Steal My Heart (Swoon Series Book 7)

by J. H. Croix

She shook her head. “Only if we think it’s needed. Usually standard testing is to screen for overall health issues like diabetes.”

  “Okay. Well, I guess we should do that. Can you see any other signs that I’m pregnant?”

  “I just started your exam, and the first thing I noticed was the missing IUD. Let’s finish up.”

  A while later, Dr. Hollows had left the room while I changed. I was dressed and waiting in one of the chairs when she returned. She set her computer tablet on the counter before leaning her hips against it and giving me a considering look.

  “Well?” I felt a little sick.

  “You’re pregnant.”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “Ash, pregnancy is definitely not something I would joke about. The urine sample is positive.”

  “I know you said you didn’t often get your period with the IUD, but do you know the last time you had your cycle?”

  I shook my head. With my heartbeat thudding loudly and shock sliding through me, I couldn’t really think.

  “How far along do you think I am?”

  “I’m going to guess about seven weeks.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Mack

  “Mack, why would you think that?” Evie asked, her brow knitted in concern.

  “I know it’s not rational, Evie. It’s just stuck with me.” My little sister narrowed her eyes and leveled me with what I supposed she thought was a glare. Evie was too cute for a glare, but I got the message. “Why are you so pissed?”

  “Because you’re torturing yourself over something you had absolutely no control over, and it’s kind of arrogant.”

  “Arrogant?”

  “Yes. You can’t save everybody. You definitely couldn’t save Krista that day. Get over it and stop letting it get in the way of your life.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? I’m living,” I said defensively.

  Evie paused to dip a tortilla chip into the bowl of salsa on the table. She’d stopped by my cabin tonight to show off the puppy she and Dawson had decided to adopt.

  I waited because I didn’t feel like doing anything else.

  After she finished chewing, she said, “Well, as far as I can tell, you’re afraid of how you feel about Ash. You haven’t even said a word to me about it, and you’ve started avoiding her.”

  “What the fuck, Evie? I have not been avoiding Ash.”

  Evie gave me a knowing look. “You went from spending every night at her cabin to hardly at all. That’s avoiding.”

  I closed my eyes and dropped my head. Tunneling my fingers through my hair as I sat up, I shook my head. “Wow, you’ve been counting?”

  “Not me. Dani. If she’s wrong, you wouldn’t look the way you do. I have to go because I have to get to work. Think about what I said.”

  If I thought that was bad enough, maybe five minutes after Evie left, Ash showed up at my door. “We need to talk,” she said, walking in without even offering a hello.

  “About what?” I was annoyed, not with Ash, but with Evie and the frustration of everyone knowing everything around here.

  Bright spots of pink crested on Ash’s cheeks as she stared at me. She sucked in a breath of air and let it out in a rough sigh. “I’m pregnant.”

  I shook my head. I must’ve heard her wrong. “Huh?”

  “I. Am. Pregnant.” For good measure, she enunciated every word for me.

  My knees actually felt weak as those words slammed into me.

  “Maybe you should sit down,” she suggested.

  Turning, I crossed the room and slid into one of the chairs by the table. My cabin was a mirror of Ash’s except I didn’t have amazing coffee and lacked any homey touches. Until this week, I’d been spending almost every night with her.

  I gestured to the chair across from me. “Care to join me?”

  Ash was still standing with her arms wrapped around her waist by the door. After a long moment, she crossed the room silently and sat down. Her face was tense. I wasn’t sure how to read the look in her eyes. Anger, concern, irritation, and more were passing through.

  “How did you get pregnant? I thought you had an IUD.”

  Ash chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before answering, “Apparently, it fell out. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

  “What are you sorry for?” I was genuinely confused.

  “I’m not sure when it fell out. If you don’t believe me, you can talk to my doctor.”

  “Ash, it’s not like I would think you would lie to me about something like that.”

  My brain felt filled with static electricity, and I didn’t know what to think. At all.

