The B. M. Bower Megapack

by B. M. Bower

  “Oh, that’s all right, Bill,” Casey grunted gamely. “I was goin’ to git me a new car, anyway. Mine wasn’t so much. They’re welcome.”

  Bill grunted and spat again, but he did not say anything.

  “I’ll go see Dwyer and see how much I got left,” Casey said presently, and his voice, whether you believe it or not, was cheerful. “I’m going to ketch that evenin’ train to Los.” And he added kindly, “C’m on and eat with me, Bill. I’m hungry.”

  Bill shook his head and gave another grunt, and Casey went off without him.

  After awhile Casey returned. He was grinning, but the grin was, to a careful observer, a bit sickish. “Say, Bill, talk about poker—I’m off it fer life. Now look what it done to me, Bill! I puts twenty-five thousand dollars into the bank—minus two hundred I took in money—and I takes a check book, and I goes over to The Club and gits into a game. I wears the check book down to the stubs. I goes back and asks Dwyer how much I got in the bank, and he looks me over like I was a sick horse he had doubts about being worth doctorin’, and as if he thought he mebby might better take me out an’ shoot me an’ put me outa my misery.

  “‘Jest one dollar an’ sixty-seven cents, Casey,’ he says to me, ‘if the checks is all in, which I trust they air!’” Casey got out his plug of chewing tobacco and pried off a blunted corner. “An’ hell Bill! I had that much in the bank when I started,” he finished plaintively.

  “Hell!” repeated Bill in brief, eloquent sympathy.

  Casey set his teeth together and extracted comfort from the tobacco. He expectorated ruminatively.

  “Well, anyway, I got me some bran’ new socks, an’ they’re paid for, thank God!” He tilted his old Stetson down over his right eye at his favorite, Caseyish angle, stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled out into the sunshine.

  CHAPTER IX

  “At that,” said Bill, grinning a little, “you’ll know as much as the average garage-man. What ain’t reformed livery-stable men are second-hand blacksmiths, and a feller like you, that has drove stage for fifteen year—”

  “Twenty,” Casey Ryan corrected jealously. “Six years at Cripple Creek, and then four in Yellowstone, and I was up in Montana for over five years, driving stage from Dry Lake to Claggett and from there I come to Nevada—”

  “Twenty,” Bill conceded without waiting to hear more, “knows as much as a man that has kept livery stable. Then again you’ve had two Fords—”

  “Oh, I ain’t sayin’ I can’t run a garage,” Casey interrupted. “I don’t back down from runnin’ anything. But if you’d grubstake me for a year, instead of settin’ up this here garage at Patmos, I’d feel like I had a better chance of makin’ us both a piece uh money. There’s a lost gold mine I been wantin’ fer years to get out and look for. I believe I know now about where to hit for. It ain’t lost, exactly. There’s an old Injun been in the habit of packin’ in high grade in a lard bucket, and nobody’s been able to trail him and git back to tell about it. He’s an old she-bear to do anything with, but I got a scheme, Bill—”

  “Ferget it,” Bill advised. “Now you listen to me, Casey, and lay off that prospectin’ bug for awhile. Here’s this long strip of desert from Needles to Ludlow, and tourists trailin’ through like ants on movin’ day. And here’s this garage that I can get at Patmos for about half what the buildin’s worth. You ain’t got any competition, none whatever. You’ve got a cinch. There’ll be cars comin’ in from both ways with their tongues hangin’ out, outa gas, outa oil, needin’ this and needin’ that and looking on that garage as a godsend—”

  “Say, Bill, if I gotta be a godsend I’ll go out somewheres and holler myself to death. Casey’s off that godsend stuff for life; you hear me, Bill—”

  “Glad to hear it, Casey. If you go down there to Patmos to clean up some money for you ’n’ me, you wanta cut out this soft-hearted stuff. Get the money, see? Never mind being kind; you can be kind when you’ve got a stake to be it with. Charge ’em for everything they git, and see to it that the money’s good. Don’t you take no checks. Don’t trust nobody for anything whatever. That’s your weakness, Casey, and you know it. You’re too dog-gone trusting. You promise me you’ll put a bell on your tire tester and a log chain and drag on your pump and jack—say, you wouldn’t believe the number of honest men that go off for a vacation and steal everything, by golly, they can haul away! Pliers, wrenches, oil cans, tire testers— say, you sure wanta watch ’em when they ask yuh for a tester! You can lose more tire testers in the garage business—”

  “Well, now, you watch Casey! When it comes to putting things like that over, they wanta try somebody besides Casey Ryan. You ask anybody if Casey’s easy fooled. But I’d ruther go hunt the Injun Jim mine, Bill.”

