by Len Webster
“Thank you for the ride and my presents. They’re the sweetest things,” she said sincerely.
“Anytime, Clara,” he replied. She put both the gift bags and her boxed cake on the ground and fished her keys out of her clutch. Placing the key in the lock, she unlocked and opened the door. She looked up at Liam.
He went to so much effort for me.
Letting go of the door handle, she turned to Liam and gave him another quick kiss on his cheek. She didn’t care about whether her neighbours would see. Liam responded by wrapping his arms around her waist; he didn’t kiss her, but just held her for a moment before letting her go.
“Thank you for tonight,” she said appreciatively. Clara removed Liam’s jacket off her body as she stepped out of his hold.
“No, keep it!” he insisted, but she wasn’t going to keep his jacket.
“I couldn’t, but at least you can smell like me now.” Clara winked before picking up both gift bags and the cake, entering her apartment. “Good night, Liam.” She watched as he put his arms into his jacket and sniffed it.
“I’ll never get over the smell of you, Clara,” he said before she closed the door.
Clara’s cheeks heated and the butterflies in her stomach fluttered. Liam was far sweeter than she could believe. She dropped the gift bags on the floor and her keys on the hallway table. Crouching, she took out both the toucan and penguin toys and walked across her lounge room. Clara placed her birthday cake on the kitchen bench and placed both birds on her window seat.
Turning around, her guest bedroom caught her eye. She couldn’t forget who slept in that room. The ache in her chest wouldn’t let her forget. Kicking off her heels and leaving them by the window seat, she walked to her room. Opening the door, Clara climbed into bed, feeling the full force of her constricting heart, the tears starting to form. Stupidity and foolishness overtook her; for a moment during that dinner she thought Noel could return her feelings, but she was mistaken. It hurt. It hurt more than Darren cheating on her, the pain intolerable. Liam could only make her forget for a small period of time, the pain aching every inch of her heart.
The sound of a bump and then a door closing woke Clara from her sleep, her heart racing at the unfamiliar noise. She sat still, waiting for another sound to confirm it wasn’t just a dream.
“Take me to bed, Noel,” a female voice demanded as another thump was heard.
Bed?
Clara began to rub her eyes and looked at her clock on the nightstand. It was a quarter past two in the morning. She groaned out softly and put her head back on her pillow; she thought it was a bad dream and started to close her eyes.
The sound of more bumps and hushed voices echoed through the apartment. Clara rolled over in her bed in hopes of stifling the noises.
“Oh, God… Valerie,” Noel groaned heavily and Clara’s eyes shot open.
Is he? With… Valerie? Oh my God!
Then the sounds of their moans, groans, and heavy panting confirmed what she had been hearing. They were having sex. Clara rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling.
The anger and hurt began to rise in her. He had the audacity to have sex in her apartment, one room away from hers. Noel left her to pay for dinner, potentially walk home alone, and spend her birthday upset, but he could bring home Valerie and have sex with her. Clara sat up and got out of her bed. She went to her closet and changed into a pair of jeans and a long-sleeve top. She discarded her white dress on the floor with such disgust.
Noel and Valerie’s activities grew louder and the ache in Clara’s chest grew fiercer. He left her for Valerie. The realisation that he held no respect for her was heart wrenching. She thought they were equals, that Noel could love her, but she was wrong.
Noel love me? What a sick joke!
Opening her bedroom door, she walked into the kitchen. Grabbing her birthday cake, a fork from the drawer and a bottle of wine from the cupboard she made her way to the balcony. She needed air. And she needed away from the sounds of their physical activity. As she reached the balcony doors, she stopped and looked over at Noel’s bedroom door.
“Asshole!” she hissed and turned away from the balcony doors. Clara made her way to the front door, making sure to pick up her keys along the way. When she reached her door she paused.
Am I really going to leave my apartment because my brother’s self-absorbed best friend is getting laid?
Clara felt stupid for leaving, but as she turned to return to her room to put on some earphones, she heard Valerie moan loudly.
