The B. M. Bower Megapack

by B. M. Bower

  Sary, Ellen, Marg’reet, Sybilly and Jos’phine Denson (spelled in accordance with parental pronunciation) were swinging idly upon the hitching pole, with the self-conscious sang froid of country children come to town. They backed away from the Happy Family’s approach, grinned foolishly in response to their careless greeting, and tittered openly at the resplendence of the Native Son, who was wearing his black Angora chaps with the three white diamonds down each leg, the gay horsehair hatband, crimson neckerchief and Mexican spurs with their immense rowels and ornate conchos of hand-beaten silver. Sary, Ellen, Marg’reet, Jos’phine and Sybilly were also resplendent, in their way. Their carroty hair was tied with ribbons quite aggressively new, their freckles shone with maternal scrubbing, and there was a hint of home-made “crochet-lace” beneath each stiffly starched dress.

  “Hello, kids,” Weary greeted them amiably, with a secret smile over the memory of a time when they had purloined the Little Doctor’s pills and had made reluctant acquaintance with a stomach pump. “Where’s the circus going to be at?”

  “There ain’t goin’ to be no circus,” Sybilly retorted, because she was the forward one of the family. “We’re going away; on the train. The next one that comes along. We’re going to be on it all night, too; and we’ll have to eat on it, too.”

  “Well, by golly, you’ll want something to eat, then!” Slim was feeling abstractedly in his pocket for a coin, for these were the nieces of the Countess, and therefore claimed more than a cursory interest from Slim. “You take this up to the store and see if yuh can’t swop it for something good to eat.” Because Sary was the smallest of the lot he pressed the dollar into her shrinking, amazed palm.

  “Paw’s got more money’n that,” Sybilly announced proudly. “Paw’s got a million dollars. A man bought our ranch and gave him a lot of money. We’re rich now. Maybe paw’ll buy us a phony-graft. He said maybe he would. And maw’s goin’ to have a blue silk dress with green onto it. And—”

  “Better haze along and buy that grub stake,” Slim interrupted the family gift for profuse speech. He had caught the boys grinning, and fancied that they were tracing a likeness between the garrulity of Sybilly and the fluency of her aunt, the Countess. “You don’t want that train to go off and leave yuh, by golly.”

  “Wonder who bought Denson out?” Cal Emmett asked of no one in particular, as the children went strutting off to the store to spend the dollar which little Sary clutched so tightly it seemed as if the goddess of liberty must surely have been imprinted upon her palm.

  When they went inside and found Denson himself pompously “setting ’em up to the house,” Cal repeated the question in a slightly different form to the man himself.

  Denson, while he was ready to impress the beholders with his unaccustomed affluence, became noticeably embarrassed at the inquiry, and edged off into vague generalities.

  “I jest nacherlly had to sell when I got m’ price,” he told the Happy Family in a tone that savored strongly of apology. “I like the country, and I like m’ neighbors fine. Never’d ask for better than the Flyin’ U has been t’ me. I ain’t got no kick comin’ there. Sorry to hear the Old Man’s hurt back East. Mary was real put out at not bein’ able to see Louise ’fore she went away”—Louise being the Countess’ and Mary Denson’s sister—“but soon as I sold I got oneasy like. The feller wanted p’session right away, too, so I told Mary we might as well start b’fore we git outa the notion. I wouldn’t uh cared about sellin’, maybe, but the kids needs to be in school. They’re growin’ up in ign’rance out here, and Mary’s folks wants us to come back ’n’ settle close handy by—they been at us t’ sell out and move fer the last five years, now, and I told Mary—”

  Even Cal forgot, eventually, that he had asked a question which remained unanswered; what interest he had felt at first was smothered to death beneath that blanket of words, and he eagerly followed the boys out and over to Rusty Brown’s place, where Denson, because of an old grudge against Rusty, might be trusted not to follow.

  “Mamma!” Weary commented amusedly, when they were crossing the street, “that Denson bunch can sure talk the fastest and longest, and say the least, of any outfit I ever saw.”

