Sinful Purity (Sinful Series)

by K. A. Standen

  “I don’t know. All I know is this is unusual,” I asserted.

  “Liz, you tell me all the time how prestigious St. Matthew’s is. Wouldn’t that make Father Brennigan kinda prestigious too?” Zack asked, pointing out the obvious.

  “You’re right, Zack,” I admitted. “Maybe it’s not out of the ordinary for a bishop to have dinner with the priest of St. Matthew’s.” Maybe I’d jumped to conclusions. I shook off the unease that had coiled in the pit of my stomach.

  Zack took me home. The next morning he had an early track practice so he couldn’t stay all night. After he left, all I could think about was how much I would miss him when he was gone for break. How I hoped that Lucy and Caleb wouldn’t be leaving also. I didn’t know how I would handle being alone again. After living an isolated, lonely existence for years, I didn’t think I could go back to that, not even for a couple of weeks.

  On Wednesday evening right before Mass began, Mother Superior stood up at the front of the church and made an announcement.

  “May I have your attention, please. Mass will begin momentarily. First I have the privilege of sharing a bit of good news with all of you. Bishop McCallahan will be here at St. Matthew’s on Sunday to officiate a special Mass in Father Brennigan’s honor. Bishop McCallahan is bestowing Father Brennigan with his new title of monsignor. After Sunday I ask that you all address him as Monsignor Brennigan. This is a great honor and is well deserved. Thank you.”

  Sister Christine stepped down from the pulpit. That explains the other night. I wanted to be happy for Father Brennigan however after being refused confession from him yet again my charitable side was less than cooperative. I still wished that I would be able to see the ceremony. But I knew all too well that Sundays were for the elite. Maybe Caleb would tell me what it was like. That was the best I could hope for.

  Back at school Zack and Lucy were finalizing their travel plans for next week. This would be the last weekend I would get to spend with Zack before he left. On top of that, Lucy was flying home to Texas to spend the holidays with her family. I hated being left behind, but at least I had Caleb. Caleb’s family lived right here in Chicago. Generations of Prices lived in Chicago. He promised to check in on me from time to time between all his well-to-do family gatherings. Frequent checkups were the best I could hope for. I accepted that, appreciated it even.

  Zack and I spent every minute together that week, trying to stockpile our “us time” before our forced separation. Then, once Zack left for the holidays, I immediately broke into my contraband stash of books. That was all I was left with—my books and the cute silver heart bracelet Zack had given me as an early Christmas gift. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since he’d left and I already knew my winter break would consist of only two things: solitude and missing him.

  The next day was Sunday. This was to be the day of Bishop McCallahan’s special Mass for the soon-to-be Monsignor Brennigan. When I arrived at MIQ a little before eight in the morning, the street was already heavily congested with reporters and news vans. St. Matthew’s had even set up a valet service for its regular Sunday elites. The whole to-do looked more like a Hollywood red carpet event than Sunday morning Mass.

  “Good morning, Mary Elizabeth,” Sister Christine said, interrupting my commotion-watching.

  “Good morning, Mother.”

  “I see you are right on time as always.” This was Sister’s way of extending a compliment, a rare occurrence.

  “Yes, Mother.” I smiled and bowed my head in respect and appreciation.

  “Well, it is a good thing. If you were tardy I doubt you would have been able to make it in here at all, what with the press looming the way they are.” Mother looked displeased by the media circus that had gathered.

  “Yes,” I agreed.

  “As if they have nothing better to do.” Mother walked off in a huff.

  I thought Sister Christine’s behavior was odd. She usually loved when St. Matthew’s or the orphanage received any good press. What could be better than Father Brennigan’s promotion to monsignor? This event was sure to make all the papers, making the esteemed St. Matthew’s even more prestigious. Maybe all the years of fame and attention were getting to Sister Christine, but I doubted it. Or possibly it was just exhaustion. She did look worse and worse every time I saw her. The once-dark circles under her eyes had become so deep and pressed in that they appeared more like shiners. It was like her own personal nocturnal battle had gotten the best of her, leaving the large purple-and-black bruises as proof. Even her eternally slender frame looked gaunt and sickly under the stress. It was no secret that I had never liked Sister Christine much, but I still felt sorry for her. Her life must have been so much worse than mine ever was, and now it showed all over her like combat wounds.

