Saving the Moon

by Mette Ivie Harrison

  “Maybe you were just tired,” said Sarah.

  Liam shrugged. “I wore them the next day and wished I could get Laela to look my way. The next thing I knew, she had her arm around mine and was walking down to my locker with me. Breathing in my ear. And she wouldn’t even look at me before.”

  Sarah was losing steam on her arguments. She didn’t want to suggest that Laela might be in on the joke. She didn’t want to crush Liam. Just get him to see the truth.

  “And then I started having to do less homework. I had more friends. Every time I wore the socks, something good happened to me. Sometimes I didn’t have to wish it out loud. If I just thought about it, it happened.”

  “You’re afraid of losing these socks, aren’t you?” Sarah said.

  “I’m afraid of my life being ruined,” said Liam.

  “But if it’s just from wearing your socks over and over again, you could start all over with a new pair.” I can’t believe I just said that, thought Sarah.

  “And lose everything stored in there? Everything those socks have given me?”

  “Liam, there’s no such thing as magic. And if there were, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be in stinky socks.” She tried to yank them back, but this time, she was the one who let go first. And the strange thing was, she wasn’t noticing the smell of socks so much this time.

  “Why not? Why should there be magic in things like rings or wishing wells or stars? They have nothing to do with us. I’m in the smell in my socks. In the DNA. Maybe that’s where the magic comes from.”

  Sarah shook her head. This was what tax payers paid for science education?

  “Mom, listen to me,” Liam went on. “Hundreds of years ago, people believed in magic. They don’t anymore.”

  “Because they’re smarter now,” said Sarah.

  “Maybe,” said Liam. “But maybe it’s because they don’t let anything of themselves build up. They vacuum everything up in their homes. They dust. They throw fingernails away. They brush out their hair. They put on clean socks and wash everything. The magic—it’s all gone.”

  “You’re suggesting that I believe magic is gone because hygiene is in?” Sarah said.

  “Yes,” said Liam. “We’re all about being clean.”

  “Hello, disease,” said Sarah. “Microscopes. Parasites. Viruses. Bacteria. Louis Pasteur.”

  “I know, Mom. But what if we’re trading magic for health? Think of all the things we’re missing.”

  Sarah backed away, her hands up.

  Liam held the socks to his chest. There were tears in his eyes, though whether that was from the smell or from some brain disease that was causing him to think this way, she did not know.

  “Look, you can talk to your father about this tonight, when he gets home.” She had done all she could. It was time for a man-to-man conversation. Maybe Colin could outstare him, or make him see the truth about this fraternity hoax.

  “OK, yeah. I’ll talk to him,” said Liam.

  Sarah went out of the room and closed the door firmly. She spent the day shopping for fans and air fresheners, which would probably do nothing. Then that evening, she sent Colin into speak with Liam.

  “Any luck?” she asked, when Colin came out, with a smile on his face.

  “He’s going to think about what I said,” said Colin.

  Sarah was encouraged, but still started looking on-line for a therapist. She wondered what she should say was the problem. Delusions? Social issues? Self-esteem?

  It was cold that night, and she wore her socks to bed.

  In the morning, she woke up and noticed that Colin had done the same. And they had both overslept their alarm.

  “I’ve got to get to work,” said Colin. He threw on his suit, and one of his older ties. He shoved shoes on his feet, already covered with socks.

  He looked down at himself, and then at her. “I’ll change them tonight,” he said ruefully. “I swear.”

  Sarah watched him from their bedroom window and he pulled out of the driveway.

  He called her later to say that he’d gotten that raise he’d been angling for all week, and they were going out to dinner to celebrate.

  “Make sure to tell Liam to dress up,” he said. “I don’t want to pay for a fifty dollar meal if he’s still in jeans and a T-shirt.” He said nothing about Liam’s socks, however.

  Sarah looked down at her own feet. She was still wearing her socks from before.

  And she had been hoping for a phone call from a new client.

