Before He Harms

by Blake Pierce

  Mackenzie had been expecting this, so she wasn’t too upset or depressed.

  “The security guard fired first from what I understand,” McGrath said. “So I can swipe that one away…even though he fired at you as a result of you crashing a car into his gate.” He stopped here and Mackenzie could hardly believe her eyes when it looked as if he were actually grinning. “But the ones you shot during the…the fallout. You yourself said in your reports that those people were mostly unarmed. And it’s those cases we have to look at.”

  “Director, we had no choice…” Ellington said.

  “I know. And I’ve already spoken to members of the committee that decide what sort of punishments come out of scenarios like these. You’ll be pleased to know that everyone up the ladder, all the way to the top, are thrilled about this outcome. No one on our side of the line thinks anything you did was unforgiveable. If I’m being honest, seeing those women on television talking about how wonderful the two FBI agents were…it looks good for us. That’s the plain and simple truth.”

  “But?” Mackenzie said.

  “But there are complaints. And some of them are legitimate. So I have to do my job and dole out punishment.”

  Ellington sighed, but Mackenzie simply sat there, ready to accept whatever came.

  “The committee and myself decided that we had to do something. Now, we’ve made it look much worse on paper, but your disciplinary action comes down to a three-week suspension for both of you, with pay.”

  They both waited for him to keep going. When he did not, Mackenzie quietly asked: “That’s it?”

  “That’s it. Three weeks. Take it. Sleep. If you don’t mind my saying, you both still look like death warmed over.”

  “Thanks, sir.”

  McGrath smiled. While it still looked odd on him, it warmed Mackenzie’s heart a bit. He was not the same man she’d first met a little over four years ago. She liked to think she’d had a little something to do with that.

  “Anything else, sir?” Mackenzie asked, getting to her feet.

  “Yes.” He rubbed at his head and sighed. “We’re already getting calls from news outlets and publishers, wanting to speak with you. Should they end up contacting you during your suspension, do the bureau a favor and ignore them.” He waved them away and turned his attention to the report on his desk.

  When they were back out in the hallway of the bureau headquarters, Mackenzie reached over and took Ellington’s hand. “Funny,” she said. “He called it a suspension, but why did I hear vacation?”

  “Vacation?” he asked. “Unless you have forgotten, we still have mother drama waiting for us back at home.”

  “Oh yeah. Damn.”

  He squeezed her hand as they came to the elevators. They stepped on and as the doors slid closed in front of them, he pulled her close and kissed her deeply as if to make her forget all about it.

  ***

  When they arrived back at their apartment, the surprises continued. As soon as Ellington unlocked the door and announced himself, Mackenzie could smell something cooking. Bacon, maybe, or some other kind of breakfast meat. Her stomach reminded her how ravenous she was (the airline meal had done absolutely nothing for her).

  She was about to ask what smelled so good when she saw her mother.

  She was sitting at the table in the dining area. There was a sandwich in front of her, currently uneaten; her attention was on Kevin, who was currently at work on a banana. Elsewhere, the vacuum cleaner was running.

  “Mom,” Mackenzie said. “What are you doing here?”

  She shrugged. “Swallowing my pride, I suppose.”

  “I thought you were flying home?”

  Ellington, meanwhile, took a moment to swing by the highchair to kiss Kevin on the head. Kevin grinned and offered his banana. Ellington took a bite, which amused Kevin. He cackled and then frowned as Ellington made a quick exit in search of the vacuum cleaning noise—and to give Mackenzie and her mother some time alone.

  “Yes, I was going to fly home. But then Frances called me. At the time, I thought she was being rather rude. She’s a sweetheart, really, but she doesn’t have much of a filter.”

  “Oh yes, I know.”

  Mackenzie took the other seat by Kevin. Seeing his mother so close, he tossed the banana down and flexed his little hands, asking to be picked up. Mackenzie used his bib to wipe his hands and took him out of the seat. She gave him a hug while he tried to brace his little legs on her knees.

  “Anyway,” Patricia went on. “She told me that I was being selfish. She told me I was not thinking of you or of Kevin. At first, I exploded on her and used lots of colorful words. She gave some right back and, oddly enough, that’s what it took. We talked it out. I pulled over on the side of the highway and we talked it out. I came back…”

  “You didn’t answer any of my calls.”

  “I know. I should have, and I’m sorry. But I wasn’t in any position to talk to you so soon after having it out with Patricia.”

  The sound of the vacuum cleaner came to a stop. She could hear Ellington and his mother speaking softly in the living room.

  “I’m sorry if I was hard on you for calling,” Mackenzie said. “But this case was—”

  “Oh, I know all about the case. It’s been all over the news.”

  “Yeah,” chimed Patricia, entering the kitchen with Ellington behind her. He gave Mackenzie an is-this-okay look and she nodded. “Both of your names have been all over the news. Your phones haven’t been blowing up?”

  “Not exactly,” Ellington said.

  “Anyway,” Patricia continued, “Frances helped me realize that even though we’re vastly different in our parenting styles, there is one thing we have in common.”

