Jason Cosmo

by Dan McGirt

  “The tent?”

  Merc smiled wickedly. “Brilliant idea. I think I can manage that.”

  Fire was licking at our backs as we angled toward Halogen’s pavilion. The spell holding us in place was weakening, and the unburned portion of the carpet beginning to go limp. We skimmed in low. Excited soldiers shouted and pointed. An archer took a shot at us, missed. We ripped through a dragon banner and crashed into the billowing top of the tent, causing the whole thing to collapse like an imploding green cloud.

  * * *

  15

  We hit hard and I was stunned out of my wits. I found myself blanketed in heavy green canvas and I smelled smoke. I heard excited, angry, frightened shouting. My body ached as if I had been used as the ball in a traditional mountain giant game of volleycorpse. It hurt to move. It hurt to think about moving. I lay still and considered the merits of surrendering to unconsciousness. That would free me from this pain, but then I wouldn’t find out what all the shouting was about. The sound was muffled by the tent cloth, however, and I really couldn’t make much out clearly. I might as well faint.

  “Fire!”

  I heard that distinctly. It explained the smoke smell. I briefly wondered just where the fire was, then noticed that it was getting quite warm inside my canvas cocoon. The fire was close by. That was nice. It would keep the wild animals away while I slept and I could cook breakfast when I woke up.

  Excited voices reached me.

  “Your Royal Supremacy, are you injured?”

  “I’m fine, you sniveling cur! But I’ll have the incompetent swine who erected this tent flayed alive with toenail clippers!”

  That was an interesting exchange. It was difficult to find good help these days. I once had an assistant woodcutter working with me, but he couldn’t wedge a tree so that it would fall correctly and never shouted the proper warnings.

  After nearly being crushed for the third time by toppling timber, I gave him the axe.

  “It were assassins from the air, my king!”

  “What did you call me?”

  “It were assassins from the air, Your Royal Omnipotence!”

  “Supremacy, you fool! Royal—no, I like Omnipotence better. A promotion for you. Now what were you saying?”

  “They flew in on a magic bath towel, burning like… like a campfire.”

  “What inspired imagery.”

  “Your pardon?”

  “Continue, idiot!”

  “They headed right for your royal omnipotent tent and brought it down!”

  How interesting. The king’s tent had been attacked by a burning bath towel from above. It paralleled my own recent past, wherein Mercury had aimed our crashing carpet for the pavilion of King Halogen. How long ago had that been?

  I snapped out of my daze. The time was now, this was Halogen’s tent, and our ruined rug had set it aflame! We were in the middle of a hostile encampment—I felt about for my battle axe and failed to find it—and I was unarmed. I didn’t know where Merc was, or if he had even survived.

  “We’ve got one of them!”

  “Bring the dog to me and—by the crown on my brow! Mercury Boltblaster! The vile sorcerer who has bewitched my love delivered into my hands by his own folly! This is going to be a good day, after all!”

  I burrowed through the cloth around me until I could peer out and see what was happening. King Halogen was a tall man dressed for a royal ball, not a battlefield. He had a flowing mane of wavy brown hair, a hawkish but handsome face marred mainly by his arrogant sneer, and blue eyes fogged with vanity. He wore a crown made of gold, green velvet, and large emeralds surmounted by the figure of a dragon with unfurled wings. He was surrounded by knights in green plate armor.

  Two soldiers held Mercury between them. His body was limp and his feet dragged on the ground. He had lost his sunshades, his eyes were glassy, and didn’t seem to be in any condition to help himself. Halogen struck him across the face with his sceptre. Merc’s head merely lolled to one side.

  Other soldiers pulled nobles and comrades from the wreckage of the tent while a hastily assembled bucket brigade fought the fire with water relayed from the creek. My position hadn’t caught fire yet, but would soon. I couldn’t stay here, but if I revealed myself it would mean instant capture.

  No it wouldn’t! I cursed myself for a fool. No one here knew who I was. I could make my clothing become a copy of the Orphalian uniform and blend right in until I figured out a way to rescue Merc. In the excitement of Mercury’s capture, the Orphalians had apparently forgotten that there were two men on the flying carpet. That was one advantage I had.

