by M. Malone
"I hope so."
When we get to his floor, we turn left and then stop in front of his door. I raise my hand to knock and then hesitate. Daphne sighs and then raps on the door with her fist.
I glare at her. "I needed a moment."
"You need to hurry up. Happily ever after waits for no one."
After a minute, we all look at each other before Daphne bangs on the door again. I put my ear on the door listening. Nothing.
I pull out my key ring. Using it is a risk because there's a chance that he's here and just ignoring the door. If I open it, he could be pissed. Or he could be naked with someone else. Any number of humiliating and painful scenarios run through my mind.
But at least then I'd know for sure.
I slide my key in and turn the lock. I push the door open and stick my head around the doorjamb.
"Oh no."
I push the door open all the way and then walk into the apartment. The now completely empty apartment.
Daphne puts her hand over her mouth. "Oh, Rissa. I'm so sorry."
* * * * *
I've been sitting on the floor in the middle of Finn's empty apartment for the last ten minutes. Daphne and Tara are waiting downstairs in the car. I told them I just needed a minute to process. I need more like a lifetime to process this.
"Rissa? What are you doing here?"
I look up. Tank is standing in the doorway holding a roll of duct tape and an empty cardboard box. I hastily wipe away my tears. It's humiliating enough that Finn has just moved on without even saying goodbye to me but I definitely don't want him to find out that I was sitting in the middle of his apartment crying like some kind of stalker chick.
"Nothing. I just came to see Finn but I guess he doesn't want to see me." I look around and laugh weakly.
Tank drops the box on the counter. "I know for a fact that he wants to see you. But he can't."
I watch as he assembles the box and then rolls duct tape over the seams. He's obviously been busy in here to have cleaned out this place so fast.
"Well, tell him I got the deed he sent me. And that I wish him well, wherever he ends up."
Tank looks over at me. "He's going to end up right back here. Would you hand me that roll of bubble wrap over there."
Puzzled by his strange nonchalance, I back up until I see the bubble wrap in the corner of the room. It's right below where the television used to be. There's a faded spot on the wall where the paint is a slightly lighter color.
"What do you mean he's going to end up right back here? Didn't he move out?"
"Nope. He's just getting the place painted. He asked me to move all his stuff out so the painters can come in this week."
Relief buckles my knees and I sit back down on the floor. "What? You mean he's not gone? Is he staying somewhere else? Can you take me to him?"
Suddenly Tank looks uncomfortable. "Um, he is staying somewhere else but I can't take you to him."
It feels like we're talking in circles. Tank was always straight with me so I don't understand why he's being deliberately difficult right now.
"If he doesn't want to see me, just tell me. I don't think I can take any more games." I look around at the mostly empty room. There are so many memories here. But all the good ones are tarnished by that final awful argument. He was trying to apologize even then but I wasn't ready to hear it then. And now that I am, he's gone.
"You're really not going to tell me where he is?"
He puts down the tape. "He's in rehab. And I really don't think he wants you to see him like that. I'm sorry that I'm being so cagey about this but he's my little brother. I just want him to get better."
"I want him to get better, too. There's nothing I want more than that. I would never get in the way of his recovery. I just want to help him."
Things are quiet for a moment and when I look up, Tank is standing next to me. He lowers himself onto the floor next to me. "Damn, I'm too big to be getting down on the floor. I hope you know I wouldn't do this for just anybody."
His cranky commentary brings a brief smile to my face. I know he's trying to make me feel better.
"You know I've always liked you, Rissa. But this situation … it's just not a good place for my brother. Finn is going to kick my ass when he finds out I said this to you but I think that having you in his life right now might be doing him more harm than good."
"But I love him."
"I know. He loves you, too. The two of you have always been like fireworks. You spark off each other and you create all this heat. But while fireworks are exciting, they can also be dangerous. And I think he needs a chance to recover before he tackles all the issues you guys have."
Despite the fact that what he's saying mirrors what I've been thinking too, it still hurts to hear. Love is supposed to be enough. No one wants to think of their love as being a force that might hold someone else back.
"So you're saying I have to let him go." I swallow over the lump in my throat. Everything inside me wants to reject what he's saying but I know that he's right.
"Yeah. You have to let him go. Just for a little while."
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
FINN
I pull on a pair of comfortable jeans, and then pull out a striped collared shirt. Being in my own place with my own stuff feels weird after being away for the past few weeks. My eyes land on the row of tailored suits in the back of my closet. I had them all made when I got the first part of my inheritance. Flush with more money than sense, I'd wanted to dress a certain way. Like looking the part would make me feel like I deserved the money.
That's always been my way when I'm trying to impress someone. Put on the flash. But today I just want my favorite pair of jeans. I want to look like myself.
Today I'm going to see my girl.
Jonah is waiting for me downstairs. I called him as soon as Tank brought me back from the rehab center. He's been on vacation for the past month visiting his mother in Arizona. He has a deep tan and looks more relaxed than I've ever seen him. When he sees me, he actually smiles.