  When the phone rang a few minutes later, she was not terribly surprised to discover that she had landed the job.

  She wiggled her toes inside her socks.

  Well, it wouldn’t hurt to keep them on for a little while longer.

  SAVING THE MOON

  Zoe was in the bathroom with the big mirror, doing her bridal hair and makeup, when her mother came in to tell her she was not coming to the wedding that was supposed to take place in four hours.

  “You’ve had three months to clear your schedule, Mom. What’s your excuse this time?” asked Zoe’s older sister Tabitha, who had been married three years ago and was now divorced and living back at home again.

  “I have to save the moon,” said Mom. “It’s falling out of orbit and I’m the only one who knows how to get it back where it belongs.”

  Tabitha rolled her eyes. “Mom, this is Zoe’s wedding. You only get one chance to attend this.”

  “Really? What about you, then? Are you saying you’re never going to get married again?” asked Mom.

  “No, I’m not saying that. Sometimes I think you liked Aaron more than I did. Sometimes I think you liked him more than you like me, Mother.”

  “Are you blaming your divorce on me, Tabitha? I liked Aaron, and I went to your wedding and it didn’t make any difference. It’s not me making the vows. Or breaking them, as the case may be. I know what weddings are like. I’ve been to them before. And the mother of the bride isn’t an important part. You might as well bring one of those cardboard cutouts of me and no one will know the difference.”

  Tabitha mouthed, “I’m sorry,” at Zoe and then pulled Mom away.

  They were still arguing. Zoe could hear them, though her brain was too busy with other things to parse what they were saying. Tabitha treated every relationship she had like a fixer-upper. There was always something to be done. She would never give up the belief that things could be perfect if only she worked hard enough at it.

  Zoe knew better. When Mom made a crazy decision, it was best to nod and act like you understood. If she hadn’t worked hard not to do it, Zoe could have made a list of all the events in her life that her mother had missed. The school play in ninth grade.

  She had to prevent a black hole from forming then.

  Eighth grade graduation.

  She had to make the sun a little hotter. It had been a cold year.

  Her first swim meet. Dad had come, apologetic. Mom was busy keeping the earth’s core stable.

  Dad had been embarrassed, but never confrontational. He had loved Mom just the way that she was, since there was no other way for her to be. He had stepped in when he could, and for the rest, had tried to make the best of it. There had been good times with Mom.

  But Dad had died three years ago, just after Tabitha’s wedding. He hung on to be in the pictures, gray as he was, and died about a week after Tabitha and Aaron returned from their honeymoon.

  Zoe thought about Jude’s parents. She liked them a lot, although she didn’t feel particularly close to Jude’s mother. It would be awkward in the line, everyone asking where the bride’s mother and father were. Zoe had thought her mother would handle those questions. Now it would be her.

  Mom did seem to be missing things more often now. Especially things that were inconvenient or difficult for her.

  Zoe had been nervous before. She figured that was normal for a wedding, even if it was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. But now her shaking fingers turned cold, almost n
umb. She kept looking at herself in the mirror, doing each curl, holding it for the right length of time because she counted in her head, but she didn’t feel the hair warming up like she usually did and she began to wonder if she had on too much makeup or if she should pull more of her hair back in an upsweep or if she should have chosen the gown with the white appliquéd flowers on it in the front instead of the one with the long train that she knew Jude would like.

  Tabitha came back after about ten minutes. There were bright red spots of anger on each cheek. “She won’t take her medication. She says that it makes her feel fuzzy-headed.” Tabitha made a sound of disgust. “She says if she takes the medication, then the moon will come crashing down out of the sky, and that would ruin your wedding. She claims she is doing all of this for you. As if she would let the moon come crashing down if it were any other day, because then it wouldn’t matter if the pictures came out right.”

  “Let it go, Tabby,” said Zoe. “There’s no point in fighting with her.”

