Hot Mess (Into The Fire Series Book 4)

by J. H. Croix

  The moment my gaze collided with his, I had to catch my breath as my pulse took off at a gallop. He stared at me, his eyes locked to mine and his gaze far too knowing for my comfort.

  “Hi,” I managed, that single word coming out breathy.

  He was quiet for a beat, arching a brow. “You haven’t met with me yet,” he said, pointing out the obvious.

  I nodded. “I know. Sorry about that. I really did have a doctor’s appointment.”

  I was exceedingly relieved I wasn’t lying about that detail. Truth aside, I was so uncomfortable because of why I had a doctor’s appointment, I didn’t know what else to say.

  We were interrupted by the back door to the station opening. Cade and Beck walked out together. They parted ways, each going to their respective vehicles. Cade glanced over, giving a wave just as Beck called over a goodbye. I watched as they climbed into their trucks and drove away.

  Ward and I were alone again, a fact of which my body was hyperaware. Butterflies spun in my belly, and liquid need slid through my veins. The effect he had on me was embarrassing.

  “Have dinner with me,” he said, his gruff voice sending a shiver over my skin.

  Like an idiot, my head was bobbing along in a nod before I even thought about what my answer should’ve been. Definitely no. In fact, what I should’ve done was request to be assigned to a different crew post haste.

  Of course, that didn’t resolve the gigantic issue looming before me. I had to somehow find a way to tell Ward I was pregnant and planning to have our baby, a baby I was fairly certain he didn’t want.

  Before I could gather myself and backtrack, his mouth curled into a grin. Fuck me. He was dark and dangerous with a broody, rough edge to him. Throw in even a hint of humor, and I had no willpower to resist him. I didn’t even want to. My belly promptly executed a flip as if on command, and my sex clenched.

  Ward’s presence could pull the strings on my body like nobody’s business.

  “Where?” he asked.

  I was still scrambling to rectify my nod, but then I figured I’d look even more ridiculous if I tried to say no now. I almost said Wildlands, but if we were going to see anyone from our crew, it would be there at this time of day.

  “Firehouse Café. Have you ever been there?”

  “Yup. Met a few of the guys there for coffee this morning. Let’s go,” he said, turning and starting to walk toward his truck.

  I stood right where I was, my feet rooted to the ground, because I couldn’t seem to function like a normal human being when he was near me. Glancing back to me, Ward nudged his chin in the direction of his truck.

  “I’ll meet you there,” I said quickly.

  Right on girl. Look at you! You can still talk.

  I really, really didn’t appreciate how off-kilter I was around him.

  “I’ll drop you off later,” he replied without hesitation.

  His words came out as a statement rather than a question. It was clear he had no expectation I would question him. Normally, I would. He was high handed and a little too domineering for me.

  Except in bed.

  That was my naughty side. Just as I started to feebly debate that point in my own head, my feet started walking in his direction. My brain was clearly not the driver in this equation.

  Ward, of course, had a black truck with every feature you could imagine. It suited him perfectly. The short ride from the station to Firehouse Café was quiet, the air in the truck cab charged. I was wrestling with my desire, struggling to pin it down and vanquish it by my sensible self. Despite my best efforts, it appeared to be a losing cause.

  There was that small problem and then the fact I sat there beside him carrying a secret, a very big secret.

  When we pulled up at Firehouse Café, I started to climb out on my own, but he moved like lightning. Before I knew it, he was at my door opening it, the momentum from my motion completely stolen by his.

  “I could’ve gotten that, you know,” I said, glancing up to catch his eyes.

  His lips quirked, a gleam entering his eyes. “I know,” he said simply.

  We walked across the parking lot, and somewhere along the way, his hand landed on my low back, the heat of his touch like a brand. Ward had the strangest effect on me. I wouldn’t have normally described myself as a woman who wanted a man to take care of me. But Ward made me yearn for that. The simple gesture, his hand on my back, made me feel as if I was contained in a circle of his, and his alone.

