Flashback

by Gary Braver

  “Then why was I told to consult you first when I asked to see them?”

  “Just another firewall of patient confidentiality. Next question.”

  Yeah. How did you get to be such an arrogant creep?

  “Dr. Carr, I am licensed to have access to patient records—all patients’ records—not just some of them.”

  “Then it’s an oversight to be corrected. Is that it?”

  The feigned civility of Carr’s manner was annoying. Illegitimi non carborundum. Dad’s counsel. “No. The census sheets list forty-two patients, and a head count turned up forty-six.”

  “Beg pardon?”

  “There are four more residents in the AD unit than are registered. Four names I’ve not seen before, yet who have beds. And, frankly, Dr. Carr, I’d like an explanation because I’ve got to give one to my boss.”

  Carr looked a bit nonplussed. “You’re very clever, Ms. Ballard. And may I call you René?”

  “Dr. Carr, I’m responsible for the accuracy of all patients’ medical records on that ward as I am at all the homes I visit—”

  Carr flapped his hand as if her words were gnats. “Yes, yes, of course.” Then he scanned the crowd, looking like a Serengeti gazelle testing the air for cheetahs. And while he did she noticed his outfit—tan hand-stitched boots that probably cost more than her Honda and a blue blazer with a breast-pocket shield of a black rearing stallion in a field of gold. Some designer’s logo she didn’t recognize.

  “Ms. Ballard, I’m wondering if we might discuss this some other time.”

  “Dr. Carr, I’ve been getting stonewalled on this since yesterday and possibly since I’ve been on the job. And given that this has become a police matter, I think I have a right to know what’s going on with residents in my homes.”

  “Nobody is questioning your right to know. It’s just not the proper place.” He smiled widely and waved at someone in the crowd. “And now I’m being paged. Do you have a business card?”

  She was being dismissed. She dug into her bag and pulled one out.

  He produced a gold pen. “No, your home number and address, if you don’t mind.”

  She looked up at him for an explanation.

  “Chateau Dominique at eight tomorrow. Are you free?”

  Christ, he’s making a damn date with me. “I guess,” she could hear the thinness of her voice. “But this is not a social matter.”

  “No, but a much better venue.”

  Go with it, she told herself, and wrote down her number and address.

  “Is seven-thirty good?” But before she could file that away, Carr took her elbow. “Here’s someone I’d like you to meet,” he said, and took her to Gavin Moy.

  Moy smiled and shook her hand. It was soft and warm, like a fine glove left in the sun. He had a weathered, tanned face that looked as if it had spent time on a yacht or a golf course. What was striking about his appearance was his brilliant green eyes, which made her wonder if he wore colored contacts. His head was a perfectly tanned dome with a mixture of white and auburn on the sides. “A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Blanchard.”

  “Ballard.”

  He nodded and scanned her up and down. “Nice pin,” he said looking at her lapel cat pin fashioned in black and white.

  “It’s supposed to be my cat,” she said, feeling foolish.

  Moy nodded and began searching the crowd. She could have announced that she had eaten the cat for breakfast and he could not have cared less. So why Dr. Carr’s insistence on their meeting?

  “Nice to meet you,” he said, and pulled away with Carr.

  Apparently Nick had taken in the scene, because he sauntered over with a fresh glass of champagne and took her arm. “Having a good time?”

  “A blast.” She swallowed half her glass of wine. “Why do I feel like I’m stuck in a conspiracy movie and I’m the only one who doesn’t get it?”

  “Maybe you are. What time is your date?”

  “How do you know I have a date?”

  “Because I know Jordan Carr. I also knew his ex-wife.”

  “If first impressions mean anything, I’m on her side.”

  Nick smiled broadly. “Well, maybe you should give him a chance. He’s a brilliant physician and someone who’s going places.”

  “So, what should I know?”

  “That you’re in for a lovely meal and some good wine.”

  “Want to chaperone? Please?”

  He laughed. “I’m sure you’ll be just fine.”

