Thirty-Eight Days

by Len Webster

  Tonight was meant to mark the night we’d be out in the open, and Clara would be wearing my ring.

  He breathed out; his heart wouldn’t stop the clenching pain he was feeling. After checking in, he’d needed a drink. He wanted to stop feeling, but he couldn’t will himself to order one, so he just sat there.

  “Here, you look like you need one,” Rob said before taking the empty bar stool to Noel’s right and placing a pint of Guinness in front of him.

  “Thanks. How did you know I was here?” Noel asked as he placed the ring back in its box.

  “Stevie called me. She told me about you and Clara being finished. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “I was going to propose,” Noel replied as he stared at his beer.

  “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, Noel.” He looked up to see Rob in his tux with a sad look on his face.

  “It’s what she wants.”

  “You told Granny Parker you were leaving, or Alex?” Rob asked as the bartender placed a drink in front of Rob.

  “I called Gran before Stevie knocked on the door. She’s sad that it didn’t work out. She hoped that I would move back. As for Alex, I can’t look at him right now. I’ll call him once I’m back in Boston. It’ll be easier that way.”

  Noel couldn’t face Alex. Not when Clara just broke his heart and took away his future. He’d call Alex and tell him that Gregson wanted him back for an important account that needed reporting. Looking at the engagement ring, he felt his eyes burn. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without her. He held out Clara’s ring, the burning sensation returning to his eyes. Rob placed a hand on Noel’s shoulder and apologised for the turn in events.

  It was meant to end like this.

  They both sat there staring at Clara’s ring. Noel had drained his pint in two takes, the alcohol not delivering the numbing that his body craved. When he placed the glass on the counter, he noticed Rob had finished his pint, too. Noel put Clara’s ring back in the box and closed it. The sound of the box closing caused his heart to clench more painfully than before. He put his fingertips on it and slid it over to Rob.

  “Here, I want you to take care of this for me. Don’t tell anyone about it. I don’t want anyone to know that Clara and I existed, or that I was going to propose.” Rob took the ring box in his hand and looked at Noel.

  “Why do you want me to have it?”

  “Safekeeping. I can’t go to Boston with it. It’ll hurt too much. Having it with me will make me think there’s a chance when there isn’t. You keeping it means I won’t go crazy and fly back here and kick Clara’s door down,” Noel replied as he got off the bar stool, Rob following.

  They walked silently towards airport security. Each step Noel took sent him further away from Clara. Soon enough she’d know that he was completely walking out of her life, giving her what she wanted.

  “It’ll be all right, Noel. Things will turn around,” Rob said once they reached airport security. He watched Rob hold the ring box tightly before placing it in the inside pocket of his tux jacket.

  “I’ll keep it safe for you. You’ll need it one day soon for her.”

  “I highly doubt it. But thanks, Rob. Not just for the ring, but for everything you’ve done. I know it wasn’t easy to keep this from Alex.” Noel’s mouth pressed in a fine line.

  “You’re my best mate. I can’t let you go through all this shit alone. Don’t go for too long, now. I’ll need you back. Now I’ll have to find a new rowing partner. I might have to move to Boston. They have a Yarra?” Noel let out a laugh and they shared a quick hug.

  “Got to have hope, Nolan. This shit will fix itself, you’ll see,” Rob reassured.

  “I’ll see you when I see you. Hit me up if you do come to Boston. We’ll go down to New York and see Alex once he gets back.” Rob patted Noel’s shoulder. Noel walked towards the security officer and handed him his passport and boarding pass. Turning, he nodded his head at Rob before walking past the guarded entrance and towards the scanners.

  Sitting on the chairs outside of the boarding gates, he waited for his flight to board. He had a two-hour stopover in L.A. before flying to Boston. Noel opened his passport and took out the folded note, opening it and running his fingers over her writing.

