A Thousand Reasons

by Mariah Dietz

  “Why do you care?”

  “Luna!” I cry. “What happened?” I reach forward and pull the ice from her face, revealing a bright red circle beneath her left eye. “Who hit you?”

  She purses her lips defiantly.

  “Did this happen at school?”

  “Why are you home?” she asks.

  “Luna, answer me, dammit. What happened? Why are you throwing your life away?”

  “Why are you being so dramatic? I’m seventeen!”

  “You just got done being suspended, and now you’re home with a black eye! I realize that right now you think it won’t matter if you remain here. That living here forever isn’t the end of the world—and it wouldn’t be—but I know you have dreams. I just don’t know why you’re so afraid to follow them!”

  Luna shakes her head. “You don’t know me, Leela. You think you know me, but you’re never even around. All you do is go to school and go to work.”

  “You used to beg me to play school every single waking moment. You’ve always wanted to be a teacher.”

  “I was a kid!”

  “So choose a new goal. Pick a new dream!”

  “Life isn’t all about dreams and the future. Sometimes it’s just about getting by.”

  “That’s easy for you to say now, Luna. You’re a teenager. You don’t understand how the world works. Here’s a newsflash for you, it’s only going to get harder.”

  Luna’s chin crumples, and her face flushes. I haven’t seen my little sister cry in nearly a year, not since her ex, Clay, broke up with her. Even the nude photos of her being circulated or having to face Mom and Dad after they saw them didn’t make her cry. “School isn’t easy for me. Not like it is for you. No one believes in me—not even our parents think I’m capable of more.”

  “They do.”

  Anger flashes across her face, drawing her lips into a straight line. “They don’t. Everyone expects me to be a screw up.”

  I don’t have a close relationship with my little sister. I haven’t comforted her since she was a kid—when she wasn’t embarrassed to cry in front of me—to me. “Then prove them wrong, Luna. Prove them all wrong. I know you can do it.”

  She cries harder, as though my words of encouragement are battling with her strength and conviction to believe the lies she’s begun accepting. “I’ll help you. I will help in any way that I can.”

  “My entire school calls me nipples because they’ve all seen me naked. No one takes me seriously. Boys try to touch me. Girls whisper about me whenever I walk by. Even my teachers don’t believe in me.”

  My chest aches with the reality she’s painting. I was invisible for much of high school, I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I’d been heckled and teased. “I can help you transfer schools,” I tell her. “There are numerous public schools in the area. We’ll work on your grades, and you can even apply to go to a private school if you’re interested.”

  Luna shakes her head. “Then they’ll know I ran away, and they’ll win.”

  “It’s not about winning or losing—it’s about your future. That’s more important than pride.”

  “My counselor said I might get held back,” Luna admits.

  Guilt piles atop obligation. I’m certain my parents have no idea. While they’re proud of me and my accomplishments, they would have been proud of me to have graduated at the bottom of my class and be juggling jobs without med school. “That’s okay. Tons of people are held back.”

  “Not you.”

  “You can’t compare yourself to me or anyone else. This is your life and only your life. It matters if you’re happy and living the way you want to. That’s it.” I stare at my sister, half of her face still hidden beneath the ice pack. “Luna, you can do this. I promise. I know it seems scary and hard, but change can be a really good thing sometimes, and if this change doesn’t work out then we’ll pivot and change again.”

  She takes a deep breath. “I’m going to be in trouble.”

  “For fighting?”

  Luna nods.

  “What happened?”

  Another deep sigh has her closing her uncovered eye. “I was running an errand for my teacher, and Annabelle…” She looks to me, searching for recognition.

  “That’s who Clay is dating now?” I ask, knowing she was the girl he’d initially broken up with Luna to date.

  My sister nods her confirmation. “She was in the breezeway with a friend, and when I walked past them, she pretended I’d dropped a dollar from my pants, and called me a stripper.”

  Anger heats my cheeks. “What a bitch!”

  Luna raises her eyebrows. “Tell me about it.”

  “So you hit her?”

  “I didn’t mean to. I was just so angry and embarrassed, and it just … happened.”

  I nod with understanding.

  “And then she hit you?”

  “Twice.”

  “Did you get suspended?”

  She shakes her head. “I just took off and walked home. I couldn’t show my face. Not only has this girl tormented me for the past year, she gave me a black eye.”

  “Maybe we should take legal action? This is ridiculous. This girl is horrible.”

  “I just don’t want to go back there anymore.” Her chin quivers as more tears start to fall.

  “Don’t worry. I’m going to fix this.” I take Luna’s hand and lead her the short distance to the living room. “Let’s just watch something and eat some ice cream, and then I’ll start making some calls and we’ll figure everything out, okay?”

  Her shoulders fall, and I can tell this is what she needs—my sister needs help and guidance, and more importantly she needs an ally.

  We each polish off two bowls of the ice cream Mom had brought home, and then while Luna starts another episode of a TV show we began binging, I step outside to the backyard and call in sick to my job for the first time, allotting me time to start untangling this mess.