  With my Orphalian uniform on, I emerged from my hiding place and discovered my second advantage. I still had the sun-given strength of ten men, something to keep in mind as I formed my plan. I had to act soon, for I had no idea how long Halogen would keep his most hated enemy alive.

  I helped fight the fire so I could be near enough to observe their one-sided confrontation. Halogen smacked Mercury with the sceptre again.

  “She loves me, sorcerer, and only your wicked spells have kept her from rushing to my arms all these years!” He struck Merc once more. “Now that I come to claim her at last, you fear me! You know that my strength and virility can free her from your ensorcellments and so sought to kill me—and now you are mine! Great shall be your suffering this day!” He hit him a fourth time. “Why don’t you answer me?”

  “Perhaps if His Supreme Royal Omnipotence would not strike him so, the evil wizard would regain consciousness,” suggested one of the nobles.

  “Supreme Royal Omnipotence, eh? I like that. I’ll make you a grand duke.”

  “I’m already a grand duke.”

  “I’ll make you a grander duke. Your suggestion has merit. Let him be trussed to a stake. Revive him with cold water and bring me some hot knives, scourges, potato peelers, and the like; Well, what are you ignorant ingrates waiting for, a royal decree? Move!”

  I abandoned the fire-fighting efforts and slipped through the camp, looking for anything that might be useful in making our escape. I passed the horses, already saddled and barded for immediate mounting by Halogen’s noble knights. I stole an unguarded sword and strapped it on. I found the nearest exits from the camp, marked the number of guards at each gate. There were very few. Most were fighting the fire.

  By the time I completed my reconnaissance, I had a wild but workable plan in mind. I returned to the spot where Mercury, stripped to the waist, had been bound to a thick wooden post freshly erected in an open space near one of the palisade gates. He was awake now, and fully alert. Good. I would need his help for my plan to work. I edged my way through the crowd gathered around him, mostly nobles and officers who were exempt from the dirty work of fighting fires, until I was directly opposite Merc. I gave a quick wave. He winked in acknowledgment.

  Halogen strode forward, in his hands a whip knotted with shards of glass. “Today you pay for your many crimes against me, sorcerer. You will soon beg for my mercy, but none shall be forthcoming. Before I am finished, you will rue the day you stole Raella from me with your dark magicks.”

  “Halogen, you’re still the pompous, preening, pretty-boy, power-mad princeling you were last time we met. Your father’s body can’t even be cold in the grave and here you are invading a kingdom that has been Ophelia’s ally for centuries simply because you can’t accept the fact that Raella Shurbenholt is far too wise to wed a psychotic weasel like you.”

  “Lies! She is the only woman to ever refuse me, proof enough that she has been put under some foul spell. She is rightfully mine, promised to me from birth for a marriage that will unite our kingdoms for all eternity!”

  “It’s the land you love, not the lady.”

  Halogen cracked the whip, gashing Merc’s cheek. It was time to get moving. The fire at the king’s tent was almost out, but the Orphalians would soon have more flames to contend with. I snatched a blazing brand from an untended cooking fire I had noted and ran for the horses, rakin
g the torch against every tent I passed. A corporal tried to stop me, but I smacked him in the face with my weapon and he fell heavily to the ground. I mounted a horse which I had already loosened and took off through the camp, merrily igniting tents and scattering bewildered foot soldiers.

  My winding path took me past all the nearby tents, which were left burning in my wake. I finally plunged into the crowd around Mercury, trampling knights and nobles.

  “Stop him!” screamed Halogen. I clubbed him with the blazing brand, sending his crown flying as he hit the ground.

  I drew up beside the stake, wrapped my arms around it, and lifted. Though heavy, it wasn’t solidly secured and slid out of the ground without too much difficulty.

  “What are you doing?” said Mercury, still bound to it.

  “Rescuing you!”

  “Like this? Cut me loose!”

  “No time!”

