by Kim Holden
I’m waiting with my gear in the driveway for the label car to pick me up to drive me to the airport. The sun’s warm this morning and I’m soaking it up. When the driver shows up, Franco is already in the car. When he climbs out, he spreads his arms wide. It’s a cheesy presentation, like a game show model. And then I see his shirt and I bust out laughing.
He’s trying to keep a straight face but he’s failing. “It’s true, douche canoe. You do. So fucking moist.”
His T-shirt reads: Gus makes me moist.
“Where in the hell did you get that?” I say as I help the driver put my gear in the trunk.
He shrugs and turns around. “New merch for the tour, dude.” Rook’s logo and our US tour schedule are on the back.
I can’t stop laughing. “This isn’t for real, right? This is a one-off?”
“Oh no, it’s for real,” he confirms.
“What the fuck? How did I not know about this?”
He shakes his head like it’s obvious while he climbs back into the car. “Because you would’ve blocked the idea, Mr. Humble Ass. The chicks dig you. We’re doing nothing more than stating the obvious. They know they’re moist for you, big man. It’s fucking genius. They’ll sell like mad.”
I climb in behind him. “I need one for Scout.”
He rubs his hands together devilishly and grins. “Already on it. They should have hers at the merch table tonight for you. It was a special order, one of a kind. Hers says I make Gus moist.
I clap my hands and I’m laughing again. “That’s fucking brilliant. And true. I’m making her wear that shit to every show.”
We pound knuckles. I love this fuckhead.
Saturday, June 23
(Scout)
Paxton and I are standing on the sidewalk outside baggage claim. The local time is nine-thirty in the morning and the Minneapolis air is already hot and sticky.
I text Gus while we wait: Just landed in MN. Where are you?
His response is immediate: We’ll be in Grant around noon. You might want to put your panties in your purse now. Just to save time.
ME: Already done. I’m efficient. ;)
GUS: And horny.
ME: Yes.
GUS: Moist?
ME: That too.
GUS: Me too. I love you.
ME: I love you too.
Paxton keeps adjusting the straps on his backpack. He’s fidgety and I don’t know if he’s just excited to see Gus and Rook play tonight, or if he’s nervous about seeing his dad again. They haven’t talked in months. Paxton won’t take his calls anymore.
I hear the labored roar of the engine before I see the old, battered green Suburban pull up to the curb. This must be Duncan. The car is exactly as Keller described it: rusty and beat-up, with one red door. I wave at him so he’s knows it’s us.
He waves back through the windshield and pulls up to the curb next to us. I ride in the front passenger seat and as I climb in about to introduce myself, Paxton calls out from the backseat, “Right On! Beanbags.”
I know I didn’t hear that right, so I continue. “You must be Duncan.”
He smiles. “I am. And you must be the infamous Scout and Paxton.” His shaggy hair and bushy beard are the same deep, vivid red as Stella’s.
“We are.” It’s then that I turn and look at Paxton in the backseat. He hasn’t heard a word that either of us has said. He’s looking down with a smile on his face that I don’t think I’ve seen since he was seven or eight. And he’s not sitting on a seat.
He looks up and the smile grows and he repeats what I didn’t think I heard correctly the first time. “Beanbags. This is genius.”
“Right?” Duncan comments as he pulls back out into traffic. “Way more comfortable than traditional seating.”
Paxton wiggles around in his seat as if to prove the point. “Way more comfortable,” he agrees.
The ride to Grant doesn’t take long. The conversation is easy between the three of us and before I know it we’re parked in front of a coffee shop.
Duncan kills the engine. “Keller won’t be home from Stella’s ballet practice for another half hour, so we’ve got a little time to kill. Come on in. I’ll buy you guys a cup of coffee.”
“I could use some caffeine this morning. Thanks.” I don’t know if I’m tired because I didn’t sleep much last night, or if it’s the adrenaline I’ve been cranked up on all morning that’s dragging me down. Either way, I need caffeine.
When Duncan pushes the oversized wooden door open, a bell rings. It’s loud and it startles me. “What the hell?” I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but Duncan laughs good-naturedly.