  “You’re enabling her, you know. Just like Dad did. Can’t you see how ill she is? She needs to be in a full-time facility and I think this proves it. She isn’t acting in a sane way. Do you have any idea where she goes when she says she’s saving the universe? Have you ever followed her?”

  “No. You have?” asked Zoe. It had never occurred to her to do such a thing.

  “I followed her last year, when she walked out of the Christmas party. Do you remember what she said? That she had to slay some demons?”

  Zoe vaguely remembered. Jude had been with her at the party, and they had just been engaged. The rest of the world had faded in her mind.

  “Demons? She never said anything about demons before.” It was almost always some astronomical event that Mom had to deal with. She had a degree in astronomy, a PhD, but she had never taught except in graduate school. She’d had Tabitha her last year, and had wanted to stay home with her children until they were older. She had never gone back to academia, had said she was still looking for the right “opportunity” if someone asked her.

  “She went to the park. The one with the two bridges where she used to take us to walk if we were in trouble from school. You remember?”

  “She went there? At Christmas?” It would have been covered in snow and all the beautiful trees bare of leaves. The bridges over the waterways would have been treacherous with ice.

  “She just walked around with her hands in her pockets. She wasn’t doing a thing. It was just an excuse to get out of another family obligation,” said Tabitha.

  “Is that the only time you’ve followed her?” asked Zoe.

  “Are you saying you think she was actually doing what she said she was doing any of the other times? Zoe, get serious.”

  “I just wondered if you had seen where she went other times. That’s all.” Zoe wasn’t sure what she would do when she was saying her vows. Would she think of her mother at the bridge park or would she not think of her at all? Or would she think of her with her hands on the moon, pushing it back into place in the sky? It made a nice image, even if it wasn’t real.

  “She should be evaluated.”

  “Today?” asked Zoe. That would really make her wedding difficult.

  “No, not today, of course.” Tabitha pulled one of Zoe’s curls to the side.

  “Ouch!”

  “Let me do that. You can’t see in the back.” Tabitha took the curling iron from Zoe. She was glad to be free of the weight, but her fingers felt colder than ever.

  “Zoe, we can’t ignore this any longer. She’s getting worse since Dad died.”

  “You think so? It seems about the same to me. It’s not like she does this every day.”

  “How do you know? You’ve stopped asking her to do anything that might matter to you. You did that years ago. And even when you asked her to come, you didn’t expect it, so you wouldn’t get hurt. It’s your coping strategy.”

  Maybe it was. “So do you think she’s dangerous? Is she going to hurt herself or someone else?” asked Zoe.

  “I don’t know. How can I guess what she will do? She isn’t thinking straight, Zoe. She might be capable of anything. How do we know what she thinks about when we aren’t there with her?”

  “Tabitha, she can’t be committed against her will unless she’s violent. And she’s just not violent. You know that. She never has been.” They’d been raised with a no tolerance for violence policy since they were babies. They couldn’t pull each other’s hair or punch each other, even in play.

  “Fine. She’s not violent. But there are a lot of other things she can do to hurt herself.”

  The curling iron burned the back of Zoe’s neck. She jumped forward.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. What was I thinking? I’ve got to finish this before I talk more about Mom. It makes me too upset.”

  So Tabitha finished the curls in the back.

  “You look so beautiful,” she said, her head behind Zoe’s in the mirror. “I think I’m going to tear up.”

  “Maybe you could pretend to be Mom at the reception? We could say she had a makeover and that’s why she looks so young,” said Zoe.

  “I am not going to take her place, Zoe. I’m not going to help her get away with this without penalty. She should hurt over this. She should have to talk about it every day for the rest of her life and make excuses about it.”

  “I thought you said you didn’t want her to make excuses anymore.”

  “You know that’s not what I meant.” Tabitha shook her head and sighed. “Look, I have to get dressed, too.” She disappeared for ten minutes and when she returned, she was wearing the flowy, mint-colored dress that the other two bridesmaids (Jude’s sisters) would be wearing.