  Several hours later, Luna and I return home with a transfer certificate request to the new high school she chose. It’s as close as her current school and because the district cut off is just a few blocks from our house, she will know several of the kids who go there. My sister seems happy for the first time in over a year, and while I’m grateful to have taken steps to help overcome this hurdle, I’ve not been able to wash away the guilt that’s been plaguing me since realizing how miserable she’s been.

  Dad’s home, but Mom’s still gone. These days my schedule is so difficult for me to keep track of that it’s impossible to remember where our parents are supposed to be.

  “Do you think this new school will decline me?” Luna asks.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I’m not entirely sure how this all works. Regardless, if this doesn’t work, we’ll try something else.”

  She sighs, again revealing her relief. “Jasmine’s doing my hair tonight, you probably already know this, but if you want to come, I’m going to leave in a few.”

  “Actually … I need to make a call really fast.”

  “Okay, well then I might head over there now and just hang out with her and Jordan until she’s ready.”

  “I might head to San Diego, but I’ll text Jasmine and let you guys know if I do.”

  “You really like this guy, don’t you?”

  “It sounds silly because I barely know him, but I do. I like him a lot. There’s just something about him and spending time with him that feels … right.”

  “Not everything in life requires charts and graphs to understand,” Luna tells me.

  I smile. “I don’t know. I’d kind of prefer to see some charts and graphs so I better understand how I’m feeling and what’s going to happen.”

  Luna laughs. “You would.”

  22

  Wes

  “Hey!” I answer, seeing Leela’s name across the screen of my phone.

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “I’m well. How are you?”

  “I’ve
had an enlightening day,” she says. “I know it’s kind of late, but I was wondering if you have plans tonight?”

  It’s barely past seven. I smile. “I thought you had to work tonight?”

  “Something came up with my sister.”

  I pause. Leela had mentioned her sister fighting with her parents had been the reason she’d gone to the party at Jamal’s, to hear that something else has happened makes me wonder if there’s an ongoing issue or if it’s something new. “Is everything all right?”

  “Not yet, but I think it will be soon.”

  “That’s good. I’m sorry you’ve had a rough day. Do you want me to head that way? Or you could come over?” I ask. “I’m actually over at Max’s, but we can do whatever. Go to a movie or get something to eat.”

  “I’ll head that way and we can decide,” Leela says.

  “That sounds good.”

  “I’ll see you soon,” Leela says.

  “Okay.”

  “All right.”

  “I really have no game,” I admit to her.

  Leela laughs, the sound unchained and uncensored, making me smile. “If you were super suave and smooth it would just make my awkwardness even worse. I’m grateful you’re exactly like you are.”

  “I’m going to pretend all I heard was suave and smooth.”

  She laughs harder. “Good, that’s exactly what I said. Okay, I’m hanging up now, and I’ll see you in a bit.”

  “You’re lucky you’re cute. That’s the only reason this nerdy vibe is working for you,” Kendall tells me as she makes her way from the kitchen into the living room.

  “I’m blaming this on all of you,” I tell her. “Before spending so much time with couples, I had game. I was cool. I was great with pickup lines and telling women they were attractive. And then you and your sister messed everything up by getting in my head and teaching me that guys who do that are pigs who I want to beat up. So, it’s your fault.”

  “I’m flattered.”

  “Uh-huh. I’ll remember that next week when I can’t walk. You owe me.”

  She grins before heading down the hall to her and Jameson’s room.

  When Leela arrives, her long red hair is tied back. She’s smiling though her tinted cheeks reveal she’s nervous. “Hey,” she says.

  “Do you want to come in? Or are you hungry?”

  Leela shakes her head. “I’m good.” She stops, her eyes stretched. “Unless you’re hungry. I don’t mean to…”

  I chuckle. We’re both awkward as all hell. I move to the side so she can step past me, and as she does I smell the familiar scents that follow her: sugar cookies and lavender. It reminds me of clean laundry and of playing outside as a kid when worries were simple and life was easy.

  “How was your appointment yesterday? You said the surgeon was boring, but you didn’t tell me what they suggested.”

  “He was boring,” I tell her again. “Come on. We’ll sit in the kitchen for a while. Can I get you something to drink?”

  “That would be great.”

  “Without testing your alcohol tolerance levels again, there’s lemonade, strawberry lemonade, limeade, apple juice, milk, or water.”

  “Anything is fine.”

  “Great. Then what would you like?”

  She rolls her lips together, similar to the way my mother used to when I’d sit in her bathroom and watch her apply lipstick before work. With Leela it’s not to spread the color of makeup, but a nervous tic, and like many of the traits and mannerisms of hers I’m beginning to see and recognize—I’m mesmerized by it. “Strawberry lemonade sounds great.”

  I grab two glasses from the cupboard and fill both with ice before adding the pink juice and leading her to the kitchen table.

  “Thanks for this,” Leela says, accepting the glass. “But I have to ask, are you going to keep me in suspense all night?”

  Her light green eyes are filled with a humor I want to reciprocate once again, but there’s an edge of intensity behind her voice that tells me she’s expecting a serious answer this time. “They want to repair it with surgery.”