“Oh God!”
“And now I’m leaving,” Clara muttered to herself as she opened the front door. Cradling the wine and chocolate cake, she walked to the elevator. Once she hit the lobby, she made her way to the bench in the garden. The feeling of the cool wind soothed her from her burning anger and hate towards Noel.
“To think I cared about that selfish bastard!” Clara growled as she reached the bench and hastily sat on it, thankful for her change in clothes. She could have sat on her balcony, but she couldn’t take seeing them if they left the guestroom. Seeing him stroke Valerie’s hand was enough of a blow in itself.
Unscrewing the bottle of Moscato Rosa, she opened the boxed cake. Stabbing her fork viciously into the cake, she cut off a big piece before putting it in her mouth. Clara grabbed the neck of the wine bottle, bringing it up to her mouth as she chugged down a large amount of the alcohol. She didn’t care about the taste as she alternated between alcohol and cake in an attempt to forget and numb the pain.
After yesterday, she was sure Noel felt something. That moment they jumped off the platform, she knew she fell for him. Now it felt like a mistake. But she couldn’t turn off the “I like Noel” switch. As much as she wanted to, the switch was nonresponsive. Warm tears fell from her face.
“God, I’m such an idiot!” she whined into the lonely night. Clara put the cake down and took another mouthful of her wine. The sound of a car locking startled her and she quickly wiped away her tears. Liam walked out from the parking garage holding his keys and his phone; his eyes met hers and torment spread across his face. Liam was crouched in front of her in seconds.
“Clara, are you okay?” he asked as he stroked her wet cheeks. She shook her head.
She wasn’t okay. She just had the guy she liked leave her on her birthday to have sex in the room next to hers. She was sure the ache in her heart complied with not being okay.
“You don’t want to talk about it, do you?” he asked. Clara shook her head. “Then we won’t talk, but I won’t leave you here alone,” Liam said as he removed his jacket and wrapped it around her. He moved the cake and the wine, and sat next to her. Her tears fell freely now in his presence; as hard as she tried to stop them, they wouldn’t retreat. Liam wiped Clara’s tears, and wrapped his arm around her, bringing her closer to him.
“Just hold me please,” she sniffed.
“Always,” he replied as he turned his body and curled his other arm around her. Clara rested her head over his heart. The sound of its beat soothed her.
This is what it feels like when someone cares for you: no games, no frills, no one else. This is safe.
“Clara, you’re okay,” a soothing voice hushed and rocked her softly from the darkness. Clara opened her eyes to the sun rising ever so slowly. She gasped for air in attempt for survival, her heart beating and adrenalin pumping. She looked around at her surroundings, but felt a protective embrace around her. A blanket wrapped around her like a cocoon; she turned and looked up to see gentle eyes filled with concern looking at her.
“Liam.” She exhaled, relieved. He was still here. He was keeping her safe. It was just a dream that somehow mirrored Clara’s reality. It was a dream that had Noel leaving her alone on the diving platform for Valerie, leaving her to fall into the darkness and slip into an unknown abyss. She turned from his embrace and faced him. This was safe and she knew it. No matter how much of a playboy he was, he wasn’t one when she was with him.
; Maybe his reputation preceded him. Maybe she just believed those rumours to save her heart from another puncture. Liam ran his thumb along her jawline, the tenderness in his eyes still flaming. The realisation that she was in his arms woke her from her own little world. Clara looked around to see the grass shiny from the morning dew.
“How did I get out here? And this blanket?” she asked, cringing at the pounding in her head.
“I found you here crying and downing that bottle of wine early this morning. I had Frank get you a blanket from my apartment. I was the designated driver last night with my mates, and after taking them all home, there you were,” he explained as he stroked the hair from her face.
Last night.
That’s when Clara started to remember and all the pain in her chest returned as quickly as she remembered. She had been as naive as she was stupid, dressing up to the nines and actually thinking last night meant something. The morning after and the anger in her had eased; now she just felt stupid.
