Light Up the Dark

by Suki Fleet

  Vivian waited until he was settled. “You want me to tell you one of the bodies found at the house was Cyril’s.”

  Nicky held his breath. Tension seeped into every muscle. His body was getting ready to run. But from what? The truth?

  Vivian carried on. “I didn’t want there to be any guesswork involved, or any room for doubt. I wanted certainty. I wanted to get it right. That’s why it took me so long. That’s what I’ve been doing these past few weeks.

  “He’s gone, Nicky. Cyril is dead. Benoit is dead. There is no doubt.”

  Nicky sagged until his back connected with the rough bark of the apple tree. He curled his fingers in Pickles’ soft fur and stared out into the dark, saying the words over and over in his head. Cyril was dead. Benoit was dead. Lance was dead. No one was out there waiting for their chance to hurt the people he had come to care so much for. He hadn’t realised quite how deep that fear had run. Quite how much his sitting and watching on his windowsill everyday had been his way of keeping guard over Sophie and Loz.

  “What about Claudette?”

  “Claudette isn’t a threat.”

  “Where is she?” He didn’t like the thought of her out there somewhere.

  “Trying to work out how to build a life. Like you are.”

  “She shot Cai. She tried to kill him.”

  “She was a victim too.”

  “So you’re keeping her safe?”

  “Would you prefer someone to organise a little accident for her? Make her disappear?”

  Was that a joke? Nicky couldn’t read Vivian’s expression. For a while now he’d suspected she didn’t actually work for the police. But his imagination wouldn’t quite let him believe she was part of some sort of hit squad either.

  “How can I trust she’s no threat to us?”

  “We’re watching her. And we’ll keep watching her.”

  “So that’s why it took so long. It’s all this fucking watching you do.” He turned away. It was easier to hit out than to admit it pained him to think Vivian was protecting Claudette.

  The fairy lights drifted in the breeze, casting the world in fractured shadows.

  “I’m sorry, Nicky.” She sounded sincere.

  “Do you have proof?”

  “That the body was Cyril’s? No. My word is all I have.”

  “Was his body found inside or outside the house?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Nicky.”

  “It does! How am I supposed to believe you if you won’t tell me the facts? I pushed Cyril out the window, so the only way he could have ended up back in the house is if he got up and walked.”

  “Or somebody dragged him.” Tiredly, Vivian shook her head. “Claudette saw the broken window upstairs. She figured out what had happened. Then she went out and dragged him inside. She wanted to make sure they were both gone.”

  “She told you all this? Can’t you hear how implausible it sounds? Don’t the police look at dental records and DNA and stuff? Can’t you fucking show me?”

  Vivian looked at him for a long, long time. There was darkness in her eyes. “You know I don’t work for the police, Nicky. And you must have noticed this whole case has been completely hushed in the news. If it hadn’t been, you wouldn’t have been able to walk out the front door for reporters wanting to hear your story. Those who share the Du Vey family heritage hold many positions of influence. And any identification records disappeared very quickly. Cyril and Benoit’s deaths were a relief to them. The power play over who would have control over Thorn Hall was the main reason Cyril didn’t try and get to you sooner. Lance never had a will, Nicky. Cyril made up that whole game for you alone. It was something to pass the time, I expect, while he held back, wanting to appease the family. He knew they didn’t like him. His flashiness drew attention, and Benoit had already proven himself a risk. The family wanted to keep them both under control. If you and Claudette hadn’t dealt with them, then eventually the family would have. You did the Du Veys a favour.”

  “Why should I believe you? How do I know you’re not just telling me he’s dead, when really he’s still fucking out there? How do I know you’re not working for the family?”

  “Because I make sure justice is done when the law fails. That is my job. Without my integrity there would be nothing left of me.” Vivian’s voice was steel.

  “So you’re some vigilante James Bond?” Nicky almost laughed. But if whoever she worked for could get her clearance for the police, then was that such a far-fetched idea?

