No Perfect Affair

by Charmaine Galloway

  “Now, look here, don’t you get snappy with me. I ain’t the one who hurt you,” she hissed.

  “I’m sorry, Mama.”

  “Apparently two years wasn’t enough ’cause you still running into the same problems.”

  “Mama, I’m thirty-five years old. I only have one child, and I want to get married before I die. I want to know what happiness feels like. I want someone to love me unconditionally. I want to go on romantic trips and long vacations with my man.” I let out a deep sigh.

  “I know you do, but you got to wait on the Lord to send you that right mate. It seems like the devil keeps blocking your blessings. You need to stop meeting these guys at the club. You need to let him court you before you give up the goods. Get to know him before you let him all the way in. Mel, I really think the problem is within. You need to stop looking and spend time with yourself. You so worried about getting married before a certain age. You have a lot of responsibilities when you become someone’s wife. You need to make sure that you are ready to be married,” she preached.

  “I am,” I said piping in. I knew once my mom started talking, it would be hard for me to get a word in.

  “How you know you ready to be married, and you haven’t even been in a long lasting relationship? What’s the longest relationship you been in with a man?”

  I acted like it was taking me a minute to think, but I already knew the answer. “Umm . . . six months.”

  “See there? You couldn’t of known much about a person in six months. You might know how he like his eggs cooked and his favorite position during sex.”

  “Mom,” I shrieked.

  “Girl, I wasn’t born yesterday. But seriously, you need to learn to love yourself before you start to even want to love a man. They know your weakness, and they know when you are vulnerable. Men know how to get what they want. And once they get it, they go on to the next one and stop treating you with respect. But if they see that you are not going to put up with their mess, then that’s when they start acting right. I know you, Mel. You’re my daughter. You can be very soft spoken at times, and you can also be a little naive. You need to work on yourself before you can find happiness in a man. Now, I’m not telling you this to hurt your feelings. I’m telling you this because I love you, and you deserve the best. You need to stop settling for less. You hear me?”

  “Yes, Mama,” I said softy, trying not to let her hear the tears in my voice. I was so sick of crying. I knew she was right. But only if it was that easy. I tried to get over Rodney, but he knew how to pull me back in. Mama was right when she said they know our weakness. I was definitely weak for him. I heard my phone beep, notifying me that I had a text. I pulled the phone from my ear and read the message. It was from Rodney.

  Hey, babe, I wanted to call to let you know I’m all right, and I deserved what you did to me. I ain’t mad at you. I love you. Please let me make it up to you. I wanna see you tonight.

  I shook my head and put the phone back up to my ear.

  “Mel, are you still there?”

  “Yes, Mom, I’m listening. Why is God punishing me like this?” Warm tears fell from my eyes as I thought about how Rodney’s words make me want to block everything out that my mom was saying to me.

  “Child, hush, God’s not punishing you. He don’t work like that. Dry those tears, girl. I know you might get lonely sometimes, but when that time comes, read the Bible. God will never leave nor forsake you. Pamper yourself. You don’t need a man to do nice things for you; you can do nice things for yourself. You need to just stop looking because you are using all of your energy trying to snag a man. For what? So he can leave you brokenhearted and miserable? You need to get back in church, but don’t look there, because the men in the church are as bad as the men in the streets.” She let out a giggle, and I followed right behind her.

  It was good to talk to my mother. She was always there when I needed her, and I knew she would never tell me anything wrong. She always looked out for my best interest. I was going to stop being so soft spoken, and I was going to speak my mind and demand from Rodney what I wanted from him. Yes, I know my mom said not to look for a man. I’m not looking because I got Rodney. All I have to do is put my foot down and let him know that he better get his act together, because I deserve the best. I was sure that he would change after I tell him my good news. I have heard him talk about his kids, and even though they were grown, he still provided for them and is there when they need him. That’s why I know that after I tell him that I’m carrying his seed, he will want to be there for me and our baby. I just had to get Kim out of the way. He needed to hurry up and get a blood test ’cause that baby didn’t look like him at all. Rodney and I had put a lot of years into what we had, and I would do anything to make our relationship work. I’d be damned if I was about to be a single parent to another child. I was going to make Rodney love me.

