Blame It On The Shame Part 2

by Ashley Jade

  I don't miss the brief surprise that crosses over his features when I ignore him and cross my arms over my chest, refusing to show him that I'm scared.

  However, he surprises me when he looks me up and down, rubs his chin and laughs. It's a menacing laugh that causes chills, but I do my best to hide them.

  "I don't understand why I'm here," I say when silence follows his laughter. "I was going to meet you in Italy. I was going to—"

  I'm cut off when DeLuca's hand slaps my face so hard I tumble back.

  "I know damn well what you were going to do."

  My stomach drops but I press my hand to my cheek and feign innocence. "What—" I stop mid-sentence when I hear another pair of footsteps make their way down the stairs.

  I refuse to meet Emilio's traitorous eyes.

  DeLuca takes a step forward and I take a step back. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Emilio shift his stance so he's now approaching me from the back, cornering me. It's obvious they're both setting up to cage me in.

  I eye the staircase, but DeLuca clicks his tongue. "That will only make it worse," he warns, taking another step forward.

  "I don't know what I did or why I'm here," I say firmly.

  "You don't?" He questions closing the space between us.

  I go to shake my head but he pulls my hair. His grip is so hard when he yanks my head back I wince.

  His lips move from the base of my throat up to my ear at the same time one of his hands reach between my legs and cups me with a force so great I let out a yelp. "Who else have you given this cunt to, Lucianna?" he sneers. "Who the fuck did you let take what's mine?"

  "No one." I gulp. "I told you I would never do that to you."

  He growls and pulls my hair so hard I swear he's going to tear it right from my scalp. "You sure about that?"

  I nod, despite his hold on my hair. "Y-yes. I-I love you."

  His eyes grow darker, but to my confusion, his touch between my legs changes to soft strokes instead of the death grip from before.

  And even though Emilio's right behind me, I proceed to give DeLuca exactly what he wants.

  Because this is survival.

  "I would never do that to you, Mio Amore," I repeat, as the sound of him pulling my zipper down echoes throughout the room.

  His finger rubs me through my panties and I purposely wind myself against his touch.

  "Never?" he inquires, pulling my panties to the side.

  His touch is still oddly gentle when he slips a finger inside me. It's something I'm not prepared for.

  "Never, never," I breathe when his finger swirls around my clit.

  Bile stings my throat because DeLuca's never touched me like this before. I didn't even think he knew what this part of my body was or what it did.

  I want to pull away, but I know better. Instead, I keep up with my fake moans as he continues spinning his finger around my bundle of nerves, applying more pressure...and despite hating him, my mewls and moans are soon turning into real ones.

  He's never made me orgasm before and I know that alone should cause me to be on guard but I'm too caught up in this feeling.

  It's the adrenaline, I tell myself. The fight or flight reflex is causing my body to go all haywire.

  "Who do you belong to?" he asks, his finger tapping my clit.

  My response is automatic. "You, Mio Amore. Only you. Always you."

  He flicks my clit and I hate myself when pleasure flows through me and I'm shuddering in his arms as I begin to climax.

  I'm fighting to catch my breath, my body lost on a wave of bliss, when I feel a stocky fist violently jab my stomach and he snarls, "Then who's baby is it?"

  Terror scrapes up my spine and white spots form in front of my pupils. Panic grips me and I cry out. I start to double over, but Emilio grabs me by my arms and forces me to stand back up.

  When I reach down and lay a hand on my stomach, DeLuca's face twists into a scowl and he takes a step back, his hand forming a fist again. "I'll ask you one more time," he rumbles. "Who's the father?"

  Ricardo.

  His name wraps around my heart and soul like a force-field. Its hold is so tight, I can barely breathe. I can't lose him.

  I'm no longer wobbling on my tightrope, I'm falling...and everything is hanging in the balance.

  My pulse pounds in my ears and the room around me spins right before I shout, "Luke!" at the top of my lungs.

