees flew in my mouth and zap—right on my tongue.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaa! Eyeeeeeeee!” I spit them sorry bees out and tried to duck my head as I climbed down outta that stinking tree. Heck, in a few seconds we couldn’t stand it any longer, and when we were about ten feet above the ground, we bailed outta that tree and hit the ground running. We rolled on the ground, but the dang bees were still all around us.
“Run! Run! They’re still after us! Eyeeeeeeee!” We ran crashing and screaming through the underbrush, and then after getting away from the really mad bees, we looked at each other.
“Oh! Oh! Look at my face! whined John Clayton.
Shoot, if I hadn’t been hurting like crazy I’d have laughed, because he had red stings all over his head and one eye was almost swollen shut. It was about that time I realized I could even see the end of my nose because it was so swollen.
“Well, Richard, you stupid idiot, this was one of your dumber ideas! Those stupid masks nearly got us killed! Keeping out thousands of bees with a paper sack with big holes punched in it! I can’t believe I let you talk me into doing anything so dumb!”
“Don’t give me that baloney! You wanted to rob that bee tree just as much as I did! In fact, if you hadn’t asked me to cut bigger holes, we wouldn’t have had all these stings!”
“Blame me! Blame me! If I wasn’t hurtin’ so bad from all these stings, I’d pound you right into this swamp! Look how many stings I have on my head! Go ahead and count ’em!”
I counted forty-two stings on John Clayton’s head, and he counted thirty-eight on mine. We’d been stung on the nose, around our eyes, and in our ears, and both of us had been stung several times on our lips and tongue. We were a sight to behold.
When we got back to my house, Momma was working in her flower beds. When she saw us, her mouth dropped.
“Richard! John Clayton! What in the world happened?”
“Well, Momma,” ’course, with two bee stings on my tongue I could just mumble because my tongue was so swollen, “we had a little trouble with the bee masks, and the bees started gettin’ in, and then we hit the bees and messed up the masks, and then a whole bunch more bees got in, and we got stung a whole bunch of times.”
“Richard, quit mumblin’ I can’t understand you.”
“Momma, them bees stung my tongue, and I can’t talk.”
“Oh my gosh, you have bee stingers all over your head, your ears, and on your tongue! There’s nothing to do but pull each one out.”
We sat down on the steps, and Momma got some tweezers to pull out the stingers. I learned that when a bee stings, he leaves his stinger in you, and that stinger has barbs just like a fishhook.
“Richard, hold still; this may hurt a little bit.”
Momma pulled out the first stinger in my ear with one quick jerk.
“Ahaaaa!” It felt just like I’d been struck by a bolt of lightening. “You said it would only hurt a little bit! I’m not letting you pull out any more.” I jumped up and ran out into the yard.
“Jack, come here I need you! We’re in the backyard!”
Daddy walked out the back door, took one look at me and John Clayton, and tried to hold back a laugh.
“What happened, boys? Looks like the bees won this battle.”
“Jack, it’s not funny. I’ve got to pull out all the stingers, or they’ll get infected. I want you to hold Richard for me while I pull them out.”
I started to run, but Daddy caught me as I tried to open the gate to the orchard.
“No! No! No! Please! Don’t! It hurts too much!” Listen, and I’m not kidding, the barbs on them bee stingers make pulling them out hurt like crazy.
Daddy grabbed me in a bear hug and sat down on the steps while Momma took the tweezers and pulled the other thirty-seven stingers outta my face. Shoot, by the time Momma was through with my face, I was too weak to cry. I just sat there and moaned. Then Momma said, “Richard, stick out your tongue.”
I guess I was so numb that I wasn’t thinking because I stuck out my tongue and Momma yanked out the first one of the bee stingers. Listen, pulling stingers outta my ear hurt, but nothing like when Momma yanked out the one from my tongue. Heck, Daddy is real strong, but I jerked and yelled so loud he nearly turned loose of me.
“Only one more, Richard; open your mouth.”
Gosh, I finally did, and pulling that last stinger nearly killed me, but I was through.
“John Clayton, come here,” said Momma. I lo
oked around and out the front gate shot John Clayton, running down the road as fast as he could. Shoot, after watching his best friend suffer, he didn’t want no part of Momma’s doctoring.
“Jack, go in the house, call Joe, and tell him John Clayton has bee stingers all over his head, and they have to be pulled out. Be sure to tell him to look in his ears and mouth.”
I smiled for the first time that afternoon because I knew I was finished and John Clayton was gonna have his momma waiting for him with a pair of tweezers when he walked in the house.
Momma got an ice pack, and I held it to my face to make the swelling go down. She shook her head as she looked at me.
“Richard, you’ve got to stay out of trouble. Some people have died from bee stings.”
Well, gosh, the upside-down funny book and now the danged bee stings all over my head, ears, and even in my mouth. Shoot, going to school the next day was just the worst thing you can ever imagine. Heck, kids were pointing at us like we had the plague, and then when we talked, it sounded like we had a bunch of marbles in our mouths. It was terrible.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Uncle Hugh
Well, after a couple of days the bee stings went down and we looked about normal, and I remember thinking nothing be make me feel any worse than I felt right then, but I was wrong; really bad wrong.
I remember that Friday just like it was yesterday. Uncle Hugh hadn’t been feeling good, and we’d just started bringing him his groceries again. That day, we had Uncle Hugh’s grocery list, and we’d fooled round all afternoon after school in Flat Creek swamp checking out them bootleggers again and hadn’t gone by the grocery store to get his groceries.
“Dang, John Clayton, do you know what time it is? We gotta hurry or we’re not gonna have time to take Uncle Hugh his groceries before dark.”
“Yeah, let’s go. We can still make it if we hurry.”
We trudged slowly back outta the swamp and down the highway to Norphlet and then to Echols Grocery where we filled Uncle Hugh’s grocery list.
“You boys better hurry on over to Hugh’s,” said Mrs. Echols. “It’ll be dark before long.”
Lyin' Like a Dog, The Yankee Doctor, The Danged Swamp! 3-Volume set Page 15
