Blonde and Fabulous

by anna snow

  Kelly leaned close to me and whispered. "Why are you sassing that guy?"

  I bit my bottom lip lightly then answered. "I don't know. He just brings it out in me." Gerald and I had a little bit of history of being snarky with each other. I had a feeling he liked that I wasn't afraid to square up with him in the sarcasm department.

  What he didn't know was that I was terrified of him. And really, who in their right mind wouldn't be?

  We followed a fast-moving Gerald into a well-lit, cozy lounge. The same neutral colors were interspersed in this area as well. The seating was arranged in a cubicle-like setting with a television monitor, a table, and cushy bench seats. Gerald led us past several empty tables to a far corner.

  Dickie watched our approach and smiled. In that moment he reminded me of Boss Hog from that old television show, The Dukes of Hazzard.

  "Why, Ms. Jackson. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company this fine morning? And it's a pleasure seeing you again, Ms. Sears. I'm glad to see you worked your way out of that little mess you were in the last time Ms. Jackson and I spoke."

  Dickie had a memory like an elephant.

  She gave him a cheeky grin. "You and me both."

  Dickie laughed.

  Gerald motioned for us to take a seat, and then he took several steps away and turned his back to the table so he could see the approach of anyone brave enough to do so.

  Kelly and I took our seats across from Dickie.

  "Does this happen to have anything to do with the visit I had with your detective boyfriend yesterday?" He regarded me curiously.

  "As a matter of fact, it does," I said. "I need to find out what you know about Gary Hooper."

  He set his coffee mug on the table and shrugged. "He's dead," he said easily.

  "Yes, seeing as I'm the one who found his decomposing corpse, I know that little tidbit already."

  "You found his body?" Dickie asked and lowered his brows. "Why were you poking around someone like Gary Hooper's place?"

  Was that a hint of worry I heard in his voice? I shook the absurd thought aside.

  "His ex-fiancée, Tammy, and her friend were killed two weeks apart down at the Double Trouble Gentlemen's Club. I was thinking that with Gary's rap sheet and the restraining order Tammy had against him, he was a good suspect. But instead of answers I found his dead body. Now, I'm not going to sugarcoat this." I leaned forward in my seat and rested my forearms on the table. "I'm two weeks away from a much-needed vacation, and the person who hired me to work this case is a friend of mine. I need your help. Anything you can give me."

  Dickie nodded then grinned. "Ms. Jackson, if you keep coming to me for help, you're going to have to put me on the payroll."

  I thought I heard a small chuckle-cough from Gerald, but if I did, he wasn't letting on.

  "Believe me, if I could figure this out on my own without anything from you, I would. No offense."

  "None taken," he replied easily.

  "But to be honest with you, the cops are at a dead end, and so am I."

  "Alright." He nodded. "But you'll owe me." His expression turned serious. "At this point you're on a running tab."

  "I understand," I assured him.

  "I'll tell you what I know about Gary."

  I returned his ever serious expression. "What you didn't tell the cops."

  "Of course." He slightly tilted his head of graying hair. "Gary was an addict. He started out good in life. Money, a good job, and then he hooked up with some of the bad crowd, and as the saying goes, the rest is history."

  "How did you get involved with Gary?" Kelly asked.

  "He ran out of money. Someone, I don't know who, sent him to me. At first I didn't know he was using the money he borrowed from me to fund his nasty habit, as I don't ask what clients need the money for because it's almost always gambling."

  "How did you find out that's what he was doing with it?" I asked.

  "He racked up quite a tab with me, and I wasn't getting a dime back from him, so I put my ear to the ground."

  "What did you do to him?" Kelly asked.

  Dickie smiled over at her. "What makes you think I did anything to him?"

  "Three words," I said. "Tommy Two-Toes."

  He laughed a loud, rumbling laugh and held his jiggling belly. "Well, I can understand where you're coming from with that suspicion, but neither I, nor Gerald, laid a single finger on Gary's little pea-sized head. Oh, we were going to once I found out what he was doing with the money he borrowed from me, but then he went and offed himself."