  “I’ll go.” She stood quickly.

  Panic clawed at me. I reached for her hand, catching it just as she turned away. It was ice cold. “Don’t go.”

  Ash turned back, and I could feel tremors of tension running through her. She tugged her hand free. She looked like a wild horse about to bolt. “What do you want, Mack?”

  The moment she asked that question, pieces of my own puzzle clicked into place in my mind. Ash was meant to be mine. Her pregnancy shocked the hell out of me, but it was the startling bolt of clarity I needed.

  “You. I want you.” My words came out slightly ragged.

  Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened and closed before she shook her head. “What do you mean? I told you I didn’t have any expectations. I don’t want you to say you want me just because I’m pregnant.”

  Trepidation slid through me as I stared at her.

  Chapter Thirty

  Ash

  You. I want you.

  Mack’s words drifted through my thoughts like tumbleweeds. I couldn’t relax. I was trying to catch my balance, to get my feet under me, but the ground kept shifting with little earthquakes of emotion and confusion.

  I hadn’t expected to get pregnant. Obviously. I didn’t know what I wanted for myself. However, one shining beacon of clarity was that I wanted this baby.

  The timing was awful, and I had zero confidence in my relationship—if that’s what I could even call it—with Mack. Maybe I hadn’t been considering a baby. Hell, there was absolutely no maybe there. But the route of my life had carved out this new intersection, and I was going to take the path it offered.

  Mack stared at me, looking worried, which almost made me laugh. Mack didn’t worry much. He was all calm, cool, and collected. A baby was just as much of a surprise for him as it was for me.

  “Please don’t go,” he said, stepping toward me and catching one of my hands with his again.

  God, even just Mack holding my hand felt so good. He was a big man, tall with broad shoulders, and that face of his, it was so lived in. He was a man who carried his masculinity with no effort. With his shoulders, it wouldn’t be much effort.

  His big hand engulfed mine, his grip strong and easy. His thumb brushed across the back of my hand, the calloused surface sending sparks skittering over my skin and chasing up my arm to spiral through the rest of my body.

  His touch was warm and comforting. I was tired and so tense, drawn tight inside. My emotions felt as if they were pressing at the surface, and I just wanted to forget everything.

  As I stared into the deep pools of his blue eyes, I found I couldn’t hold up all of my guard. I swallowed and nodded. “Okay.”

  I hadn’t even changed out of my clothes from being at the vet clinic earlier. Mack dipped his head and leaned down to press a kiss on the side of my neck. “Let’s get you in the shower,” he murmured when he lifted his head.

  “Shower?” I returned, a little confused.

  “Your hands are cold.” He engulfed my other hand in his, which was icy cold in contrast to his warm grip. Although the cabin was air-conditioned, I’d just come out of ninety-degree heat and should’ve been anything but cold.

  “And you’ve got dirt on your cheek. Right here.” He released one of my hands, and his fingertips dusted lightly over my cheek.

  Minutes later, I’d left m
y shoes behind at the door and was climbing into the shower as Mack nudged me in. Apparently, this was a two-person job because he followed me in.

  I’d gone and fallen in love with Mack, and now I was having his baby. There were so many uncertain contingencies that just trying to think about it hurt my brain. So I didn’t. Think, that is.

  I allowed Mack to soap my body with his hands, teasing me into a needy puddle. I let him kiss me until I forgot everything. I let him lift me and carry me out of the shower, drying me off and then burying himself inside me on the bathroom counter because we were too impatient to get to a bed.

  I told him I had to go back to my place because of Betty. Mack insisted on coming with me.

  You. I want you.

  His words played on a loop in my brain. We fell asleep, and I savored the feel of Mack’s arms holding me close as he curled around me from behind, enveloping me in his strong embrace.

  Sometime in the darkness, Betty squeaked in her crate, and I woke. I reminded myself I was training her, and she needed to make it through the night. So I lay still until she quieted again. And then my mind went crazy.