  She loved me. This note proves that she did.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, flight QF93 to Los Angeles is now ready to board. All Qantas Frequent Flyer members and business class members are free to board at any time…”

  Noel looked up to see NOW BOARDING appear on the screen. He picked up his carry on bag. He was relieved that he purchased a business class ticket rather than economy. He needed the comfort of the large seats. He folded Clara’s note and placed it back into the pages of his passport and took out his phone. He stared at the now boarding sign and sighed.

  I can’t leave without her knowing.

  Noel brought up Clara’s messages and his heart felt a slice of pain shooting through him. He took a deep breath in and sent Clara one final message before boarding his flight and leaving her behind for good.

  Noel: I’ll always love you, Clara. Always.

  Two Weeks Later

  Clara held the box of cupcakes tightly and breathed in a few times to try and settle her nerves. She wasn’t expecting herself to find the courage to see him. There were so many things that she was sorry for, and she was hoping he’d open his door.

  It had been two weeks since that night. The one text message she received from Noel almost made her change her mind. But Clara found out the next day that he went back to Boston. She wasn’t sure why she was surprised when Alex told her, but she was. Noel had really packed up his belongings and left. The regret always sat in the pit of her stomach every time she thought about him.

  The nights were always the hardest. Being alone meant remembering and she didn’t want to remember. Each time she did, those stiches in her heart would burst open. The last fourteen days were almost a blur for her. When she wasn’t at the bakery, she would be with Stevie or Alex. Clara had to fight real hard to convince Jarred to go to Darwin to see Annie while she visited family. He almost had Clara on the plane with him, but she managed to get loose.

  The elevator opened and she hit his floor number. She ran scenario after scenario through her head. She had done him wrong, and she owed him an apology. The elevator door dinged open and she stepped onto the unfamiliar floor’s carpet. Clara reached his apartment and knocked. All she heard was silence.

  He’s probably not home.

  Just as she was about to turn away, the door opened wide and Clara held her breath. Her hands had moistened in such a sweat that she feared she’d drop the box of cupcakes. For the first time in two weeks her heart picked up, and she bit the inside of her cheek.

  “Clara, I uhh… wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Clara closed her eyes for a second and breathed out heavily.

  “Hey, Liam.” She watched him smile at the sound of her saying his name.

  “It’s good to see you, Clara. I was just reading some investment reports. Want to come in?”

  “Sure, that would be great!”

  Liam broke into a large grin and stepped back, allowing her access into his apartment. She stepped inside as she looked around. Liam’s apartment was far greater than hers, his lounge room double in size. Unlike Clara’s apartment, Liam had no window seats; he had a leather couch in the middle of his lounge room facing a large, wall-mounted LCD TV above the fireplace. Clara was literally blown away at the size of it.

  She couldn’t believe she was here in Liam’s apartment. She thought back to the reason to why she was here.

  “There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make Keira smile. Even if that means I have to watch her cry because her favourite character from the book she’s reading dies or something. I don’t want you to be with someone like Darren again. I want someone who moves heaven and Earth for you. Who will sit there and watch you cry.”

  That conversation she had with Alex
was eight days after she ended things with Noel. Alex’s words were an eye-opener. Liam had always been there, and it wasn’t fair how she treated him. She was close to completely falling for him, but she fell in love with Noel first. It took her almost a week to summon the courage to apologise to Liam. Clara looked at the pink box before looking at Liam. He still had that smile on his face and Clara felt a change in her heart. It was like that one smile mended a piece of her.

  “Did you want a drink or anything? I could fix you up something to eat if you wanted?” he asked politely.

  “No… I uhh ate just before. Liam, I’m… well, I’m—” Clara stammered out.

  What’s wrong with me!

  “I must sound and look ridiculous right now!” Clara nervously laughed as she tucked a loose curl behind her ear. She looked up at Liam through her fanned lashes to see him still smiling.

  “Nope, you look and sound adorable to me.”

  Clara smiled and knew that this was the Liam she started to fall for once upon a time.