  Leela nods, as though this was the answer she was expecting. “I’ve been reading a lot about Achilles ruptures this week. Did they give you the option of doing open surgery or percutaneous?”

  “I want you to be my tutor so you can say that to me a dozen more times. I think I’d retain more.”

  “I think you’d retain less.” Leela grins, taking a long drink of her lemonade.

  “Likely.” Definitely. “We discussed both options, and he suggested open surgery to ensure it’s repaired and there aren’t any lasting effects.”

  Again, Leela nods. “I agree. How soon do they want to perform the surgery?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  Green eyes round with shock. “Tomorrow, tomorrow?”

  I nod.

  “Wow. Okay. What time?”

  “Early.”

  “How early? I can drive you there. You won’t want to drive because you won’t be able to get back home.”

  “Don’t worry. Max and Landon are taking the day off, and they’re going to drive me.”

  Leela sits back in her seat, and I can tell something about this news bothers her. “It will be okay.”

  She shakes her head. “I know. I… I’m glad they’re going to help you out. I think I’m just in fix-it mode from my sister, and it’s sometimes really hard for me to delegate things. But that’s a good plan, and I’m really happy you’ll have both of them there with you as your advocates and support system.”

  I nod, realizing that among my trivial moping session, I didn’t recognize the situation in the same perspective as Leela has.

  “Would you mind giving them my number and having one of them update me when you’re out of surgery and let me know how things go?”

  “Absolutely. But there’s nothing to worry about. I’m sure you already know the exact procedure and timing and all the details there are to know about the surgery.”

  Leela smiles.

  “Will I be talking about alien cats in post-op?” I ask her.

  “There’s a possibility.”

  We laugh, the mood light and our knees touching. “Tell me about your sister. Was what happened today connected to the situation last week, that your parents and her were fighting over?”

  Leela lifts her shoulders. “Kind of.” There’s a hesitancy present that is difficult for me to decipher. I can’t tell if she doesn’t want to tell me about it or doesn’t think she should.

  “Is it serious?”

  She pulls in a deep breath that draws her shoulders back. “Last year, she dated a guy who really messed with her. She made the mistake of sending him nude pictures of herself, and then they broke up, and he shared them with the entire school.”

  I cringe. “It got pretty ugly, huh?”

  She raises her eyebrows. “She had to get a new number because of all the inappropriate calls she was getting, and her locker was vandalized. People call her names… It’s been a really tough year for her, and because my sister doesn’t like to talk about her feelings, she’s been expressing her pain with retaliation.”

  “Has the school done anything to help?”

  Leela’s lips grow tight. “They’ve talked about opening a harassment case, but then the school board said there was no way to prove Luna hadn’t sent the pictures out to everyone if she had been willing to send them to one person.”

  “You’re kidding!”

  She shakes her head again, sorrow rounding her eyes. “I’m working on transferring her schools. Give her a fresh start somewhere else and hope the rumors don’t follow her.”

  “Are you guys close?”

  “Me and Luna?” Leela laughs. “Sometimes. Luna and I are very different and yet too much the same. We both get stubborn and then we don’t communicate and it leads us to making assumptions and being angry with each other. I thought that was par for the course with sisters until I met Ace and Kendall.”

&
nbsp; I smile. “Trust me, they have their differences as well, but those two are just freaks of nature. No siblings get along the way those girls do.”

  Leela grins.

  “You don’t talk about your brother much,” I comment. “Do you guys get along?”

  She shakes her head. “Not really.”

  “Is he stubborn, too?”

  Leela smirks. “Since I’m airing all of my family’s drama, I guess there’s no use holding this back. Growing up without much money, we never had any real issues. I mean, many have it far worse than we did. We never had the latest toys or cool electronics, but we always had food to eat and clothes to wear. But Troy recognized all the things we didn’t have really quickly and he became obsessed with those differences. He started running with a bad crowd—older kids who lived near us and did drugs. He began buying and selling, and eventually using.”

  “How long was he in that lifestyle?”

  “He’s still in it,” she says. “He thought he was going to make all this money off of it, but it’s like any other pyramid scheme, and he doesn’t make hardly anything from it. He dropped out of high school and just perpetuates the issue by selling it to others who think they’re going to get rich by selling drugs, too.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I tell her. “I don’t know how you remain so calm when you have so much weight on your shoulders.”

  Leela’s cheeks turn the color of crimson. “I didn’t … I wasn’t…” she begins, shaking her head. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. It’s important to me that you don’t see me as a charity case because that was one of my greatest concerns with us being together. I’m good. I’ve worked hard to ensure things are going to change, and they will.”

  “I don’t see you as a charity case,” I tell her. “Instead, I find you incredibly strong. Most people wouldn’t be able to do what you have without feeling bitter and angry at the world.”

  She shakes her head. “In my experience, it’s not having that has taught me so much about patience and respect. I know what it’s like not to be able to achieve some of the simplest of things, so when I’m faced with an opportunity, I don’t take it for granted.”