  Behind me, I hear Emilio breathe a sigh of relief, but it's overpowered by DeLuca's infuriating roar of 'What?"

  "H-he...he raped me," I whisper, not sure how my mouth is forming words when the rest of me is in turmoil.

  He takes out his gun and points it at me. "Why am I only hearing about this now? Why didn't you tell me?"

  "I didn't tell a soul. I was too afraid." I start sobbing so hard I'm shaking. "You know why. You know my past." I pause and glare at him. "And yet you still sent him to watch over me...knowing how he always looked at me."

  For a moment, I swear I see remorse flicker across his face. But then he digs the gun into my temple and I stop breathing. "You better not be lying to me."

  I swallow hard and say the one thing I know will make him believe me. The very thing I used to whisper when I was 15 and he held me in his arms as I shook and trembled. "I didn't want it."

  His eyebrows pinch together and he stares at me for what feels like forever. Dread coats my insides and I'm certain he still doesn't believe me, when finally; he lowers the gun.

  His gaze shifts to Emilio and for a moment, I have this feeling that everything's actually going to be okay.

  That is until I feel the sharp prick of a needle pierce my skin. "No!" I shout, but it goes ignored.

  "Where the fuck is he?" DeLuca grits through his teeth.

  "It was taken care of," Emilio answers.

  "By who?" DeLuca barks.

  DeLuca's brows shoot up when Emilio answers, "Your son."

  I'm becoming drowsy but it doesn't stop me from launching my fists at DeLuca and twisting myself out of Emilio's arms. "Please, Mio Amore," I beg. "Please, don't do this to me. I'll do anything you want. Anything. Just let me keep my baby."

  DeLuca looks thoroughly shocked as I continue to scream and cry, but I don't care. I won't let him do this. "Please," I continue to beg. "I want my baby!"

  When Emilio's hold becomes tighter, I bite him and start kicking. "No!" When another ripple of drowsiness takes over and I realize I'm losing the fight, a guttural scream rips from my throat.

  "I want my baby," I scream over and over again as Emilio pulls me toward that locked room.

  My vocal chords are shredded but I don't stop screaming and I don't stop fighting.

  When Emilio takes out another needle, I scream so loud I feel something in my throat tear.

  The last thing I hear before my eyes close is DeLuca's gritty voice. "The only baby you're ever having is mine." Followed by, "Get that goddamn doctor down here now."

  And the worst thing of all. "I want that fetus tested."

  Chapter 18 (Lou-Lou)

  Something is wrong.

  I sit up, the pain is extreme but it pales in comparison to a much more potent feeling coursing through me.

  I'm alone and raw.

  I'm so empty and hollow.

  Intense cramps hit me with warped speed and reluctantly, I open my eyes and look down.

  The pool of blood on the white sheet draped over me confirms what's physically been done.

  The pain radiating in my chest and the despair pumping through my veins confirms that my soul's been ripped out.

  My baby's gone. Taken from me...torn from my womb.

  Because I'm a failure.

  Because I wasn't a good mother.

  Because in that brief moment...I chose Ricardo instead of my baby.

  If only I had told DeLuca the baby was Ricardo's...he would have had no choice but to let me keep it. The baby would have been protected because it was a DeLuca.

  I promised my baby
I would love and keep it safe and I didn't.

  I chose Ricardo instead.

  And I hate him for it.

  Tears burn my eyes but I curl my hand into a fist and punch the side of my head to make it stop because I don't deserve to cry over this baby.

  I don't deserve to cry and I definitely don't deserve to mourn this loss...because it's All. My. Fault.

  I reach down and touch the blood on the sheet, the only remnant I have left. "I'm so sorry, Thumper," I whisper. "I'm so sorry Mommy failed you."

  Chapter 19 (Ricardo)

  It's been almost 24 hours.

  I've searched what feels like the entire city for her.

  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something is seriously wrong.

  And every instinct I have is telling me she's with him.