  I looked at the clock on the wall then back at Dickie. "Come on, Dickie. Give me something I can use."

  He held up his hand. "I'm getting there. About a month ago was when I found out he was using the money he borrowed from me to pay for his dope, Gerald confronted him about it. Gary assured him we would be getting regular payments beginning within the week. Well, I knew that claim was just too good to be true, so Gerald started following him. That's when we discovered he wasn't just using drugs but he had started selling them for someone."

  "Who?" I asked almost eagerly.

  "A fellow by the name of Fernando Valenzuela. He's fairly new to the drug game here in town. Runs his little business out of ice cream trucks."

  "Are you kidding me? Ice cream trucks?"

  "He doesn't run regular hours to keep from getting mixed up with the real trucks and only runs in neighborhoods where business will be good for him. During our one and only meeting, I told him to keep his products away from kids, or he'd have to answer to me. He assured me he understood and had no intention of selling to kids, but I had Gerald keep an eye on him for a while anyway. The second he started selling to kids we were going to take care of things."

  I held up my hand. "Did you just admit to me that you were going to murder a man?" I asked.

  He raised a brow at me. "I never said that. But he's kept his word and hasn't started selling to kids, so let's not dwell on it. He doesn't step on my toes, so I haven't had to teach him a lesson just yet."

  If Kiki's ex, Fernando, was selling drugs and Gary had started working for him and done something like stiff him on the drug money, then he could have very well killed Tammy, knowing it would destroy Gary. But why would he have killed Kiki? My theory was a good one, but it definitely had some galaxy-sized holes.

  "Do you have any idea who killed Kiki or Tammy?" I asked bluntly.

  "I'm sorry, darlin'," Dickie said, "but I don't. If I did, I would have already taken care of it myself. I don't like to see women hurt." He looked at me, and I could feel the truth in his words. "Keep me updated on your progress," Dickie said and winked at me. "If you need anything at all, you know where to find me."

  It looked like Dickie was finished talking to us, so I shook his hand and left the table. As we passed Gerald, Kelly tossed him a saucy wink and her signature cheeky smile, and I'll be a rat's behind if he didn't wink back.

  I shook my head and rolled my eyes as I grabbed Kelly's arm and almost dragged her out of the restaurant. "You have got to be kidding me."

  Kelly laughed. "You just have to know how to communicate with the big lug."

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  "Well, that was informative," Kelly said as I came to a stop at the office.

  "More than I'd anticipated and less than I'd hoped for, if that makes any sense."

  She nodded. "It totally does."

  Mandy was just hanging up the phone when we walked in. "How'd it go?" she asked then motioned to the table. "I ordered lunch. Roast beef sandwiches and curly fries."

  "Thanks. I'm starved," I admitted, and the three of us took a seat and dug in. I filled Mandy in on what Dickie had told us about Gary's drug abuse and about Fernando using the ice cream trucks as a cover for his drug sales.

  "Instead of Mr. Frosty, he's more like Mr. Heroine," Kelly said around a bite of a curly fry.

  "And now you want to talk to Fernando," Mandy said flatly.

  "That's right."

  "You know
he's dangerous, and you still want to get close to that guy? Are you sure?" Kelly asked.

  I nodded instead of speaking with my mouth full.

  "Isn't it possible that there are two killers?" Mandy asked. "Could Fernando have killed Tammy to get back at Gary for him possibly having wronged him in some way, and someone else killed Kiki for whatever reason?"

  "Sure," I answered. "That's a possibility, but what's the likelihood that both women would be killed in the same fashion in almost the exact same spot?"

  "Not very likely," she admitted and blew out a breath. "So, what's your plan to talk to Fernando? I'm fairly certain you're not going to be able to just walk up to him and introduce yourself. Cindy said he has a lot of bodyguards, and there's no way he's going to willingly talk to a private eye."

  "I just walked up to Dickie when we first met."

  Kelly pointed a fry at me. "Dickie's a whole other creature. And I think he likes you for some reason." She grinned. "Probably because you're just as stubborn as he is."