  “Wonder who did buy him out?” Jack Bates queried. “Old ginger-whiskers didn’t pass out any facts, yuh notice. He couldn’t have got much; his land’s mostly gravel and ’doby patches. He’s got a water right on Flying U creek, you know—first right, at that, seems to me—and a dandy fine spring in that coulee. Wonder why our outfit didn’t buy him out—seeing he wanted to sell so bad?”

  “This wantin’ to sell is something I never heard of b’fore,” Slim said slowly. “To hear him tell it, that ranch uh hisn was worth a dollar an inch, by golly. I don’t b’lieve he’s been wantin’ to sell out. If he had, Mis’ Bixby woulda said something about it. She don’t know about this here sellin’ business, or she’d a said—”

  “Yeah, you can most generally bank on the Countess telling all she knows,” Cal assented with some sarcasm; at which Slim grunted and turned sulky afterward.

  Denson and his affairs they speedily forgot for a time, in the diversion which Rusty Brown’s familiar place afforded to young men with unjaded nerves and a zest for the primitive pleasures. Not until mid-afternoon did it occur to them that Flying U coulee was deserted by all save old Patsy, and that there were chores to be done, if all the creatures of the coulee would sleep in comfort that night. Pink, therefore, withdrew his challenge to the bunch, and laid his billiard cue down with a sigh and the remark that all he lacked was time, to have the scalps of every last one of them hanging from his belt. Pink was figurative in his speech, you will understand; and also a bit vainglorious over beating Andy Green and Big Medicine twice in succession.

  It occurred to Weary then that a word of cheer to the Old Man and his anxious watchers might not cone amiss. Therefore the Happy Family mounted and rode to the depot to send it, and on the way wrangled over the wording of the message after their usual contentious manner.

  “Better tell ’em everything is fine, at this end uh the line,” Cal suggested, and was hooted at for a poet.

  “Just say,” Weary began, when he was interrupted by the discordant clamor from a trainload of sheep that had just pulled in and stopped. “‘Maa-aa, Ma-a-aaa,’ darn yuh,” he shouted derisively, at the peering, plaintive faces, glimpsed between the close-set bars. “Mamma, how I do love sheep!” Whereupon he put spurs to his horse and galloped down to the station to rid his ears of the turbulent wave of protest from the cars.

  Naturally it required some time to compose the telegram in a style satisfactory to all parties. Outside, cars banged together, an engine snorted stertorously, and suffocating puffs of coal smoke now and then invaded the waiting-room while the Happy Family were sending that message of cheer to Chicago. If you are curious, the final version of their combined sentiments was not at all spectacular. It said merely:

  “Everything fine here. Take good care of the Old Man. How’s the Kid stacking up?”

  It was signed simply “The Bunch.”

  “Mary’s little lambs are here yet, I see,” the Native Son remarked carelessly when they went out. “Enough lambs for all the Marys in the country. How would you like to be Mary?”

  “Not for me,” Irish declared, and turned his face away from the stench of them.

  Others there were who rode the length of the train with faces averted and looks of disdain; cowmen, all of them, they shared the range prejudice, and took no pains to hide it.

  The wind blew strong from the east, that day; it whistled through the open, double-decked cars packed with gray, woolly bodies, whose voices were ever raised in strident complaint; and the stench of them smote the unaccustomed nostrils of the Happy Family and put them to disgusted flight up the track and across it to where the air was clean again.

  “Honest to grandma, I’d make the poorest kind of a sheepherder,” Big Medicine bawled earnestly, when they were well away from the noise and sm
ell of the detested animals. “If I had to herd sheep, by cripes, do you know what I’d do? I’d haze ’em into a coulee and turn loose with a good rifle and plenty uh shells, and call in the coyotes to git a square meal. That’s the way I’d herd sheep. It’s the only way you can shut ’em up. They just ‘baa-aa, baa-aa, baa-aa’ from the time they’re dropped till somebody kills ’em off. Honest, they blat in their sleep. I’ve heard ’em.”

  “When you and the dogs were shooting off coyotes?” asked Andy Green pointedly, and so precipitated dissension which lasted for ten miles.

  CHAPTER V

  Sheep

  Slim rising first from dinner on the next day but one opened the door of the mess-house, and stood there idly picking his teeth before he went about his work. After a minute of listening to the boys “joshing” old Patsy about some gooseberry pies he had baked without sugar, he turned his face outward, threw up his head like a startled bull, and began to sniff.