“Clara, you were screaming in your sleep. Are you sure you’re okay? We can talk, if you want to?” Liam asked. She could see how much it troubled him by the way his hazel eyes darkened.
“What time is it?” she asked, dodging his questions. Clara rubbed her eyes and moved out of his embrace.
Liam sighed. “Almost seven; you’ve been asleep for about four hours.”
“I’m sorry if I woke you with my screaming. I don’t normally drink that bad and cry in a garden,” she huffed as she put her face in her hands, cradling them in embarrassment.
“Hey,” he said as he got off the bench and crouched in front of her. His touch separated her hands and lifted her chin up to him.
“I didn’t sleep. I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to be there for you. Prove to you I could. I’d sit in snow. I’d sit in a storm, but… maybe not a snowstorm; I can’t handle that shit.” He shrugged, joking.
“This is Australia. If there is a snowstorm it’s every man for himself! But I’ll be there carrying you through it if it means you’re safe, Clara.” His words made her brittle heart melt. Liam held her face in both hands, and she smiled weakly at him. Everything he’d done for her was right, but here she was having just cried to him over someone who didn’t care or respect her. It was wrong to have Liam care for her.
“Liam, you should give up on me.”
“Why would I do that, Clara?”
She couldn’t turn away from his gaze, his hands holding her in place. “I’m…” she began to stutter. One word crossed her mind and it needed to be said out loud. “Broken… I’m broken, Liam.” There was so much truth to that one word that it made her heart ache a little more.
“You can’t fix me. I’m too broken for that.” She grieved at her own words. The truth hurt.
“I don’t want to fix you, Clara. You’re perfect. Fixing you means changing you, and I don’t want that. Your ex-boyfriend is a bastard for not seeing just how amazing you are. I want to mend you. I can’t fix what he did, but I can help you mend the hurt he inflicted and heal your wounds. All I want to do is make you better… happier. I don’t want to alter you in any way, Clara. You’re perfect before and after him. You’re every bit of perfection to me. Broken or flawed, I want it all.”
She blinked off the tears that came with his words, stunned at his revelation. They sat there looking at each other for a moment before the sound of Liam’s phone ringing interrupted.
“I’m sorry. I have to take this,” he apologised after he looked at the caller ID.
“No. Don’t be stupid, take it.” She smiled.
Clara watched hope twinkle in his eyes. Standing up, he dusted at his wet knees before planting a kiss on her forehead. Liam looked at his phone, let out a sigh, walked to the rose bushes, and answered his call. Clara ran a hand through her messy hair and copied Liam’s sigh.
I’m thankful for that phone call. What was I meant to say to him… to that?
After a few minutes, Liam returned to her. “I’m sorry. That was the office. I have to go to Singapore to seal a deal with a company. They’re skeptical at what the company can provide, and the board is worried. My flight leaves in a couple of hours. I’m so sorry, Clara. I planned to take you to breakfast and talk and now…” His disappointment in himself was clear.
“It’s okay. It’s your career. I understand.” She understood because her brother was the exact same way.
“I was sure you’d be upset with me for leaving you.”
“You spent the night by my side. Why the heck would I be upset with that?” she replied as she stood up from the bench, grabbing the empty wine bottle, the cake, and the blanket. She took off his jacket and gave it to him with no arguments.
“Good,” he replied as they headed back to the lobby. Clara disposed of the wine bottle in the lobby bin, smiled at Frank at the desk, and headed for the elevator. They rode the lift in silence until it reached Clara’s floor. Like last night, Liam walked her to her front door.
“Thank you for everything, Liam. The ride home and the whole on the bench thing.” The events of last night still played over in her mind.
“You’re welcome, I wouldn’t let you walk home or sit on that bench all night by yourself. But I have one question…”
Oh God, please don’t ask me about what happened last night!
“Why do you like toucans?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. Clara registered the cuteness of his expression, and she let out a small laugh. At least she could give him that. Clara started to remember why she liked toucans, a memory she had forgotten years ago.