  "That's true," I admitted. "I highly doubt Fernando will be as accommodating as Dickie." I finished off my sandwich and tossed the wrapper in the direction of the trash can. I didn't bother to see if I made it. I knew I missed and would have to pick it up on the way to my office. I always did.

  Kelly relaxed back in her chair. "What if we went to the club and talked to Fernando? You said he's a regular there, so wouldn't that be the easiest way to get some information out of him?"

  "Sure, but that just brings us back to how we're supposed to gain access to him through his bodyguards," I reminded her.

  "Oh, that's right…" She drummed her fingers on her knee.

  As I finished off my soda, an idea started to form. An idea that I cringed at the mere thought of, but the way I saw it, this ludicrous plan might be the only way to get close enough to Fernando to weasel some info out of him.

  "I know that look. That's your bad-idea look," Mandy said in a tone one could only construe as worried.

  I nodded. "I need to make a call."

  * * *

  A few hours later, Aunt Mona and Cindy were in my office with Mandy, Kelly, and me.

  "Do you really think this plan of yours will work?" Mandy asked from where she was perched on the corner of my desk.

  I shrugged. "It's worth a shot."

  "Let me get this straight," Aunt Mona said while she poured herself a cup of coffee. "You want us to dress up as strippers and bounce around the club in order to gain access to this Fernando fellow?" She reached up and patted her flame red hair. "Well, it's been a long time since I've done anything like that, but I'm sure I can still get the job done." She gave a little shimmy, and the sequins on the hot pink top she wore sparkled in the overhead lights.

  I held up a hand to stop her. "No, no, no." I shook my head. "Really. No," I said once more just to be sure she heard me, as she tended to have selective hearing when it came to not getting her way. "Thanks to Cindy sweet-talking the club owner, Roy, Kelly and I will be posing as cocktail waitresses."

  Cindy explained. "I told Roy I had a couple of girlfriends who needed to make some spare cash fast, and he said they could work for the night since a couple of the girls called in. He has no idea you're really working undercover." She tossed her lengthy platinum hair over her shoulder.

  I gave her a thumbs-up. "Excellent."

  "Well, that's just not fair. I have a yellow Lycra bodysuit I've been looking for an excuse to wear."

  "Sorry, Aunt Mona, but you're sitting this one out. As much as I love you, I'm drawing the line at the Lycra bodysuit."

  She raised an eyebrow in my direction and pursed her lips. "Fine then. Spoilsport."

  "I promise you can come along to the next strip club that we infiltrate."

  She looked a little appeased and stirred her coffee.

  Mona took her seat beside Kelly and crossed her legs. "What does Tyler think about this plan of yours?"

  "I haven't talked to Tyler about it yet and hopefully won't have to until it's all said and done." As much as I loved Tyler, I didn't want him to worry any more than he already did. The first time I had a case involving the Double Trouble Gentlemen's Club, things almost ended in disaster, but that's a story for another day.

  "Well, Silas thinks it sounds like fun," Kelly said with a grin. "I filled him in on the plan when he called a few minutes ago. He's just upset that he wasn't invited to come."

  "Well, he could come, but I don't think he's Fernando's type." I laughed.

  "Fernando does like blondes," Cindy chimed in and laughed.

  "No, but he is the ladies type," Mona chimed in.

  We all froze and stared at her.

  "What?" she asked. "Use your brains, girls. Silas is much more likely to get some information out of the ladies at the club than you are. While you're working the Fernando angle, he can work the girls."

  I grinned. "You're absolutely right," I said then turned to Kelly. "Get Silas on the phone, and see if he's game."

  Kelly propped her hands on her hips. "A night of boobs and booze? I'm sure he's in."

  "While we wait for Kelly to get ahold of Silas, let's go over this one more time," I said. "Cindy is working the bar tomorrow night." I looked to her for confirmation.

  She nodded. "That's right."

  "Kelly and I will pose as waitresses. She'll work her way to Fernando and do what she can to get close to him. While you're working on Fernando, Kelly, I'll be taking pictures with the pen camera to go over later in case something was happening that we might have missed," I finished.

