Regret

by Max Henry

  “It’s not the approval I have issue with.” John’s tone seems tired, exhausted.

  “It’s what happens when he’s older,” Cerise explains. “What happens when you want to start a family?”

  “Why would you fucking care?” Belle scathes. “To be honest, the fact you give enough of a shit to come here and back Dad up baffles me anyway.”

  “That’s the point, sweetheart,” Cerise sneers. “I’m here to back him up. Your bratty arse won’t listen to him, so he had no option but to bring me into it.”

  And there’s the truth…

  Belle remains quiet. I’d pay to see her face right now, read what she’s thinking. Deep down, does she believe the lame shit they’re feeding her? Does she care?

  “I think you’re making a mistake, sweetheart,” John reiterates.

  “Well I don’t think she is, for what it’s worth,” Sharon snaps before I make out the sound of her walking toward me.

  I move for the front door, passing her as she steps through the doorway into the hall. Her eyes go wide, before they soften and she gives me a small smile. I hate pity, but at least it’s nice to know I have someone on our side.

  My head aches as I step outside and secure Belle’s gear to the back of the bike. Like it or not, John has a point: Belle won’t even be fifty by the time I get my pensioner card in the mail. Maybe right now we can swing this age gap thing, but what if when we get older she grows to resent me for holding her back?

  I pull the straps tight on the bags and then pull in a deep breath before facing the lot of them. All I wanted in life was to be what somebody needed, what made somebody happy. So far all I’ve done is bring hurt and stress to those who know me.

  Is it too much to ask to be the fucking good guy for a change?

  Belle’s gaze finds me as I step through the living room door. She seems relieved, a soft smile on her lips as I cross between where John and Cerise sit to take my place on the arm of Belle’s chair.

  “Everything okay?”

  Belle’s hand rests on my leg as Cerise answers. “Wonderful. Belle just finished telling me about her plans now that she’s home.”

  Interesting way to put it. “You ready to go, then?” I look to my girl, terrified that this is the beginning of a downward spiral for us.

  I only just got her back—like fuck I want her to leave again because of a few things her fucking family said. But the possibility is there and I’d be a fool not to recognise that.

  “Yeah. I am.” Belle rises from her seat, as does John. “I’ll catch up later, Dad.”

  “Sure.” He doesn’t hug his daughter same as he normally would. He stands there, hands in pockets, and looks at her with what seems like guilt.

  “Where’s Sharon?” I make a point of looking around for her.

  “I think she wasn’t feeling the best,” John lies. “I’ll pass on that you said goodbye.”

  I nod, holding his gaze. Staunch indifference greets me; the look I know means John is more than set in his way and nothing will sway him.

  I can’t believe he stooped so low. I can’t believe the man I knew, the one who would hold his daughter high above everything and everyone else, would do this to her.

  He’s systematically cutting her down, an inch at a time until she breaks.

  I don’t think I can say I know the guy anymore. This isn’t John. The guy I know wouldn’t have called Cerise, let alone allowed such a distance to grow between him and his child.

  “Good to catch up, Cerise,” I quip as I take Belle’s hand. “Wherever you are these days, it seems to be a good place for you.” She glowers before I add, “You look well.”

  Bitch knows the message between the lines. Fuck the hell off back to where you came from and stay there.

  Belle takes the lead, pulling me by my hand toward the front entrance. I throw a wave over my shoulder as we head outside, John following to shut the door behind us.

  “Well.” I hand Belle her helmet. “That was awkward.”

  “Yeah.” She clips the straps and then climbs on to shunt herself back up against the bags.

  I put the key in and then pull back to stare at her.

  “What?” Her brow furrows a little, but her mouth remains sour.

  “You don’t believe them, do you?”

  She frowns.

  “I heard what they said.”

  “Zeus….”

  I lift a hand. “On second thought, this conversation can wait until we get home.”

