by Rob Dircks
Remember the time we went to that halloween party dressed as Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, and nobody knew who we were, and you had to put out the fire on my wig.
Remember that time your ice cream cone flopped onto your shoe, and I picked it up and ate it anyway, and gave you mine.
Remember the time-
Wait… is that a rope?
From: Chip Collins
To: Julie Taylor
Date: June 4, 2015 5:43am
Re: The epic battle for the multiverse (really, it’s huge)
Hi Julie,
A rope! Holy shit!
I grab hold, and look up – Pete and the dozen fighters above us are dangling in the nothingness, from a rope. It’s coming out of the doorway. Who’s that at the top?
Tesla!
And next to him – Meg! They’re both alive!
Slowly, they pull maybe a dozen survivors, into the doorway. Pretty soon everyone’s helping Pete, and then I’m last.
I’m saved! I’m alive! It’s over!
“Chip! Look out!”
Fuck. It’s not over. I look behind me down the rope. And I don’t know how, it’s impossible, but you guessed it: douchebag WHO is climbing the rope after me. Goddammit. And then he tries the whammy on me again. I can hear him whisper. “Chip. It’s too bad about your Bobo friends. They just didn’t have it in them. My trance worked especially well on their feeble minds. But you? You’ve got that fighting spirit. I like that. I could use a boy like you.”
NO.
I will not look back. I will not get sucked into your mind, you evil dick. Never again. I climb closer to the doorway.
“Chip. I have Julie. Help me into the hallway and I’ll let you talk to her.”
I hesitate. Could he? Could he really have you? I wonder.
“Can I see her?”
But before WHO can answer, a hand grabs me through the doorway. It’s Pete. He pulls me a few feet into the hallway and smacks me. “Dude! Dude! Wake up!”
Whew. I’m in the ITA. “Thanks, dude.”
We turn around. In the doorway, WHO’s fingers (on the hand he still has) are grabbing frantically for a grip. Tesla stands above him in the doorway, looking a bit like he doesn’t know what to do.
The universe behind WHO is almost gone. The last little wisps of light are disappearing, and WHO is getting more and more transparent. He’s almost gone, too.
He smiles and whispers to Tesla. “You and I, Nikola, we can do this together. Help me through the doorway. We can share dominion over the multiverse. Don’t you want to step out of the shadows, my good man, and into the light?”
Tesla answers. “What do you know of light?” And together, we all step behind him, Pete, and Meg, and me, and the others, and we put our hands on his shoulders, and look down at WHO.
The next few seconds seem to last forever. WHO looks up at Tesla, at us. We have created something he never could, not with a million antimatter amplifiers, or a million baryogenewhatevers. He could have defeated us today, and gone on collapsing universes forever, and still he couldn’t win. Because there is something about the beings in the multiverse, something that binds them, something invincible, that can never be extinguished. Light. And he knows for the first time.
“…I have seen it… finally…”
He lets go of his grip, and disappears into nothingness.
WHO is gone.
The door slams shut and immediately vanishes. Just an empty spot of wall where a doorway used to be.
It’s the last universe to collapse.
And in the next moment, a doorway reappears in the same spot. The multiverse has spawned a new possibility. Infinity is back. Good. I like infinity.
Me, Pete, Tesla, and Meg all hug each other. For a long time. We cry for the Bobos, and for Commander Collins and Alternate Pete, for Montrose, and all the people lost in the fight. We cry out of relief, of knowing somehow, incredibly, miraculously, we did it. We saved the multiverse.
Tesla’s the first to speak. “Dear friends. Let’s go home.”
28
Home
From: Chip Collins
To: Julie Taylor
Date: June 4, 2015 5:43am
Home
Hi Julie,
HOME.
My favorite word.
I can say it now, and actually believe it.
Julie, I’m coming home. I’ll be there soon.
WHO’s gone. Everybody who survived is patched up. We’ve got our hands on an INTERDIMENSIONAL NAVIGATION CONTROLLER (typed that out in all caps for you, Nikola). So the going’s easy.
First, we drop off the folks from Earth Fragment Five. There are the funerals, of course. It’s super sad. But there’s also a cool feeling of unity – like somehow, people from across dimensions, alternates of themselves, came together to protect the fabric of the multiverse. To protect the beauty of possibility, of infinite choices. To protect the-
“Dude. Who the fuck are you talking to?”
“Huh? Nobody. Just thinking about everything.”
“Well, I know it’s new for you, but stop thinking for a minute. We’re here.”
And there we are. At the doorway to Meg’s dimension.
This time it’s Pete sniffing back tears. Meg’s got her hand on the latch to the door. She’s trying to be the strong one now. He won’t let her go.