  “Say, Casey, in this one summer you can make enough money in Patmos to buy a gold mine. I’ve been reading the papers pretty careful. Why, they say tourist travel is the heaviest that ever was known, and this is early May and it’s only beginning. And lemme tell yuh something, Casey. I’d ruther have a garage in Patmos than a hotel in Los Angeles, and by all they say that’s puttin’ it strong. Ever been over the road west uh Needles, Casey?”

  Casey never had, and Bill proceeded to describe it so that any tourist who ever blew out a tire there with the sun at a hundred and twenty and running in high, would have confessed the limitations of his own vocabulary.

  “And there you are, high and dry, with fifteen miles of the ungodliest, tire-chewinest road on either side of yuh that America can show. About like this stretch down here between Rhyolite and Vegas. And hills and chucks—say, don’t talk to me about any Injun packin’ gold in a lard bucket. Why, lemme tell yuh, Casey, if you work it right and don’t be so dog-gone kind-hearted, you’ll want a five-ton truck to haul off your profits next fall. I’d go myself and let you run this place here, only I got a lot of credit trade and you’d never git a cent outa the bunch. And then you’re wantin’ to leave Lund for awhile, anyway.”

  “You could git somebody else,” Casey suggested half-heartedly. “I kinda hate to be hobbled to a place like a garage, Bill. And if there’s anything gits my goat, it’s patchin’ up old tires. I’ll run ’em flat long as they’ll stay on, before I’ll git out and mend ’em. I’d about as soon go to jail, Bill, as patch tires for tourists; I—”

  “You don’t have to,” said Bill, his grin widening. “You sell ’em new tires, see. There won’t be one in a dozen you can’t talk into a new tire or two. Whichever way they’re goin’, tell ’em the road’s a heap worse from there on than what it was behind ’em. They’ll buy new tires—you take it from me they will. And,” he added virtuously, “you’ll do ’em no harm whatever. If you got a car, you need tires, and a new one’ll always come in handy sometime. You know that yourself, Casey.

  “Now, I’ll put in an assortment of tires, and I’ll trust you to sell ’em. You and the road they got to travel. Why, when I was in Ludlow, a feller blew in there with a big brute of a car—36-6 tires. He’d had a blow-out down the other side of Patmos and he was sore because they didn’t have no tires he could use down there. He bought three tires—three, mind yuh, and peeled off the bills to pay for ’em! Sa-ay when yuh figure two hundred cars a day rollin’ through, and half of ’em comin’ to yuh with grief of some kind—”

  “It’s darn little I know about any car but a Ford,” Casey admitted plaintively. “When yuh come to them complicated ones that you can crawl behind the wheel and set your boot on a button and holler giddap and she’ll start off in a lope, I don’t know about it. A Ford’s like a mule or a burro. You take a monkey wrench and work ’em over, and cuss, and that’s about all there is to it. But you take them others, and I got to admit I don’t know.”

  “Well,” said Bill, and spat reflectively, “you roll up your sleeves and I’ll learn yuh. It’ll take time for the stuff to be delivered, and you can learn a lot in two or three weeks, Casey, if you fergit that prospectin’ idea and put your mind to it.”

 
Casey rolled a cigarette and smoked half of it, his eyes clinging pensively to the barren hills behind Lund. He hunched his shoulders, looked at Bill and grinned reluctantly.

  “She’s a go with me, Bill, if you can’t think of no other way to spend money. I wisht you took to poker more, or minin’, or something that’s got action. Stakin’ Casey Ryan to a garage business looks kinda foolish to me. But if you can stand it, Bill, I can. It’s kinda hard on the tourists, don’t yuh think?”