  “I can’t even imagine what that might be,” Mackenzie said, being quite serious.

  “Broken relationships with our children.”

  “That’s right,” Frances said. “We’ve been sharing horror stories about you two for the last two days.”

  “Oh my God,” Ellington said.

  “Quiet, you,” Mackenzie said. “I’d personally love to hear horror stories about E as a child.”

  “Grab a drink, then,” Patricia said with a laugh. “We’re going to be a while!”

  Ellington picked up Kevin and dramatically stormed out of the kitchen. “I hate you all,” he called out over his shoulder.

  The three women sitting at the table shared a laugh and for just a moment, Mackenzie forgot how tired she was.

  ***

  She got a bit more sleep that afternoon, napping when Kevin took his afternoon nap. When she woke up, she finally felt like she might have caught up on her sleep—eleven hours in the Fellsburg motel, four hours on the flight home, and an hour and a half after sitting around the dining room table speaking with both grandmothers.

  When she came out of the bedroom, she saw her mother rolling her suitcase to the front door. They’d only briefly spoken about when she would leave but had not decided on anything before her nap.

  “I guess you’re leaving this afternoon?” Mackenzie said.

  “Yeah. With both of you back home, I don’t see the point in hanging around. I don’t want to be in the way.”

  “You have to stop thinking like that, Mom. You won’t be in the way. I promise. Stay. One more night.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. In fact, let me talk to E. Maybe him and his mom would be willing to stay here with Kevin while you and I go out for coffee or something.”

  “Now?”

  Mackenzie had the foul taste of an afternoon nap in her mouth. She shook her head and said, “Give me ten minutes.”

  She brushed her teeth, got the naptime kinks out of her hair, and kissed Kevin goodbye. As she’d expected, Ellington had been absolutely fine with her stepping out for a bit. So, for the first time in their lives, Mackenzie and her mother intentionally went out together for no other reason than sharing time.

  They settled on a Starbucks thr
ee blocks away from the apartment. It was getting close to dinnertime, so it wasn’t too crowded. After ordering their drinks, they found a table near the back.

  “So you’re famous now, huh?” Patricia asked her daughter.

  “Hardly. I was so-called famous before this. A case known as the Scarecrow Killer. It’s how I became an agent, actually.”

  “Seems like something I should know. You know…being your mother and all.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. You…yeah, you weren’t perfect. I don’t think any mother is. And you were absent, sure. But…”

  “What?”

  This case we just got back from. The things I saw…I don’t know. It made me appreciate what I have here. My life was not ideal growing up, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse.”

  “You need to talk about what happened out there?”

  “Eventually. Not now, though. Right now, I can’t even begin to process it.”

  Patricia looked awkward as she sipped her coffee and eyed her daughter. “I wish I knew what to do…how to be there for you.”

  Mackenzie shook her head. “Mom, you need to understand something. I am beyond thrilled to have you back in my life. I really am. And the idea of you spending more and more time with Kevin makes my heart very happy. But I’m not expecting you to swoop in and make up for all of those lost years. Even if you’d been the best mother on the planet, there are just some things you can’t be there for. That’s what Ellington is here for.” She meant it as a serious statement, but it brought a smile to her mother’s face.

  “I love that you call him by his last name.”

  “It’s the bureau in me.”

  “Speaking of which…picturing you in the midst of everything I saw on television about that awful cult made me realize how much of a…I don’t know…a badass you are. I’m very proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “And it was the terrible events around your father that got you here? To this career?”

  “Yes. In a roundabout way.”

  “Have you ever talked to your sister about it?”

  Mackenzie hid her response by taking a sip of her coffee.

  “You reached out to me and we’re here. Maybe if you reached out to her as well, that could be repaired.”

  “Maybe. And in time, I think I will. And you?”

  “I keep trying, but she’s not interested.”

  They thought about this for a moment, but it did not bother Mackenzie all that much. After what she’d seen and experienced in Fellsburg and now, having this surreal moment with her mother, Mackenzie thought maybe, at the heart of it, all things were possible.

  “So on to the other things,” Patricia said.

  “Yes. Please.”

  “How many grandbabies do I get?”

  Mackenzie nearly spit her coffee out. “You know,” she said, joking, “somehow, I found it pretty easy to be apart from you.”

  They both laughed at this. And in that moment, the past collided with the future, molding itself into something other than an obstacle.

  EPILOGUE

  In the dream, it was not Ruth Cole that was bound with her backside exposed. Instead, it was her. It was Mackenzie. And in the circle of men with belts and iron rods, she saw her father and Ellington. She saw the man she had once, long ago, known as the Scarecrow Killer. And Marshall Cole was there, too. He was grinning, his lip busted from the belt.

  Lilith stood beside him. She was naked, taking on the pose of Eve in just about every Renaissance painting there was. The women of the Community rallied behind her. They were well-groomed and beautiful, watching events unfold.

  In the dream, there was no one there to help. The fate she had spared Ruth from was dished out on her.

  She’d wake up screaming and flinch at Ellington’s touch. Eventually she would nestle into him, sweating and weeping from the dream. She would feel sleep pulling at her but did not want to go back, in the event the dream was still there, waiting for her.