  Like fuck I’ll risk putting myself in a hell of a mood before I have to get us home. Nope. Sometimes it’s best to put off the things you know are going to hurt, just so you can be sure you’ll keep focus on what matters.

  And right now, getting Belle safely back to where she belongs is what matters most.

  Only time will tell if I can keep her there.

  TWENTY-THREE

  Belle

  The ride back to Zeus’s gives me time to think on what my parents said, time to get my ducks in a row before Zeus presses me on the hard issues. I guess most of all I’m just disappointed that this is how things have turned out. Why do people have to push their ideals onto others, especially when it clearly makes the other person miserable?

  If Zeus and I think we’ll have issues when he’s older, then that’s our bug to bear. They’re entitled to think the way they do, but when it comes to letting me do what makes me happy, why can’t they just let that be?

  Why do they have to prick holes in my happiness with their bitter thorns?

  I follow Zeus into his house, admiring the sight of his arms as he carries my bags, handles slung over his shoulders, biceps bulging. He’s always been strong, always been a powerhouse, but until Dad brought the subject up I never gave thought to the fact it won’t last.

  There will come a day when he can’t do what he has for the past twenty years any longer. And what then? I wanted to say that I’d carry him, that it would be my turn to provide. But what if Dad’s hesitation is founded and my career as an artist never makes it past the stage of just getting by? Can I support us both on what I make?

  “Dove,” Zeus growls as he drops my bags on the living room floor. “You need to fucking talk to me, because I can’t handle being left out of your thoughts right now.”

  I sigh as I catch sight of the pain in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I was processing everything. I….”

  “Do you believe them?”

  I shrug one shoulder. “A little.”

  “What part?” He steps before me, hands on my arms at my sides.

  “What Dad said about what you’ll do once you can’t work on the road anymore.”

  His lips tilt up on one side. “I can drive machinery until I’m seventy, if my eyesight holds up.”

  “I know.”

  “What’s the issue then?” He hesitates before adding, “Because I feel like I’m about to lose you again.”

  “No.” I slide my arms around his waist, leaning back so I can look in his eyes. “You won’t.” I hate hurting him. I hate that I do this to him without even trying.

  “I wanted today to be special.” He shrugs, his confidence burned. “It’s a milestone, dove. You live here now.”

  “I do.” I lean up and place a kiss to his lips.

  He frowns, eyes closed as though in pain.

  “Don’t worry about my silly thoughts,” I say. “I’m a woman—we overthink things.” He doesn’t seem convinced, so I slide my hands to his arse and grab a handful. “What did you say earlier about getting me naked?”

  He can’t fight the smile he gives. “I did say that, didn’t I?”

  “What are you waiting for, then?”

  His nostrils flare as he looks me over. “I hate that they can ruin the mood so easy. I hate that they get into your head.”

  I run my palms from his arse, up his back, loving the feel of his muscles beneath my touch. There’s something about that channel in the middle of a man’s back, the width of his shoulders that ge
ts me hot under the collar.

  There’s something about Zeus’s that make me wild.

  I run my fingertips along the groove of his spine as I retrace my path back to his arse. “You know that there isn’t anything they could say that would put me off you, right?”

  He seems unconvinced as he frowns, his hands still on my waist.

  “Babe.” I push up on my toes and place a soft kiss against his full lips. “So what if you’re old and wrinkly while I’m a hot piece of arse?”

  He smiles at my sarcastic tone.

  “Imagine how jealous your workmates will be,” I tease. “They’ll be saying things like ‘There goes that son of a bitch, Zeus, with the fox of a wife’.”

  “Wife?” He cocks an eyebrow, his hands finally moving across my body.

  My cheeks flush; the slip up wasn’t intentional. It just came out. “Maybe one day.”

  “Mmm.” He ducks his head to steal a kiss. “One day.”

  I gasp as he hoists me onto his hips, starting for the bedroom. I shift my arms to rest against his chest, cradling his face in my hands. “I love you, you over-sensitive idiot. That’s all you need to worry about.”