  "In the meantime, Mona and I will be outside in Barb's car, listening in and recording Kelly's conversation with Fernando," Mandy concluded.

  Kelly's phone rang. She started giving the rundown of the plan to whom I assumed was Silas then hung up the phone.

  "He's in, of course," she said.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. "Well then, that settles it. Tomorrow night we go undercover."

  With our plan firmly set, I took a drink of my coffee and leaned back in my cushy desk chair.

  Cindy grinned. "Now all we have to do is try on your uniforms. We have theme nights now. So, this is more like a costume than a uniform," she explained as she reached into a bag sitting on the floor beside her and pulled out two pieces of cloth then tossed one each to Kelly and me.

  I twisted the outfit over and around several times and furrowed my brow. "Okay, what is this?" I asked, completely confused.

  "That's the costume for tomorrow night's theme. All of the waitresses used to wear a small black and white schoolgirl-like costume, but Roy said what he always says—more skin, more money—so he started doing a different theme with a different costume every night." She shrugged and sipped her coffee.

  "No way," I said and plopped the outfit down in my lap. "There's just no way." I shook my head in disbelief.

  "You have to wear it, or Roy won't let you work."

  I rubbed my temples. "What have I gotten us into?"

  CHAPTER NINE

  As much as I'd wanted to work on the case, I didn't have much to go on, so I spent the next day calling clients to remind them of my upcoming vacation and to give details and results of the cases that were already wrapped up. I hadn't heard from Tyler except a text explaining that he was working late, hadn't found anything new concerning the murders, and that he would see me the next day. He wasn't fairing any better with the case than I was. Kelly had called in with a headache that morning but assured me she'd be ready to go to the club when the time came, and Mandy was working from home since there really wasn't much to do until the night, so it was a pretty relaxed day.

  But I couldn't keep my mind far from the case. Usually I had a handful of suspects, but with Kiki and Tammy being loners, I was at a dead end. Who would kill two women who didn't have any enemies? There wasn't any kind of sexual assault, and none of the women's belongings were stolen, so the odds of their murders being random were slim. Someone had put a target on these ladies,
but who and why? None of the case made any sense, and my head was starting to spin.

  I'd questioned both victims' moms, found one dead fiancé who was a drug addict, and talked to Dickie, and in all honesty, I was stumped. Tonight was my Hail Mary. With a sigh I pulled on the spandex suit Cindy said was used for tonight's theme, looked in the mirror, and grimaced.

  Holy macaroni. How on earth am I supposed to fit my boobs in this top?

  Some serious adjustments would have to be made if I wanted to leave the house without getting ticketed for indecent exposure. With a little shimmy I reached up and tried to adjust my boobs in the too small top.

  The tag dangling from the top said Naughty Cop, but to me it looked more like Slutty Cop. After about ten minutes of jumping, wiggling, and some creative shimmying, I finally got my boobs into the top and fastened the buttons. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that if I took a deep breath, the buttons would fly off like little plastic bullets and injure someone. I'd bet my favorite Converse that Tyler hadn't ever arrested anyone for death by button. Reaching down, I adjusted the shorter than necessary skirt.

  If you've never had the pleasure of trying to squeeze an ample bosom and booty into a skintight outfit, picture twenty clowns trying to cram themselves into one of those little red and yellow pedal cars toddlers are always scooting around backyards in.

  It wasn't a pretty sight.

  I looked in the full-length mirror and shook my head.

  I looked like a busted can of biscuits.

  "This is never going to work," I said out loud. "What was I thinking?"

  Mickey raised his head and meowed at me. Blue just sat there twisting his head from side to side, trying to figure out what in the heck I was doing.

  I ran my fingers through the strawberry blonde bob-styled wig I'd use to disguise myself and was just slipping on the absurd hat and mirrored aviator sunglasses that completed the ensemble when I heard my front door open.

  I stepped into the hallway, looked into the living area, and froze, then hurried down the hallway. "Kelly? Are you alright?"