  Today of all days, St. Matthew’s was a true who’s who. All the past and present senators, congressmen, award-winning scientists and writers, along with the numerous millionaires and billionaires of the congregation, packed the pews and aisles. As if on cue, the Prices, Caleb’s family, arrived for the exalted proceedings. I knew I could count on Caleb. I had no doubt that today would be one of his familial obligations. I only had a couple of hours to wait before he’d tell me all about it. I could wait that long.

  After Mass had begun and the ushers shut St. Matthew’s doors, most of the news crews went back to their vans to wait. Some left altogether, having already gotten everything they needed for their stories. With the commotion dying down, I let the children out to play in the courtyard. I took my familiar seat at the little table in the corner to watch the children’s revelry. As always, my mind began to wander. But not to Zack, like I had anticipated. Instead my memories went farther back to my childhood at MIQ. I remembered my dinners with Father Brennigan, back when the rectory dining hall was my only escape. Back when I would watch the candlelight dance and would drop silverware just so I could sample the variety of utensils. How simple life was back then. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. How I missed Father Brennigan. He had always been so kind to me. Back then he was my one and only advocate. After a lifetime of loyalty to me, all I did in return was disappoint him. The thought of it made me sick. Deep down I knew what I had been doing with Zack was wrong. Father Brennigan was just trying to remind me of that. My impetuous nature had cost me his respect and acknowledgement. I thought of how much I wanted to apologize and ask for his forgiveness. But I felt like it was too late.

  When Mass let out, Caleb said goodbye to his family and walked over to the great iron gates of MIQ.

  “Elizabeth!” Caleb yelled, hanging on the gates just as he had the first time he visited me.

  “Caleb, I’m coming. Get down from there!” I demanded. I opened the gates and let the brightly colored Price in. He immediately headed for my little table as if he were a well-trained pet.

  “So, Liz. I’m sure you want to hear all the gory details.” Caleb smirked.

  “I thought I did, Caleb. But now I just want to know, was it nice?” I asked serenely, still lost in my thoughts. My mood had become mellow, pensive.

  “Yeah, Liz. It was really nice. You okay?” Caleb sounded concerned. His brow furrowed.

  “I’ve just been thinking. That’s all.”

  “You miss Zack, don’t you?” Caleb asked as he put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a little squeeze.

  “I do. But that’s not it. I was just thinking about when I was younger, how nice Father Brennigan was to me.”

  “Monsignor,” Caleb corrected.

  “Right, Monsignor Brennigan. Anyway, he was always so wonderful, and now he won’t even look at me.” I put my head down in shame. I didn’t feel like I could look anyone in the eye right now, not even Caleb.

  “Oh, Liz. Don’t think like that. Monsignor Brennigan is a nice guy. But what he’s done to you, the way he’s treated you, that’s not right. I don’t care who you are.”

  “I sinned, Caleb. He has the right to punish me.”

  “Liz, we all sin.
You sin a lot less than most of us. Your relationship with Zack is normal. It’s not dirty or sinful. Even if it’s a sin according to our religion, priests are supposed to forgive. That’s kinda their number-one job, to lead by example and forgive.”

  “I know, Caleb, but…”

  “No, Liz. I don’t think you understand. He is wrong, not you.” Caleb’s words were firm but kind. I knew he meant them. Not just to make me feel better, but really meant them. He believed every word he said.

  “Okay, Caleb. Thanks.” I gave him a weak but genuinely grateful smile.

  “If you really want him to talk to you, my family is hosting a celebratory lunch in his honor. You could come. It’s at my house. He’d have to acknowledge you there; otherwise it’d just be rude. Plus, it’s my house, so there are no Sunday-Wednesday rules there. I’m inviting you.”

  “Thanks, Caleb, but I want him to talk to me, to forgive me. I don’t want to ambush him. And what about your family? What would they say if you brought someone like me home?”

