Chasing Destiny

by Nikki Rittenberry

  “It’s not like that—”

  “Yeah, actually—I think it is.”

  Landon ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to regain his composure. “Look, we can live together for a while and we can just… see what happens.”

  “I can’t do that”, she answered softly.

  “Why not?”

  “Because—this is just another one of your stalling methods.”

  “What are you talking about?” he asked, his voice becoming sterner.

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Landon. You know exactly what I’m talking about! You’re giving me a small glimmer of hope that one day things will change, but you and I both know that’s not going to happen. Admit it—you have absolutely no intention of making any official commitments to me. There is no ‘let’s wait and see what happens.’ Your mind is made up and nothing is ever going to change that…”

  Landon traced the edge of his wine glass with his index finger and sighed. “I don’t have a crystal ball; I can’t predict how I’m going to feel a year or two from now… but, I’ll admit that I’ve pretty much closed the door on it. Marriage and more kids aren’t on the table for me right now… and they probably never will be. I love you—we can still have an amazing life together.”

  Cassie closed her eyes and shook her head gently. “Landon, this isn’t working.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked cautiously.

  She opened her eyes and met his gaze. “I mean you and me—us. I can’t move to Seattle with you.”

  “Okay—plan B… We keep our usual routine. When I’m in town I’ll stay with you at the condo and when you come to Seattle, you can stay with me and—”

  “No”, she answered softly.

  Landon briefly closed his eyes and applied gentle pressure to the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger, searching his mind for another solution. “Okay—how about we sell your condo and you can move-in here?”

  “Landon, please stop.” He opened his eyes and stared back into hers. “It’s not going to work.”

  “Honey, you’re going to have to help me out a little here—I’m running out of solutions.”

  “That’s because there aren’t any.”

  He furrowed his brow, perplexed by her conclusion. “What are you saying?”

  Cassie paused for a long beat, gathering the courage to say it aloud. “It’s over”, she whispered.

  “No—no it’s not.” Landon shook his head as though doing so would prevent the words from sinking in. “We can make this work. Yes, we have some differences, but we’ll figure them out—”

  “Our differences can’t be worked out; neither one of us wants to budge on what we want out of life nor should we have to. I don’t want to force you to do anything that you don’t want to do, and I truly believe that you don’t want to do that to me either.”

  Landon cupped her face with the palms of his hands, his eyes piercing her soul. “I love you…” he pleaded.

  “I know”, she whispered, “but, sometimes it just… isn’t enough.”

  A powerful exhale escaped him as Cassie rose from her chair. He reached for her hand as he stood up beside her. “Come here”, he whispered. He pulled her body close and held her tightly against him. They embraced in silence for almost a minute until he finally spoke. “This is not how I pictured our evening ending.”

  “I’m really sorry…”

  He was shocked that she’d turned him down. She’d been so distant since the wedding. He wasn’t ready to take the plunge and remarry—maybe he’d never be. He thought that if he could take the next step and ask her to move-in with him that it would be enough. He didn’t want to let her go, but he’d never been a man to coerce a woman into doing anything she didn’t want to.

  Landon tilted her chin up with his finger tips and gently pressed his lips against hers, savoring the sensation, knowing he would never feel it again. He held the sides of her beautiful face in his hands and desperately tried not to lose himself in her eyes. “Are you sure there isn’t anything I can say or do to change your mind?” he asked.

  She shook her head gently and bit her bottom lip. “My mind is made up.” She reached for her purse lying on the dining table beside her. After opening it, she retrieved the house key he’d given her last year and placed it in his hand. “Here, I won’t need this any longer.”

  After inhaling a deep breath he stared at the silver key lying in the palm of his hand. The image made it official—real. This was really happening; He’d finally found the one woman who he’d connected with physically, as well as emotionally, and she didn’t feel the same way. She wanted more than he was capable of giving and as much as he wanted to concede, he knew it was time to let her go.

  “Can I walk you out?”

  “Of course”, she answered softly.

  Cassie exited the massive, Tudor home for the last time and came to a halt beside of her SUV. She wrapped her arms around Landon for the very last time.

  “I’m really going to miss you. I’ve never met a woman like you before and I’m so afraid I’ll never find what we have with someone else…” He confessed.

  “Don’t sell yourself short. You’re going to find someone amazing—someone far better than me”, she whispered.

  Landon opened the car door and Cassie positioned herself behind the wheel. He shut the door and watched helplessly as her taillights faded from view, dragging his bleeding heart along with her.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The angry sky groaned as the first dozen raindrops collided against the windshield. A fiery spear of incandescent light carved a jagged path through the horizon ahead, saturating the atmosphere with a quick burst of bright light. The heavens suddenly opened; heavy rain and marble-sized hail plummeted from the night sky, assaulting every surface in its wake. Cassie steered her SUV into the parking garage, relieved she’d made it home safely.

  She ascended to the sixth floor and after entering her two bedroom condo, sauntered toward the master suite to undress. She slipped into a jade satin camisole, a matching satin robe, and examined the fierce storm from her oversized, bedroom window. A blazing flicker of light, followed by an explosion of hellish thunder disrupted her trance and before she was able to retreat, total darkness engulfed her.