  24

  Sasha

  Melody had been pretty distant lately, so I decided to plan a lunch date for the two of us. I wanted find out what’s been up with her. But I figure she was not talking to me as much because I visited Asia at the hospital only once. She needed to get over it. I didn’t want to be all in Asia’s face acting fake, because that ain’t me. She was not dying, and the doctors said she would make a full recovery. We still didn’t know what caused the accident. She ain’t telling nobody. She didn’t fall asleep at the wheel, so she knows how her SUV flipped over in the middle of the road.

  As I walked in to Red Lobster, I saw Melody at a table that was alongside the wall. I bypassed the greeter with a smile and walked over to where Melody was sitting. The girl looked stressed out. Her eyes were puffy, like she’d been crying for days. Her hair was matted to her head like she had her curls out for a few days. “Hey, girl, I’m glad you were able to make it.”

  “Hey,” she said as if she had no energy left in her body.

  “Did you order yet?” I asked as I scanned the menu.

  “Nope, I was waiting on you, but I know what I want.” She took a sip from her ice-cold glass of water.

  We ordered our food after the waiter came to the table, then waited for it to arrive. I couldn’t stop looking at how pitiful Melody’s face looked. I ended up telling her about how my mom treated me as a child, and I also told her that I told Jonathan that I was taking birth control without him knowing because I didn’t want any children because I was afraid of being a bad mother. She was shocked, and she wondered why I had not told anyone sooner. And just like Jonathan, she said that my mom must have some type of disorder.

  “Sasha, I really think you should have a talk with your mom. Because what she had done in the past is affecting your future. I think you would be a great mother.” Melody always thought she could help everyone with her words. But I had not planned on speaking to my mom any time soon.

  “I can’t even fathom Aunt Arlene ever fracturing your arm and allowing you to suffer like you did.” She showed sympathy on her face.

  “Well, she did, because she’s a nutcase,” I huffed.

  “But look at me trying to give you advice, and I can’t even help myself.” She swallowed hard and continued. “I have been in and out of bad relationships ever since I was old enough to date. I was just talking to my mom, and she asked me what the longest relationship I had been in was. It hurt me to tell her the longest one was six months. That’s pitiful.” Her eyes became glossy. “I didn’t have a father role model when I was growing up, and that really affected how I dealt with the men in my life. I never knew how a man was supposed to treat a woman. I have been settling for lame, no-good suckers all my life. I blamed my father all these years, and I was feeling sorry for myself, but I also hated him for not being there to talk to me when I need a man’s perspective. I always wanted to be a daddy’s girl, but he was never there. Instead, he was in the streets either smoking dope or selling it. It depended on what type of week he was having.”

  Melody stared at her plate as if she was in a daze, but she wou
ldn’t stop talking. She just wanted to get it all out, so I sat there and listened to her. “If his clientele wasn’t contacting him for the work, he would get depressed and smoke up his supplies, then blame it on the devil. But when he was making money, he would come around dressed all fly, while I walked around looking like Raggedy Ann. Don’t get me wrong, my mother keep me dressed nice, but it didn’t compare to my dad’s luxurious name-brand outfits, expensive shoe game, and his collection of fine leather and fur coats. And when he did come around, he had nothing for me, not even a decent conversation. And I hated him for that. I didn’t ask for much. All I wanted was for him to love me. I’m his only daughter, his firstborn.” Melody shifted in her chair; her face was filled with agony. While she spoke, I noticed that she barely touched the food on her plate.

  It looked as if she wanted to cry. She was such a crybaby; she always cried at the drop of a dime. She reminded me of Kandi on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. When you looked at Melody the wrong way, she would cry. I felt bad for her because I knew how she wanted her dad to be around when we were younger. “I didn’t have a mother or a father to give me love. I thought I was the only one that had it bad.” I let out a deep sigh. I felt her pain.