  He meets my lips, still walking, still headed for the bedroom. Fuck knows how he sees where he’s going when he kisses me with as much heat as he does, but like I’m about to complain.

  My back hits the wall, earning a giggle rom the two of us.

  “Oops,” he mumbles, lips still locked with mine.

  I let go with my right hand and feel blindly behind me for the door, reluctant to stop this kiss. All I find is wall.

  “Babe.” I break away, yet keep my forehead against his. “I have no idea where you’re going.”

  “I do.” He twists so my back is flat against the wall.

  I catch the bedroom door in my periphery; we were nowhere near it.

  Zeus trails his kisses from my mouth to my ear, whispering, “I know exactly where I’m headed.” He leaves a hot path in his wake as his mouth drags down the side of my neck, the feel of his soft lips against my flesh incredibly erotic. “I’m finding my way,” he mumbles against my chest, one hand helping to hold me to the wall as he feels his way between us to my stomach with the other, “here.” He pushes his hand beneath the waist of my jeans, wriggling his fingers to get inside my panties.

  “Fuck me,” I mumble, head pushed back against the wall as my eyes roll into my head.

  “Plan to.” His teeth graze my collarbone as his thick fingers push between the folds of my pussy.

  I melt into him, desperate to connect, desperate to show my man how little I fucking care about his age, about where he’ll be in ten, fifteen, twenty years—as long as it’s with me.

  “Fucking missed you,” he murmurs, fingers stroking, teasing, spreading my arousal. “Today.” One finger slips inside. “Yesterday.” Two. “Every day since you left.”

  I whimper as he pumps his fingers inside of me, the grip of his other hand punishing on my hip as he pins me to the wall with his shoulder. Only his thick thigh stops me from sliding away.

  “I missed you too.” My fingers dive into his hair—his long hair—as I place a kiss to his temple. “So much.”

  Zeus lifts his chin, bringing his mouth to mine as my climax builds. It’s too soon, I want this to last, but in equal parts I’m desperate for that wave of bliss that comes at his hand.

  “I don’t…,” I pant. “I don’t want to….”

  “Come yet?” His lips brush the tip of my nose before he pulls his hand from my swollen pussy.

  Still holding me to the wall, he tries to use his free hand to undo his belt, growling when the angle I’m on inhibits his progress.

  “Here.” I reach down, helping him to pull the strap back to let the catch free, strangely turned on at this display of teamwork.

  It’s either this, or he puts me down, and right now I want to stay where I am, completely at his mercy.

  His frustration remains as he frees himself from the confines of his jeans, seemingly impatient to get inside of me. Dark, hungry eyes hold mine as Zeus moves, shunting me up the wall a little to line his cock up with my entrance.

  “However old I am,” he grumbles, “I’ll never be too old to fuck you like this.”

  I cry out his fullness, at the ache of the stretch as he pushes into me with one brutal thrust of his hips. My scalp burns where his hand fists in my hair, his lips tight as he snarls against my neck, “Never too old to show you who you belong to.”

  I’m his.

  As my muscles tighten and my climax rips through me, fuck am I his.

  ***

  We started in the hallway, neither of patient enough to make it in the bedroom before he took me against the wall. But the best of all was the slow and sensual exploration we made of each other in the shower before we called it a night.

  For an “old guy” he sure has the stamina of an eighteen-year-old.

  His eagerness to please reminds why it is I should ignore the poisonous thoughts my parents put in my head and remember what it is I’m thankful for.

  A man who loves me.

  A man who truly cares for me.

  A man who would be content with simply having me by his side.

  The last thought clears the doubts from my mind when it comes to the issues our age will cause down the track. He doesn’t need the hot and heavy to enjoy having me around; it’s an added bonus, is all. A treat.

  Zeus wants me here because quite simply, I’m me.