“Pete, it breaks my heart, but this is the right thing to do.”
“Well it doesn’t feel right.”
Pete enters the combination, and together they turn the latch. Shwoosh.
I jump over and put my hand on theirs, and shove the door closed.
“Wait. Pete. Why don’t you go with her? We left a mess back there with BOK and everything. She’s going to need a superhero like The Brute to watch out for her.”
“No. I-“
“I’ll be fine.”
“No. I belong-“
“No. You belong with Meg. Dude, I said it before – you’ve carried me for a long time. But look how far I’ve come. I can do this on my own. Plus, I have this.” I point down to the INController. “I can visit you guys anytime you need Awesome Man.”
He laughs. “What about home?”
“I’ll take care of your place.”
“I bet you will. This was probably your plan all along – lure Pete into the ITA and steal his apartment.”
“Yup. And I’ll tell everybody you’re on some kind of wild adventure with a skinny girl with a PhD from far away. And I won’t be lying.”
Meg smiles. “Pete, you know, I think Chip’s got another genius idea there.”
I punch him in the shoulder. “And you can come home any time you want to visit, you idiot.”
Pete grabs me in a bear hug. He won’t let go. “Okay. But who’s going to fuck up my life from now on?”
“Maybe Meg’s up to the task. Who knows what crazy shit she can get you into with her brain, your brawn, and a safe deposit box stuffed with a hundred thousand dollars?” And I let go of Pete, and give Meg a kiss on the cheek.
And Pete and Meg walk through the doorway (without anyone hitting their head for once) into whatever waits for them on the other side.
Goodbye, Pete.
From: Chip Collins
To: Julie Taylor
Date: June 4, 2015 5:43am
Re: Home
Hi Julie,
Now it’s just me and Nikola Tesla.
Pete has decided to follow his love. Good for him. He deserves all good things and more.
And after what seems like an eternity (in a way it has been, right?), we finally stop in front of our door.
Home.
Dimension #234,698,594,394,683.
“Hey Nikola. How’d you come up with that number? Does it have some kind of cosmic significance or something?”
“No. Completely arbitrary. I simply like that number. I think it’s my favorite.”
“My favorite number is eleven.”
“Oh, Chip, that reminds me.�
�
“Yeah?”
“We need to go in separately.”
“No way. Together.”
“You don’t understand. If we go in together, we will create a paradox. The ITA will try to place me back in January 7, 1943, and place you in June 4, 2015. A paradox.”
“And paradox is bad.”
“Very bad. The opposite of berries.”
“Really? I was imagining us growing old together. Well, me growing old, and you, ah, I don’t know. Fuck. This is terrible. I wanted you to meet Julie.”
“Tell her any time she uses electricity, that we’ve met. In a way.”
Aww. That was cute. But dammit. I guess this is it. Fucking guy grew on me. I really am going to miss him. Almost as much as Pete. But no more tears. Enough. I point to the door. “Go ahead, Nikola. Age before beauty.”
Tesla laughs. And one last time, he bends down a little, and musses up my hair. “Chip. It has been my honor and privilege to travel the multiverse with you. You have shown not only great courage, but keen resourcefulness, and unwavering loyalty to your friends. I have never met anyone quite like you.”
“Aww. I’m blushing.”
“You should be. I am lucky to have had you in my life. Goodbye, master Chip. God bless your journeys. And say hello to Julie for me. I’m certain you’ll make a wonderful couple. And Chip?”
“Yeah?”
“Try, try not to swear so much.”
“Fuck that. KIDDING! I’m kidding! Okay, Nikola, I’ll give it a shot. Promise.”
We hug, and God, I could break him in two, he’s so old and I’m so broken up. But I finally let him go, and he steps back into 1943.
Goodbye, Nikola Tesla.
From: Chip Collins
To: Julie Taylor
Date: June 4, 2015 5:43am
Re: Home
Hi Julie,
And now it’s my turn.
Alone in the hallway, I stare at the door. The rest of my life starts on the other side of that door. The rest of my life with you. I hope.
I love you, Julie. Now more than ever. I can’t wait to see you.
I’m home.
I enter the magical numbers 0-0-0-0 one last time, turn the latch, hear the shwoosh, and walk through the doorway.
And yes, I hit my head.
From: Chip Collins
To: Everyone
Date: June 7, 2015 2:44pm
Re: Home
Hey reader person,
If you’re the kind of reader who likes to leave the ending all ambiguous, like “I wonder what happens to Chip and Julie?” stop reading right now. Close the book or your kindle or iPad or whatever shit (whoops, sorry Nikola) they’re reading on these days. Enjoy pondering it for yourself, just lay down your head, you’ve come to journey’s end, and dream of the story that’s been told, and imagine the future.