“Small town Minnesotans kind of have a thing for bells.” He shrugs.
I’m laughing now. It’s stunned laughter, because it’s impossible that small bell made that much noise. I point to my right ear. “I’m deaf in this ear and I’m pretty sure that registered.”
He chuckles by way of introduction. “Welcome to Grounds.”
It’s cozy. There’s a small loveseat sitting in front of fireplace that I bet is great during the winter, and a few small tables and chairs. The building is old and has character. It’s inviting. It’s the kind of place that makes you want to sit down and hang out. “Cool place.”
Duncan nods. “Yeah, it is. Home away from home. Keller works here early mornings and he and Stella live in the room out back.”
“Duncan, I see you brought friends.” A friendly voice with a thick accent calls out and draws my attention to the man behind the counter.
“Rome, how goes it today?”
The man behind the counter salutes Duncan before he responds. “I am well. And you?”
“Livin’ the dream, man. Livin’ the dream.” And when he says it, I get the idea that he means it. Some people are just so sincere that it’s the first thing you notice when you meet them. That’s Duncan. He’s just a really nice guy. “These are my new friends, Scout and Paxton. They’re visiting from California.”
“Ah, California. Beautiful. You must be Keller’s friends. He said he had company coming in today. I’m Romero.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Romero. Yeah, we’re just here for the concert tonight,” I offer.
“Of course. Keller mentioned it. Kate’s friend’s band, yes?” He’s looking at Duncan for confirmation.
He nods. “Yup, they’re good, man. You should come check ‘em out with us.”
Romero smiles sheepishly. “I’m too old for that, niño. But I’ve heard them. Keller played me some songs. Kate was singing and playing violin. She was something, wasn’t she? One of a kind, that girl. Such a tragedy.”
Every time someone says something about Kate, it makes me wish I could’ve known her. So much love surrounds her memory and those that knew her have nothing but the most positive things to say about her. I know her friendship is one of the reasons Gus is the man he is, and for that I couldn’t be more grateful.
Duncan nods. “She was. And she had Keller’s heart.”
Romero smiles lovingly. “That girl changed Keller. Woke him up. I’m so proud of him.” He sounds like a father.
Duncan agrees, and it’s so nice to hear people supportive of their friends. “Me too, Rome.” Duncan looks at us. “Pick your poison. I’m paying. Rome’s got the best coffee around. House blend’s legendary.”
I order a small house blend while Paxton looks over the menu. He settles on a mocha macchiato and looks blissfully happy while he’s drinking it. We aren’t seated on the loveseat long before Stella comes bounding in from behind the counter. “Where’s Gus?” she calls out.
I turn and she’s scanning the busy coffee shop. “Hi, Stella. He’s not here yet. Soon though.”
She runs over and, after she high fives Duncan, crawls up in my lap. “Hi, Scout.”
God, she’s the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen. “Hi, Stella. How was ballet?” She’s still wearing her pale pink tights and leotard.
“Miss Toler was kind of a grumpy go
rilla today because Amy and Ashley didn’t have their listening ears on. Again.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s so much easier for all of us when they just do what they’re told.”
Duncan’s smirking and trying to hold back laughter. “The twins being naughty again, huh?”
It’s like watching an adult trapped in a little person’s body. “They’re so frustrating, Uncle Duncan. I wish they’d just grow up already.”
He’s still smirking, but he matches her serious tone. “There’s always a stinky one in every bunch, Stella. Sometimes two. That’s life, big girl. Welcome to the real world.”
“Stinky people suck,” she mutters as she crawls back down off my lap and takes my hand. “Let’s go see Miss Higgins.”
I follow her behind the counter and through a door, with Paxton and Duncan trailing after us. Keller’s place is on the other side. It’s small, but it’s homey.
Keller welcomes us with a wave when we walk through the door; he’s talking on his phone.
After I meet Miss Higgins and Keller finishes up his phone call, Gus texts me. We’re about 20 minutes away. Meet us at the auditorium?
I know I saw him only six days ago, but my heart’s already racing in my chest thinking about being near him. I answer: Will do.
Gus: I love you.
Scout: I love you too.