  I headed for the nearest gate, holding the post before me like a thick lance. Merc’s discarded shirt and cloak flew after us. Soldiers tripped over themselves to get out of our path. I hit the gate full tilt, smashing it open with the post.

  “That hurt, Jason!”

  I set the end of the post on the ground, drew my stolen sword, and cut my partner free. He climbed into the saddle behind me and I turned south.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Fine. I was shook up from the crash or they wouldn’t have laid a hand on me. Head for the river.”

  “I was thinking of running to the Raelnan lines.”

  “By going through the entire Orphalian army?”

  “Good point.” I headed for the river.

  Two dozen noble green knights mounted up and came after us with lowered lances, their mounts churning the turf beneath steel-shod hooves as they galloped across the grassy plain.

  “You should have scattered the other horses,” said Merc.

  “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “And we could go faster if you’d removed this one’s barding.”

  “No time.”

  “You didn’t plan this escape very carefully, did you?”

  “I was hoping you would have some ideas.”

  “Just keep riding.” He glanced back. “Looks like Halogen himself is coming after us. Didn’t even stop to retrieve his crown. He must be angry.”

  “They’re going to catch us, aren’t they?”

  “Probably. If they do, be sure to tell them who you are. It might scare them a little before they cut us down.”

  It was only two miles to the river at the nearest point, for which we headed. Our lead rapidly evaporated as we rode, and by the time we reached the thick reeds on the south bank of the Longwash, Halogen and his knights were just yards behind us. We plunged through the tall grass onto the marshy ground at the water’s edge, mud sucking at our horse’s hooves, and tensed to leap into the swift brown flood, over a mile wide here. Fully armored knights would be unable to follow us into the water and by the time the common soldiers arrived to make a full search, we would be too far downstream to be caught. Assuming we didn’t drown.

  We never took the plunge. Hearing the sudden clamor of crashing armor, surprised shouts, and squealing horses, we looked back and saw the Orphalian knights being borne to the ground by men in brown cloaks who had sprung up from the reeds like silent ghosts with spears and axes in hand. The knights and their horses were at a disadvantage on the muddy terrain, and our mysterious rescuers quickly butchered them all—all save Halogen. One of the attackers pulled him from the saddle, slammed him roughly to the ground, and planted her booted foot on his chest and the point of her saber at his throat.

  The woman’s cloak flew open to reveal a lean, taut, but full-breasted figure covered by well-worn buckskins. She threw back her hood, laughing. Her long, straight hair was the color of a red fox. The way she moved and the amber of her eyes made me think of quickness and animal cunning.

  “What a prize we have here, my boys!” she exclaimed heartily. “Our little river cruise has proven more fruitful than we hoped!” She bore down with her foot, making the captive king wheeze. “Bind him!” she ordered, sheathing her sword.

  “You slatternly trollop—” began Halogen, only to be cut off by a swift kick in the jaw.

  “Gag him too,” she added, stepping away. She nodded in our direction. “Lord Boltblaster—and you must be Master Cosmo—it was nice of you to bring me this present.”

  “Our pleasure,” said Merc smoothly, as if that had been his plan all along. He slid to the ground. “Jason, meet General Vixen Hotfur, commander of the Raelnan Army of the Longwash and known to friend and foe alike as the She-Fox.”

  “An honor,” I said.

  “We’re conducting a little commando raid to cut off the Orphalian supply lines,” said Hotfur. “They’ve set up a depot three miles upstream, just past the ruins of Claymart. Everything comes across there, so we planned to burn it to the ground tonight, sink all the barges we can, and withdraw. Going without food for a couple of days—and knowing we’ve the capacity to strike at will behind their lines—ought to puncture the enemy morale a bit.” She kicked the now bound king. “But this is better. I put my base camp here so I could try and snatch this buzzard if conditions looked right. Didn’t expect him to come right to me.”

  “You knew we were coming,” said Mercury.

  “Of course! I’ve got spies in the camp and scouts all over the area. I knew they had you ten minutes before they did!” She laughed. “Or something like that. I figured I’d give you living legends a chance to escape on your own before I came to save your hides and I knew with half a measure of sense you’d come right here.”

