Depth of Field (Last Chance Book 1)

by Riley Hart

  He stepped down out of his truck and glanced at his mom’s house. He’d go inside, tell Van he was home, run next door, and then the two of them could get to the fucking and sleeping.

  As he climbed the stairs to his porch, he heard music coming from inside. Shane smiled, wondering if Van listened while he painted or if he was doing something else.

  He pushed the door open saying, “Honey I’m—” His joke was cut off by laughter. Laughter he knew and that didn’t belong to Van.

  His mom’s head was dropped back, the loud, happy sound falling from her lips as Van had his arms around her, dancing. His mom was dancing in his living room with Van.

  “Honey, you’re home?” Van winked at him, continuing what had originally been Shane being playful, but he didn’t reply. He couldn’t move. His feet had become too heavy to lift, like they’d been dipped in cement and were stuck to the ground.

  His mom stood up straight again. Van dropped one of his arms but kept the other around her.

  “Van was reminding me how much I used to love to dance. He’s very good,” his mom said.

  “I can see that.” Shane nodded once.

  Van and his mom watched him. Van dropped his other hand away and his mom smoothed down her shirt. They were looking at him as though they didn’t know how he was going to respond. It wasn’t every day he walked into his house and his mom was there. It sure as shit wasn’t every day she was laughing with a man Shane was sleeping with.

  There was a part of him that wanted to keep Van private. His mom spending time with Van made it more real. She would push him about Van and yes, he knew it was all because she wanted him happy but the truth was, he and Van couldn’t be anything more than what they were right then.

  He could never leave, and Van would never want to stay.

  But Christ, his mom was there. In his house and she was laughing and dancing and…happy. Her eyes glowed from it. It was like air to his lungs. Like for a little while, he could breathe easily. “Did you save me a dance, Ma?” he asked and her smile grew.

  “Always.” She walked over and gave Shane a hug. He squeezed her tight, wondering how in the fuck it even happened in the first place. “I like him,” she whispered softly in Shane’s ear.

  Yeah, he liked Van too.

  “What about me? Do you want a dance with me too?” Van teased when Shane and his mom separated.

  “Nah, I’m good.” Shane winked and Van rolled his eyes, but then caught his stare as though he was trying to tell Shane something. I’m sorry, maybe. Or I didn’t know what to do.

  “Van and I are making you dinner—pot roast and potatoes. I’m going to check on it.” She squeezed his hand once and then headed toward the kitchen. Van passed her on his way to Shane.

  Shane leaned against the back of the couch. She couldn’t see them from where she must be at the stove.

  “I wasn’t sure if I should call you,” Van whispered softly. “I was ready if I needed to. She—”

  “Shh.” Shane shook his head. “Don’t apologize for this. Don’t ever feel like you have to apologize for this.”

  Van grinned and Christ, Shane wanted to kiss him. Wanted to thank Van with his mouth on every inch of Van’s body. He wanted to hold onto him and not let go.

  “I—”

  “Dinner is done,” his mom shouted, cutting off whatever Shane had been going to say. He wasn’t even sure what words were going to come out of his mouth.

  “Time to eat,” Van told him. He squeezed Shane’s side and then walked over and turned the music off.

  Shane went into the kitchen. “Here, Ma. Let me cut this. You guys cooked. It’s the least I can do.”

  “Okay.”

  Shane washed his hands before cutting the roast. He pulled plates and silverware out, handing a set to his mom and then Van. They made their plates. Shane and Van grabbed a beer and his mom iced tea.

  “Where do you want to eat?” Shane asked her.

  “I think inside,” his mom replied. He figured it’s what she would say but he wanted to ask. She’d obviously had quite a journey, and he still wasn’t sure how it had happened.

  Shane set his plate down and Van pulled the table away from the wall. It was then he noticed that Van’s easel wasn’t set up in the corner and he felt bad that Van hadn’t gotten the chance to paint. How long had his mom been here?