  “Liz, that’s exactly the point—you’re not someone like you. You’re Liz, college student—smart, kind, wonderful Liz, nothing else. And don’t forget, my grandfather came from the same orphanage. If they looked down on you, they would be looking down on him. And no one looks down on Matthew Price.” Caleb’s motivational speech turned into laughter at the thought of someone disrespecting his stodgy old grandfather.

  “Thanks, Caleb, really. But I just don’t think it’s a good idea. I would feel out of place. And I don’t even have anything to wear.”

  “Liz, my family’s not like that. Hell, look what I’m wearing. And I’m not changing, either.” He lifted the lapels of his trench coat to show off his favorite ragged band t-shirt, complete with frayed neck. “I’m not taking no for an answer, Liz. Here comes Sister now. I think I’ll go ask her if it’s okay. And if you don’t go, you’ll have to walk all the way back to the dorms. Then I’m sure you’ll just sit there all day, lonely and bored all by yourself. Come on, isn’t this better?” Caleb was very convincing.

  “You’re right, Caleb. I’ll go.”

  After talking to Sister Christine, Caleb and I walked to his car. “Oh, it’s the black beast again,” I joked.

  “What! Don’t tell me you’re raggin’ on the Judge?” Caleb rubbed his hand along the front fender up and over the molding of the windshield until he reached the roof, where he gave his baby a little pat. It was obvious that he loved this car.

  We chatted the whole way to his house, mostly about Lucy and Zack. I think Caleb missed Lucy almost as much as I missed Zack. I guess being so wrapped up in my newfound passion and love for Zack, I hadn’t even noticed how serious Caleb and Lucy had gotten. I thought it was wonderful. They were both my best friends and deserved to be with someone nice who made them happy. It looked like they had found just the person.

  “Isn’t it great that the four of us have coupled up?” Caleb asked enthusiastically. “It’s really perfect, don’t you think?”

  I smiled wide. “Yeah, I really do.”

  “I knew you’d hit it off with Zack if you gave it a chance.”

  “You were right, Caleb. You are always right. I will never doubt you again. I promise.” I smiled and crossed my heart.

  “I’ll believe that when I see it. Doubting is kinda your thing.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it, Liz. I just mean you’re a skeptical person. That’s it, you’re a skeptic.” Caleb nodded, pleased by his summation.

  “You really think so?” I pondered the thought and the truth behind it.

  “Yeah, I do. It’s not a bad thing, Liz. I think it’s like your safety mechanism or something. You don’t get swept away easily, or you choose your actions very carefully. Either way.”

  “Oh,” I said carefully, taking in the meaning of his words.

  “That is, except when it comes to Zack. With him you just leap and never look back.” He chuckled.

  “Yeah, I guess I did leap without looking.” My voice suddenly became sullen and withdrawn.

  “You’re thinking about Brennigan again, aren’t you?”

  “Caleb, can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course, shoot.”

  “It’s sort of personal. Actually, it’s really personal.”

  “Liz, I’m not a shy guy. You can ask me anything. I don’t care. You wanna know if you’re doing it right, huh?” Caleb said with a laugh and a devilish grin.

  “No!” I gave him a glare to conceal the blush creeping up my cheeks.

  “I’m just kidding. Anyway, Zack says you have no problems in that department.”

  “Oh, he does, does he?” My voice cracked with both irritation and embarrassment.

  “Hey, it’s a compliment. Thought you might like to know,” he retorted, still smirking.

  “Seriously, Caleb, I want to ask you about you and Lucy.”

  “Me and Luce? Whatcha want to know?” Caleb sounded confused but still open to the questioning.

  “Have you two…I mean have you with Lucy…?” I prayed I wasn’t going to have to spell it out.

  “You mean have we had sex?” Caleb asked, confirming my paranoia.

  “Yes, that’s what I meant.” I sounded more than a little embarrassed.

  “Liz, you know you’re in college, right? You can say the word now, no one will care.” Caleb sounded like he was giving me “the talk.”

  “Yes, I know. I’m just not very comfortable talking about it. That’s all. Please don’t make this hard for me, okay?” I pleaded, still wanting the answer.