  My phone rings and disappointment immediately follows when I see that it isn't Lou-Lou or Emilio. "What?" I bark, my irritation far past its peak.

  "You were right. He's home," Frankie says before hanging up.

  I pound my fist on the counter top, hating that my intuition was spot on. But not nearly as much as the sick feeling looming in my gut every time I picture them together.

  It's enough to make me want to keel over and die.

  Hell, it's enough to make me do something I never thought I'd do.

  I grab my keys and my gun and run out the door.

  I almost knock down Alyssa when I pass her in the lobby, but I don't care.

  My phone rings again and I curse when I see the name. Figures, he's chosen now to call me after ignoring me for the past 24 hours.

  "You're a real piece of shit, Emilio," I answer.

  "That may be true, but I'm a piece of shit who still has your best interest at heart. So, with that being said...whatever you're thinking about doing...don't," Emilio warns.

  I peel out of the parking lot. "Fuck you, you warped Jiminy Cricket."

  I grip the steering wheel. "And you're too late—I'm already on my way and there's nothing you or he can do to stop me."

  I've got one hell of a bargaining chip...and it's time to finally cash it in.

  Emilio begins shouting but I hang up on him and press my foot down on the gas.

  Since my father likes deal's so much...I've got the ultimate one for him.

  A deal that will give him the one and only thing he's ever wanted from me.

  In exchange for the only thing I've ever wanted.

  Her.

  Chapter 20 (Lou-Lou)

  I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. I roll over on my cot and bury my head in my pillow.

  "We need to talk," Emilio says. "And since DeLuca's in a business meeting...this is the only moment we have before the shit hits the fan."

  "I have nothing to say to you."

  "Look, you couldn't make a decision, so I had to." He holds up his hands. "I tried to tell you that your plan wouldn't work, but you refused to see reason. Doing this was the only way to protect him."

  I roll back over and punch him so hard in the face he staggers back.

  I hobble to my feet and the look I shoot him causes him to stare at me wide-eyed. Straight up venom is pouring through my veins and I want to murder him in cold blood. I want to tear apart the people he loves limb for limb so he can see how the fuck it feels. "Do you have a family?"

  He looks put off by my question, but I smack his chest. "Anyone at all that you give a fuck about besides yourself?"

  He scrubs a hand down his face and his answer rattles me enough I stop speaking. "I think you already know the answer to that."

  Ricardo.

  "I know now that you really do love him, Lucianna," he says. "The second you said Luke's name proved it."

  I glare at him, because I have no words. That moment will forever be embedded in my mind.

  It was the moment I saved the man I loved while simultaneously killing my baby.

  In one single moment, everything changed.

  That moment will haunt me for eternity.

  "Why?" I choke out. "Tell me why."

  "Because I promised his mother I would always look out for him...even when she couldn't."

  I give him a questioning look, wondering if what I'm thinking is right.

  He swallows thickly. "Yeah. I was in love with Isabella."

  "So, that's why you helped her get away from DeLuca." It's not a question, but he nods. "Yes. It's also why I never stopped working for DeLuca." I open my mouth to question him further, but he says, "She always knew there was a chance he would find him and she begged me to stay in case that happened. She wanted Ricardo to have someone to protect him and be there for him."

  I can't help but snort. This woman was a real piece of work. "Mother of the freaking year," I blurt out. He glares daggers at me but I give them right back to him. "You had to know about the way she treated him."

  "She was sick," he says. "But you're right...he never deserved any of that."

  I nod and another thought hits me. "Does Ricardo know you and his mother were an item?"

  He looks at the floor and shakes his head. "No—because we never were."

  "But I thought—"

  "I was in love with her," he says, cutting me off. "But that love was never returned." He rakes a hand through his hair. "She couldn't—after everything she had been through she just wasn't capable of it. She was too damaged."

  That eerie, sinking feeling in my chest is back. "Didn't stop you from loving her, though."

  His eyes connect with mine. "Never. I loved her every second of every day. Even the times I hated her, I never stopped loving her." His voice waivers. "I still do."