  It was just a moment later when Shane sat down to have dinner, at his house, with his mom and a lover. Another first for him.

  “This is good,” Shane said as he took a bite of the meat.

  “It was all me,” Van replied.

  “Oh don’t you start telling stories now. See? And I thought I liked you!” His mom playfully swatted Van’s arm. “Don’t listen to him, Shaney. I made it.”

  “Shaney, huh?” Van cocked a brow and Shane flipped him off.

  They talked about music and the weather. About things going on in town. Nothing important, but it was important at the same time.

  It was life. The kind of life his mom didn’t have, and in some ways, the kind Shane didn’t have either.

  “How are things going at the shop?” she asked after a few moments.

  “Good. Tomorrow will probably be another day like today. I have a few cars I really need to get done.”

  As soon as Shane looked up from his meal and at his mom, the date slammed into him. Fuck. How had he forgotten? It was a standing appointment on their calendar.

  “I can reschedule,” his mom said and Shane quietly cursed.

  “No. Fuck. I’ll figure it out. You shouldn’t have to reschedule. I know the appointments. I don’t know where my brain is.” But the Wells family needed their car for tomorrow, and he’d promised the Johnsons too.

  “What’s tomorrow?” Van asked with his brows pulled together.

  “I go to Portland to see my psychologist and psychiatrist.”

  She had a therapist who was closer but they made the trek to Portland once a month for her other doctors. Every fucking month. What was wrong with him?

  “I can take you,” Van said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it should be but—

  “No. We couldn’t. That’s a lot to ask.” It was an hour drive. Sometimes she had a panic attack on the way. Sometimes she had one there. Sometimes they didn’t make it. He couldn’t ask Van to take on that responsibility. No one had ever taken his mom to her appointments other than Shane.

  “You didn’t ask,” Van said in unison with his mom’s, “Yes, we could.” She looked at Van. “Only if you’re sure. I don’t want to be a burden. It really isn’t a problem to reschedule.”

  “That might be better. You can probably get something next week,” Shane said without making eye contact with Van. He couldn’t. He thought he might see hurt there.

  “I really don’t mind. I have nothing to do. Plus, I kind of like you.” Shane looked up just as Van nudged his mom’s arm.

  “I kind of like you too,” she told him. “Even if you did try to steal my glory over the meal.”

  “Always gotta have all the attention,” Van teased her back.

  Shane watched the exchange between the two of them in awe. His throat nearly closed up. Whatever happened earlier, the two of them had gotten close.

  The subject veered off onto another without any decisions being made. Shane sat back and watched, tried to take it in, seeing his mom with Van that way. They finished their meal and then his mom insisted on doing the dishes.

  When they were finished, she stretched and said, “I’m tired. This has been a big day for me. Can you walk me home, Shane?”

  “Of course.” He grabbed her pills for her and she took one. He only kept a few there because it wasn’t as though she was there very often.

  He could see the tension rise in her. Could feel the tremble in her bones as he took her hand. “It’s okay. We got this,” he told her.

  “Thank you for spending your day with me.” Van stepped close to her. He wrapped an arm around his mo
m’s shoulders and kissed her forehead and Shane’s heart sped up and his chest started to swell.

  He was so fucked. So goddamn screwed where that man was concerned.

  “I should be the one thanking you.”

  “No, you really shouldn’t. I was honored to hang out with you and I hope to get to do it again soon.”

  Van stepped aside and Shane and his mom walked to the door. “You good?” he asked her.

  “Yeah.” She smiled. “I feel very good. I think I’m okay.”

  His grip on her hand tightened as they stepped outside. Her breathing picked up. She shook more but she didn’t falter. Didn’t stop.

  “He’s a good man,” Shane said of Van. It would help to try and keep her mind off the panic that dug its claws into her mind.

  “Yes, he is. I like him a lot. He’s good for you. You’re happy. I see it when I look at you. You’re happy in a way I’ve never seen.”