  Thus are garages born,—too many of them, as suffering drivers will testify. Casey Ryan, known wherever men of the open travel and spin their yarns, famous for his recklessly efficient driving of lurching stagecoaches in the old days, and for his soft heart and his happy-go-lucky ways; famous too as the man who invented ungodly predicaments from which he could extricate himself and be pleased if he kept his shirt on his back; Casey Ryan as the owner of a garage might justly be considered a joke pushed to the very limit of plausibility. Yet Casey Ryan became just that after two weeks of cramming on mechanics and the compiling of a reference book which would have made a fortune for himself and Bill if they had thought to publish it.

  “A quort of oil becomes lubrecant and is worth from five to fifteen cents more per quort when you put it into a two-thousand dollar car or over,” was one valuable bit of information supplied by Bill. Also: “Never cuss or fight a man getting work done in your place. Shut up and charge him according to the way he acts.”

  It is safe to assume that Bill would make a fortune in the garage business anywhere, given normal traffic.

  Patmos consists of a water tank on the railroad, a siding where trains can pass each other, a ten-by-ten depot, telegraph office and express and freight office, six sweltering families, one sunbaked lodging place with tent bedrooms so hot that even the soap melts, and the Casey Ryan garage. I forgot to mention three trees which stand beside the water tank and try to grow enough at night to make up for the blistering they get during the day. The highway (Coast to Coast and signed at every crossroads in red letters on white metal boards with red arrows pointing to the far skyline) shies away from the railroad at Patmos so that perspiring travelers look wistfully across two hundred yards or so of lava rock and sand and wish that they might lie under those three trees and cool off. They couldn’t, you know. It is no cooler under the trees than elsewhere. It merely looks cooler.

  Even the water tank is a disappointment to the uninitiated. You cannot drink the water which the pump draws wheezingly up from some deep reservoir of bad flavors. It is very clear water and it has a sparkle that lures the unwary, but it is common knowledge that no man ever drank two swallows of it if he could help himself. So the water supply of Patmos lies twelve miles away in the edge of the hills, where there is a very good spring. One of the six male residents of Patmos hauls water in barrels, at fifty cents a barrel. He makes a living at it, too.

  One other male resident keeps the lodging place,—I avoid the term lodging house, because this place is not a house. It is a shack with a sign straddling out over the hot porch to insult the credulity of the passers-by. The sign says that this place is “The Oasis,”—and the nearest trees a long rifleshot away, and the coolest water going warm into parched mouths!

  The Oasis stands over by the highway, alongside Casey’s garage, and the proprietor spends nine tenths of his waking hours sitting on the front porch and following the strip of shade from the west end to the east end, and in watching the trains go by, and counting the cars of tourists and remarking upon the State license plate.

  “There’s an outfit from Ioway, maw,” he will call in to his wife. “Wonder where they’re headed fer?” His wife will come to the door and look apathetically at the receding dust cloud, and go back somewhere,—perhaps to put fresh soap in the tents to melt. Toward evening the cars are very likely to slow down and stop reluctantly; sunburned, goggled women and men looking the place over without enthusiasm. It isn’t much of a place, to be sure, but any place is better than none in the desert, unless you have your own bed and frying pan with you, roped in dusty canvas to the back of your car.

  Alongside the Oasis stands the garage, and in the garage swelters Casey,— during this episode. Just at first Bill came down from Lund and helped him to arrange and mark prices on his stock of tires and “parts” and accessories, and to remember the catalogue names for things so that he would recognize them when a car owner asked for them.

  Casey, I must explain, had evolved a system of his own while driving his Ford wickedly here and there to the consternation of his fellow men. Whatever was not a hootin’-annie was a dingbat, and treated accordingly. The hootin’-annie appeared to be the thing that went wrong, while the dingbat was the thing the hootin’-annie was attached to. It was perfectly simple, to Casey and his Ford, but Bill thought it was a trifle limited and was apt to confuse customers. So Bill remained three days mopping his face with his handkerchief and explaining things to Casey. After that Casey hired a heavy-eyed young Mexican to pump tires and fill radiators and the like, and settled down to make his fortune.

  CHAPTER X

  Cars came and cars went, in heat and dust and some tribulation. In a month Casey had seen the color of every State license plate in the Union, and some from Canada and Mexico. From Needles way they came, searching their souls for words to tell Casey what they thought of it as far as they had gone. And Casey would squint up at them from under the rim of his greasy old Stetson and grin his Irish grin.