"It's good to have you back, sir."
"It's great to be back."
He opens the door and I slip into the backseat. Taking my truck out for a spin was my first choice but then I realized I might want my hands free on the ride home.
After I give Jonah the address of our destination, I sit back and think about what I'm going to say.
When I first checked myself into the rehab center, I thought the only way I could handle leaving was to cut off all communication with the outside world completely. But at the last minute, I sent Rissa an email expressing my sincere apologies for my deception. It was important for me to tell her that I was truly sorry for what I'd done. No excuses. No bullshit.
I wasn't even sure if she'd accept my apology but then she'd answered back to tell me she appreciated my gift of the building. I'm not even sure how it happened but over the past six weeks we've exchanged dozens of emails and talked about everything in a way that we had difficulty doing face-to-face.
I told her about my group therapy sessions. She told me about the changes she's made at work to make sure they all have more leisure time. When I was shaking and shivering craving the pills so badly that I wanted to scream, I would read her emails over and over and it gave me something to focus on.
Jonah stops the car at the curb in front of Gloria Blake's house. I know Rissa is still staying here because I had Jonah check before I got back. I could have just asked her but I didn't want to tip my hand. I want to surprise her. According to Jonah, she always leaves for her second shift about this time. She doesn’t know this but Tara will be covering for her tonight.
After about ten minutes, Rissa steps outside. She’s carrying a bunch of stuff just like usual and when I see her my heart clenches. She locks the door behind her and then looks up to the sky. Her eyes are closed.
I get out of the car and walk up the driveway. She opens her eyes and gapes at me. “Finn?”
“What a
re you doing out here? It’s a little early for stargazing, isn’t it?”
Her soft smile is so warm that I can feel it from where I stand. “Just making a wish."
"What did you wish for?"
"It already happened." Then she steps down and leans against my chest.
I pull her into my arms and bury my face in her hair.
"Tank told me that he saw you. He said that he told you where I was but he asked you to stay away." I'd been pretty angry with him that day but that didn't last long. I know that my brother is only trying to look out for me. I would have done the same thing if our positions were reversed for sure.
"He did. I was hurt at first but after I thought about it, I understood. Getting clean had to be about you. Not about us." She lifts her head and wraps both arms around my waist. "I'm so glad you're back. I missed you."
"I missed you, too. You have no idea."
"Are you okay?"
"No."
"Are you in pain?" she whispers.
"Every day."
She looks down at my leg. I made the choice to walk unassisted today. One of the most important parts of detoxing was focusing on the physical symptoms that my addiction was masking. I've been working with a physical therapist. That's something that I should have been doing all along but it was just easier to take the pills and forget the pain.
I can't pretend that it's been easy. Several times over the last six weeks, I've wondered why I ever thought that I could survive unmedicated. But now that I've seen how much I've been missing out on, how much life has been passing me by, I know I'll never go back. My leg still hurts but I've been embracing the pain. It keeps me grounded. It makes me focus. It reminds me that I'm alive.
And it reminds me how lucky I am to be here.
Rissa clenches her hands into fists as if she's trying not to reach out and grab me again. "You should be using your cane."
"I wasn't talking about my leg."
Her eyes meet mine. "I didn't think you were coming back. I really thought that maybe this was just some kind of sign that we're not good for each other and that we're better off apart."
"After everything, all the surgeries and the pain, I struggled for months to come to terms with what I lost. But what I really lost wasn't physical. It was you. And nothing I've done since has ever healed the wound. You are the phantom pain that I cannot escape."
"And you are the piece of my heart that I lost and then found again. What a pair we make." A tear escapes and rolls down her cheek. She swipes it away. "We're a little screwed up, huh?"
I laugh. "A little but that's okay. We make each other better. Because I know for sure you're what got me through the past six weeks. Reading your messages got me through each day."
"Me too. The first thing I did each morning was check my phone for another message from you."
I grab her hand and lead her back toward the car. "Come for a ride with me?"
"Well, I was supposed to be going on a job but somehow Tara and I got our schedules confused, so she’s covering it tonight. I was just going in to the office to catch up on some paperwork. But I’m more than happy to play hooky with you. Where are we going?"
"Back to my place. I want to show you all the changes I made."
Jonah opens the door for us and Rissa slides in first. Once I get in, she plasters herself against my side. I look down at her in amusement. She's feeling as giddy as I am.
When we arrive at my building, we walk through the lobby arm in arm. Rissa grins up at me. "I can't wait to see what you've done. I've missed being here with you.”
I know it's hard for her to say it. Insecurity is one of the things we talked about. But after today she'll know that she has nothing to be insecure about. After today she'll know without a shadow of a doubt exactly where she belongs.
I open the door with my key and then let her walk in first. She enters and looks around curiously. Then she stops and looks over her shoulder at me.
"Okay, what's going on?"