  He thought about cracking a joke about getting laid on a regular basis, but knew it wasn’t the time. Knew it wasn’t the reason. “It’s not serious, Mom. It can’t be.”

  “What if it is?” she asked, hopeful.

  “It’s not.” How could it be?

  They were quiet the rest of the way to her house. She gasped when they stepped inside, but she’d done it. She’d held her own. He took pride in moments like that. “You did real good.”

  “I walked across the property.”

  “You did good,” he said again. “Most of the day, it sounds like.” He cocked a brow at her.

  “I want Van to take me tomorrow, Shane. You can’t do it all.”

  What if she needed him? And even if she didn’t, it wasn’t Van’s responsibility. She wasn’t Van’s mom. “I’ll see what I can figure out,” he replied because he didn’t want to argue with her.

  They said their goodbyes before Shane made his way through the night and back to his place. When he stepped inside, Van wasn’t in the living room.

  Shane turned for the hallway, and stepped into his room. His chest squeezed tight when he saw the canvas in the corner. When he saw the men tangled together, arms locked, legs entwined, a knot of masculine bodies. It damn near stole his breath.

  It was beautiful.

  They were beautiful.

  Shane pulled his shirt over his head as he moved toward the bathroom. The shower was running, the door wide open. He stepped out of his shoes, stepped into the room and saw Van’s naked body through the glass, standing under the spray.

  He pulled his pants and underwear off. Opened the door and joined him. Van backed out of the spray and Shane wrapped his arms around Van from behind. He leaned his forehead against Van’s back. “You’ve taken care of my mom twice. You’ve been there for her and comforted her. I…I don’t know what to say to that.”

  “You don’t have to say anything.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “No, you don’t, Shane.” Van turned then. Put his fingers under Shane’s chin and tilted his head up. Water ran down his body, droplets sliding from his body to Shane’s. “You don’t have to do it alone. Not while I’m here.”

  “I’ve been doing it alone for so long, I don’t know any other way.”

  “Don’t you think it’s time you learned? Maybe it’s time you both did.” Van ran his hand through Shane’s wet hair, then to his ass. “She loves you. God, she loves you. And she’s fun. I laughed my ass off most of the day.”

  She was fun. She used to make Shane laugh all the time. “She gets it from me,” Shane teased.

  “Let me take her for you tomorrow, Shane. I promise you, I’ll take good care of her.”

  “That’s not what I’m worried about. I—” Shane started and then, forced himself to let it go. “Thank you.”

  It was one of the first times in Shane’s life he didn’t truly feel alone.

  “You’re welcome. Come on. Let’s wash up and cuddle, Shaney.” Van quirked a brow at him.

  “Fucker,” he replied, but then they did just as Van had said.

  It was the first time Van had spent the night in his bed and Shane didn’t spend any of it inside of him. But Van had already made his way inside Shane permanently; Van just didn’t know it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  The day had been long but not quite as hectic as Van thought it would be. Shane had been nervous as hell, and Van had to keep in touch with him the entire time they were gone. Annie had taken medication before they left, and Van had a whole list of directions—if this happens, do this. If that happens, do that.

  But none of it had. Her doctors were in the same building. She had one appointment after the other. She’d been flustered and on edge. Shaky as she played with that one spot of hair at the back of her head, but she’d worked herself through it, and Van was pretty sure Shane was just as flustered and on edge back in Last Chance.

  “Your mom must be incredibly proud of you,” Annie said as they were on their way back home.

  Van scoffed at that. “No, I can’t say that she is. I’m okay with it though.”

  “Why?”

  He sighed, wondering where to start. “My family was never as close as you and Shane are. My father was abusive to me growing up and my mother never tried to stop him.”

  “Oh my God, Van. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

  “You couldn’t have. No one did. We were good at keeping it that way…and I don’t want to make it sound like I was beaten every day. I had everything I needed physically—more than I needed. But I knew to be afraid of my father. I knew that he expected me to be a certain thing and I wasn’t that. I knew if I messed up he would use his hands and words to make sure I understood it. And she…she made excuses for him.”

