Lonely Girl

by Cox, Josephine

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because you and me, we have unfinished business.’

  ‘Oh, yes? And what kind of “business” would that be, eh?’ As if she didn’t know.

  Tom sniggered. ‘Ah, come on, Molly, you know very well what kind of “business”!’ Clumsily grabbing her by the shoulders, he drew her towards him. ‘My lovely, wonderful Molly Tanner! I’m not letting you go this time, at least not until we’ve said good night in a right and proper manner.’

  ‘I know what you’re after, you crafty devil,’ Molly teased him, laughing. ‘You’re after a good-night kiss from your old sweetheart, isn’t that it?’

  ‘Sort of, yes, but I want a bit more than that. We both do, and don’t you deny it, Molly … because drunk or sober, you want me as much as I want you. Go on! Admit it.’

  ‘I do not want you, Tom Stevens. At least not in that way.’

  ‘Yes, you do, and we both know it.’

  ‘All right then … maybe I did, a long time back. But I’m over you now.’

  ‘Liar! You still want me. I know it. So, come on, be honest with me, Molly darlin’ … you an’ me together, like it used to be. Tell me the truth – you do want that, don’t you?’

  Molly shook her head. ‘I don’t know, and that’s the truth. Anyway, you haven’t actually said what it is you really want from me. So come on, what do you have in mind?’

  ‘Well, for now, I just want to take you in my loving arms and ravish the hell outta you. And now you know. So, what d’you reckon?’

  For what seemed an age Molly gave no answer, and when she did her quiet reply pleased her companion. ‘D’you know what …’ she paused to remember how it had been between her and this likely fella, and how she had never been happy since breaking up with him, ‘… it’s been a long time since I had a real man’s arms wrapped about me.’

  ‘Ah! Well, now, Molly my love, it’s your lucky day – or shall I say lucky night?’ Giggling boyishly, he began to leap about in a mad little jig of glee, which went on for a full minute before he lost his footing and fell against the wall. ‘At last I’ve got the truth from you, Molly. I knew you still wanted me. I knew you would see sense eventually. All these years and I’ve never been really in love with anyone else, because I knew I would get you back one day.’

  When Molly laughed, he lunged forward to take her by the shoulders. Planting a clumsy but passionate kiss on her mouth, he slyly drew her to the nearest dark shop doorway.

  For a moment she gave no resistance, but then she began fighting him, while yelling at the top of her voice, ‘Get off me!’

  ‘For pity’s sake, Molly, stop that shouting! What’s wrong with you?’ he pleaded.

  Thinking he’d lost his only chance of getting her back, he changed tack. ‘Oh, come on, my lovely, you said you were up for it, and you really got me going. And now you’re acting as though you want no part of me. That’s a wicked thing to do, especially to a man who loves the arse off yer!’

  ‘Don’t you dare lay a hand on me!’ Molly shook him off. ‘If you must know, I want it as much as you do.’

  ‘So, what was all the shouting about then?’

  ‘I’ll tell you what it was, you dopey begger! I’m not as easy as I used to be. I have a bit more pride these days. And the time is certainly long gone when I let myself get squashed into a dirty old doorway, where wandering mongrels pee up the wall and tramps might spew out their guts. I’m worth more than that! So if you think I’m some kind of cheap little tramp, you can bugger off right now!’

  ‘Aw, Molly, I’m sorry … I didn’t think. But we can’t go back to my lodgings. The old trout is already threatening to kick me out ’cause I’m a week behind in my rent.’

  ‘Well, that’s a shame.’ Molly was genuinely disappointed. ‘And we definitely can’t go back to the farmhouse.’

  She suddenly grabbed him by the coat collar and kissed him full on the mouth, while an idea played on her mind. ‘It’s all right, Tom, I know where we can go.’

  ‘Where’s that, then?’

  ‘You’ll see, and you won’t be disappointed.’

  As she led the way, he wrapped one arm about her shoulders. ‘You’re such an exciting woman, Molly. I should never have let you go all them years back.’ He added fondly, ‘I still love you, Molly. You’re not like other women. You’re not afraid to go for what you want, and to hell with the consequences, eh?’