  “Fine. Yes, Liz. Lucy and I have been together. Why?”

  “Do you feel guilty?”

  “Hell, no. I feel great about it.” Caleb accentuated the word great a little too much.

  “Really, you don’t feel guilty about sinning?”

  “Liz, it’s not the eighteen hundreds. Chastity, for most people anyway, disappears when you’re a teenager. That’s life.” Caleb was so nonchalant.

  “But what about our religion? Our beliefs? How does Lucy feel?” My mind raced.

  “Liz, times change. You can still be a good Catholic and make some concessions. As for Lucy, it wasn’t like I was her first. I think she’s fine with it.”

  “You guys weren’t…I mean, it wasn’t your first time?” I was amazed.

  “No, Liz. I think you just need time to get used to the idea. Your upbringing was more backward and stricter than most people’s nowadays. Maybe it was like you were growing up in the eighteen hundreds. Hell, I don’t know.” Caleb fought to understand my point of view.

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I just need time and experience. I mean, sometimes when I’m with Zack I don’t feel guilty at all. My heart says it’s right. But then I see how Monsignor Brennigan treats me like I have the plague and then I feel horrid.”

  “Liz, that’s his problem, not yours. You are an adult now. What you’re doing is normal. So relax, okay? Anyway, I have to know. You don’t think that Zack was…”

  “A virgin?” I interrupted.

  “Yeah. I mean you’re smart enough to know, right?”

  “Yes, Caleb. I never in a million years thought Zack hadn’t been with other girls. I’m sure he’s been with plenty! And I’ve already accepted it.”

  “Well, good. But if it is any consolation, I don’t think Zack’s been with as many as you think. I’ve known him for a while. And he could’ve had almost the whole school. But he’s pickier than you might think. Selective. That’s one of the reasons I thought you guys would be good together.”

  “Really? He selected me?” I was so happy at that moment I could have hugged Caleb.

  “What can I say? You’re his girl.” Caleb had a huge smile on his face, which was only a little smaller than the one I could tell I had on mine.

  “Thanks, Caleb. Thanks for everything. I really owe you one.”

  “Well, you can start paying up, because we’re here.�
� He laughed as he drove in the gates to his house.

  The Prices’ house wasn’t a house at all. It was a full-blown estate, complete with a swimming pool, tennis courts, and a six-hole golf course, all right smack in the middle of Chicago. The real estate alone had to have cost more than the GDPs of several third-world countries. The grounds were breathtaking, second only to the house. The house itself could have been a stand-in for the White House. It was just as large and regal, and it too was white, go figure. When we walked into the foyer, I saw the largest chandelier I had ever seen in my life. It was at least the size of a Volkswagen Beetle. Caleb caught me looking up at it.

  “It’s a little ostentatious, isn’t it?”

  “That’s not it. I don’t like chandeliers,” I confessed.

  “What? Why?”

  “Don’t laugh. But I’m afraid of them.”

  “I’m sorry. Did you just say that you’re frightened of a lighting fixture?” Caleb was laughing so hard he could barely keep his balance.

  “Yes, I am. I always think that they’re going to fall on me.”

  “Well, then you’re going to hate the rest of the house. My mother loves chandeliers. She puts them everywhere.”

  “Everywhere?” I started, laughing at the thought.

  “Liz, I’m not kidding. We have chandeliers in the bathrooms!”

  “Oh my God, Caleb. Stop. I can’t breathe.” I was laughing so hard. Honestly, I was glad to be laughing. It took my mind off all the serious conversations and thoughts that had tormented me all day.

  Monsignor Brennigan’s reception was out on the main patio. Even the idea of having a main patio was wild to me. It only meant that there had to be other smaller patios to compare. The Price home was unbelievable, just like the parties they threw. If only the reporters could have been invited here. They would have had enough stories for a year. It was like a conference room at a political summit and an entire lawn full of Nobel Prize laureates all gathered in one place, the main patio. The day was beautiful and unusually warm. The Prices seemed to be prepared for anything with large tents and patio heaters for the guests’ comfort. Uniformed servers traversed the area offering guests refreshments. The whole affair was lavish beyond my imagination.