  “Say, I smell sheep, by golly!” he announced in the bellowing tone which was his conversational voice, and sniffed again.

  “Oh, that’s just a left-over in your system from the dose yuh got in town Sunday,” Weary explained soothingly. “I’ve smelled sheep, and tasted sheep, and dreamed sheep, ever since.”

  “No, by golly, it’s sheep! It ain’t no memory. I—I b’hieve I hear ’em, too, by golly.” Slim stepped out away from the building and faced suspiciously down the coulee.

  “Slim, I never suspected you of imagination before,” the Native Son drawled, and loitered out to where Slim stood still sniffing. “I wonder if you’re catching it from Andy and me. Don’t you think you ought to be vaccinated?”

  “That ain’t imagination,” Pink called out from within. “When anybody claims there’s sheep in Flying U coulee, that’s straight loco.”

  “Come on out here and smell ’em yourself, then!” Slim bawled indignantly. “I never seen such an outfit as this is gittin’ to be; you fellers don’t believe nobody, no more. We ain’t all Andy Greens.”

  Upon hearing this Andy pushed back his chair and strolled outside. He clapped his hand down upon Slim’s fat-cushioned shoulder and swayed him gently. “Never mind, Slim; you can’t all be famous,” he comforted. “Some day, maybe, I’ll teach yuh the fine art of lying more convincingly than the ordinary man can tell the truth. It is a fine art; it takes a genius to put it across. Now, the only time anybody doubts my word is when I’m sticking to the truth hike a sand burr to a dog’s tail.”

  From away to the west, borne on the wind which swept steadily down the coulee, came that faint, humming sing-song, which can be made only by a herd of a thousand or more sheep, all blatting in different keys—or by a distant band playing monotonously upon the middle octave of their varied instruments.

  “Slim’s right, by gracious! It’s sheep, sure as yuh live.” Andy did not wait for more, but started at a fast walk for the stable and his horse. After him went the Native Son, who had not been with the Flying U long enough to sense the magnitude of the affront, and Slim, who knew to a nicety just what “cowmen” considered the unpardonable sin, and the rest of the Happy Family, who were rather incredulous still.

  “Must be some fool herder just crossing the coulee, on the move somewhere,” Weary gave as a solution. “Half of ’em don’t know a fence when they see it.”

  As they galloped toward the sound and the smell, they expressed freely their opinion of sheep, the men who owned them, and the lunatics who watched over the blatting things. They were cattlemen to the marrow in their bones, and they gloried in their prejudice against the woolly despoilers of the range.

  All these years had the Flying U been immune from the nuisance, save for an occasional trespasser, who was quickly sent about his business. The Flying U range had been kept in the main inviolate from the little, gray vandals, which ate the grass clean to the sod, and trampled with their sharp-pointed hoofs the very roots into lifelessness; which polluted the water-holes and creeks until cattle and horses went thirsty rather than drink; which, in that land of scant rainfall, devastated the range where they fed so that a long-established prairie-dog town was not more barren. What wonder if the men who owned cattle, and those who tended them, hated sheep? So does the farmer dread an invasion of grasshoppers.

  A mile down the coulee they came upon the band with two herders and four dogs keeping watch. Across the coulee and up the hillsides they spread like a noisome gray blanket. “Maa-aa, maa-aa, maa-aa,” two thousand strong they blatted a strident medley while they hurried here and there after sweeter bunches of grass, very much like a disturbed ant-hill.

  The herders loitered upon either slope, their dogs lying close beside them. There was good grass in that part of the coulee; the Flying U had saved it for the saddle horses that were to be gathered and held temporarily at the ranch; for it would save herding, and a week in that pasture would put a keen edge on their spirits for the hard work of the calf roundup. A dozen or two that ranged close had already been driven into the field and were feeding disdainfully in a corner as far away from the sheep as the fence would permit.

  The Happy Family, riding close-grouped, stiffened in their saddles and stared amazed at the outrage.