  ‘You make me sound ruthless.’

  ‘Well, that’s ’cause you are! But I love you too much to let you slip away from me again. I want us to find a place of our own together. You know it’s right, Molly, ’cause me and you … we were made for each other.’

  Molly laughed. ‘Me and you … living together, eh? Well, you can get that stupid idea straight out of your head because I am not about to hitch my star to a loser like you.’

  ‘That’s not very nice, is it? I hope you’re not playing games with me, Molly.’

  Molly laughed in his face. ‘Would I do that?’

  ‘You might, but I hope not, because I really love you, girl … I’ve always loved you.’ He gave an almighty shiver. ‘Brr! It’s bloody cold, Molly.’

  ‘Walk a bit faster then.’

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘Wait and see.’

  Edging him away from the main street, she led him down a side alley. ‘Come on! We’ll cut through here.’

  ‘D’you love me, Molly … I mean, really love me?’ he wheedled drunkenly.

  ‘Stop it!’ Molly gave him a warning shove. ‘Just stop saying things like that. I know it’s only the booze talking.’

  ‘Aw, come on, Molly, I might be a bit tipsy but I’m telling you the truth, and now I need to know something.’

  ‘What’s that, then?’

  ‘I need to know why you went off and married the farmer when you knew how much I wanted you. I know you loved me then … and you still do. So why did you refuse my offer of marriage?’

  For the longest minute, Molly’s thoughts went back to when she was young and vibrant. She had made choices back then, both good and bad.

  ‘First of all, I did love you. In fact, like I said, I still have strong feelings for you, bloody fool that I am! But back then I was young and desperate to build a life for myself. I had to make a calculated choice, and when the opportunity came up I chose to marry the farmer.’

  ‘Yes, I know all that. What I don’t know is why you chose him instead of me. Was it because you loved him more than you loved me?’

  ‘Leave it, Tom,’ she warned him firmly. ‘Let’s not go there, eh? It’s no good talking about something that happened a long time back. We’ve both had too much to drink tonight. Anyway, what’s done is done and it can’t be changed.’

  ‘Leave him, Molly!’ Tom shouted. ‘Come home with me … please. I’ll make you happy, I will!’ Surging forward, he fell clumsily against the wall, where he slithered down and sobbed like a child. ‘I miss you, Molly. That’s why I never got married. It’s why I follow you about and want to be near you. I sometimes watch you, Molly,’ he confessed. ‘I hide in the spinney and I watch you … hanging out the washing, and going about your business. I can’t get enough of you, Molly. That’s how bad it’s got. Earlier, when I saw you heading for the pub, I followed you. I needed to see you, to talk to you.’

  ‘What? You followed me to the pub? You crafty devil. You told me you were just passing; that you were on your way home from work and you needed a drink or two. You even acted surprised at seeing me there.’

  ‘I’m really sorry, Molly, but I had to see you.’

  ‘Well, I’m damned … you’re a bloody stalker!’ She laughed coldly. ‘You’ve been watching me and I never even knew. What next, eh? D’you know, I could get you put in jail for stalking me.’

  ‘Ah, but you wouldn’t, would you?’

  ‘I might. You never know.’

  ‘Leave your husband, Molly … please?’

  ‘Why the hell should I?’
/>
  ‘Because you’re mine, Molly. You were always mine!’

  ‘I’m not leaving him, so you can forget that.’

  ‘Do you love him?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So why do you want to be with him?’

  ‘I don’t need to explain my reasons to you or to anyone else.’

  ‘But I thought you wanted to be with me.’

  ‘I do.’

  ‘Well, now you’re confusing me. You say you don’t love him and that you love me. And yet you refuse to leave him and make a life with me. Why, Molly? Explain it to me, because I don’t understand.’

  ‘You don’t need to understand.’

  ‘Oh, but I do! If you don’t love him, why did you marry him when you could have had me?’

  ‘Are you absolutely sure you need to know?’

  ‘Just tell me.’

  ‘Aw, bugger it!’ She pushed him away. ‘You’re getting me all wound up. I need a fag.’

  Leaning against the wall, she rummaged in her handbag and drew out a packet of Woodbines and a box of matches.