  He wants me. And that’s something that won’t change no matter how old we get—Zeus will always be Zeus, and I’ll always be me. Add a few grey hairs, and the connection we have will remain.

  I brush the knots out of my hair and then switch the bathroom light out as I head to where Zeus is already in bed. He lies on his side, phone in one hand while he taps out a message.

  “Am I interrupting?” I tease, although deep down my jealousy wants to know who the hell it is.

  He grins, eyes positively drinking me in before he finishes the last few taps and then tosses the device aside. “Nope. Just talking to a guy about work.”

  “At this time of night?”

  He nods, beckoning for me to join him. “I had an offer to switch jobs.”

  “You want to take it?” I settle on the bed beside him, rested on my knees.

  “I already did.” Zeus reaches out and slides a hand beneath my tank top. “Start next week. More money, same hours, and a possibility of moving up the food chain.” I see it in his eyes before he says it. “Means I could provide for you longer, if I had the option of pushing paper when my body gets tired.”

  “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to just because of me.” My eyes close when his thumb grazes my nipple.

  “I’d do it for us. And besides, I want a change. I want a chance to do more, be more.”

  “It’s your decision,” I tell him. “You do what’s best for you, okay?”

  He slides his hand free, only to knock me off balance and roll over top of me, caging me between his arms. “You’re what’s best for me, dove.”

  I trace a path up his arms. “It’s surreal that we’re here, together in your house.”

  “Our house,” he corrects.

  I smirk. “Hard habit to get into.”

  He leans in to place a kiss against my neck. “Better get used to it.” My lips part as he repeats the action on the other side. “Because this is how things are going to be from now on. You and me, dove. How it always should have been.”

  TWENTY-FOUR

  Zeus

  The past week has been nothing short of perfect, coming home to Belle each night. Having her there beside me when I go to bed. Having her there when I wake up, even if she isn’t much of a morning person. I love everything about her, even the way she beats me over the head with the pillow when I rip the covers off.

  “We really should get a car,” she muses as she takes her helmet off. “It would save us having to come
here three times a week since we can’t pack too much on the bike.”

  “I told you, we could order online and get it delivered.”

  She looks up at the supermarket, lips twisted. “I don’t trust other people to pick my produce.”

  “You don’t trust other people, period.”

  Belle narrows her eyes on me, yet smiles in that way that says I’ve got her figured out.

  “Besides, I have a car.” I pocket the keys and hold my hand out for her. “I need to finish it, is all.”

  She slips hers in mine, head shaking. “It’s seriously wrong how turned on I get seeing you in your work gear.”

  I waggle my eyebrows as we walk through the automatic doors. “It’s the uniform, baby.”

  She pulls her hand free to grab a basket from the stack. “Careful, or I won’t let you take it off. Even on weekends.”

  I smirk at the idea, knowing that if she wanted me to wear my high-vis outside of work hours I’d fucking do I just knowing it made her happy. “What first?”

  “We need apples.” She heads for the display, oblivious to who stands on the other side.

  I glare at Cerise, letting her know she can keep her goddamn mouth shut. Bitch never did take a hint.

  “You know, I’ve been shopping here for two years and I’ve never once seen you,” she says, holding my gaze.

  Belle looks over the top of the fruit, and frowns. “Lucky us, then.”

  “Had a good week?” I ask, playing the super-nice card.

  “Quiet.” She places her oranges in the cart and pushes it around to our side. “But then, the weeks are always relatively dull when you live alone.”

  “Wonder whose fault that is,” Belle mutters under her breath.

  Cerise frowns, having missed what was said. “Having fun playing house?”

  “The only person who played that like it was a game was you,” Belle snaps. “But yes, Zeus and I are happy. Thank you for asking.”

  “How’s Damien? Heard from him since you crushed his heart?”

  I set a hand on Belle’s shoulder, steering her away. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, Cerise.”

  She doesn’t get the hint, digging in further. “John showed me some of your pictures from your time overseas.”