  “Sheepherders never did have any nerve,” Irish observed after a minute. “They keep their places fine! They’ll drive their sheep right into your dooryard and tell ’em to help themselves to anything that happens to look good to them. Oh, they’re sure modest and retiring!”

  Weary, who had charge of the outfit during Chip’s absence, was making straight for the nearest herder. Pink and Andy went with him, as a matter of course.

  “You fellows ride up around that side, and put the run on them sheep,” Weary shouted back to the others. “We’ll start the other side moving. Make ’em travel—back where they came from.” He jerked his head toward the north. He knew, just as they all knew, that there had been no sheep to the south, unless one counted those that ranged across the Missouri river.

  As the three forced their horses up the steep slope, the herder, sitting slouched upon a rock, glanced up at them dully. He had a long stick, with which he was apathetically turning over the smaller stones within his reach, and as apathetically killing the black bugs that scuttled out from the moist earth beneath. He desisted from this unexciting pastime as they drew near, and eyed them with the sullenness that comes of long isolation when the person’s nature forbids that other extreme of babbling garrulity, for no man can live long months alone and remain perfectly normal. Nature, that stern mistress, always exacts a penalty from us foolish mortals who would ignore the instincts she has wisely implanted within us for our good.

  “Maybe,” Weary began mildly and without preface, “you don’t know this is private property. Get busy with your dogs, and haze these sheep back on the bench.” He waved his hand to the north. “And, when you get a good start in that direction,” he added, “yuh better keep right on going.”

  The herder surveyed him morosely, but he said nothing; neither did he rise from the rock to obey the command. The dogs sat upon their haunches and perked their ears inquiringly, as if they understood better than did their master that these men were not to be quite overlooked.

  “I meant today,” Weary hinted, with the manner of one who deliberately holds his voice quiet.

  “I never asked yuh what yuh meant,” the herder mumbled, scowling. “We got to keep ’em on water another hour, yet.” He went back to turning over the small rocks and to pursuing with his stick the bugs, as if the whole subject were squeezed dry of interest.

  For a minute Weary stared unwinkingly down at him, uncertain whether to resent this as pure insolence, or to condone it as imbecility. “Mamma!” he breathed eloquently, and grinned at Andy and Pink. “This is a real talkative cuss, and obliging, too. Come on, boys; he’s too busy to bother with a little thing like sheep.”

  He led the way around to the far side of the band, the nearest sheep scuttling away from then as they passed. “I don�
��t suppose we could work the combination on those dogs—what?” he considered aloud, glancing back at them where they still sat upon their haunches and watched the strange riders. “Say, Cadwalloper, you took a few lessons in sheepherding, a couple of years ago, when you was stuck on that girl—remember? Whistle ’em up here and set ’em to work.”

  “You go to the devil,” Pink’s curved hips replied amiably to his boss. “I’ve got loss-uh-memory on the sheep business.”

  Whereat Weary grinned and said no more about it.

  On the opposite side of the coulee, the boys seemed to be laboring quite as fruitlessly with the other herder. They heard Big Medicine’s truculent bellow, as he leaned from the saddle and waved a fist close to the face of the herder, but, though they rode with their eyes fixed upon the group, they failed to see any resultant movement of dogs, sheep or man.

  There is, at times, a certain safety in being the hopeless minority. Though seven indignant cowpunchers surrounded him, that herder was secure from any personal molestation—and he knew it. They were seven against one; therefore, after making some caustic remarks, which produced as little effect as had Weary’s command upon the first man, the seven were constrained to ride here and there along the wavering, gray line, and, with shouts and swinging ropes, themselves drive the sheep from the coulee.

  There was much clamor and dust and riding to and fro. There was language which would have made the mothers of then weep, and there were faces grown crimson from wrath. Eventually, however, the Happy Family faced the north fence of the Flying U boundary, and saw the last woolly back scrape under the lower wire, leaving a toll of greasy wool hanging from the barbs.

  The herders had drawn together, and were looking on from a distance, and the four dogs were yelping uneasily over their enforced inaction. The Happy Family went back and rounded up the herders, and by sheer weight of numbers forced them to the fence without laying so much as a finger upon then. The one who had been killing black bugs gave then an ugly look as he crawled through, but even he did not say anything.