  ***

  Exactly thirty-nine days after Mackenzie White had crashed her car through the gate of a religious compound known as the Community, she got an email that filled her with more emotion than she thought she was capable of.

  Her three-week suspension was over, but because the media was still looking for any tidbits on what had gone down outside of Fellsburg, Utah, McGrath was having her and Ellington keep a low profile. She appreciated it because those three weeks had allowed her to heal, seeking out a therapist outside of the bureau and to truly work on herself.

  She was sitting at her desk at work when the email came through. She did not recognize the email address, but the subject line was intriguing.

  Thanks from the girls

  Mackenzie opened it and nearly started weeping right away.

  Agent White,

  So, it’s very hard to get the email address of one particular federal agent. Did you know that? I tied digging around online but couldn’t find it. So I asked Sheriff Burke for it and he was able to get it for me. Not sure how, and I didn’t ask.

  I’m not exactly used to writing this sort of thing or using a computer for that matter. So Amy is doing her best to coach me through it. Please bear with me.

  I’m writing this on a borrowed MacBook. I’m at a desk, looking out of a window and looking at the pretty spectacular view that is St. George, Utah. I had my final check-up today to make sure I had no infections or diseases from living at the Community for so long and I was finally given a clean bill of health. (I did have a case of something I’d rather not admit to, but it’s all cleared up now.)

  Amy told me to write you. I haven’t really spoken to anyone about what happened to me. I’m seeing a therapist but haven’t really opened up yet. I think it’s coming, though. And here I go, rambling…

  I wanted to thank you. It wasn’t just that you got to the bottom of what was going on in the Community. It was that you came rushing in when they were about to start beating me. You did it fearlessly and with bravery like I’ve never seen. I’m going to take a leap here and assume you’re a mother. Bunches of kids, I bet. Because that was some Momma Bear stuff you pulled out there to save me.

  I’m living with two other girls from the Community in a pretty decent apartment. The state is covering us for now, and we have a career trainer coming in a few days to help us get established. We’re working with state case workers, therapists, and a few Salt Lake City agents to help get to the nitty-gritty of what all went on there. Last I heard, Marshall is going to trial in about two weeks and he’s going to get buried. As for Lilith, she managed to kill herself in her holding cell. Slit her wrists on the corner of her bed frame and bled out before they could save her.

  I don’t expect you to respond to this email. I know you must be busy with other cases and interviews and everything. But please know that I’m never going to forget what you did that day. Yes, you and your partner saved so many women from torture and abuse. But me, personally…I can’t thank you enough. No one has ever stood up for me like that.

  Now…if you don’t have bunches and bunches of babies, I think you should. I don’t really even know what it’s like to have a mother, but if I did, I’d want her to be like you. Thank you, Agent White. I hope this email finds you well.

  Kind Regards,

  Ruth

  Mackenzie smiled as she opened up the Reply tab. She wiped tears away and thought about Ruth from that day at the Community. To know that she was now getting on her feet and experiencing life in full for the first time was somehow beyond comprehension.

  She did not think about her response very much at all. She just started writing, wanting it to be honest and unfiltered. And, most importantly, from the heart.

  Ruth,

  You guessed right. I am a mother. I have a handsome little man at home, creeping up on fourteen months. His name is Kevin and the poor kid is the spitting image of his father. Also (and no one knows this, not even the grandmothers, so shhh…) Agent Ellington an
d I have very recently started working on a second…

  As she typed, Mackenzie thought of mothers and daughters. She thought of how no one’s life ever truly turned out the way they wanted or expected. And while there was beauty in that, there was also a healthy amount of fear.

  She tried to imagine the excitement and fear in Ruth Cole as she stared out of that apartment window, emailing someone on the other side of the country. She tried to imagine a girl who had never experienced the love of a mother or father and what a future of freedom might feel like—a girl staring out her window with such determination and perseverance that she almost dared the future to come to her.

  It wasn’t a bad place to be in. Mackenzie could easily remember making such a dare back before she’d become an agent. The future, of course, had taken her up on that dare, and it had brought her here, to this moment.

  It wasn’t ideal by any means, but as far as Mackenzie was concerned, it had all worked out.

  Everything was perfect.

  A NEW SERIES!

  NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER!

  LEFT TO DIE

  (An Adele Sharp Mystery—Book One)

  “When you think that life cannot get better, Blake Pierce comes up with another masterpiece of thriller and mystery! This book is full of twists and the end brings a surprising revelation. I strongly recommend this book to the permanent library of any reader that enjoys a very well written thriller.”

  --Books and Movie Reviews, Roberto Mattos (re Almost Gone)

  LEFT TO DIE is book #1 in a new FBI thriller series by USA Today bestselling author Blake Pierce, whose #1 bestseller Once Gone (Book #1) (a free download) has received over 1,000 five star reviews.

  FBI special agent Adele Sharp is a German-and-French raised American with triple citizenship—and an invaluable asset in bringing criminals to justice as they cross American and European borders.