I ride with Keller in his car and Stella and Paxton ride with Duncan in the Suburban. And when the bus pulls into the lot I don’t know who’s more excited to see Gus: me, Stella, Paxton, or Keller.
He’s the first one off the bus and Stella is right there to greet him. Seeing him with her in his arms warms my heart. Kids love him and he’s so good with them. He’s gentle and kind, they gravitate to him. He’ll be the best dad someday.
After he sets Stella down, he hugs Paxton. I’m close enough that I can hear part of their conversation. "I've been talking to your dad, dude. I know he’s not perfect, but he loves you. You need to talk to him. Hear him out. He knows he fucked up.”
Paxton nods before he lets go of Gus.
And now Gus’s eyes are on me and he’s wearing the smile that he only wears for me. “How’s Minnesota treating you, sweetheart?”
I practically curl up into his arms. “Hot. Sticky.”
He interrupts me. “Is that a come-on? It’s working.”
“It’s actually pretty wonderful here. Lots of nice people.”
He hugs me tight. “You just wait. More nice people to come. Today’s gonna be epic.”
Keller’s next in line for Gus. And when they hug each other it’s not your average guy hug. They hold on. It’s the kind of hug that’s more like a conversation, words passed back and forth, an understanding between two people who share a common bond. And when that bond is love, it makes it even more powerful.
“Traveling in style, I see,” Keller says pointing at the bus.
“No complaints, dude. Except that the bunk across the aisle is a little too empty.” He looks at me and winks.
“I’m glad you’re here. It’s good to see you. You guys need anything before we go eat? You need a shower or some coffee? We can stop by my place on the way.”
Gus smells his pits. “Nah, fresh as a daisy, dude. Let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
The band and Paxton ride with Duncan, because the allure of the beanbags is too strong to be ignored. You haven’t lived until you’ve witnessed four grown men absolutely giddy about riding in the back of a moving vehicle on beanbags. I took video. It could go viral.
Jim, Gus, and I ride with Keller. Gus seems pretty at ease around Jim, which is a nice change from last summer when just being in the same room with both of them at the same time was difficult. Back then, their dislike for each other was so evident it was almost unbearable. I think they’ve both changed. Jim catches me up on everything that’s going on with Jane. When I talk to her these days she doesn’t want to talk about her recovery, and I don’t pry, so it’s nice to get the details I’ve been worrying about. She’s doing better, thanks to intensive therapy and counseling. It gives my heart some peace where she’s concerned.
We end up at a bar called Red Lion Road. Keller bartends here on Friday nights so he knows everyone and they already have several tables put together for us in the back.
After the pizza, pitchers of beer, and sodas for me, Paxton, and Stella are ordered, everyone settles into easy conversation.
And then, over the next several hours, the group grows.
The first to join us is a tall woman about my age. When she walks through the door I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s striking with her black hair, dark eyes, and curvy body, but she’s got this presence about her. It’s the first thing you notice. It's almost intimidating, like you know you’d better give this woman respect. It’s just the way she carries herself.
Duncan stands and meets her before she gets to the table. He kisses her. And when he does she smiles and everything about her softens. This must be his fiancée, Shelly.
Before she takes a seat next to Duncan at the other end of table, she waves. “Hey, everyone.” Her voice is low and raspy, and it suits her perfectly.
Gus raises his beer in greeting. “Shelly! Drink up, girl. I’ve got money on you tonight. Distance. It’s all about distance.”
Her cheeks flame red. “Hey, Gus. I’m limiting the booze intake tonight to manageable levels, dude.”
“Well hell. You’re no fun anymore. I thought shit was about to get real,” he teases.
She smirks. “Oh, I didn’t say I wasn’t gonna have fun. I’m just gonna have fun that doesn’t involve projectile vomiting in the parking lot at the end of the night.”
Gus pushes his chair back and holds his beer up. “I’d like to make a toast. Rumor has it a wedding is in the near future. Congrats to Duncan and Shelly.”
Everyone raises their glasses and joins in with their congratulations.
Shelly keeps her glass raised. “And congratulations to Rook on the new album. It’s freaking sick. You outdid yourselves. Can’t wait for the show tonight.” She’s a fan, that wasn’t put on. I like this girl.