  Vivian raised an eyebrow. “I’m part of a sisterhood called the Ghost Network. We hunt out the Dukes of this world. That’s as much as I can tell you.”

  “And you’re sworn to protect us here out of a sense of guilt.”

  Vivian sighed as though she’d had enough of his questioning. “I swore to protect you, Nicky. And yes, something like that.”

  Whatever she was, Nicky figured her guilt was going to wear off at some point. But by then he hoped her protection was no longer needed and the darkness would let him go. Would let all of them go.

  Cai’s court case was next week. Afterwards, he’d either be free, or he wouldn’t. Nicky and Gemma had given statements about Cyril being the one to start the fire. They’d done everything they could. And if it wasn’t enough, Nicky would wait for as long as it took. Even though they didn’t talk about it, he hoped Cai knew that.

  “So are the murder cases closed, now the Duke is gone?” he asked quietly.

  “They’ll never be closed. Officially, the killers were never caught. That they can harm no one else has to be enough.”

  “What about Loz’s family? Gemma’s?” He knew how much Gemma had wanted justice for her brother’s murder. Were Cyril and Benoit’s deaths enough? Did she even know which of them was responsible? Did it matter to her?

  “I suspect Gemma has told them the truth, or at least part of it. The authorities will always deny it, of course. They have to. Their hands are tied.”

  Glancing up, he saw both Sophie and Loz watching from the kitchen window upstairs. Hoping they could see, he nodded his head. He was okay.

  Vivian inclined her head and got up. “Follow me. I have a surprise for you.”

  “I don’t like surprises.” Just the thought made his chest tight. A thousand panicked scenarios threatened to flit through his head. Pickles dug his claws into Nicky’s thigh as if he was intent on keeping him pinned to the seat.

  “Don’t worry. I think you’ll like this one.”

  Nicky was absolutely certain he’d like it a hell of a lot more if she told him what it was first.

  After taking a few long deep breaths, he gently deposited Pickles on the grass and reluctantly followed.

  Joe, one of the counsellors who’d given Nicky a part-time job organising the files in the office, was waiting in the reception area. Vivian spoke to him as she passed. And he smiled and nodded at Nicky, as if whatever Vivian had said was a good thing.

  Vivian held open the front door. There was a taxi with blacked-out windows parked next to the curb, engine running. The back door of it swung open and Gemma beckoned him from inside.

  Nicky blinked at her. What the hell was going on?

  “You want me to just get in that taxi without knowing where it’s going to take me?”

  “Gemma will tell you all you need to know.”

  “I need to tell Sophie and Loz where I’m going,” he said, not taking a single step closer. Not wanting to be outside. The apprehension of getting inside a vehicle and not knowing where he was going made him feel sick.

  “I’ll tell Sophie,” Joe said with a reassuring nod.

  “I need my phone. It’s in my room. I’ll just—”

  “Your phone is in your pocket, Nicky.”

  Nicky folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is going on.”

  Looking brighter and more like her old self, Vivian smiled. “I’m glad to see you’re still your wary self, Nicky. You’r
e going to go and pick up Cai.”

  Nicky stared at her wide-eyed. It had been five weeks so far. Nicky had a calendar hung on his wall and he drew a thick black line through each day before he curled up and slept. It was another week until the court case where they decided if Cai was guilty of arson or not. “How?”

  “All the charges against him have been dropped, Nicky. He’s waiting for you.”

  The world span faster and Nicky couldn’t quite keep up. His heartbeat filled his ears. He turned to Joe. “Is this true?”

  “I have a temporary room all ready for him. The paperwork is right here.” Joe flapped a wad of paper at him. Nicky stepped closer, saw Cai’s name printed at the top and stared.

  He wouldn’t let himself believe it until Cai was there in front of him, touching distance away. He glanced back outside at the taxi. Now the world was spinning a little slower he could see the car looked familiar.

  Taking a shaky but steadying breath, he said, “Don’t forget to tell Sophie. She doesn’t like surprises either. Tell her we’ll be back soon.”