  “What about the fifty questions I want answered?”

  “I’m sure you’ll be satisfied.” He looked around for the waiter for a refill.

  “And I think it’s time for Pellegrino.” And she plucked the fluted glass out of Nick’s hand and headed over to the bar feeling like Alice at the Mad Hatter’s jubilee.

  When she returned Nick had removed from his jacket a magazine ad for a camera. “Not exactly a new Harley,” he said, and unfolded a photo of a large-format Mamiya camera. In what spare time he had, Nick liked to take nature photos and talked about taking time off to do a photo safari in the Canadian Rockies or the Grand Canyon someday. His office walls were covered with shots from Switzerland and Hawaii. “But it’s how I plan to enjoy the overrated golden years. And speaking of pictures, I’d like you to drop in at my office at the hospital. Got some interesting images you might like to see.”

  “And, of course, you’re not going to tell me until then.”

  “The next time you’re in Boston.” He checked his watch. “Thalia’s expecting me.” His wife of thirty-five years was suffering from Parkinson’s disease.

  “Okay.”

  “If he touches you I’ll kill him,” he whispered.

  “You won’t have to.”

  They double-cheek kissed and he headed for the parking lot. She watched him go, thinking how happy she was to have him in her life. Thinking that if he were a dog he’d be a graying black Lab—solid, strong, smart, loyal, and affectionate.

  Across the crowd she spotted Jordan Carr holding forth to several admirers clustered around him. And you, a Doberman, she thought—sleek, angular, and a little dangerous.

  11

  “HIS EYES ARE MOVING.”

  “That’s good, he’s dreaming. See those spikes? There’s activity.”

  “Jack! It’s me, Beth. Wake up. Please.” Gently, she tapped his hip, one of the few places where he had not been stung.

  “I think we’re ready to take him now,” the nurse said. “We’ll be back in an hour.”

  They were preparing to take him to the Magnetic Resonance Center to record images of his brain for signs of strokes or other structural abnormalities. Also to check blood flow in the occipital and neotemporal lobes to be certain there were no occlusions. That was the nurse’s explanation to Beth.

  And Jack could hear them.

  They were on the other side of the door. Beth and the others … The door near the big window.

  Don’t look out. Don’t look out.

  Bad stuff …

  “But he’s so agitated, he’s having a nightmare,” Beth pleaded. “Can’t you do something? Jack, wake up.”

  That awful creature with the pointy head …

  “They’ll give him some anesthesia so the images won’t blur. But his brain’s still active, and that’s what they want to capture.”

  If this was a dream, he didn’t like it. Not dreaming. No way. This was too real. As real as those feet. Those horrible twitching feet. And the big brown mouse.

  (That’s one smart mouse.)

  Nice mouse. Big mouse.

  They lifted Jack onto the gurney and wheeled him down the hall to the elevator and up to the MRC.

  And the noise. Don’t tell me that’s a goddam dream … explosions rattling the dishes in the hutch … and that sound …

  That sickening terrible sound …

  And don’t telling me to stop screaming …

  “Jack, I’m right here. It’s going to be all right. T
hey’re just going to take some pictures.”

  He could hear her through the door … Beth …

  “You won’t feel a thing.”

  His body was a cross-patch of slashes from scalp to foot and covered with antibiotic ointment. But as if by the snap of a magician’s finger all that was gone … and his body was clean, whole, pain-free.

  He grabbed the mouse and climbed out of the cage. The floor was cold and wet. Beth, it’s me.

  “Almost there.”

  I’m coming.

  He padded toward the door by the big black window …

  Don’t look out.

  He could feel the night watching him, pulling him to climb up and take a peek. To see the bad stuff out there.

  Don’t do it … The door. Go to the door. It’s Beth.

  He made his way to the door feeling all the eyes scrape him as he passed, feeling the jelly stuff making his feet sticky.

  He was scared. So scared that he was panting … making queer noises. So scared that he pissed himself.