  “Cheer up, the worst is yet to come,” he would chant, with never a qualm at the staleness of the slogan. “How yuh fixed for water? Better fill up your canteens—yuh don’t wanta git caught out between here and Ludlow with a boilin’ radiator and not water enough. Got oil enough? Juan, you look and see. Can’t afford to run low on oil, stranger. No, ma’am, there ain’t any other road—and if there was another road it’d be worse than what this one is. No, ma’am, you ain’t liable to git off’n the road. You can’t. You’d git stuck in the sand ’fore you’d went the length of your car.”

  He would walk around them and look at their tires, his hands on his hips perhaps and his mouth damped shut in deep cogitation.

  “What kinda shape is your extras in?” he would presently inquire. “She’s a tough one, from here on to the next stop. You got a hind tire here that ain’t goin’ to last yuh five miles up the road.” He would kick the tire whose character he was blackening. “Better lay in a supply of blow-out patches, unless you’re a mind to invest in a new casing.” Very often he would sell a tire or two, complete with new tubes, before the car moved on.

  Casey never did things halfway, and Bill had impressed certain things deep on his mind. He was working with Bill’s money and he obeyed Bill’s commands. He never took a check or a promise for his pay, and he never once let his Irish temper get beyond his teeth or his blackened finger tips. Which is doing remarkably well for Casey Ryan, as you would admit if you knew him.

  At the last moment, when the driver was settling himself behind the wheel, Casey would square his conscience for whatever strain the demands of business had put upon it. “Wait and take a good drink uh cold water before yuh start out,” he would say, and disappear. He knew that the car would wait. The man or woman never lived who refused a drink of cold water on the desert in summer. Casey would return with a pale green glass water pitcher and a pale green glass. He would grin at their exclamations, and pour for them water that was actually cold and came from the coolest water bag inside. Those of you who have never traveled across the desert will not really understand the effect this would have. Those who have will know exactly what was said of Casey as that car moved out once more into the glaring sun and the hot wind and the choking dust.

  Casey always kept one cold water bag and one in process of cooling, and he would charge as much as he thought they would pay and be called a fine fellow afterwards. He knew that. He had lived in dry, hot places before, and he was conscientiously trying to please the public and also make money for Bill,
who had befriended him. You are not to jump to the conclusion, however, that Casey systematically robbed the public. He did not. He aided the public, helped the public across a rather bad stretch of country, and saw to it that the public paid for the assistance.

  Casey saw all sorts and sizes of cars pass to and fro, and most of them stopped at his door, for gas or for water or oil, or perhaps merely to inquire inanely if they were on the right road to Needles or to Los Angeles, as the case might be. Any fool, thought Casey, would know without asking, since there was no other road, and since the one road was signed conscientiously every mile or two. But he always grinned good-naturedly and told them what they wanted him to tell them, and if they shifted money into his palm for any reason whatever he brought out his green glass pitcher and his green glass tumbler and gave them a drink all around and wished them luck.

  There were strip-down Fords that tried to look like sixes, and there were six-cylinder cars that labored harder than Fords. There were limousines, sedans, sport cars,—and they all carried suitcases and canvas rolls and bundles draped over the hoods, on the fenders and piled high on the running boards.

  Sometimes he would find it necessary to remove a thousand pounds or so of ill-wrapped bedding from the back of a tonneau before he could get at the gas tank to fill it, but Casey never grumbled. He merely retied the luggage with a packer’s hitch that would take the greenhorn through his whole vocabulary before he untied it that night, and he would add two bits to the price of the gas because his time belonged to Bill, and Bill expected Casey’s time to be paid for by the public.

  One day when it was so hot that even Casey was limp and pale from the heat, and the proprietor of the Oasis had forsaken the strip of shade on his porch and had chased his dog out of the dirt hollow it had scratched under the house and had crawled under there himself, a party pulled slowly up to the garage and stopped. Casey was inside sitting on the ground and letting the most recently filled water bag drip down the back of his neck. He shouted to Juan, but Juan had gone somewhere to find himself a cool spot for his siesta, so Casey got slowly to his feet and went out to meet Trouble, sopping his wet hair against the back of his head with the flat of his hand before he put on his hat. He squinted into the sunshine and straightway squared himself for business.