  Nothing was quite so maddening as the anxiety wreaking havoc in my thoughts. It felt as if my anxiety was kicking over every box in the attic of my mind and dragging out every possible scenario to worry about.

  Mack said he wanted me, but that didn’t mean he loved me. Kyle wanted me when it was convenient for him. Brian never loved me even though he said he did.

  I was already in over my head and barely treading water in the unexpected depths of my feelings for Mack. But now, I was pregnant. And I fiercely wanted this baby. I lay awake listening to the steady rhythm of Mack’s breathing and trying to calm down. Tears pricked hot in my eyes. This was definitely not a planned pregnancy, yet I wanted this baby so much it hurt.

  For all I knew, I wouldn’t even make it through the first trimester.

  I wanted to believe in Mack. My anxiety tried to kick some sense into my heart. Don’t be stupid about that. Don’t let yourself hope for more.

  I resolved to be sensible tomorrow. It felt good, oh, so good to lose myself in the guaranteed bliss of sex with Mack. But I needed to be practical and to make a smart decision for myself and my baby. Our baby.

  “I’m sorry, say that again,” Shay said, her head whipping up from where she stood at the reception desk in the vet clinic.

  “I’m pregnant,” I repeated.

  My best friend stared at me wide-eyed as her mouth fell open. The pen in her hand clattered to the floor. “Oh.”

  At that moment, the front door to the vet clinic opened, and the sound of crying reached my ears. Shay gave me a little glare. “We are going to discuss this further later on,” she hissed.

  I’d chosen this afternoon to talk to her because the clinic was empty except for us. Jackson and the rest of the first responder crew were out on an overnight training exercise. The vet tech was also out of town this week.

  I wasn’t thrilled with the interruption either, but I knew I would have plenty of time to talk to Shay later. Turning, I faced a woman holding an injured cat in one arm with her crying daughter trailing at her side.

  I reached reflexively to the box of latex gloves tucked around the edge of the reception counter and snapped them on quickly as I approached her. “Hey there,” I said, using my calmest voice. “What happened?”

  The harried mother gratefully relinquished the cat into my arms. As I began inspecting him, noting it appeared he’d taken a blow to his shoulder, she explained, “He ran across the street and kind of bounced off the edge of a car’s tire. Fortunately, they were going really slow, but he just laid there.” She looked down at her daughter. “Honey, we’re at the vet. She’s going to make George all better. That’s her job.”

  When her eyes shifted to mine, I smiled encouragingly. “I think we can do that.”

  I was pretty confident. The little guy looked very uncomfortable and hissed at me as I gently probed his shoulder, but he was breathing okay.

  “Let me go ahead and take him right back. I’m gonna need y’all to wait here. There are toys in the corner, and some snacks right there,” I said, gesturing with my head toward the wall where we had a small cart that held water, tea, juice, and snacks. “It’s just Shay here with me this afternoon. She’ll come back with me to get started, but she’ll be back soon with an update. Okay?”

  At the little girl’s tearful nod and the mother’s thank you, I hurried down the hall with Shay. She was quiet until we were in an evaluation room with the door firmly closed. “Is he really going to be okay?” she asked immediately.

  “I think so, or I wouldn’t have said anything.” I set the cat on the stainless-steel table. “I’m going to need to sedate him so I can examine him more thoroughly.”

  In a matter of minutes, George was resting comfortably. An X-ray determined he had a fracture just below his shoulder.

  “You’re a lucky guy,” I murmured as I carefully worked.

  Shay came in to check just as I was finishing up. “How’s he doing?”

  “He’ll be fine,” I said firmly.

  “Good. Just so you know, your rain check on that announcement only lasts until this is over.”

  I laughed softly as she left the room to give the family an update. Not much later, I was able to send George home. The little girl was beaming from ear to ear and promising me up and down she was going to take the best care of him ever.

  As soon as I closed the door behind them, Shay’s voice reached me from behind. “Go ahead and lock it. It’s after five.”