  The night was cold, but Nicky was shivering for so many other reasons. Before he got in the taxi, he peered through the windscreen at the driver and relaxed a little when he saw it was indeed the guy who usually drove him to the prison when he went to visit Cai. He nodded in greeting, then slid into the backseat next to Gemma.

  “I’ll see you, Nicky,” Vivian said before he closed the door.

  He watched her through the dark glass of the window as they drove away, sensing it would be a long, long time before they met again.

  Gemma squeezed his hand. “I volunteered to go with you. I wanted to see what you looked like when you were experiencing true happiness.”

  Rolling his eyes, Nicky shook his head. “Promise me you’ll stay in the fucking car.”

  Gemma laughed. “Oh, don’t worry. You’ll be picking him up on your own.”

  Nicky turned to stare out the window, too pent up to talk. It was a forty to forty-one minute drive to the prison. And though it would probably be quicker at this time of night, he didn’t know whether he could stand the passage of time.

  Everything looked different at night and not being able to work out where they were was starting to get a little stressful, so instead he watched Gemma’s reflection as she played a game on her phone.

  With her long blonde hair pulled back away from her face and tied in a ponytail, she looked different. Sharper. As if she had an edge. Sometimes he could pretend she wasn’t the girl who’d pointed a rifle at his face all those weeks ago. But not when she looked like this.

  Her clothes were different to what she usually wore too. She wasn’t wearing black jeans and a coat, like he’d thought; she was wearing a plain black suit.

  He turned back to look at her properly and frowned. “You’re going with Vivian. That’s why you’re here. You’re saying goodbye.”

  Gemma put her phone down and looked at him steadily. “I’ll come back soon.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “I didn’t know for sure until this afternoon. I’m sorry. I told Vivian I was only going to say yes to her when Cai was released. But it seems she had a bit of luck when she called in a favour.”

  Nicky clenched his jaw and shook his head. “So, Vivian could have gotten Cai out whenever, she just needed a bit of fucking motivation?”

  “Look, it was something she couldn’t try when she was undercover. If Cai hadn’t told the police he’d started the fire, Vivian said it would have been a hell of a lot easier. But it turns out there was no longer any evidence and everything points to his confession being made under duress.”

  Nicky shook his head. This was unbelievable. All of it.

  Gemma chewed her lip. “Are you upset with me for leaving? Is that it?”

  “Yes,” he said through gritted teeth.

  Feeling so winded was unexpected. How had the two of them become friends? After everything. How was that even possible?

  Why did emotions have this horrible habit of sneaking up on him out of nowhere?

  “I’ll miss you too,” she said tightly and hugged him. “I’m going to need you when I come back. Will you be there for me?”

  Not trusting his voice, the only thing Nicky could do was nod.

  Gemma asked the taxi driver to pull over near a disused airfield, a few miles from the prison. The place was dark, and there was no one around.

  “Come on,” she said, holding the door open.

  “Where are we going?” This wasn’t the prison.

  “You’ll see.”

  By the time Nicky stepped out onto the cold grass and looked around, Gemma was halfway to what looked like a big falling-down air hangar. He stared after her unhappily. While he trusted she wasn’t about to do anything to harm him, his comfort zone was twenty miles away, and taking another footstep was too far.

  She turned and yelled his name.

  Nicky folded his arms across his chest and counted his breaths.

  The taxi driver wound down his window. “Think it might be something to do with an old white van.” Nicky spun around. The guy shrugged. “I heard them talking earlier.”

  There was only one white van Nicky knew about. He forced himself to follow Gemma.

  The van, Cai’s van, wasn’t actually in the hangar. It was parked around the side, out of sight. Gemma dangled the keys, then threw them at him. But he wasn’t paying attention and they hit the ground at his feet. He couldn’t stop staring. Someone had fixed the broken wing mirror and cleaned the dust and dirt away from the windows. But they’d left the scratches in the paintwork and the crumbling rust eating away at the doors, and the mess inside looked much the same too.

  Nicky was glad they’d left it alone. As it was.

