Searching Hearts Box Set: Books 1-5

by St. Clair, Ellie

  She was no longer as afraid as she had been, and was enjoying her new life here, even with the long hours and early mornings. It was better than living in constant fear, caught in a web with no way of escape. The only problem on her hands was the unexpected pull of attraction she felt to Lord Harrington.

  Sophie hated that she was beginning to look forward to spending time in his company. It was more than pleasure at being called away from dusting, and she was finding her feelings quite disconcerting. He was handsome, of course, but she continually got the impression that there was something underneath the layers of self-assurance and pride that he was trying desperately to hide. He had not spoken to her of it, but there was something like frustration in his eyes whenever he came over to check her progress. There was, of course, the time he had mentioned finding calculations and the like more difficult than she, but that was not something he needed to be embarrassed about.

  Sighing, she lifted the cup to her mouth and sipped at the hearty brew. Mayhap he was ashamed that he needed her help in order to fully understand his accounts or to go over any mistakes she had found. Gentlemen could be so pride filled.

  Sophie felt her cheeks warm as she recalled how he had stood so very close to her, his waist at her shoulder as he had come to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder at her work. The scent of pine and nutmeg had drifted towards her, making her senses reel for just a moment. When he had brought his hand forward to point out something she had written, his fingers had brushed her shoulder, and her body had burned with a sudden, unexpected fire.

  It was not wise to have any kind of affection for one’s employer.

  Besides which, Sophie was not exactly telling him the truth about who she was and what she was doing in his home. If he knew she was a lady, would it make any difference in his behavior towards her? Given what the staff said about him – that he was a rake who took his pleasures anywhere he wanted – Sophie had to believe that it was safer for her to remain a servant in his eyes, since he had not gone near a single maid since his return a week ago.

  And while her instincts told her he would not take what was not freely given, she was hesitant to believe as such, given her past experience with Malcolm.

  “You are quite foolish, you know,” she told herself, picking up the tea tray and walking to the kitchen to wash up the dishes. “More than foolish. Idiotic.”

  Giving herself quite a firm telling off, Sophie began to wash the tea cups, bidding Mrs. Martins good night as she passed her in the long narrow corridor. The servants’ quarters were quiet and still, and Sophie found herself enjoying the silence. The kitchen was warm still, after all the cooking of the day, and Sophie chose to sit down at the large wooden table in the center of the room, and simply listen to the quiet.

  It brought her a peace that she had not often experienced in her last year. Resting her head on her arms, Sophie smiled softly to herself, thinking just how blessed she had been to escape such a torment as that of her cousin. Her gaze lingered on the candle on the table, watching the pale glow of the candlelight spread across the kitchen.

  * * *

  A sudden thump had her jerking upright, and she realized that she had fallen asleep. Blinking furiously, Sophie saw that her candle was burning low and that a chill had begun to spread across her shoulders. Whatever had been that noise?

  Slowly getting up from the table, Sophie picked up her candle and began to make her way soundlessly towards her own quarters. Perhaps it had been nothing more than a mouse in the cellar, although it would have had to have been a very large mouse to make such a thump as she had heard. The thought made her smile, relieving some of the tension she felt. Walking slowly, she heard the sound again, followed by a series of muttered curses.

  There was someone in the pantry.

  Sophie took a breath and stepped forward, lifting her chin and curling one hand into a fist, just in case she should need a weapon. A small light from within the pantry told her she was quite right to assume that someone was within and, before thinking of the possible danger, she pushed the door open wide.

  Lord Harrington stared back at her, his eyes wide, hair tousled and shirt almost completely untucked, the top buttons open to reveal the slight dusting of hair on top of the muscles of his chest.

  “Oh, my lord!” Sophie stammered, suddenly not knowing where to look as her cheeks burned with color. “Do forgive me, I thought…”

  “I can’t find the brandy.”

  Sophie looked back at him again, seeing the slight wildness in his eyes. He had clearly drunk a little too much, although why he might be looking for brandy, when there was a plentiful supply in almost every room of the house, Sophie could not say.

  “I know there is certainly brandy in your study, my lord,” she said, quietly, entirely at a loss as to how to remove him from the pantry. Should she call the housekeeper? Or the butler?

  “No, I drank it,” he replied, his eyes glazing over just a little.

  “The library then, or the drawing room?” Sophie asked, wondering how he had managed to come down the stairs without breaking his neck given how he staggered. “Come, my lord, we should go in search of some for you.”

  It was a bold idea, but Sophie knew she could not leave him in the pantry, otherwise the cook would have a fit come the morning. It was already in a little bit of a mess, and he had managed to stand on some of the vegetables for tomorrow’s dinner. More were at risk if Sophie could not remove him as soon as possible.

  “Can you show me?” Lord Harrington asked as he reached for her. “The brandy, I mean. Nothing else.” A quiet chuckle escaped from his chest, making Sophie’s cheeks burn.

  “Yes, of course,” she murmured, trying not to react when he slung one arm around her waist, the emotions of desire and unease at play within her. “This way, my lord.”