  “Great”, she mumbled wryly.

  She raised her hands in front of her, cautiously shuffling her feet as she traveled toward the kitchen in search of a flashlight. She patted the granite countertop with her hands and then ran her fingers across the cabinetry until she reached the miscellaneous drawer next to the stove. After opening it she retrieved the flashlight, along with a small box of matches, and gathered as many candles as she could find, making sure to align them along the bar.

  The lit candles provided the perfect ambiance for relaxation and a glass of wine would simply be the cherry on top. She ambled toward the dining room and came to a halt in front of the built-in wine rack. She randomly selected a bottle of wine from her collection and studied the label. She’d chosen the souvenir bottle of blueberry wine she’d purchased at the Maine vineyard last month.

  “What are the chances?” she whispered softly to herself. Her wine collection was nothing to brag about; approximately two dozen bottles varying from bold cabernets to satisfying ports. The irony of reaching for this particular bottle wasn’t overlooked. She’d ended her relationship with Landon. A tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders—she no longer had to lie to him. The release was supposed to make her feel better, but it hadn’t. There was still an unfathomable void in her life… Jacob.

  The time she’d spent with him in Maine replayed over and over again in her mind and it had been that way since she’d returned last month. After she opened the wine she poured herself a glass and leisurely walked to the gray velvet chaise lounge and settled her body against it.

  The room was quiet; the only sound was the occasional burst of deafening thunder. She raised the glass to her nose and inhaled the fruity a
roma. It tickled her senses and jolted her back to the night she’d purchased it; the night Jacob proposed.

  I’ve never been more serious or more certain about how I feel about you. I love you, Cass and I don’t want to live without you anymore, he’d said. Seeing the ring, hearing those words had resonated with her because she felt the same way. She was in love with him and the next day at the wedding she was prepared to answer his proposal. She didn’t want to live without him either, but when Landon appeared unexpectedly everything changed. Reality had sunk in as well as fear. Fear that Landon would find out and fear that she would have to walk away from true love.

  Cassie wiped away a single tear as her cell phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID: EMILY.

  “You are one hard woman to get a hold of”, Emily exclaimed.

  “Hey, Em.”

  “Didn’t you get any of my messages? I have good news!”

  “No—I didn’t. My power’s out. What’s the news?”

  “I finally unpacked the last box—I’m officially moved-in!”

  Cassie smiled as she massaged her temple with her fingers. This statement didn’t surprise her one bit. Emily was very organized. In fact, she was borderline obsessive compulsive about it! Her bookshelves were alphabetized, her closets were arranged from lights to darks, and she ironed everything—including Tanner’s boxers. “That’s great, Em”, she said softly.

  “Yeah… you okay?”

  “Yeah… no—heck, I don’t know.”

  “Okay—spill it! What’s going on?” Emily asked concernedly.

  “I just got home from having dinner with Landon.”

  “Did the two of you have an argument or something?”

  Cassie traced the edge of her wine glass with her fingertip. “Not exactly—more like a disagreement”, she clarified.

  “About…?”

  “He bought a home in Seattle and asked me to move-in with him”, Cassie explained.

  “Wow! Well, it appears as though attending our wedding encouraged him to take the next step too!”

  “Sort of—he wants to live together, but he doesn’t want anything beyond that.”

  “Oh”, Emily quietly uttered.

  Cassie ran her fingers through her long, wavy hair. “Yeah… I turned him down—we broke up.”

  “Are you serious?” Emily asked in disbelief.

  “As a heart attack! He’s an amazing man, but I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and energy hoping that one day he’ll change his mind. I realize now how unfair I’ve been. He shouldn’t have to compromise what he wants for his future no more than I should. It’s just… better this way.”

  “I’m really sorry, Cassie.”

  “Thanks”, she uttered softly.

  “So… now what?”

  “I guess I’m going to sit here and enjoy a few glasses of wine by candlelight. The power still hasn’t come back on.”

  “That’s not what I meant. You’re a single woman again…”

  Cassie chuckled softly. “Oh, yeah… that.” She was alone and the thought of dating again stiffened her small frame with unyielding fear.

  “Okay—I’m going to just come right out and say it. What about Jacob?”

  “What about him?” Cassie asked cautiously.

  “Well… he’s single—you’re single… There’s nothing standing in the way of the two of you getting back together.”

  “Em, it’s more complicated than that.”

  “No—you’re making it more complicated than that. He loves you and I know you love him—it’s as simple as that” she explained.

  “God—I wish it were as simple as that”, Cassie confessed. She wished more than anything that the situation was black and white, but it wasn’t. There were too many shades of gray.

  “There’s a lot of irony in this situation, you know?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Jacob intentionally sabotaged your relationship six years ago because he knew how important the internship in Denver had been to you and now you’re doing the exact same thing to him! You’re making a decision based off of fear—fear that he’ll face repercussions from Landon and his very successful career will suffer!”