  Having lit the cigarette, she took a long drag on it and blew the smoke out slowly. Then she turned back to Tom.

  ‘It’s true I really did love you, Tom, but you had nothing to give me … at least not by way of material things, like a home, and nice clothes, and all the trimmings. Then, when John’s father died and left him the farm, I saw where my future lay, and I went for it. I thought nothing of him – I still loved you – but he came with a farm that was worth a tidy penny, while you had nothing worthwhile to offer me. Even now, I don’t need to work if I don’t want to because he provides everything. Working gets me away from the pair of them. I do what I like with my wages, and that suits me fine.’

  ‘I see.’ He was shaken at her cold manner. ‘You really are a bad lot, aren’t you, Molly?’

  ‘I suppose … It all worked out so well, except I could never love him. To this day he doesn’t even realise how much I hate him … and the girl. When the girl appeared, I was sorely tempted to leave the pair of them, but common sense got the better of me.’

  ‘And you’ve stayed all these years. But you could have come to me, Molly. I had my own little place back then. I would never have turned you away.’

  ‘I stayed because it was part of my plan,’ she admitted. ‘I was a good wife to him.’ She paused, remembering the difficult times. ‘The girl ruined everything. She was never part of the big plan, but he adored her and so I learned to pretend.’

  ‘But why could you not genuinely love that innocent child?’

  Molly gave him a long inscrutable look. ‘I never wanted children. I was determined to be careful, but in spite of that, I still got pregnant. John never knew about his son, and I never told him. Instead, when I first found out I was carrying I went to old Ma Battersby on Acament Street. She’s known for helping pregnant women who want her kind of help, and my secret was safe with her. So, as soon as I realised he’d got me up the duff, she got rid of it for me. She told me she’d made an educated guess as to its gender. I feel no guilt at having denied him a son.’

  She gave a drunken, pathetic little giggle. ‘If he’d known how I got rid of his son, it would have broken his heart. Then along came another baby. Ma Battersby couldn’t do anything to help me with that one, and the girl gave me a bad time. She made me so wretched that on certain days I couldn’t even go to work. She just made me feel terrible. Suddenly, there I was, literally left holding the baby. It was almost as though John and his brat had planned it all, and I hated them both. I still do.’

  Molly fell silent, while Tom Stevens reflected on what she had told him. How could he ever have fallen for this cold-hearted woman?

  ‘Shocked, are you?’ Molly’s shrill voice invaded his thoughts. ‘Still want me, do you?’

  ‘I must be a sad man,’ he replied thoughtfully. ‘How in God’s name can I love a hard-hearted woman like you? It’s as if, all those years ago, you crept into my head and my heart, and now I’m only half a man without you. So what does that say about me, eh?’ He felt ashamed and guilty, and yet he still needed her so badly he could hardly breathe.

  ‘It sounds to me as if you’re utterly miserable on the farm. You don’t love your husband and you don’t want the girl, so why not leave it all behind? We’re both working – we could rent a place somewhere. Nothing too grand, but at least it’ll be ours.’ When she gave no answer, he asked again, ‘What d’you say, Molly?’

  ‘Don’t talk stupid!’ Cursing herself for having confided in him, Molly reacted viciously. ‘Do you really think I’ve gone through years of hell, only to move in with you, to live in a grotty bedsit down some godforsaken backstreet? Hell will freeze over before I do that. My plan is to brave it out. Then, when he pops his clogs – hopefully sooner rather than later – I intend getting everything. John Tanner might be a first-class farmer, but he’s not too bright when it comes to paperwork, except when it’s to do with agricultural stuff.’

  She smiled knowingly, lowering her voice. ‘Everything else – the more personal, official stuff – falls to me to deal with. So I am fully aware of what he’s worth and, consequently, what I am also worth, if you know what I mean?’

  ‘No, I don’t know what you mean, Molly. You might need to spell it out for me. What exactly are you getting at?’