  “You look great,” said Zoe.

  Tabitha looked at herself in the mirror, made a couple of adjustments around the bust. “Thanks,” she said. “And if you think we’re done talking about Mom, we’re not.”

  Zoe made a face. “Fine. Let’s get it over with now.”

  “Do you think that Dad believed her?”

  “You mean, do I think he believed that she was saving the universe? No.”

  “Then why did he stay married to her? Why didn’t he divorce her and take us away from her craziness.”

  “You think our lives would have been better if we saw even less of Mom than we did? At least she was home, most of the time, when we came back from school. She made dinner. She kept the house clean, the laundry done. She was a good mom, in lots of ways.”

  “Now you’re making excuses for her.”

  “I’m just accepting what is, weighing the good and the bad. You can only see the bad,” said Zoe.

  Tabitha gritted her teeth. “I think that it would have been better if Dad had shown her how much she needed to change. Then maybe we wouldn’t still be waiting for her to take her medication on a regular basis. She would have seen how much it could cost her if she didn’t.”

  “So it’s Dad you’re mad at, more than Mom?” asked Zoe.

  “Well, he was the sane one.”

  Zoe put her wreath on. She’d chosen that instead of a veil. It looked good.

  Tabitha handed her the sapphire ring that she’d gotten for her graduation from college.

  “Here. Something borrowed, something blue.”

  Zoe teared up.

  “Now, don’t start that. You’ll ruin your makeup and I don’t want to start all over again.” She shook her finger imperiously.

  “Did you ever think Mom means it—metaphorically rather than literally?” asked Zoe. “I mean, that she really is doing something, in her mind at least, that saves the universe?”

  “Maybe.” Tabitha shrugged. “What difference does it make? It’s still an illness that should be treated.”

  They got everything ready to go. It took another hour of checking, double checking, unloading and reloading, and finally they were only fifteen minutes late.

  “Just one second,” said Zoe, and she ran back inside, into Mo
m’s room.

  But Mom was gone. Wherever she’d gone to save the moon, at least she wouldn’t be sitting at home while her daughter got married. She was somewhere, doing something important, at least to her.

  And really, there were ways in which it was fun to have Tabitha at her side instead of Mom. It wasn’t so bad, explaining to people that Mom hadn’t been able to make it. Only the first few people asked, and then the news seemed to spread by word of mouth. At least half of the people knew Mom first hand, and had seen this behavior before. The other half had heard whispers about it, via Jude’s mom, who was not at all tolerant of a mother who was unreliable.

  “I would have to be in prison before I would miss my own daughter’s wedding,” she hissed when she first heard. “I would have to be tied to a hospital bed with terminal cancer. Or in my grave at the bottom of the ocean.”

  “Mother, this is Zoe’s mom you’re talking about,” said Jude. “It’s Zoe’s right to be angry or not. She’s the one missing her, not you.”

  So after that, Jude’s mother refrained from making any comments, but would just look upset whenever she looked at the space at Zoe’s side, empty or filled by her sister.

  The last ten minutes of the reception, after the cake had been cut and the photographer had gone, and it was only a few old high school friends still chatting with them, Zoe’s mom walked in, after all. She was dressed in a wetsuit that was dripping all over, and her hair looked like it had been in a blender. Her face was clear of makeup and she was smiling.

  “I did it,” she announced to Zoe, as she pulled her forward by both hands and kissed her on each cheek. “I saved the moon. Do you want to come out and see it?”

  Zoe looked at Jude. “Whatever you say, Zoe,” he said.

  “It will only take a minute,” she said softly. He still hadn’t told Zoe where the honeymoon was going to be. She only knew that they were staying at a local hotel tonight and that they would go the airport tomorrow.

  Zoe’s mom stepped out of the reception center and pointed up at the sky. There was a full moon bursting out behind cloud cover dramatically just at that moment.