  To her surprise, Lord Harrington was quiet as they climbed the steps, which was possibly because he was concentrating on not missing a stair. It was something of a difficult task, and Sophie found herself taking the strain of his weight on more than one occasion, but eventually they reached the hallway.

  “The library first, I think,” Sophie said, hoping that he might allow her to return to the servants’ quarters once he was settled in front of the fire. “I am quite sure there is some brandy to be had in there.” Why he had not thought to go in search of it there first instead of rummaging around in the pantry, she did not know – although mayhap being a little the worse for wear did not always give clarity to one’s senses. Why he thought he needed more was another question entirely.

  “Here we are,” she said, opening the door to the library and allowing him to step inside before her. “I believe there is brandy in the corner.”

  Much to her shock, Lord Harrington grasped her around the waist, steadying himself before looking deeply into her eyes.

  “I find my need for brandy has slowly begun to diminish,” he murmured, one hand catching her chin and brushing her skin gently. “In its place, I find another need growing.”

  A cloying fear began to climb up her throat, suddenly recalling all of the times she had been caught by her cousin.

  “No, my lord,” she said, firmly, trying to step back from him. “I am not that kind of woman.”

  He frowned and lessened his grip but did not let her go. “You intrigue me, Sarah,” he said, quietly, his eyes searching her face. “What is it about you that puzzles me so?”

  She found herself entirely unable to answer, her fear beginning to recede as her memories of Malcolm were replaced by her emotions in the present moment with Lord Harrington. There was a difference between him and Malcolm, for he was not holding her in an aggressive manner, was not demanding that she disrobe for him. However, she could not forget what the rest of the staff had told her about his reputation.

  “I think I should go, my lord,” she said quietly, stepping away from him and he let his arm fall from her side. “There is brandy on the tray by the fire, so you shall not be witho
ut, although I would suggest that perhaps you have had enough for tonight.” She clapped a hand over her mouth, realizing what she had said. The words had come out before she had remembered her station here, and she could only hope he would forget her forwardness as she made to make for the door, only for his hand to catch hers.

  When she turned to face him, she saw a curious expression on his face, as though he was not quite sure why he had stopped her. However there was no terror filling her, no desperate need to run and hide from him.

  “Sarah,” he whispered softly before stepping forward, gently cupping her cheek, and bending his head to kiss her.

  11

  “Good morning, my lord!”

  Benjamin groaned and flung one hand over his face, only for a shirt button to catch him in the corner of the eye. Letting out a yelp of surprise, he blinked wildly and looked about him, surprised to discover that he was in the library.

  “I see you discovered more brandy, after all,” the butler commented, clicking his fingers to a maid, who brought in a tray stocked with coffee, toast, and pastries. “I was told all rooms required refilling. I am sorry you felt it lacking. I shall make sure all the decanters are prepared for this evening.”

  “Thank you,” Benjamin rasped, feeling as though he’d swallowed a mouthful of gravel. He tried to sit up, mortified to discover that he had fallen asleep on the chaise lounge, one of his legs dangling off the side. His head began to ache as he came into a sitting position, and he wondered if the smell of alcohol was simply from the room or from his person.

  “A bath, I think,” he muttered, as the butler poured the coffee. “What time is it?”

  “Past midday,” the butler replied, in a slightly cheerful tone. “The bath is being prepared as we speak.”

  Benjamin wanted to comment mockingly on the butler’s cheerfulness and efficiency, only to stop himself just in time. The man was doing his job and doing it well, and he had no reason to poke fun at him, just because he had something of a sore head.

  “Thank you,” he muttered, after a moment. “I shall be up presently.”

  The butler nodded and began to leave the room, only for a sudden thought to hit Benjamin. “I am expecting my guests tomorrow afternoon, I believe,” he said, making the butler pause. “Is everything prepared?”

  “It is indeed,” the butler replied. “We have the blue room and purple room ready for your guests.”

  “Good,” Benjamin said, quietly. “Make sure everything is arranged. I want a marvelous dinner prepared for their arrival tomorrow.” Remembering that Sarah was due to continue her work in his study, he waved one arm. “Oh, and tell Sarah to continue with the accounts today. She should know what to do.”

  There was a momentary pause before the butler clicked his heels together, bowed, and excused himself. Benjamin chewed slowly on a piece of hot buttered toast, already beginning to feel a little better. Taking another sip of his coffee, he frowned as he looked around the room, wondering what on earth he’d done last evening.

  He could remember feeling utterly miserable and dejected, missing his friends and pastimes in London, and so had – foolishly or otherwise – begun to lose himself in liquor. Unfortunately, his brandy had been in short supply in the study and so … what had he done then?

  His brow furrowed. He could not remember for the life of him, although he was quite sure that he had managed to make his way below stairs for whatever reason. Swallowing his toast, he made to pick up another piece, only for ice to suddenly fill his veins, freezing him in place.

  Sarah.

  Sarah had been there.

  A groan escaped his lips as he put his head in his hands, his toast and coffee immediately forgotten. What had he done?

  His fingers touched a spot on his cheek, feeling a small bruise beneath his fingers. The sudden memory of Sarah slapping him, hard, came straight into his mind, and he groaned aloud again.