  "I guess that's why you'll stop at nothing to protect him."

  His eyes turn hard. "It was the only thing she ever asked of me."

  "Yeah well, you might have noble intentions when it comes to Ricardo, but I'll never forgive you for what you did to me."

  "I don't want your forgiveness," he whispers. "I don't deserve it."

  I feel tears sting the corners of my eyes. "My baby is gone."

  "It was the only way to save him." He takes a step closer to me. "And there are some things you really need to know, Lucianna." He tilts my chin up. "Things you'll need to know in order to survive now. I know I can't make up for what I did, but I can guide you and I can try and protect you to the best of my ability."

  "Don't bother." I take a step back. "Because I don't want to survive." I curl my arms around myself. "Not anymore."

  He gets in my face. "You have to. If you don't Ricardo—"

  I slam my fist against his chest. "I don't care!" I scream. "He's the reason my baby died."

  Emilio opens his mouth to say something but I hold up a hand. "I chose him. I chose him and as much as a part of me will always love him...I don't know how to not hate him for that."

  A sob escapes from my throat. "I don't know how to not hate myself for it." My eyes swivel to his. "So you see? Survival isn't really something I care about anymore."

  "Fine," he bites out. "Suit yourself." He starts making his way toward the staircase but stops abruptly. "You might not care about your survival anymore...but I hope you still care about his."

  He turns and looks at me. "Because DeLuca's going to crush him. And if there's an ounce of love left in your heart for him, you'll let him."

  With that, he makes his way up the staircase and closes the door.

  I exhale sharply and rub my temples, trying to understand what he meant by that.

  The glint from something shiny catches my eye and I immediately look down at my finger.

  Disbelief and terror drum through me. Fuck no. This can't be real. How the hell did he ever get away with this?

  It's DeLuca, you moron. He can get away with anything.

  Emilio's words from before slice through my head. "There are some things you really need to know, Lucianna. Things you'll need to know in order to survive now."

  I scream and try to take the wretched thing off, but it's on so ti
ght it won't budge.

  I wet my finger with my saliva and attempt to take it off again but the basement door opens and DeLuca's clipped voice halts me, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mrs. DeLuca."

  Chapter 21 ( Ricardo)

  I put my car in park and run to the front door.

  I don't even knock, I just barge right in and walk straight into a shocked Marlene.

  "Where is he?"

  Her eyes are the size of saucers. "In the dining room having dinner," she says nervously.

  I make a sharp left and walk in to find him twirling his pasta around his fork.

  He lifts an eyebrow when he sees me. "Didn't expect you to stop by for a visit."

  "Didn't expect you to be back from Italy."

  We stare at each other for a moment, there's enough hate between us to start a fucking war.

  "We need to talk," I say while taking a seat.

  His lips turn up in amusement. "About what?"

  "L—" I start to say, when he cuts me off. "Ah, yes—Luke. Mind telling me why you killed one of my best men without so much as a phone call to me?"

  Is he fucking kidding me right now? "Sorry to break it to you, but one of your so-called best men had Lucianna pinned against a wall while trying to force his way into her pants."

  He folds his hands in front of him and looks at me. "I see," is all he says before he goes back to his pasta.

  I shove my hand into my pocket underneath the table and feel for my gun. "Luke's not the reason I'm here, though."

  I'm here to take back what's mine. The girl I love more than life itself.

  He dabs his mouth with his napkin and pushes his chair away from the table. "I assumed as much."

  "Look," I start. "I've been doing a lot of thinking."

  He smirks. "Have you now?"

  I bang my fist on the table, causing a glass to break. "Yes." I look him right in the eyes. "I'm ready to...I want to take my place."

  His eyes turn hard and I'd be lying if I said it didn't throw me. This is the only thing he's ever wanted from me and I'm giving it to him.

  I thought I had the upper hand in this scenario, but it's quickly becoming clear that I don't.