Song for Jess

by Meg Buchanan

  I cuddled up closer. I’d ask her in the morning. Then all-night ideas for lyrics spun around in my head. The three bowls, the little blue and white jug, and lost worlds got jumbled then started to form a pattern.

  Maybe I was only dreaming, and I’d wake up and find the ideas were all rubbish. But it was a start.

  And I’d ask Jess if she wanted time to paint. There had to be a way we could both get some of what we wanted.

  Chapter Seventeen

  At breakfast I asked her. “You’re home all day; do you want the office?”

  After Jess had thought about it a bit she shook her head.

  “No, I’d only get little bits of time and it would be frustrating. I’ll wait until Izzy is old enough to go to kindy.”

  “You still won’t have a space.”

  Jess grinned. “By then you’ll have made our fortune. We’ll live in a big house and I’ll have a studio.” She untangled her hair from Isabelle’s fist.

  I grabbed my lunch off the bench and kissed them both.

  “Last night was nice,” I said.

  Jess grinned. “Yeah, we should do that more often.”

  Maybe we would. There was that feeling anything was possible. I headed for work. A big selfish bit of me was really glad Jess didn’t want to paint yet.

  I got home from work then hid in the room. I started making notes. It turns out even if you’ve got an idea, lyrics don’t come perfectly formed. But there was enough coming out on that journal to think they could be crafted.

  Then it happened. I wrote, “You’ve got me thinking.” I knew Mr Cohen had written something similar, but it had rhythm and sounded like a start.

  It all went from there. I wrote about giving up what I loved, my ambivalence about this life, how I felt about Isabelle and Jess, and how I feel about Laura.

  It was all mixed up. Now I had turn it into something I could work with. It was way after midnight before I got to bed. But it was like electricity had flowed through me and I’d come alive.

  It took a few more days before I was ready to show Collins. I phoned him.

  “Come around after work,” he said. “It will be good to get my teeth into something new.”

  I went to his house. I’d been running timber, so I was still covered in sawdust. But who cared? I’d been preoccupied all day. The boss probably hadn’t got his money’s worth out of me.

  “Earth to Isaac,” Reg said a couple of times.

  Collins read through what I’d written, looked at me for a moment, then gave his nose a scrub. “Okay,” he said. “You’ve got plenty to work with here, but you don’t need to fit every idea you’ve got into one lyric. We might need a focus.” He sat down at the piano, put the book on the holder and got out his pencil.

  He spent time reading what I’d written through again, then underlined, You’ve got Me Thinking.

  “What if we start here?” he asked.

  Thursday 1st January

  The Christmas holidays arrived, and we went to the beach with Jess’s family. That was fun, with Jess’s dad watching and waiting for me to put a foot wrong. Lucky Laura only stuck around for Christmas day and then went on a trip with some mates.

  On New Year’s Eve, we went to the Coroglen Tavern again. Jess’s mum and dad babysat Isabelle. We all piled in the cars. About twenty of us.

  Denis was tour leader. He had this big plastic flower on the end of a stick to prove it.

  We got there and watched Fat Freddy’s Drop. We watched the guy up front singing and playing the guitar.

  Jess leaned her head on my shoulder.

  “That should be you,” she said. My soul twisted and reached out to the stage and the lights and the music.

  “Yeah, I’m trying,” I said, and she hugged me.

  I turn nineteen in a few days. A lot can happen in a year.

  Saturday July 24th

  I went back to work. Me and Collins kept working on the lyrics. It’s taken us more than six months to knock those lyrics into shape and we are almost happy with what we’ve come up with.

  Isabelle’s nearly one. She still cute. Any time I’m home during the day she follows me around.

  “Daddy,” she says and toddles up to me and hugs my legs, then buries her head between my knees. I pick her up and her little hand slides around my neck, she smiles like she’s happy to be wherever I am.

  She’s just learned to say “Daddy,” she used to say, “Dada.”

  Just learned to walk too. She’s real cute in her baby jeans and RedBands, like a tiny farmer. But who spends thirty dollars on label gumboots for a baby? My mother.

  Collins and I keep working on those songs. We figure we’ll have eight by the time we’re finished. And it’s like that first year when Stadium was just getting going, we’re beginning to believe what we’re doing is good.

  When we think we’ve got the lyrics and music about right, I start to record them. I want to see if I can make them sound the way they do in my head. I’ve got the programme on my laptop that will let me layer the sound and record one instrument over the other.

  One night after dinner, I was in my room recording the guitar, for the Temptation track. The door swing open a little bit and Isabelle peeped around it. She knows she not meant to come in here, but I think she likes music as much as I do.

  “Daddy, ‘tar,” she said, and tried to help me pick.

  I turned off the laptop. I’d have to record that bit again.

  I gave wheels on the bus a spin, just for her.

  But after a while, I wanted to get back to work.