  “Here.” Clara straightened out her arms and offered Liam the box. He eyed it suspiciously before taking it in his hands.

  Liam opened the box and took out a cupcake before he asked, “Cupcakes?”

  “They’re apology cupcakes that I made especially for you. I remember you telling me that you loved oranges and chocolates together. So I thought why not try those flavours in a cupcake with some Irish whiskey. I’ve never made this kind before, and I’ve been trying to perfect them all week—”

  “All week? You spent a week trying to make me cupcakes?” Liam interrupted her, and she felt her cheeks warm.

  “Yes.” Clara nervously chewed her bottom lip.

  “Why would you make me apology cupcakes?”

  “I—I don’t know. Who even makes apology cupcakes? I’m sorry. I better go and leave you to your reports,” Clara said quickly. Before she could make a dash for his front door, Liam stood in front of her.

  “Come on, Clara. I want to know why you made me cupcakes. Please.” Liam pulled a pout and she let out a laugh. She sighed and looked up at his hazel eyes. They weren’t green and she thought she’d be disappointed, but instead she was relieved.

  Clara shook her head and looked at the soft mix of brown, green, and a hint of orange that made up his eye colour. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. I neglected you and wasted your time. You were compassionate and caring, and I never told you how much I appreciated everything you did for me that night. You really are an amazing person, Liam. I’m thankful that you were there for me that night.” Memories of her birthday left Clara breathless.

  Liam didn’t reply. He looked at the cupcake and then at Clara several times. She would always be sorry for leading Liam on, and that would be a regret of hers. Clara gave Liam one more smile before making her way back to his front door. Just as she reached for the door handle, she heard Liam call out to her.

  “Make it up to me!” His request had Clara spinning on the balls of her feet to face him.

  “What?”

  “Breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I don’t mind. I just want a chance. I’ve been waiting a year to be with you, and if it’s over a meal then I’ll take it. We’ll start fresh, that is… if you’re ready.” There was something in what Liam said that made Clara’s eyebrows crease.

  It’s been two weeks. Could I really go on a date with Liam?

  “Okay,” Clara replied without thinking. She felt the surprise on her face and looked at Liam, who also mirrored her reaction.

  “Clara, think about what you just said. You said okay to a date. Are you really okay about going on a date with me?” Liam took a few steps, placing the box of cupcakes on the hallway table and taking Clara’s hands in his.

  “If you’re not. I’ll wait. I’ve been waiting a long time, but I want you to want to date me. Not because I asked you to make it up to me. Do you want some time to think about it?” Clara’s lips parted slightly and she blinked several times.

  It’s time I finally appreciated Liam.

  “I don’t need time. I want to go on a date with you, Liam.” Clara thought she’d feel her heart clench and break, but she didn’t. The pain and pressure was still there, but it didn’t hurt like it used to.

  “Tomorrow?” Liam asked as his eyes sparkled at her.

  “Sure. Tomorrow sounds good.”

  “Wait, I just need to say this out loud. We are going on a date… tomorrow!” Clara let out the most natural and real laugh she felt in weeks. Liam was mending her.

  “Yes, Liam. Tomorrow,” Clara confirmed and her lips curved into another smile. Liam bent slightly and inched closer to her until his lips pressed on her right cheek. She smelt his citrus cologne, reminding her of how safe he was.

  “I’ll pick you up at eleven, then we’ll go out for lunch. I promise to make this fun.” That glint in Liam’s eyes and that smile on his face was priceless. Liam opened his front door for Clara, taking her hand and walking her to the elevator. He pressed the down button and looked at her, his hand never leaving hers. The ding of the elevator sounded and she felt Liam squeeze her hand.

  “Tomorrow.” He smiled, and Clara laughed as she stepped into the elevator. She pressed the button for her floor and watched the doors close on him. Liam deserved a chance. He chose her, and she would do right by him.

  “How’s the hutch building going?” Clara asked as she put her arms through her jacket sleeves and shrugged it onto her shoulders.