  Bad sounds. Bad sounds.

  “Stop that screaming. Stop that screaming.”

  The door. The brown paneled door with the little windows. He put his hand on the knob. It was cool and slick and he tried to turn it to let Beth inside, but it was frozen. God, please help me.

  “Jack, we’re just going to give you a little something to keep you still, okay?”

  Beth! Open the door. Please let me out of here before it come back in. Please. “You won’t feel a thing … just some noises …”

  Beth, somebody, let me out, let me out. Please.

  Pounding. He pounded for it to open, pounded so hard he thought he heard his hand bones crack.

  Please, somebody.

  God, make the door open.

  His feet. He looked down at his feet and they were covered with sticky stuff that left prints when he walked, and it was seeping under the door …

  And the room instantly flooded as thick glutinous fluid rose up around him, engulfing his body, blotting the light and pushing him backward, black dark thick water rushing him along … and the jellies—hundreds of pulsing blobs streaming by his face out of the gloom. He braced for the sting of the tendrils, yet he felt nothing. Maybe they were friendly. Or maybe he really was dreaming.

  “You are my sunshine …”

  He tried to swim, but nothing worked. His feet and arms were dead—as if his blood had turned to concrete. His brain screamed commands to his body, but nothing moved. Nothing. Couldn’t even lift his head.

  And the voices beyond the door.

  He was paralyzed.

  “We’re all done, Jack. We’re taking you back now.”

  The goddam fucking jellies had paralyzed him.

  “Jack, you did good, real good.” Nurse Maffeo.

  Movement. He felt himself being lifted and rolled away. He wiggled his fingers. Then his toes and feet. God, thank you. He could feel his body come back. He didn’t know how, but he was going to keep them purring before more vapor lock.

  “He’s agitated.”

  “The anesthetic’s wearing off.”

  “Jack, it’s me. Wake up. Please.”

  He grabbed the knob again and felt it turn a little.

  “Push, Jack. Push.”

  I’m trying, but it won’t budge. Whatever they did it locked the goddamn door … and everything’s turning black. Oh, shit!

  “See the lines? Let me turn up the gain. He’s stable again. Just a bad dream. Happens with trauma cases.”

  And the voices faded like muffled music.

  12

  AT SEVEN-THIRTY SHARP ON TUESDAY EVENING, Dr. Jordan Carr pulled up in a long, shiny red sports car. René met him at the door. She had on a black sundress and heels—her only dressy outfit, the rest being pants suits, long skirts, and button-down blouses, which were fine for nursing homes and the declared moratorium on her social life. And he stood there in a suede camel-colored sportcoat with the same logo as yesterday’s blazer.

  He walked her to the car that in the house lights glowed like a piece of jewelry. “Yikes, what is it?”

  “Ferrari Testarossa.” He said that with the aplomb of announcing that the stars were visible.

  The vehicle had been polished to a wet ruby sheen. “Very pretty,” she said, taking in the long sinuous lines and sculpted vanes.

  “Thank you.”

  As he let her in, Silky meowed down to them from an upstairs window. “Good night, Silky.”

  Carr got in, looking up at the cat. “Funny, but you seem more the dog types.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I guess I’m thinking of how pets reflect their owners. Maybe it’s silly, but how dogs are more aggressive than cats.”

  “And?” She drew out the syllable to see where he was taking this.

  “And, well, you impressed me as being aggressive and tenacious.”

  “Tenacious, as in a pit bull who gets her jaws on something and won’t let go?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Would it make you feel better to know that Silky is actually a panther cub?” He looked at her to see if she was making mock of him. She smiled and changed the subject. “I’ve never been in a Ferrari.”

  “Welcome aboard.” He turned the key, and the car growled to life.

  The interior light lit up a medallion on the gearshift—a rearing black stallion on a field of gold. “That’s the logo on the blazer you wore yesterday.”

  “Yes,” he said as he pulled away. “I used to have a few other models until a divorce lawyer entered the picture.”