  “Shouldn’t you be back leading your troops in battle or something?” I asked, troubled to find a general sneaking about behind enemy lines.

  “Boring!” she snorted. “Standard defensive situation, and we’ve the high ground. If my colonels can’t handle that on their own, they don’t deserve to be called soldiers! I leave them the dull chores and take the fun work, like leading this crew of river rats up from Lowpoint to raise merry hell in the backcourt!”

  A scout returned and quickly whispered a report to her. “The opposition is coming in force, so we’ll continue this discussion in the boats if you don’t mind. I’m scrubbing my torch party, but the day’s not a total loss!” She kicked Halogen again. “Right, sugarplum?”

  Hotfur’s men uncovered five hidden bark canoes and we piled in, four of the raiders to a craft. Halogen was tossed into one vessel, Merc eased into another. I rode with Hotfur. We left the dead knights lying in the muck and their horses roaming free. It would give the Orphalians something to think about.

  “So where are you boys headed?” Hotfur asked as we paddled.

  “The Incredibly Dark Forest.”

  “Nasty stretch of woods. My father led eight thousand men in there once, chasing ogres. Came out four days later with less than a hundred.”

  “Your father?”

  “Field Marshal Vulpinus Hotfur of the Third Royal Legion of Ganth. They called him the Gray Fox. Taught me everything I know.”

  “He’s dead?”

  “He was loyal to the crown. When the other generals overthrew the king and formed a military government, he refused to have any part of it. The dictator Myrm Ironglove had him imprisoned and killed.”

  “And you escaped and rose to success in the Raelnan service?”

  “I’ve fought for just about everyone, including Orphalia back when old Lanthanide was still alive and hearty. Never cared for Prince Smarmy there, though.” She spat toward the boat carrying Halogen. “Thinks he’s irresistible. I resisted. He’s a looker to be sure, but I didn’t like his attitude. He got his revenge by spreading slanderous lies about me throughout the court. I couldn’t command in such a climate, so I left and signed on with Raella—who’s more a monarch than the peacock will ever be. I’ve half a mind to dump his pretty carcass overboard now.”

  “Fine by me,” called Merc
ury.

  “But he’s worth more to me alive than dead. With him in hand I can whistle the tune to which the Orphalian army will march. Might even threaten to give him back.”

  It was a forty-five minute trip to the river town of Lowpoint, which the invasion hadn’t touched. Soldiers and civilians worked side by side on the docks, unloading supply boats bringing food and equipment from down the river. The boats traveled in convoys, escorted by ack-armed cutters. A stone keep on the small island in the middle of the river also bristled with the repeating crossbows.

  “You can see why they didn’t try to cross here,” said General Hotfur. “This is a garrison town, our main base for hunting river pirates.”

  We landed at the military docks. Ashore were three long barracks, officer quarters, an armory, and stables, all interconnected and made of stone. Halogen was taken to the stockade under heavy guard. Merc and I followed General Hotfur to her office, a plain room with furnishings of rough-hewn wood.

  “I can give you two heroes a cutter which will take you up the Crownbolt and the Arbenflow itself if you wish,” said Hotfur, dropping into her chair and propping her feet on the desk.

  “Thank you,” said Mercury. “That would be helpful since the alternative is riding across Orphalia. I insist, however, that it be crewed only with volunteers. Preferably unmarried volunteers. I hate to be responsible for making more widows than necessary.”

  “No problem.”

  “How soon can you have it ready?”

  “Before you finish eating lunch, if you like.”

  “Good. We’ve still got most of the day ahead of us, and not a moment to waste.” He turned to me. “From here on out the going gets rough.”

  * * *

  16

  This is it,” said Mercury. “The edge of sanity.”

  The Incredibly Dark Forest loomed ahead of us, a solid wall of leaves rising abruptly from the river plain and reaching two hundred yards into the air, hiding the tree trunks. The leaves sounded ceaseless lethal whispers as they rustled in the wind, warning those who would enter the Forest to reconsider.