Mama's Girl

by Daybreak Jones

  “Oh, my God, what are you doing?” Samuel screams.

  I look down and see blood.

  She spins me around and puts a bloody razor to my neck.

  Samuel pulls a gun from underneath his jacket. I never knew he carried a gun.

  He tells his wife, “Drop it.”

  She says, “Fuck you and this little slut. I know you have been screwing her at your brother’s house. I’m going to kill the ho!”

  And that’s when I see the fire leap out of his gun.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Oh, I was asleep. It was all a dream. When I open my eyes, I will be in my room, and everything will be how it was before the dream. When I open my eyes, everything will be just fine. I know it.

  I open my eyes, and everything is not fine. I am in a hospital room. I reach for the cup of ice water, and I sip from the straw. My mind is so mixed up. I put the cup down and settle back into the pillow.

  I was shaking his wife’s hand. She was smiling and holding my hand too tight, way too tight. But, all I felt was her squeezing my hand. I didn’t feel anything else, but I remember now. I didn’t feel her cutting me, but I saw the blood after Samuel screamed, “Oh, my God! What are you doing?”

  She was cutting me while she was shaking my hand and smiling, and I didn’t feel it. I sit up and pull the sheets back to see the damage. There are three rows of stiches on my left thigh and four on my right. They are covered with some type of clear-looking tape that looks like a wrap more than a bandage. His wife was smiling and squeezing my hand while she was slicing my thighs with a straight razor.

  When Samuel first showed me a picture of her on the bus, I remember thinking she looked crazy. I tried to pull away from her after I discovered that she was cutting me, but she had a tight grip on my hand. She spun me around so that she was behind me, and she put the straight razor to my neck. That’s when Samuel pointed his gun at us.

  He told his wife, “Drop it.”

  She said, “Fuck you and this little slut.”

  And that’s when I saw the fire leap out of his gun. I am tired of remembering. I close my eyes.

  * * *

  “May, can you hear me, baby?”

  I hear her, but my eyes won’t open and neither will my mouth. But I hear her.

  “Squeeze my hand, baby. If you can hear me, squeeze my hand.”

  I hear, but I don’t feel her hand or mine.

  “When will she snap out of it, Doctor?”

  “I’m not a doctor. I’m a nurse, and that is a question I can’t answer. We weren’t expecting this. She was progressing. She came out of surgery strong and alert. She asked for water and a sponge bath to cool down.”

  “Where is the doctor?”

  “She has two, and they both want to speak with you.”

  It’s my mama. I hear her. It’s my mama.

  “She has been in a coma for sixteen hours that we know of.”

  “She sleeps pretty hard. Are you sure she’s not sleeping?”

  “No, Ms. Joyce, this isn’t sleep. Her brainwave patterns are not consistent with sleep.”

  “When will she be better?”

  “That is hard to say. We didn’t see this coming. The wounds on her thighs are seriously infected. We have put her on stronger antibiotics, and the nurses have orders to flush the wounds every three hours. A specialist has been called to help with the infection. She will see her tonight, and I will have more information for you after her visit.”

  “Is her life in danger, Doctor?”

  “Not if we can treat the infection and stop it from spreading. I believe once we have eliminated that from her body things will take a turn for the better. The blade she was cut with had to be bacteria-ridden. If we could find the knife that would improve our chances.”

  “I don’t know who cut or shot her. I was told she died. I came here expecting to identify my baby’s body, but she is alive. Alive, Doctor, and now you are telling me she is in a coma. Believe it or not, that is good news. Damn good news.”

  I hear them, clearly. But, I don’t feel myself breathing or feel any part on my body. I am all thoughts and their words. Samuel’s wife cut me with an infected straight razor. She must hate me, a lot.

  I can’t stay here, wherever here is. I have things to do, and I need to see my mama. She wasn’t doing well. The last thing she needs is to be worrying about me. I love my mama. I loved Uncle Doug, too. I got to go, to wake up or something.

  * * *

  “Doctor!”

  I hear her my mama yelling.

  I got to leave this place of nothingness.

  “Doctor!”

  I feel her touching my shoulder.

  “Doctor!”

  * * *

  My eyes are open, and I see the light she is shining into my right eye.

  “Can you follow it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, please do it,” she asks.

  I didn’t know she wanted me to follow the light. She only asked if I could. I follow the silly light. “I’m very hungry,” I tell the doctor and the nurse.

  “That’s good,” the doctor answers.

  “I’ll order you something right away,” the nurse says.

  “Was my mother here?”

  “Yes, and I will call her, too,” the nurse says.

  “You responded well to the antibiotics and the blood transfusion from your brother. You had quite an infection, young lady. The most severe I have seen in several years. You are extremely healthy with a very strong immune system.” The doctor places her hand on my shoulder. “I have never seen a patient so infected respond so quickly. I am keeping you on the drip and will check on you later tonight and in the morning. I am sure your regular doctor will stop by as well.” She clicks off the little light, shakes her head, and smiles. “You are a miracle.”

  Dang, how sick was I? And what brother? “I am very tired and hungry.”

  “Two very good signs.”

  * * *

  “Hey.”