  Cai had fucked him in this van. And afterwards he’d taken Nicky’s heart with a few unassuming words.

  Nicky ran his hand over the cold metal of the bonnet before opening the door. It felt so right. “They’re really letting him out. Tonight?”

  “Get in the van, Nicky. He’s waiting for you. You know the way from here, right?”

  Nicky knew the way. The van started with a cough. At Gemma’s hand gesture, he wound the window down.

  “Vivian left him a present. It’s in a box in the boot. And there’s something for both of you in the glovebox. I’ll see you, Nicky.” She held up her hand.

  He couldn’t say goodbye. It felt too final. Instead he watched her in the rear-view mirror as he drove away.

  Lights in the dark

  Two headlights lit up the dark like stars. Cai was transfixed as they sped down the long straight road in front of the prison, towards where he waited on the grass. It was the first car he’d seen since he’d been instructed to wait out there, hours ago.

  Weirdly, it sounded a little like his old van, though it was possible he was hallucinating. Three hours ago everything had stopped making sense. After being pulled from his cell and told he needed to collect his belongings because he was being released, he’d begun to question what was real.

  A hundred metres away the vehicle stopped with a jerk. A door opened and someone stumbled quickly out of it. His gut told him to be careful even as it tugged and drew him forwards. His heart just pounded. His brain told him he was having a deeply wishful dream and to not even bother to imagine what he wanted to imagine. But life was too short. He knew that skinny figure. He’d conjured him in dreams often enough. Throwing his bags on the grass, he ran.

  Nicky gasped as the force of Cai’s hug crushed him to the wall in front of the prison. For an endless moment, they clung to one another.

  “Fuck, I need this. You,” Nicky whispered.

  The bricks dug painfully into his back and he wanted to wrap the whole wall around them. Shut out the world for an hour or two while they took one another apart.

  Cai’s warm breath tickled his neck. His whole body was shaking. “This doesn’t feel real. Tell me I’m not dreaming you.”

&nbs
p; They kissed clumsily. Cai’s stubble scratched his face and Nicky hooked his leg around Cai’s thigh, wanting to rub his whole body against him, purring like a cat. He fisted his hands in Cai’s top. There was nothing but this desperate need to be closer.

  But they couldn’t do this here. Outside the prison. Nicky needed to get Cai far, far away from this place.

  “Come on.” Nicky grabbed Cai’s arm.

  They got in the van. Cai showed no signs of wanting to drive, content to hold Nicky’s hand as he shifted through the gears. Nicky took them back to the empty airfield, where there was no one around for miles. He parked in the shadow of the empty hangar again and turned off the lights.

  When he got out of the van, Cai followed him. Nicky pushed him hard against the bonnet.

  “Anything,” Cai murmured. He lay back in complete surrender. His arms above his head. Waiting. “Tell me what you want. I’m yours.”

  Nicky wanted everything. All of it. The possibilities were dazzling. Star bright. Limitless.

  But the world was bigger than him and Cai. And he knew Sophie and Loz would be watching the clock as they waited back at the Fifield, and he couldn’t be that selfish any more.

  “Anything will take too long. Another time,” he whispered, taking Cai’s hand and pulling him upright.

  Nicky would never tell, but it was the certainty that there would be another time that really undid him. Unfastened the rope that had been knotted inside him since the day he’d decided relationships wouldn’t ever be worth the hurt. He couldn’t even remember why he’d made that decision. Perhaps because he’d always given his trust too easily, his heart so unprotected and easy to hurt. Another secret he would never tell. But also one he knew he didn’t have to.

  “Give me two minutes,” Cai mouthed.

  He let Cai draw him close, hissing as Cai’s calloused hand deftly unfastened his jeans and far too tenderly reached down and stroked his dick.

  “Touch me like you fucking own me,” he whispered, taking Cai’s earlobe between his teeth.

  At once the warmth of Cai’s whole hand cupped him, and his dick was rewarded with a sharp tug. Both hands then. Cai’s fingers stretching down to squeeze his balls.