  I wanted to punch back at that feeling and tell it to stop being ridiculous. Sweet hell. I had so many internal battles going on, I had a thunderstorm inside of my own brain. If only Ward knew. He would think I was ridiculous.

  I knew I was ridiculous.

  Chapter Six

  Susannah

  The cheery bell jingled above the door as Ward opened it, holding it open and gesturing me through. The familiarity of the space eased the jumble of tension in my thoughts. Firehouse Café had been around as long as I could remember. I glanced around as we walked in, reflexively checking to see if anyone I knew was here. Not that it would be particularly inappropriate for me to be seen with Ward. Spending time with any one of the guys on my crew would be perfectly normal.

  Yet, I felt restless inside, anxious my attraction to him would somehow be blatantly obvious to anyone who knew me. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw no one other than Janet James, the owner of the café and a close friend of my parents. She was busy waiting on customers at the counter. There were a few passing acquaintances at the tables, but no one close to me. My tension eased slightly.

  Ward started to approach the counter, but I nudged him with my elbow. “Someone will come take our order if we grab a table,” I explained.

  He nodded and followed me as I aimed straight for a table in the far back corner. Firehouse Café was aptly named as it was housed in the original fire station for Willow Brook. The original garage had been renovated into a warm and inviting café with an open kitchen and dining counter to one side and tables to the other. Janet had stained the old concrete floor a soft blue color and had rugs scattered about amongst the tables. The space was decorated brightly with painted fireweed flowers on the pole from the upper quarters and artwork from local artists on the walls. The space had a cheerful, relaxed feel to it.

  I sat down in the corner, shrugging my jacket off my shoulders and glancing over to Ward as he slipped into the chair across from me. A factor I hadn’t considered when I suggested this place was how small the tables were. As I shifted in my chair, my knees bumped into his. That subtle, glancing touch sent a hot jolt through me. I looked over, about to reflexively apologize, and my mouth went dry. He was maybe two feet away across the table, his smoky gaze locked to mine.

  Ward was not a man who had a problem with direct eye contact. I had to look away, if only because I was getting hot all over and could feel my cheeks flushing. I almost sighed out loud in relief when Janet approached our table.

  “Hey there, Zanna,” she said, using a nickname only she and a few other friends and family members called me.

  I glanced up with a smile, meeting her bright brown eyes. She had a warm, motherly air to her, although she wasn’t a soft person. She’d been running this place on her own for years after her husband died. She had nerves of steel and was resourceful as hell. She also had a heart gigantic enough to encompass just about the whole world.

  Her eyes flicked from me to Ward. “Well hello there, Ward. Nice to see you again.”

  He nodded, a slight smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. Janet was rather irresistible. If anyone could nudge Ward out of being his usual reserved self, Janet could. It wasn’t as though that was what she set out to do, it was simply the effect she had on everyone.

  “I hope you’re settling in nicely here,” she added.

  Ward’s smile stretched to the other corner of his mouth, sending my belly into a tailspin of flutters.

  “So far, so good,” he commented. His eyes b
ounced to me. “So Zanna?” he asked, a gleam in his eyes.

  Janet chuckled, and I threw an eye roll in her direction. “That’s Janet’s nickname for me. Not many people use it,” I offered.

  Ward’s eyes didn’t lose their glint, and I sensed he would be using that nickname. A little flash of heat scored through me. Only people close to me used that name. I didn’t know what to think.

  I’d tucked Ward away in a compartment in my mind. Even though I’d been quite intimate with him, I never thought I’d see him again. Even though I could never forget that one night. To have him here, colliding with my world on levels I’d never considered… Well, it was disconcerting to say the least.

  I was relieved to have Janet carry on asking Ward a few questions about settling into Willow Brook. I knew how perceptive she was, so it was unlikely she missed the tension between Ward and me. After checking in, she got right to business. “What’ll it be tonight?”