  “But the reason why I said that was because the way my father treated me in the past has affected how I am in my relationships with men, and what your mom has done to you in your past has affected your marriage. It’s going to be tough, but we both need to forgive our parents and move on so that we can have a better life for ourselves.” She cracked open the shell to her lobster tail, put the meat in her mouth, and looked at me for a response.

  I just stared at her. I didn’t think I would ever forgive my mother, but I was tired of talking about it, so I said, “Yeah, I’ll work on forgiveness.”

  The table was silent until Melody asked, “How does your shrimp taste?”

  “They’re pretty good. You know, this is my favorite restaurant,” I said as I put more shrimp in my mouth.

  “Sasha, while you are working on forgiving your mom, you and Asia need to really make up. I mean, we are cousins for goodness’ sake.”

  “We are not blood,” I said calmly.

  “Are you serious?” Melody spat.

  “I don’t have time for her fake behind. She was being slick when she hooked me up with David. She knew she had sex with him. She talking about she tried to stop me from leaving with him. She’s a damn lie.” I was angry, and I really didn’t know why Mel had to bring her name up.

  “Sasha, calm down. Asia didn’t know you were going to sleep with him.” She was nonchalant. That was like a slap to my face.

  “Look, Mel, when I feel like talking to Asia, I will. I would rather talk about something else. I did not come here for this.” I was straightforward with my words.

  “Okay.”

  The table was silent once again.

  “So what have you been doing lately besides working?” she asked with glee in her voice.

  “Um . . . My life is boring. I’ve just been writing.”

  “For real! You still writing those freaky tales?” she smiled.

  “Yup. And I love it.”

  “What do you get out of it? Don’t you get . . . you know... horny writing about sex?” Melody giggled like a shy kid.

  “I just have a wild imagination. I wish I could live out my characters in my books. Maybe that’s the reason why I enjoy it. It’s fantasy, but I love making it up ’cause I doubt if it will happen in my life. I wish I could find a young stud that would blow my back out every night.” I smiled, but when I looked at Melody, her face was blank.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  “Oh, nothing,” she stuttered. Then she cleared her throat. “Do you read a lot of erotic books?”

  “Yes, I love Zane. Jonathan and I went to go see her new movie, and when they acted out the sex scenes, I was on the edge of my seat. I wish I could have been the main female actor. When I looked over at Jonathan, he had his eyes closed, like he was scared to watch.” Melody laughed, but I was serious.

  “She was bold. She stepped out of her natural comfort zone, and she was spontaneous and experimental. She was free. I just don’t want to be too free and get AIDS like she did,” I said.

  “Do you miss Jonathan?” she asked unexpectedly.

  “I miss him a little bit, but I don’t want to be back with him. He wasn’t giving me everything I needed. I know I cheated on him, but he didn’t even comfort me when I told him why I didn’t want kids. He wasn’t even sympathetic toward my feelings when I told him I didn’t think I would be a good mother because of how my mom did me. He is so insensitive, and I’m his wife. He doesn’t really love me. All he wanted was a baby. And on top of that, I yearn for more than he was willing to offer. One day, I’ll find a man that will give me what I need. He may have to be a young thang. He just better know how to handle these curves.” I grinded in my chair to show her that I meant.

  “Sex ain’t all that if you not having it with someone that loves you. Jonathan loved you. You just better be careful for what you ask for,” Melody said as a tear fell from her eye.

  25

  Melody

  My mom really surprised me when she showed up to my door.

  “Mom, what are you doing here?” I was in shock. I opened up the door and gave her a hug. “I’m so happy to see you.” I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “Hey, baby. I wanted to come and get you out of this house. I know you have been going through some things, so I reserved us a room, just for you, Rayn, and me. We are going to have a little fun at a hotel and water resort.”