  “I wish I never bought you this for your birthday. I should have listened to Keira and bought you something small. But no, I had to go get you something for your kitchen. I wish I never went past that store.” Alex shook his head and grabbed the instructions. Clara knew it was probably the first time he was looking at the sheet of paper.

  “I agree with Keira. A hutch? Don’t get me wrong, I love it. But did you really think I could build this?” she teased. Alex looked up from the single piece of paper and frowned.

  “Are you going somewhere?” he asked.

  I can be open with Alex about Liam.

  “I have a date.” Clara shrugged.

  “A date. With who?” Alex asked roughly as he stood up from the floor. Clara flinched at Alex’s change in behaviour.

  “Liam,” she stated.

  “Your neighbour?” There was a hint of disbelief in Alex’s voice and Clara balled her fists, her nails digging into her palms. She nodded her head.

  “He’s a nice guy, Alex. He’s one of the good ones,” Clara said.

  Alex stepped in front of her and the anger in him could be seen in his eyes. He breathed in and his nostrils flared. “Yeah, so is Noel!”

  Clara’s mouth dropped and the clenching returned in chest, her eyes searching Alex’s.

  “Oh my God, you know,” was all she managed. Clara held onto the counter to steady her legs. She watched as he brother ran a hand through his messy hair and exhaled heavily.

  “I knew the moment I saw you. You weren’t crying because I was home. And then you looked over at Noel and it confirmed it all.” Alex sounded almost tired and Clara felt the pain consume her.

  “Are you mad?” Clara asked quietly.

  “No. I was fucking pissed off that you didn’t tell me. Why do you think I went out on all those runs in the morning? I had to make some crazy excuse like I was running the New York Marathon to get you guys alone and talk. I wanted you both to tell me when you were ready. But what good did that do? Noel’s in Boston. What the fuck happened? I didn’t expect him to leave, Clara. I thought by giving you some time to yourself, you’d figure it all out and go to him.”

  Alex was rooting for us to make it.

  “We had to end, Alex. His life is in Boston and my life is here,” she explained.

  “You could have transferred to Boston University. You have the grades, and I would have supported you, Clara. You’re my little sister, and if you love Noel then I’ll support you. He’s my best friend, and I had hopes you two would just tell me.” Alex’s
words opened her stitched up wounds, and the pain bled out. The ache came in quick slices, and it made her breathing feel inadequate. She couldn’t change her mind about Noel. It would be unfair for everyone.

  “Then support me when it comes to Liam. Forget Noel is your best friend for a day and support me. Liam deserves a chance. I meant what I said; he’s one of the good guys.” Tears started to develop. Alex pulled Clara into a long embrace and held her.

  “Okay, I trust you. If you want to date Liam, then I’ll support you.” A knock on her front door had Alex letting her go.

  Her tears threatened to spill as she looked at her brother. He wanted her and Noel to work out. Maybe they went about things wrong, but timing was always against them. She shook her head and walked towards the front door. She quickly blinked, making sure no tears brimmed her eyes, and Clara could see her hand tremble as she opened her front door.

  Liam stood there in a light grey button down shirt, skinny jeans, and a pair of black Vans. He held out a bouquet of lavenders, and Clara looked at them.

  “Lavenders?” Clara tilted her head slightly.

  “I wanted to be unique, and your favourite colour is purple, right? Wait. Do you like lavenders… You don’t like lavenders. I should have gone for roses.” The frustration and creases on Liam’s forehead made her laugh.

  “I love them. It’s quite a surprise,” Clara replied, and took the bouquet from him.

  “Liam, good to see you. You take care of my sister,” Alex said. Clara could hear the slight warning in what Alex was saying, but she shrugged it off.

  “I will,” Liam promised as they shook hands. Clara handed Alex her bouquet and smiled to reassure him.

  “Right, well we’re off. Good luck with the hutch assembling, my dear brother. I love you.” Clara pressed a kiss on Alex’s cheek.