I gaze back at her innocently. "What do you mean?"
She gestures around her. "You said you made changes. But it's still completely empty."
I walk over to the kitchen counter. The only furniture I kept was the barstools that sit at this counter. I pick up the wrapped box sitting in one of the seats.
"I did buy something for this place. Something that changes everything." I hand her the box.
She covers her mouth with her hand. “Oh Finn. What did you do?”
"Open the box," I whisper. "Right now."
"Bossy," she mouths. Then she pulls the little bow off and pulls off the top. Inside is a plain black jewelers box. When she looks over at me, I'm watching her closely.
"I really hope you don't want me to get down on one knee for this part. Because I might not be able to get back up."
"Finn?" She's half crying, half laughing now. After another exasperated look my way she finally opens the box and then gasps. "Wow."
"Yeah, I might have gone a little overboard but I want everyone who sees you to know the truth."
"What's that?" she asks, her eyes sparkling.
"That you are loved. That you are mine."
She throws herself into my arms and kisses me. All that physical therapy was definitely worth it, I think as I carry her back to the bedroom. I set her down gently on the bed and then climb up next to her, tucking her under my arm.
"You never explained why this place is still so empty." She looks at me quizzically.
"When I was deciding what I wanted to change, I realized that there was only one thing I needed to turn this place into a home. And that's you.”
She pulls me down for a soft kiss. “You're going to make me cry. That's exactly how I feel. I missed being here so much. But it's not about where we are. I just want to be with you.”
“Being with you is all I want, too. As long as you're here, I'm happy. So you can choose to decorate this place however you want."
Her eyes flash right before she breaks out into a huge grin. "I'm going to love decorating this place for you. Think bright colors and tantric sex chairs. This is going to be fun!"
I laugh and it feels so good. I'm healthy, I've got a great family and I've got the love of my life in my arms. I finally feel like I'm exactly where I need to be.
"Welcome home, angel."
THE END
You just finished reading the second book in the BLUE-COLLAR BILLIONAIRES series. Stay tuned for an excerpt of TANK’s book after this.
Tank Marshall has an anger problem. He exercises iron control to keep it in check. But his mother was just diagnosed with cancer and the deadbeat dad he hasn’t seen in years is back demanding airtime with a billion dollar trust fund as an incentive. The only person that brings him peace is Emma Shaw. But the only woman he trusts is the last woman he should.
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TANK
is available now!
Years ago, Tank Marshall swore off fighting. He exercises iron control to keep his anger in check. But his mother was just diagnosed with cancer and the deadbeat dad he hasn’t seen in years is back demanding airtime. Worst of all, a billion dollar inheritance hangs in the balance if he doesn’t do what his father wants.
There’s only one person that keeps him anchored in the midst of the chaos. One person untouched by violence and money and lies. Emma Shaw. But the one thing that Tank hasn’t learned yet is that when billions are at stake, there’s no such thing as innocent.
Money. Changes. Everything.
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EXCERPT of TANK
© MAY 2014 M. Malone
TANK
Darkness hasn’t always been my friend. There was a time wh
en I would have been at home asleep in my bed in the middle of the night. Instead I’m prowling the streets, restless and edgy, looking for an outlet for the anger roiling inside.
I glance to my left and right. I’m standing in an alcove that’s slightly hidden off the street. It’s easier this way. People tend to get nervous if I just hang out. No one stares outright. But there's always a tell. A glance. A step to the side when we pass so our bodies don't touch. Everyone has a “look” about them and mine apparently says trained killer.
A group of people spill out of the bar across the street, music and the sound of their voices carrying to where I stand in the shadows. This part of Virginia Beach is a mecca for local college kids looking to blow off steam on the weekends so I rarely have to go looking for trouble.
Trouble usually finds me.
I see the girl first. She has taken her shoes off and is walking barefoot on the concrete. She’s beautiful and dressed to score in a short black minidress that shows off long, tanned legs. It doesn’t take long for one of the guys in front of the bar to break off from his friends and follow her. I push away from the wall and follow them at a discreet distance. He hooks an arm around her neck. She looks up at him in confusion but grins blearily. He smiles back, with an expression like he just hit the lottery. My blood pressure spikes a notch.
Oh yes. Trouble you miserable bastard, you always find me.
I step out into the road to cross to their side of the street, pulling the hood of my jacket up and over my face.
A horn blares and a taxi screeches to a halt a few inches from me. The driver’s side door opens and the cabbie steps out. “What the hell! Look where you’re going!”
I glance at him and then back to the couple. Oblivious, they turn down a side street and out of sight. If I wait any longer, I’ll lose them. I haven’t slept in forty-eight hours and if I don’t make sure the girl is all right, then I won’t be able to sleep again tonight. Knowing, seeing, is the only thing that gives me some peace. I run across the street, leaving the cab driver gesturing and cursing behind me. By the time I turn the corner, the street is dark. Empty. Then I hear it.