  “Are you serious? A water resort?” I smiled. I didn’t think my mom would like something like that. Don’t get me wrong. My mother was a very down-to-earth and pleasant person to be around. She was only hitting age fifty-one. With her toffee-colored wrinkle-free skin and her beautiful jet-black, naturally wavy hair, and with hips to die for, my mom had it going on. She, her sister, and brother lived only an hour away. They had all moved to take care of my grandmother when she became ill. She passed away a few years ago, and they all just stayed out there.

  “Yes, a water park. I thought that would be fun for Rayn. And you and I can stay in the sauna,” she smiled.

  “Well, you know that Rayn will love that. Let me tell her you’re here. Do you want something to drink while we pack?”

  “No, I’m fine,” Mom said. I rushed out of the room to get Rayn.

  “Child, no need to rush. I ain’t going nowhere. Just take your time.” She took a seat on the sofa.

  My mom and dad met in high school. They were in love, and my mom had me when she was seventeen years old. My grandmother was livid because my mom had a child out of wedlock and at a very young age. But she helped her out a lot. I was born around the time when the crack epidemic was tearing people’s lives apart. My mother had a good job at the Jeep plant, and my dad was a mechanic. They were doing well for themselves . . . until they both got hooked on that mean drug, crack cocaine. If it wasn’t for my grandparents, I don’t know where I would be. My mother would leave me for days with my grandmother and aunts so she could go and get high. She went from working a good-paying job to losing it and working from job to job, barely paying the rent because she had to get her fix. We sometimes went without food in the house, but that’s when my grandparents stepped in. They would buy food for me to eat. My dad’s mother was also there for me, even when he wasn’t.

  My dad and mom broke up when I was three years old. That’s when they both got addicted to crack cocaine. My father stayed in the same town, but I would never see him. I would stay over at my grandmother’s house every weekend, and she would take me to family reunions with her. My dad wouldn’t even come by to say hello. I always wanted to see him, and I always wondered why he didn’t love me. My grandmother would just act like everything was normal and that her son wasn’t in the wrong. But she would talk about how my mom was not a good mother because she couldn’t keep food i
n the house. She had always been the one to show favoritism toward her own grown kids.

  My mom struggled with trying to get herself clean for years. After going to recovery meetings, church, and staying in a recovery house, she kicked her habit when I was a sophomore in high school, and she never went back. That drug had control over my mom, but she was not a bad mom. She tried her best to get her life back on track. She had a disease that was ruining her life. She never abused me, and I had never seen her do drugs. She would smoke the pipe in the house, but she would be closed up in her bedroom. When I smelled the aroma from her room whenever she opened the door, I just thought she was smoking a funny-smelling cigarette.

  I was a good kid. I had always done well in school, and I stayed out of trouble. But when I started junior high, that’s when I started getting in to boys. I didn’t have a father figure to tell me that he loved me, so when the boys gave me a little attention, I started falling in love and giving it up. Well, back then, I thought it was love. I would tell my mother I was going to track practice and tournaments, but I was really going over to some boy’s house. I had never run track a day in my life. But she was so busy getting high that she didn’t check to see what I was doing. When I was in high school, I had my first abortion, and that wasn’t the last one. I had two after that. My mother never knew because I would get the money from my boyfriend at the time. Yes, I was a wild child, and I had lacked love from both of my parents.

  After I had Rayn, my mom would help me with her a lot. She loved being a grandmother. Every summer, Rayn spent a month with her, and they have a ball. My mom always apologized to me. She would tell me that she wished that she hadn’t put me through the things I had to go through in life. But I wasn’t mad at her. I had seen worse things going on in my friends’ households. I couldn’t even compare my life to theirs. Some of my friends were being abused or even raped by their own family members or their mothers’ boyfriends. Their parents would smoke crack right in their face. I even had a friend tell me that she watched her mother give oral sex to a man for drugs. I was blessed because my life could have been worse. I had told myself a long time ago that I would never try any type of drugs, not even marijuana.