And before there’s time to make an introduction, two more pairs join us. A small, adorable guy in a quirky outfit and a tall, dark, well-dressed man walk in holding hands. Despite their obvious differences—they look like exact opposites—they work together. They fit together. It makes me smile because they look so comfortable with each other. With them are a conservative looking younger guy and his slightly meek looking girlfriend. They’re just normal. Not that normal’s a bad thing at all. But in the group of characters I’m surrounded by at the moment, normal stands out. They’re both very quiet, but friendly. Introductions are made. Clayton and Morris flew in from L.A. for the show. And Peter and Evelyn go to school here at the college Keller goes to. I learn that Clayton and Peter were roommates and lived across the hall from Kate in the dorms. And Shelly worked with Kate at a flower shop.
And then the stories begin. This day is all about Kate and her memory. Everyone at the table, with the exception of me, Paxton, and Jim, knew her and loved her. It’s heartwarming to listen to their stories and amazing to think that some of them only knew her for a few short months, especially Keller. The friendships were deep and meaningful and the love was so real. The laughter is genuine and constant, and the smiles only grow as each person shares their memories. There’s no sadness here; it’s all positive, all pure joy. She touched so many people.
Time flies and when Jim reluctantly announces that it’s four o’clock and time for soundcheck, I’m shocked. He doesn’t want to break up the fun everyone is having, I can tell he feels a little bad about it, but it needs to be done. They need to get to work.
Keller lets me, Gus, and the band take his car to the auditorium. Paxton and Jim stay behind to talk. I’m glad, it needs to happen. It’s long overdue.
As I sit through soundcheck, I’m regretting the fact that I didn’t take advantage of this last summer when I was on tour with them. N
ow it feels like a missed opportunity.
I don’t miss opportunities anymore. Ever. Life is about living every moment. Doing what I want and need to do. No more hiding. No more hesitation. Just living.
Gus stops in the middle of a song to answer his phone, which is strange. He talks for only a few seconds and then calls out to me through the microphone. “Scout, there’s a VIP at the front door. Can you go ask someone to let him in?”
I nod and jump down from the railing I’m sitting on.
When I get to the front doors and get an employee to unlock it, I find Gustov standing on the other side with a violin case in one hand and a small travel bag in the other.
He sets them down and wraps me in a hug. “Scout. So good to see you again, young lady.”
“Hi, Gustov. I didn’t know you were coming.”
He chuckles. “Well, it was all a bit last minute, but I couldn’t say no, now could I? It’s going to be a special night.”
(Gus)
Seeing Gustov walk up to the stage with his violin case in hand chokes me up a little. Not with sadness, but with the happiness you feel in your chest when you see an old friend. All I can say is, “Thanks for coming, maestro.”
He nods his head. “I’m honored, my boy. It’s been a long time coming, the two of us playing together. I’ll do my best to do her memory proud.”
I called Gustov last week and asked him if he’d come to Grant and play violin with us on “Missing You” and “Finish Me.” He agreed without hesitation, even though it meant missing a performance tonight in Boston.
He’s never played with us before, so we don’t waste any time running through both songs a few times. The guy never ceases to amaze me with his playing, he’s flawless. I’m humbled to be standing here playing with him.
We’re set to go on in five minutes. And I’m nervous. For the first time all tour, I’m nervous. This is a big night. This is by far the smallest crowd we’ll play to, only about five hundred people, but they’re all amped. It’s going to be fun. I’m in the shadows just off stage watching the crowd, mainly looking for Scout. She’s standing in the front row with her I make Gus moist T-shirt on next to Paxton and surrounded by Keller and all of Bright Side’s friends. She hasn’t stopped smiling all day. She always smiles these days, which I love. But her smile today is different. She knows how important this is to me and she wants to share it with me. There’s not a jealous bone in her body. She knows how much I loved Bright Side, but she also knows that doesn’t take away from the love I feel for her. My heart’s big enough for both of them. Bright Side helped make me the man I am, and Scout helped me remember who that man was, helping me become my own person. I love her so much.