  After locking the door, I returned to the reception desk and leaned my elbows on it. “Sorry to spring that on you like that. My timing was bad.”

  “Ya think?” she muttered as she closed a file cabinet and locked it before turning to power down the computer. “Let’s go over to the farmhouse. I have a new bottle of wine from Lost Deer Winery, and we’ll have the house to ourselves. Well, except for Pepper.” She was referring to their beloved dog.

  “I can bring Betty, right?” I crossed the waiting room to check on the puppy who was sound asleep in the playpen in the corner.

  “Of course you can. Let’s get going. I need details.”

  Only minutes later, we had crossed the parking area from the vet clinic to the farmhouse, the very house where I grew up and where Shay and Jackson now lived. The English Setter they’d adopted from the rescue program was eating dinner.

  “Okay, I can multitask,” Shay called as she carried a bottle of wine over to the table. “You’re pregnant?”

  “I didn’t mean to freak you out. Yes.”

  “Are you okay with this? Do you want a baby? I’ll support whatever you need. If you need me to go to labor classes with you, I’m there. If you need me to hold your hand when you go get an abortion, I’m there.”

  “I want to have the baby,” I said firmly. “I’ve had three days to adjust to the news.”

  “You waited three days to tell me this?!” She finished pouring her glass of wine and immediately took a big gulp. “Fill your own.” She pointed at the wine bottle after she swallowed.

  “Um, I’m not drinking wine,” I offered with a wry smile.

  Shay slapped her hand to her forehead. “Duh. Let me get you some water.”

  In another moment, she’d returned to the table and handed me a glass of water before sitting down. “I just needed time to absorb it. It’s Mack’s, if you were wondering.”

  “Well, I figured. You never were one to sleep around. Not that there would be anything wrong with it if you were,” she added hastily while I laughed.

  I reached for a piece of cheese from the small platter of crackers, cheese, and fruit she’d set between us while she reheated some leftover pizza from Dani at the lodge restaurant.

  After a bite of cheese, I took a breath and answered. “I want to have the baby. I didn’t plan it. Obviously.”

  Shay eyed me steadily. “I’ll toast for you. Babies
make me happy.” She lifted her wineglass, clinking it on my water glass when I held it up.

  After another breath, I added, “I told Mack.”

  “How did he take the news?”

  “I think he was shocked, but then, so was I.” I ate another piece of cheese and pondered what to say next. “I don’t know what to do about Mack. He says he wants me. Before this news, I told him I didn’t have any expectations. Being serious isn’t exactly on his radar.”

  “What do you want from him?” Shay’s question was voiced softly.

  Emotion tightened in my chest and throat, and I took another gulp of my ice water. “I love him. I just don’t know if he feels the same way.”

  “Have you asked him?”

  I almost spit out my next sip of water. “No! Asking something like that could definitely be perceived as pressure. You know how pressure went for me before. Brian said I pressured him by getting excited about weddings. I tried not to pressure Kyle, and then I ended up just feeling like an idiot. There’s no way I’m asking Mack if he loves me. I’ll pass on feeling like a total idiot yet again.”

  “What are y’all doing right now?”

  I shrugged. “Because I’m weak, I had sex with him the other night, but I haven’t since. I think I need to keep it on friends-only turf until we figure out how we both feel.”

  Shay was quiet, a twitch of worry between her eyes. “I think you should tell him how you feel, but that’s your call. If you don’t mind me asking, were you on birth control?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’ll talk to Mack when I’m ready. To your question, I had an IUD. I went for my annual, and the first thing Dr. Hollows asked me was if I knew my IUD had fallen out. I didn’t know they could fall out.”

  Shay started laughing. “I guess they can.”

  “They do say no birth control is foolproof except abstinence,” I said dryly. “So if you don’t want to get pregnant…”

  Shay’s cheeks went pink. “I’m not gonna stop having sex.”

  “That’s totally fine. Just please don’t give me any details about you and my brother.”