  In a soft, intimate voice she explained, ‘Well, let’s just say you should not be at all surprised if amongst John Tanner’s paperwork is a copy of his last will and testament. So I now know that, thanks to his father and grandfather before him having always had property and worked hard to keep it safe, John Tanner is not only worth a bob or two, but so am I. If I bide my time, I should end up a very wealthy woman. Think about it. There’s the farmhouse itself. The many acres of prime land, and the woods beyond. The solid furniture that belonged to his parents and grandparents before them, and their every single possession – bits of family jewellery, pictures – all now worth a pretty penny. On top of that, there’s all the machinery, which has cost a fortune over the years.’

  She smiled. ‘So you see, Tom, that’s why I chose him over you. Not because I loved him, but because I saw a comfortable future, and if that makes me a bitch, then so be it. You asked for the truth, and now you’ve got it.’

  ‘You’re a bad lot, Molly. In truth, I’m only just beginning to see how devious you can be. But even now, I still want you in my life. In fact, I’d even be willing to take on the girl.’

  ‘Well, I’m not! When the time comes, I have other plans for her.’

  ‘What do you mean? What kind of plans?’

  ‘I mean that when I’m rid of John Tanner, I have no intention whatsoever of raising his daughter.’

  ‘I don’t understand. She’s your own flesh and blood. You have no choice but to raise her.’

  ‘I don’t have to do any such thing. She’s ruined my life since the day I first clapped eyes on her. I have never felt an ounce of affection for her, and I never will.’

  Then, to Tom’s astonishment, she murmured softly, ‘The one thing I have always regretted is not smothering her when she was too small to know anything about it.’

  Silence fell heavily before Tom, becoming more sober by the minute, was urged to voice his thoughts. ‘Shame on you, Molly. That was a shockingly wicked thing to say.’

  She gave no answer, but slid her arm through his and walked him forward. ‘Forget about the girl,’ she advised brightly. ‘I’m sure she’ll be well taken care of when the time comes. But for now, my love, we need to get out of the cold.’

  For her, the subject was ended, but her dark confession remained strong in her companion’s mind. He realised that if he and Molly were to have a future together, he must work through his troubling thoughts and reconcile them with his conscience.

  ‘So if and when you do get your hands on Tanner’s Farm and everything, what plans do you have for the child?’

  ‘Oh, that’s easy!’ Molly replied. ‘I’ve got
it all worked out. I have no motherly feelings for the girl, but my sister, Kathleen, positively dotes on her, so it should be easy enough to dump her on Kathleen, especially as she’s so unbelievably trusting. Even when it comes to choosing men, she has no idea. She chose to marry a widower who is also a good eight or nine years older than her. Patrick’s not the best-looking fella in the world either, but for reasons I will never understand she worships the ground he walks on. Mind you, to be fair, I must admit he looks after her very well. While he’s not a wealthy man, he makes good money from his two successful tack shops, selling horsey stuff to the local hunt and the many riding schools hereabouts.’

  Tom was impressed. ‘Well, successful business or not, your sister obviously loves him. Good luck to them, that’s what I say. He sounds like a decent sort.’

  For a fleeting moment, Molly felt the teeniest twinge of jealousy. ‘He’s OK, I suppose. He seems to make Kathleen happy, but he’s not my cup of tea. Also, he came with baggage in the shape of Harry, the teenage son who now works on the farm with John. For my money, Patrick fell on his feet when he met Kathleen.’ She gave a disapproving grunt. ‘She’s so happy it makes me cringe! Like I said, my sister is far too easy to please. So turning the girl over to her should not be a problem.’ She smiled. ‘My sister is a fool to herself, but her soft nature might well work in my favour.’

  Silently congratulating herself, she then remarked grandly, ‘Trust me, Tom. It will all work out for the best, you see if it doesn’t.’ Threading her arm through his, she kissed him soundly on the cheek. ‘Come on, then. Let’s get in the warm, eh?’

  ‘Lead on, my dear,’ he said, thinking the child would have a good life with her doting aunt. He snuggled up to Molly. ‘I forget where we’re going. The booze must have addled my brain.’

  ‘Don’t be daft! You didn’t forget,’ she laughed. ‘I just never actually told you, so you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you? Relax. You’ll know when we get there, and I promise we’ll be safe enough … even from John Tanner. All right?’