  I open my eyes and see my mama.

  “Did you know that you are pregnant?” Her eyebrows rise.

  “What?”

  “You pregnant, baby.”

  “No, it’s a mistake. I miss my period all the time.”

  “May, they had to give you blood to save the baby. You are pregnant.”

  If I am pregnant, why is she smiling?

  “And guess whose blood they had to use?”

  “Mama, I am not pregnant.” When I try to sit up my arm, shoulder, and my thighs hurt bad enough to stop me from moving.

  “You had a horrible infection, and you survived because of your brother.”

  “Mama, you must be really sick. I need to talk to somebody else. I need to know what happened to me.” I don’t have a brother. My mama is going through something. I need to talk to someone else. Uncle Doug’s death is messing with her mind.

  “Ain’t nobody going to tell you any different than what I am telling you. Your brother saved your life.”

  “Mama, what brother? What are you talking about?”

  She blows a breath and sits back in the chair. “I wasn’t ever going to tell you, but after Doug, and after you almost died, and after talking to Carol, and we been talking a lot lately, things are just different. You never know when your time is up, baby. Death just comes. We, Carol and me, decided it wasn’t right that y’all didn’t know. Life is too short for secrets.”

  I don’t know what she’s talking about, but the pain is spreading up my arm and down my back and now my thighs are starting to hurt more. “Mama, would you call a nurse? The pain is getting worse.”

  She doesn’t hesitate to leave my bedside and the room.

  Pregnant? Nope, can’t be. That man is married.

  The door opens, but it’s not the nurse. It’s Carlos. “Hey there, sis. And I mean that fo’ real.” He bends down and kisses me on the cheek and keeps talking.

  “Your heart stopped, and the doctors still haven’t figur
ed out why. You got shot in the shoulder, but your heart stopped, and that’s why they said you were dead. Your body just shut down. It’s real good to see that you’re all right. You scared me, girl, real bad. And since you been out, nothing but strange stuff has been happening.”

  He sits in the chair Mama left empty.

  “First, think about this, you being my natural sister. And our mamas would have kept it a secret if Uncle Doug hadn’t died. They have been holding this secret all our lives. We have the same daddy.”

  He says it like he’s talking about candy or something: I got some Sugar Babies and you got some Sugar Babies. What the hell is he talking about? I need the nurse.

  “And you know what else was a trip? Your mama. Once she heard you got hurt, she snapped to and broke out of whatever spell had her. And I’ma tell you something else that is strange, her and my mama been together like we be talking. Lately, you don’t see one without the other.”

  I hear him, but he’s fading away.

  * * *

  When I wake up, Carlos is gone. A nurse is at my bedside, and Ms. Carol is in the chair on the side of the bed.

  “The doctor won’t order a stronger painkiller because of the baby. The medicine in the IV will keep you sleeping. We will fight the pain like that for a while, understand?” the nurse says.

  I just nod my head because my throat feels sore.

  “Good. You are doing well. Such a strong girl. And that baby is strong, too.” She lays my wrist back down and fluffs my pillow.

  “I have the night shift,” Ms. Carol says as the nurse turns and leaves. “Your mama wants to be here when the doctors are here, so she has the day shift, and Carlos and Edith have been here the afternoons. How are you feeling?”

  “I don’t know. I think I am okay, but I don’t know when I am awake or asleep. Are Carlos and I brother and sister?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did my mama shoot Uncle Doug in the head?”

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “Yes, baby, he’s dead.”

  “And my friend Samuel, he shot me?”

  “Yes.”

  “And did his wife cut me?”

  “Yes, baby, she did. She’s crazy. And that Samuel character got arrested, too, but the people in the bar came to his aid and told the police he was trying to save you.”

  “Then I must really be pregnant?”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Mmm,” is all I can manage. I am having Samuel Talbert’s baby. “He’s married,” I say out loud, but I meant to think it.

  “I know. Your mama told me. She wanted to call him, but I told her to wait and let you talk to him first.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I tell her. “I never told anyone I was carrying their child.”

  “The call is about intentions. The call is to find out what he plans to do.”

  “I should just get rid of it.”

  “Really?”

  “No, I couldn’t.”

  “Once you get out of this hospital, we will have plenty of time to think things through.”

  “Oh, my God, I just thought about something. I will be walking across the graduation stage fat with a baby. Oh, no, I can’t do that. I just can’t.”

  “Why not? I walked across the stage with Carlos sitting in the audience. I did it because it was my diploma. I earned it, and I earned it while being a teenager with a baby. Getting pregnant as a kid wasn’t smart, but I was determined to graduate on time. I was determined to finish because everybody, and I mean everybody, said I wouldn’t. But I did, and I did it with a child.

  “The baby is here, May. You are pregnant, and life goes on. So put your big girl panties on and deal with it, but don’t forget you have help, baby. Me and your mama are here for you.”

  I don’t even try to fight the sleep because all of this—the baby, the pain, Ms. Carol and Mama, me and Carlos, and Uncle Doug—it is all too much.

  * * *

  I smell his Gucci cologne. I feel his lips kissing my check, and I hear him saying, “I love you, baby.”