  For a moment she imagined that he had a whole wardrobe of Ferrari outfits—blazers, polo shirts, Windbreakers, hats—probably even had rearing stallion undies. “Sorry to hear that,” she said, but found it hard to feel sympathy for a guy who was down to his last Ferrari. “I collect Honda Civics.”

  Carr turned his face toward her. “Is that supposed to be funny?”

  “I guess not.” The guy seemed devoid of humor. Or maybe he wasn’t used to teasing from underlings. Whatever—she decided that this was not going to be a long and tedious night.

  They came to a stoplight and Dr. Carr turned full-face toward her. “I think if we’re going to have a pleasant evening, it might be a good idea to clear the air.”

  “Fine,” she said, feeling as if a valve had opened up. “Then maybe you can tell me what exactly is going on in Broadview Nursing Home, since that is what this is all about.”

  Carr stared at her, no doubt offended that an inferior in the medical Great Chain of Being had spoken to him with such bluntness. “You are a feisty one, I’ll say.”

  “And I think you’re playing coy with me, Dr. Carr.”

  “Do you always say what’s on your mind?”

  “I guess I do.”

  He nodded. “Okay, fair enough, but over the wine. And it’s Jordan.”

  Silence filled the car as they headed toward the restaurant, while René kept wondering what this was all about, why Chateau Dominique and escort service by this high-powered neurologist who collected Ferraris.

  To break the tension, Jordan looked over at her. “So, how did you end up in a profession like yours? I mean, really, you’re an attractive, bright young woman, yet you chose to work with geriatrics and dementia patients.”

  The question was as familiar as the answer was boring. “I like the elderly. And I guess it’s because I’ve always had an interest in caring for those who get overlooked or scorned by society. Before pharmacy school, I worked at a homeless shelter and then at a substance-abuse clinic. That put me in touch with what it feels like to be a social outcast.”

  “And now it’s geriatric nursing home residents.”

  “Yes. There are plenty of people in the medical professions who care for babies and the middle-class Americans with health insurance.”

  “Thus you’ve chosen the underserved.”

  “That or I’m suffering some kind of psychopathology. I’m
also comfortable with the elderly. I grew up in a small Maine farm town that was impoverished and that didn’t have a lot of young people. All around me were older folks—grandparents, great-aunts and great-uncles, and neighbors who were surrogate grandparents to me. The only doctors I remember were those who cared for older people. In fact, I grew up thinking that all doctors were gerontologists. Besides, somebody has to take care of them, right?”

  “That’s hardly psychopathology.”

  She was silent for a moment. “Well, there’s a personal motive, I suppose. My father died of Alzheimer’s.”

  “‘You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a case of do or die …’”

  “I see. So you’re trying to help others cope with the dragon.”

  “Something like that.”

  In the lights of the other cars she could sense him turn something over in his head that was making him grin slightly. “Was it bad—your father’s demise?”

  “‘No matter what the future brings …’ Dad, you’re punking out.”

  “Ever treat a good case of Alzheimer’s?”

  “I meant, in the severity of the disease.”

  “It was fast toward the end, and worse on us than him.”

  Punking out.

  “How old was he when he was diagnosed?”

  “Seventy-two.”

  “Not very old.”

  “Only seventy-two, Dad. You’re not getting senile. You’re not! You’re not.”

  “He died seven years later.”

  “Listen to me, honey, no matter what happens to me, keep strong for your mother, okay?

  “And don’t let the laughter go away. You’ll be my big hero, okay?”

  She could still hear the gentle, consoling voice.

  “We all have to go someday, and I had a wonderful life. I still do.”

  “Well, I hope I didn’t upset you, but it’s what we’re trying to do something about.”

  “I’m fine,” she said. “What about your becoming a doc?”

  “Well, my father was a physician in Singapore. So I guess it’s in the blood. Also, it’s not a bad life.”

  Ferrari Testarossa. No, not bad. “Singapore? Is that where you’re from?”