“I was three. My dad, brother, and our family friends went to the zoo. I was so excited to see the butterfly sanctuary that I let go of my dad’s hand. I didn’t know where to go. I kept wandering around the zoo and I realised I couldn’t find Alex or my dad. I did what any three-year-old would, I cried. And then my family friend’s son took my hand and told me not to cry, that we would find my brother and dad. He took me to the closest exhibit and said we’d watch the birds until they returned. The nearest one was the toucan exhibit, and we stood there by the glass, staring at the birds. He never let go of my hand once until my dad came about fifteen minutes later.” Sadness crept back into her heart.
Noel was that boy that held my hand while we watched the toucans.
“I can see why you like them. Remind me to thank that boy one day. Listen, when I finish up in Singapore, can I take you to that breakfast?” She didn’t have to think about her answer for a second.
“Of course. Thank you for everything.” Clara smiled before she kissed his cheek and took her keys out of her pocket. Opening her front door, she stole one last look at Liam with his blanket before she entered her apartment and closed the door behind her. His eyes held hope for them.
Crimson hair fanned across his pillow, shimmering in the sunlight. It was wrong. He watched as she slept next to him. Noel ran a hand through his messy hair.
“What the fuck did I do?” he murmured so he wouldn’t wake her.
Last night’s events flashed before him. “Shit!” he growled, and punched the mattress of the bed. Valerie gasped as she woke from her sleep.
“Noel, honey, are you okay?” she asked as she sat up, covering her naked body with the blanket. She placed a hand on his shoulder. Her touch felt wrong on his skin.
Honey?
“It’s nothing,” he mumbled to her.
“If you’re sure. I’ll be back; I’m just going to get a glass of water,” she announced and rubbed her eyes. He watched as she moved out of bed and picked up the shirt he wore last night. Valerie rolled the long sleeves to her elbows and turned for the bedroom door; the hem of his shirt barely covered her ass. She walked out of the room and he laid his head back on the pillow, frustrated.
Why did I go to the bar? Why did I send Clara…
Noel leapt out of bed and ran to the dresser, putting on a pair of grey pyjama bottoms, ignoring the ties and letting them hang off his hips. He ran after Valerie, ho
ping to catch her in time. As Noel reached the kitchen, he spotted Clara, standing just by the bar stools, her eyes puffy and bloodshot, hair messy, and her mascara smudged.
She didn’t say anything. She stood there as Valerie spoke to her. When her face turned in his direction, her eyes showed the hurt her smile was trying to disguise.
“Umm, were you… err… here last night?” Valerie asked. His eyes searched Clara’s for the answer he was silently asking.
“No. I was at one the girls’ last night. You just saw me coming in.” Clara placed the box she was carrying on the counter. “Stay for breakfast, Valerie. I’m just about to cook an English breakfast,” Clara said. She walked into the kitchen and opened a bottom cupboard, taking out a fry pan.
“Will you be joining us, Nolan?” she asked without looking at him, placing the pan on the stove.
Nolan? She never calls me Nolan.
He was about to answer when Valerie spoke first.
“Thank you for the offer, Clara, but I’ve got lunch plans with my family. I better get back to my place and get ready.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay? It won’t take long.” Clara smiled at Valerie. The hurt in her eyes aimed for him.
“Positive. I better get my things. Thank you, Clara,” Valerie said, placing her glass in the sink and approaching him.
“You said we were going to Alex’s. You didn’t tell me Clara was going to be here first thing in the morning,” Valarie whispered, her annoyance directed at him.
“I live here; technically it’s Alex’s since he pays for the apartment, but I’m the one who lives here,” Clara said without a look in their direction. Her voice held no acid.
“Right, thank you for letting me crash here, Clara,” Valarie said, trying to save her pride.
“It’s okay,” Clara said sincerely, and walked to the fridge. Valerie smiled back and walked into the bedroom to gather her things. Minutes later, Noel walked her to the front door as Clara started to crack the eggs.