  “You’re comparing apples to oranges, Em. These are two completely different situations.”

  “How so?” Emily asked unconvincingly.

  “Because not interning in Denver wouldn’t have ruined my career. Landon will be furious if he ever finds out about Jacob and I. Trust me, he’ll go after Jacob professionally.”

  “That may be true Cassie, but Jacob’s a big boy—He can handle it! You were right before… he didn’t have the right to play God with your life six years ago, just like you don’t have the right to do the same thing to him now. Tell him how you feel. Tell him your biggest fears and let him decide…”

  Cassie inhaled a deep breath and slowly released it from her lungs. “I don’t know, Em—”

  “Do me a favor. Just… just think about it…”

  * * *

  The storm had weakened. The sound of distant thunder rumbled in the background as Cassie placed her empty wine glass on the end table beside her. She leaned back against the chaise lounge and closed her eyes. Images of her passionate night in Jacob’s suite came rushing back to her. His hands were meant to caress her body and if she concentrated hard enough, she could almost feel them grazing softly against her skin.

  She’d let her guard down that night and had surrendered to her deepest desires. She’d turned off her mind and gave her heart temporary control of her actions. Doing so had given her more than she’d bargained for; a night of burning passion and a realization that a piece of her was missing… Jacob.

  She’d finally come to the conclusion that Landon no longer fit in her life. It was like trying to shove a square peg in a round hole; her heart could no longer accommodate the burden and frankly, she’d grown tired of trying to force it. She’d untangled herself from one hardship only to face another: divulge her feeling to Jacob or spend the rest of her life wondering what if…

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Autumn had fallen upon the city. The transition from sultry summer days to the bitter cold of dead winter seemed to symbolize the current chapter in his life. Jacob had rekindled a blossoming relationship with Cassie and in an instant it had perished. A future with her had decayed before his very eyes and just like he couldn’t control the weather, he couldn’t control their ultimate fate.

  He’d crashed at the cottage the night of Emily and Tanner’s wedding, refusing to lie in the bed he’d made love to Cassie in, knowing she was across the hall possibly making love to Landon. He’d left Maine the following afternoon in a million little pieces, his heart abducted by a woman he couldn’t have. Upon his return he did the only thing he knew how to do, throw himself into a pile of projects and work his mind into oblivion.

  Jacob was one of the first to arrive at the office and typically one of the last to leave. It wasn’t an unusual work ethic for him, but dodging guy’s night the previous month certainly caused speculations to arise. He’d overheard the whispers and he’d observed the stares from his peripheral vision. Rumor was that he’d finally fallen for a woman and she had broken his heart. His battle wounds were perceptible and it unnerved him. Was his heartache that obvious?

  Before he could answer his rhetorical question the door to his office swung open.

  “Hey buddy.”

  “Hey, Tim”, Jacob called. Tim had joined the firm several years prior to him and had caught a big break two years ago when he’d submitted plans to convert an abandoned high rise bank building into a modern, chic condominium in Miami. They’d been promoted to junior partner together and had quickly bonded over their new found responsibilities. With stress levels always at a constant high, they’d began a tradition of twice a week guy’s night at a local martini bar. Stiff drinks and easy women had been a welcomed distraction, a form of stress relief, and an obligation he’d participated in regularly—that is until
he’d returned from Maine.

  “It’s Thursday night—ladies’ night. You in?” questioned Tim.

  Jacob shuffled a generous amount of papers on his desk. “Ah… probably not; I’m swamped”, he sluggishly replied.

  “Yeah, me too—but, it’s nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow. Besides, a few drinks and an evening out with a hot chick will make you feel better.”

  “Don’t know what you’re talking about buddy—I feel fine.”

  Tim widened his stance and crossed his arms. He studied Jacob for a long beat, clearly amused. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Look, I may not know all of the details, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you were completely fine before you left for your trip last month and you came back a complete mess! You never used to miss guy’s night; you’ve bailed on us the last four weeks in a row!”

  Jacob grabbed his chest and gave his head a tilt. “Aw… you miss me. That’s sweet”, he uttered sarcastically.

  “Hell yeah we miss you; you always attract the women! We’ve been ignored the last few weeks. I need my wing-man!”

  “I feel so… used!” Jacob uttered, his sarcastic tone unmistakable.

  “We’re not taking ‘no’ for an answer. You’re not bailing on us this time—we’ll drag you, kicking and screaming if we have to!”

  Jacob leaned back in his executive chair and placed his hands behind his head. He debated with himself for a moment. He was in no mood for pointless conversation and time spent with a random woman at the bar couldn’t begin to fill the void in his life. Cassie didn’t want to be with him. She’d chosen to move on with her life with Landon and as much as it killed him, he knew he was going to have to try to do the same. He couldn’t avoid life outside of the firm forever—at some point he was going to have to restore some normalcy in his life and there was no better time than the present. “Alright, I’ll go.”

  * * *

  Cassie opened her eyes to find she was in the living room, lying on the chaise lounge with a half empty bottle of blueberry wine beside her on the end table.