If you’re NOT that kind of reader, if you want to know all the juicy details and have it all wrapped up in a big giant red bow like me, read on!
- Chip
From: Chip Collins
To: Everyone
Date: June 7, 2015 2:44pm
Re: Home
Hey reader person (the kind who wants to know what happened),
So as soon as I walk through the doorway, my phone starts buzzing like crazy. I look down.
NOW SENDING 3,612 EMAILS
Holy shit. 3,612 emails. I hope Julie’s inbox can take that many.
Dashing down to the lobby, I take a moment to hug the Manager, and Miss Barber behind the counter, and people are looking at me like I’m nuts. But I’m George Bailey from It’s a Wonderful Life right now, or Scrooge on Christmas morning, jumping up and down and loving every beautiful moment of my own dimension - HOME!
I’M HOME! I’M HOME! I’M HOME!
I’m even wishing everyone Merry Christmas in June. I don’t care. It’s awesome.
I run to Julie’s apartment (not at a bad pace either – I hate running, but all this crazy shit has gotten me into some decent shape finally), and you can imagine the soundtrack playing behind me, rousing trumpets and french horns and violins and shit, announcing the hero’s return to his love. Animated bluebirds are practically following me, this is so sweet.
Finally. Her door. Another door. Another choice.
Am I ready? Am I worthy?
While my hand hovers on the door thinking about knocking, she answers.
Julie.
Wow. I’ve heard people talk about really experiencing the “now,” how when you really dive into it, the present moment, that everything gets a little halo around it, the beauty of it all sort of glows. I thought it was bullshit. But it’s true. She’s glowing. Her beautiful red hair. Her Spongebob t-shirt. Her cute little feet in those ratty flip-flops that she won’t throw away. It’s all glowing.
She looks at me, startled. Then she smiles.
I smile back. This is awesome.
Then she punches me in the face.
From: Chip Collins
To: Everyone
Date: June 7, 2015 2:44pm
Re: Home
“So is this another one of your stupid jokes? Sending me three thousand emails?”
Ouch. My nose is bleeding. Should I tell her I have even more handwritten letters wadded up in my pocket?
“You disappear for two months, not a word, then I get a bunch of horse shit from you all at once. You know what? You’re an asshole. I don’t care if you send me five thousand-“
I grab her and kiss her. And this time, it really is the longest kiss ever. Pete would tell us to get a room. I’m crying, and laughing, and hugging her, and kissing every inch of her face.
Julie pulls back. She searches my eyes.
“Chip. Are you all right?”
“I am now.”
And Julie takes my hand, and pulls me into her apartment, and closes the door.
From: Ted Swanson, FBI
To: Chip Collins
Date: June 12, 2015 7:12pm
Your Employment
Dear Mr. Collins,
You’re fired.
In addition to not bothering to show up at work since June 4, you left a giant desk and papers all over the place. I’m keeping your screwdriver.
I don’t know how you even got this job. Wait, yes I do. Somebody up top got a recommendation letter for you. All very official, through Western Union. How’d you swing that one? In fact, by law I have to let you read it. But you’re still fired.
Dear sirs,
I understand that a young man named Chip Collins will be seeking employment as a security guard for the FBI research facility in Queens, New York. I would like to recommend him for this position.
Why? Let me just say I’ve known master Chip for quite a while, and he is special. He is a friend. And a teacher. And a leader. In fact, he is one in infinity.
And he is needed in that position. Trust me.
Respectfully,
- Nikola T.
P.S. If Chip should inquire about obtaining a desk, it’s safe to say we’ll all be better off if you grant his request.
From: Pete Turner
To: Chip Collins
Date: October 23, 2015 1:04am
Dude
Dude,
You still have your Awesome Man cape laying around?
I could use a hand.
- Pete
About Nikola Tesla
This is a work fiction. But it’s inspired by the fantastic and strange story of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever.
Tesla, born in 1856 in Austria, was a Serbian-American inventor, electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, physicist, and futurist best known for his contributions to the design of the modern alternating current (AC) electricity supply system.
He gained experience in telephony and electrical engineering before emigrating to the United States in 1884 to work for Thomas Edison in New York City. He soon struck out on his own with financial backers, setting up laboratories and compani
es to develop a range of electrical devices. His patented AC induction motor and transformer were licensed by George Westinghouse, who also hired Tesla as a consultant to help develop a power system using alternating current.
Tesla is also known for his high-voltage, high-frequency power experiments in New York and Colorado Springs which included patented devices and theoretical work used in the invention of radio communication, for his X-ray experiments, and for his ill-fated attempt at intercontinental wireless transmission in his unfinished Wardenclyffe Tower project.