  “I’ll take a salmon burger and sweet potato fries. Do you want to see a menu?” I asked, catching Ward’s eyes.

  “No need. I’ll take the same. Sounds good to me.”

  “Anything to drink?” Janet asked.

  For a second, I was about to order a glass of wine and then remembered I was pregnant. Oh my God. I didn’t mind not having a glass of wine, but I was so out of my realm. “No thanks. Just water for me.”

  Ward eyed me. “You sure?”

  “Oh yeah. Long day, and I’m thirsty.”

  He ordered a beer, and Janet moved along when someone called her name. He leaned back in his chair, resting one hand on his thigh and an elbow hooked over the back of his chair.

  My eyes were drawn to his hand dangling off the chair. Even relaxed, he exuded strength. His hands carried a few scars. As my eyes tracked their way up across the muscled planes of his chest and his shoulders, I couldn’t help but notice his clothes did practically nothing to hide his form. My memory of his body was fresh—of how he felt, every inch of him honed by the hard life and rugged strength required of him as a hotshot firefighter.

  My eyes landed on his, at which point I blushed from head to toe. He had that heated look in his gaze again, his eyes considering. What he said next startled me.

  “I lied.”

  “Huh?” was my brilliant response.

  His lips quirked, his eyes glinting again and sending my belly into another little tizzy.

  I scrambled and forced myself to be somewhat coherent. “About what?”

  Wow. I managed two complete words this time.

  “Saying I’d forget that first night ever happened and then the next one. I can’t and I won’t,” he said bluntly, his gaze sliding down from my face over my breasts and back up.

  He might as well have touched me. My nipples puckered tight to an ache almost instantly at the burn from his gaze. A waiter conveniently stopped by to deliver my water and Ward’s beer at that moment. I grabbed it and gulped the water down immediately before handing it back. “I could use a refill.”

  The waiter, a high school kid, gave me a wide-eyed look, but he was quick to recover. He lifted the pitcher of water on his tray and refilled my glass quickly. “Anything else?” he asked.

  At the shake of my head, he left, promising to bring our food as soon as it was ready. Ward’s gaze had never left me, and I felt hot all over. I took another sip of my water, this time somewhat controlled, and set it down. “Well, you’re going to have to forget about it,” I finally said.

  The intensity of Ward’s gaze deepened as he shook his head slowly. “I don’t have to do anything.” He took a drag of his beer as he considered me. “Why are you lying?”

  “I’m not lying.”

  “You’re acting like you can forget about it. I don’t believe you,” he said flatly.

  Okay, I didn’t really know where Ward was going with this, but if we were going to have a face the truth moment, I figured I might as well get with the program fast. I took a deep breath and blurted out the truth.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  I couldn’t say I was pleased, but at least for once, I had actually shaken Ward’s composure. His eyes widened and his head actually went back a little, almost as if I’d punched him verbally.

  He gave his head a little shake, his eyes narrowing. “What?” he asked, that single word crisp and clear.

  My cheeks were hot, but I doubled down. I didn’t back down once I was halfway through something. I was a rip-the-band-aid-off kind of girl. “Just what I said. I’m pregnant.”

  He took a drag on his beer, guzzling almost half of it. Setting it down with careful deliberation, his hand still curled around it, he cocked his head to the side. “I’m guessing you’re going to tell me I’m the only man you’ve been with in the last month or so.”

  Anger flashed inside. “Look, I don’t know what the hell you think of me, but I don’t usually do what I did with you. In fact, you’re the only man I’ve ever just...” My words sputtered.

  “Fucked so hard we almost set each other on fire,” he offered grimly.

  His words sent another flash of heat through me, this one desire. It collided with my anger like gas to a flame. I took a deep breath, trying to gather myself inside.

  “I’m not seeing anyone, and you’re the only man I’ve had sex with in the last year.” I paused, annoyed I’d let it slip how little sex there was in my life. But hell, this was already a hot mess, so I’d have to get over it. “There’s only one man who could be the father, and it’s you. Don’t go blaming this on me. We used protection.”