  I open my eyes to Samuel Talbert and decide not to play around with it. “I’m pregnant with your baby.”

  “Our baby,” he says. “And I know. Your Mama came to see me at work this morning. I bet it’s a girl, and she is going to be as beautiful as you.”

  Has the whole world gone mad? “You are married. What are you talking about?”

  “So, I was married when you met me, and now you are pregnant with my baby. Nothing much changes. I will do for you as I have always done, and when the baby gets here I will do for her, and she will have my name. None of this involves my wife. Our thing is our thing. I can take care of you and my daughter. You know this.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying relax. I got this. My name goes on the birth certificate. Nothing changes except we have a baby now.”

  “So, wait. What you are saying is that you stay married, and I stay your chick on the side only with a baby?”

  “Yeah, nothing changes but the baby.”

  “So what will the baby call you, Uncle Samuel?”

  “My daughter will call me Daddy. What’s with you, May? Never mind, I know you have been through a lot. Don’t worry, baby, I got you and our daughter.”

  “What about your crazy wife? Do you have her too?”

  “Yeah, she has some issues. She is in a private psych ward in Dallas. Her father flew her out right after the police released her. Her lawyer says you need to sign papers not to press charges. Okay?”

  “She tried to kill me, Samuel, and you shot me! I need you to leave, right now. Nurse! Nurse!”

  He hurries out with my second scream.

  He’s got me. Yeah, as long as I don’t say a thing about his crazy wife and stay a secret, me and my baby stay a secret.

  All of this is bullshit: walking across the graduation stage fat with a baby and being Samuel Talbert’s outside family. Neither one of these thoughts is comfortable for me. I am not walking across that stage big with pregnancy. They will just have to mail me the diploma or something.

  The outside family situation is bigger than my brain right now. I don’t love Samuel enough to think about me and him being married with a family, but I never thought about being anybody’s outside family, nor have I really thought about being the other woman or the other family.

  I guess I am his other woman, and when the baby comes, we will be his other family. Hell no. I don’t like the sound or feel of that. “Other” in front of the word “woman” feels less than, and it’s worse in front of the word “family.” No, I am not going to be anybody’s other anything. No, it’s not worth it. I am not about to spend my life being his other family. I have things to do with my life. He’s got me. I don’t want him to have me. I’ve got me and, if I am pregnant, I’ve got my baby, too.

  I do not want to be with Samuel or bothered by his crazy wife.

  Now, that thought feels good in my head.

  * * *

  I wake to hearing my mama humming one of Grandma’s favorite songs, “When the Saints Go Marching In.” When she sees I am awake, she stops. “Hey, baby. I talked to Samuel this morning.”

  “Yeah, he stopped by.”

  “I know. He told me he was going to put his name on the birth certificate when the baby comes. Didn’t that make you happy? And he wrote me a check for three thousand dollars to help with things. He said he understands that things are going to be difficult with Doug gone. I like that young man.”

  “Mama, please give him that check back.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I am finished with Samuel.”

  “Finished? Girl, you are having his child. What kind of foolishness has gotten into you today? Oh, it must be the medicine. You are not thinking right.”

  “No, Mama, I am thinking right.”

  “Did you hear me? The check was for three thousand dollars, and he wrote it like he was writing a thirty dollar check.
Child, you got pregnant by the right one. That boy has money.”

  “Mama, I don’t want him or his money.”

  “You may not want it, but you do need it. No, we need it. You got a baby coming, and it’s just you and me, so we ain’t turning down nothing. Give the check back? Shit, I now already cashed the check and spent most of it. And it will never be over with you and Samuel. You got a baby by his rich ass.”

  I lift my head from the pillow as much as I can and look right into her face and say, “You had a baby by my father, and I don’t even know his name. So don’t tell me it can’t be over because I am pregnant.”

  If I weren’t in a hospital bed, that statement would have gotten me slapped, and I know it.

  She blinks her eyes a couple of times and blows a long breath and says, “That was different. All your daddy had was charm and a damn good singing voice. He sang me out of my drawers. I was young and stupid and believed his lies. He told the same lies to Carol. You and Carlos were born two days apart. He probably fucked Carol and me on the same day. Eric Milk is your daddy’s name. The last I heard, he was living on the streets in Detroit. I didn’t and don’t care a rat’s ass about him. He broke my heart with Carol. After I found about her, I never said his name again to anyone.”

  Still looking in her face, I say, “So, if he would have had money, it would have been different? Him breaking your heart would have been acceptable if he had money?”

  “No, that man cut me to the bone. It was over.”

  “It’s over with me and Samuel.”

  “But, you don’t understand what you are walking away from. You don’t understand how much easier your life will be with this man in it. I can’t let you do that, May.”

  “Mama, I can take care of myself. We can take care of ourselves. I don’t want to owe Samuel anything.”

  “But, he already owes you, baby. That’s what you don’t understand. That man planted his seed in you, and he is responsible for it and you for the next eighteen years, and I am not going to let you walk away from that support. If, after the baby comes, you don’t want to be with him, fine. Y’all will work that out. But, for now, we need his money. Let that man help us.”