  Everything came back at once, hazy but clear. He had tried to kiss Sarah. A member of his household staff, who had been doing nothing more than what was expected of her He had tried to press his attentions on her, as, of course, many masters did. However, he had promised himself he would not be that kind of man, despite the recent lack of company in his bed.

  The truth was, he was desperately attracted to Sarah, perhaps all the more because he wouldn’t allow himself to have her. Although he felt it was much more than that. She had a great number of feminine qualities, and her gracefulness and gentleness made him think of her as a lady, even though he knew she could never be such a thing. She was unlike any servant he had come across before, particularly given her skills in arithmetic. Her elegant handwriting flowed, and her careful manner in all things lifted her high in his estimation. Why, then, had he done something as foolish as attempt to kiss her?

  Then again, she was a servant and that meant that she should not have struck him. To do so would mean instant dismissal, but Benjamin could not bring himself to send her away without a reference. That would be cruelty in itself, for it was not her fault that he had behaved in such a way. Was she simply to accept his attentions, no matter how unwanted, in order to keep her position?

  A great many gentlemen would say so, said the small voice in the back of his mind.

  “No!” Benjamin exclaimed aloud, thumping his fist on the table. “I am not going to be that kind of master!”

  It was not only his father’s edict that hung over his head, Benjamin realized, but rather a slow-growing desire to be known as a gentleman that did right by his staff. He did not want to become a hard-hearted, cruel tyrant, but rather a careful, considerate master. It would make his father proud, yes, but Benjamin wanted to be that kind of gentleman for himself, rather than for his father.

  Besides that, Sarah had left her previous employment because of such a man. He vowed to be better than that.

  Pushing himself up from the chair, Benjamin swayed for a moment, lights going off in his head. His head began to pound once more, but Benjamin gritted his teeth and continued towards the door regardless. Now was not the time to indulge himself and his own pain. He would have to find Sarah and speak to her privately. Goodness knows what was going through her head. She was probably terrified that he was about to throw her from his house, given that she had struck him. He wanted to ease that at once.

  Hoping that he did not look too disheveled, Benjamin made his way back towards the study, hoping that Sarah was there already as the butler should have instructed. Pushing open the door, he saw that she was already sitting at her small writing desk in the corner, her face pale as it lifted to his the moment he stepped inside.

  “Oh, my lord,” she breathed, her face almost milk white as she rose. He saw that her hands were trembling as she intertwined her fingers, her mouth a worried line. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning, Sarah,” he grunted, wondering how to explain himself to someone who was, in fact, a servant in his household. “Thank you for being so diligent in your work.”

  She glanced up at him, fear in her eyes. “My lord, I must apologize for – ”

  “You will apologize for nothing,” he said, firmly, seeing her mouth fall open in surprise. “I have only just recalled how I have behaved and I must confess that I am ashamed of it.”

  He watched her closely, seeing her blink furiously as her cheeks suddenly burned with heat. There were deep circles under her eyes, smudges of blue and grey that told him she had not slept well. Had she been worried that he would send her from the house? It was evident that she had not been expecting him to speak to her in such a way, but had rather been waiting for him to rail at her or give her notice.

  “You were very good to me, were you not?” he continued, ignoring the spiraling heat in his core that spread up into his chest as he recalled just how close her mouth had been to his. “You brought me back up the stairs and into the library. I do not know why I was below but I – ”

  “You were in search of brandy, my lord.”

  Shame fi
lled him. “I see,” he said, thickly. “Well, I thank you for your help.”

  “I should not have struck you as I did,” Sarah said after a moment, her voice breathless. “I … I simply reacted. I did not know what else to do.”

  Benjamin closed his eyes for a moment, seeing just how badly his actions had affected her. “I was wrong to do what I did,” he said, quietly. “I am aware that many gentlemen treat their staff in whatever way they wish, but I will not be that way. My father expects it and I find that I am beginning to expect it of myself.”

  “Your father?” she echoed, a curious look on her face as she stood and stepped closer to him. “Why --” Remembering herself and her position, she covered her mouth with her hand, looking quite horrified. “Oh, my lord, I do beg your pardon,” she exclaimed, her cheeks growing quite a becoming pink. “You just looked quite grave and I wanted to ease your –- ”

  “Have no fear,” he muttered, surprised to discover that he wanted to share all with her. “I can see that you are settled and so I shall leave you to your work.”

  She smiled, albeit something of a watery one, relief filling her expression. “You are very good, my lord,” she said, softly. “I thank you for your kindness.”

  Benjamin did not know what to say, wanting to repeat the very same sentiments back to her. Oh, how much she had put up with from him. He was caught for a moment by her loveliness, thinking just how kind her expression was. It was as if she saw him for what he truly was, and had simply forgiven him for his actions towards her.

  “I shall leave you now,” he muttered, stepping away towards the door. He glanced back at her, seeing her dark head already bent over her work. His heart settled within him as he took a breath, settled his shoulders and left the study. He was more than ready for his bath.

  12

  Sophie continued with her work, trying not to think of all that had taken place and instead focused on the task at hand.