  “Damn straight. I know we did,” he said flatly. “What the fuck happened?”

  I was relieved he didn’t cling to the idea I might’ve been with someone else. He seemed to have moved past it quickly, but then Ward was a no bullshit kind of guy.

  I leaned my elbows on the table, running my hands through my hair and then resting my chin on one hand and twirling a loose lock of hair around my finger.

  “Well, nothing is one-hundred percent, except not having sex,” I offered.

  Ward took another drag of his beer, his gaze somber as he nodded slowly. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but I’d been prepared for him to tell me to fuck off. Not that I had any basis for that expectation. He seemed shocked, but he didn’t seem angry, and for that, I was relieved.

  Chapter Seven

  Ward

  The light glinted off one of Susannah’s curls—that glorious strawberry blonde hair—as she twirled it around one of her fingers. She traced swirls with another fingertip in the damp moisture on her water glass.

  I took another long drag from my beer. She was so fucking gorgeous. Staring into her wide blue eyes, I recalled how hazy and dark they were when she was in the throes of going wild in my arms. My cock twitched.

  This was ridiculous. Here I was getting hard over a woman who just told me she was pregnant. What. The. Fuck.

  I scrambled for some sanity. I was stunned. I was a damn Boy Scout about using condoms, always prepared. Hell, I’d never even had unprotected sex. Not once. Ever.

  Even when I was a teenager, I’d been responsible. I might not have thought it through much, but I damn well knew it was important not to have unprotected sex. So I hadn’t, and it didn’t even fucking matter in the end.

  Susannah was pregnant.

  It was obvious she was anxious about telling me this. Hell, she should’ve been. No matter what I thought, I didn’t think she had planned this. She looked as rattled as I felt. She’d been just as dedicated to making sure I got those condoms on too.

  I knew there were no guarantees in life, certainly not in sex. This was definitely not something I had ever expected to be dealing with though.

  As I stared at Susannah, contemplating what the hell to say, our waiter arrived with our food, setting the plates in front of us. “Need anything else?” he asked.

  “Another beer, please,” I said.

  “Be right back,” he replied before spinning away.

&nb
sp; Susannah appeared to be waiting for me to say something. I hadn’t said much since her explosive announcement. An image flashed in my mind – Susannah pregnant, her belly round, and her breasts—her perfect plump breasts with dusky pink nipples—even fuller than they already were.

  Damn. My cock hardened at the thought. What the hell was I thinking?

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Susannah finally asked, clearing her throat when her voice got gravelly.

  I tried to think of how to talk about this, but I was stumped. “I don’t know what the hell to say, so maybe we should just eat right now.”

  She looked at me for a long moment, her brow furrowing. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “Well, I mean, I know you didn’t plan on me getting pregnant.”

  “Just like I know you didn’t plan on getting pregnant,” I countered.

  My level tone belied the confusion spinning in my mind, but at the moment, I didn’t think I could think through the jumble, so I focused on the concrete.

  A look of relief crossed her face and her shoulders went with a sigh. “No, no I didn’t,” she said softly.

  Our waiter arrived again, taking my empty bottle and handing me a fresh beer. I took a swig, setting it down and holding her gaze. I might not know what the hell to say just now, but if she wanted to talk, I’d try to muddle through. “If you want to talk…”

  Her lips quirked as she shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s as much of a shock to me as you. I’ve had a few weeks to get used to the idea.”

  At that, she lifted her burger and took a bite. I followed suit, quickly discovering that the casual dinner fare here was incredible. The salmon burger was glazed with maple syrup and honey mustard. It was obscenely delicious.

  Janet, who I’d now met a whopping two times, joined us for a bit. She basically interviewed me about my entire life up to this point. If I hadn’t considered it before, I was coming to learn people here had no hesitation at barging into my life. She eventually meandered away, squeezing my shoulder and all but ordering me to stop for coffee every day.