  “Good God.” She raised a shaky hand to her mouth. “I’d like to give that woman a piece of my mind.”

  “It is what it is. It’s over now. I left when I was eighteen and didn’t come back until now. But she still…let’s just say it’s not her favorite thing in the world to have a gay son, who is extremely proud of who he is and won’t ever hide it again. Add in my art and, well, that’s a little much for her. Maybe it would be okay if I could be myself quietly…properly.”

  “What’s the fun in being proper?” she asked and Van grinned.

  “My thoughts exactly.” He took another heavy breath. “So, no…she isn’t particularly proud of me. She doesn’t understand me and I don’t understand her.”

  “But you still came here…for her.”

  “I guess.” But maybe he’d come here for himself, too. To prove that he could still be the Van he’d grown into when he was in this environment. That he could be himself in Last Chance, without reverting to his old ways.

  “And you’re leaving soon?” she asked softly. He’d expected it. Knew where she was going with it.

  “Yes. My life is in Los Angeles. Technically, I should probably have already gone back. I didn’t plan to stay this long. Nothing has changed with me and my mom either.” He’d stayed because he enjoyed Shane. Because he wanted to be around him, but he couldn’t do that forever. He also couldn’t tell Annie that and give her any kind of false hope.

  “I want more for Shane.”

  “I know you do,” Van replied. “But he is happy. Don’t think he’s not.”

  “He might be but he also shouldn’t be tied down because of me. He should have options.”

  “He’s an adult. He makes his own decisions.” Van understood why Shane chose the way he did, but there were options. That goddamn big heart of his led him though. Van wished he could be more like that. Wished everyone was more like Shane.

  They were quiet the rest of the way back to Last Chance. Van called Shane and let him know when Annie was home safe in her house.

  “Are you heading to my place?” Shane asked. Van could hear an engine roar to life in the background.

  “No yet,” he said, surprising himself. “I think I’m going to head to my mom’s.” Spending time with Annie made him think about their relatio
nship.

  “Yeah, yeah, okay,” Shane replied and then, “Thank you again, for today. No one’s ever—”

  “I know. It’s fine. You don’t have to thank me for anything.”

  Van ended the call and then made the drive to his childhood home.

  He frowned when he pulled into the driveway and saw another car parked in front. Van got out, his shoes crunching in the short gravel entryway that separated the circular drive from the walkway.

  The second he stepped inside, he knew exactly who it was that was there.

  “Hey, man. We were wondering where you were.” Jonathan hugged him as though they were the kind of friends who did that.

  He pulled back to see his mom standing by the window.

  “I was helping Shane take care of a few things.”

  “How’s Annie doing?” his mom asked. There had never been a time he heard her ask about Shane’s mother.

  “She’s doing well. What are you guys up to?”

  “I’ll let your mom share the good news,” Jonathan replied.

  Van looked at her, waiting. She moved away from the window and walked over to the couch where she put her hand on the back of the floral design. “Jonathan helped me find a place. I put my offer in about an hour ago. We’re putting the house on the market next. I’ll need to hire someone to come in and pack things up but—”

  “I thought we were doing that?” Van asked, and damn it, it was the first time he realized he wanted that. Maybe needed it—to be able to put the past behind him with his mom.

  “You don’t want to help me. You’ve been busy with that boy, every day anyway.”

  “You said his name five minutes ago and now he’s ‘that boy’ again? And I tried. I came all the way up here to help you and—”

  “Maybe I should leave the two of you alone,” Jonathan interrupted.

  “Yeah, maybe you should.”

  “That’s a little rude, Maxwell. Jonathan has been incredibly helpful to me since your father passed. I don’t know how I could have done it without him.”

  Yet, Van had gone there for her and she hadn’t seemed to want his help. Because he hadn’t rolled over and forgiven his father, she didn’t want him.