  “Hey, Jess,” I yelled. “Can you come and get Izzy?”

  Jess came in, scooped her up and took her away so I could keep working.

  Then just about when me and Collins think we’re pretty much finished, I’m out on a job with Luke.

  “How are the new numbers going?” Luke asked. “We need something new, what we’re doing is getting stale.” He’s been pushing for this since Christmas. I guess he has a point. We’ve got fans at the pub, and they’re loyal, but we’re still not setting the world alight.

  “Nearly there,” I said.

  “Can I hear them?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I got out of the truck and started unpacking the gear, so we could get started.

  “When?”

  I thought about it. It was all recorded. A couple of the numbers were going to need a bit of tweaking, but it was there.

  “When’s the next university break?” Luke knew that sort of stuff because he was still in charge of the bookings at the pub, and we still didn’t work in the holidays.

  “End of semester break at the last week in August,” said Luke. “Noah and Adam will be in town then.”

  “Come around then, and we’ll all listen.”

  “I’ll sort it,” said Luke.

  Now, I had four weeks to make them perfect. When I was just with Collins we think those lyrics and melodies are good, but that’s a lot different to giving them this first outing. I was nervous.

  I recorded fake drum loops on a separate track, because we wouldn’t have drums when we tried them out. I wasn’t sure how Jess would react to the lyrics. They were all about the yearning of the heart, ambivalence and temptation.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Sunday 22nd August

  Yesterday was D day. The day that what Collins and I had been working on had its first outing. Through the lounge window, I saw Noah’s car pull up in the drive. After a while the car door slammed, and I heard Jess say. “Come in, Noah, they’re in the lounge. Isabelle, this is Noah, one of Daddy’s friends.”

  Noah, guitar case in his hand, came into the lounge with Jess. She swapped Isabelle to the other hip. Noah towered over her, all tawny eyes and a mane of ginger hair. He made Jess look tiny.

  “Didn’t Adam come with you?” Luke was sitting on the floor, propped up by the wall, guitar on his lap. Tessa hadn’t made it past the kitchen. Our lounge was tiny, it would hold Stadium, but strays wouldn’t fit
. I’d set the keyboard up in the corner for Adam.

  “Nah, he texted, he’ll be here soon.” Noah sat on the other end of the couch from Cole. “What are you playing?” he asked Cole.

  Cole patted out a rhythm on his knees. “Faking it.” Milly still hasn’t come back like she said she was going to so Cole was on his own. Tessa said Milly was making it big in show jumping or something horsey in Europe.

  Jess came over to me, still carrying Isabelle and kissed my cheek. “Tessa and I’ll go and get something for lunch, while you’re doing this, it’ll keep Izzy out of your hair.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, okay.” I was relieved. Izzy would probably enjoy listening to the music but imagine the buttons she could push. And it was hard to play the guitar with a kid on your lap.

  Jess and Tessa disappeared with Isabelle. I heard the car go out the drive and the four of us waited in the lounge for Adam. Luke stretched and looked over at Noah.

  “Where were you, last night? I went around to your olds and your car was there, but you weren’t.”

  “Went for a walk,” said Noah. That seemed bloody unlikely. Who goes for a walk in the middle of the night? But Luke let it pass.

  I found the first score I’d printed out. If I was nervous when Luke suggested this, I was jittery now. This was the real test. I wished I looked a little more Zac Coleman, rockstar, and a little less Isaac the builder. It might have given me some credibility.

  “We’ll get started. I’ll give Adam his when he gets here.” I handed the music to everyone. “See what you think.”

  Noah looked at the two sheets of notation and lyrics, and then at me. “I thought you had more.”

  “Look at this one first.”

  “Temptation?” Noah scanned the first few lines. They were all about that jolt of electricity you get when that person that sets you alight walks into the room. It could read like I’d written the lyrics about Jess. He looked up at me again, eyebrows raised. “Fuck,” he said. “You had it bad.”

  I shrugged. “Writing what I know, like Collins said.”

  Luke tried to hum the melody. “Dum dum de da,” he went the way he does, then looked up at me. “Are you going to play this for us, Zac, so we don’t have to guess?”

  “I’ve recorded it, we’re just waiting for Adam.” I went to the laptop. I had it set up on the sideboard. Before we got married, Jess’s mum and dad had the sideboard stored in the garage. It’d had a taupe make over too, milky coffee had taken over the whole house “Collins helped me with the arrangement. This way you can hear how it should go.”

  They all studied the music with Luke dum de dah ing in the background. He picked up his guitar and tried a few of the chords.

  Adam arrived at the door. “Got held up,” he said.

  “We haven’t started yet.” I gave him a copy. Adam grabbed a kitchen chair and joined us in the lounge. “Here goes,” I said.

  I listened with the others. The lyrics and the music just reeked of sexual tension and wanting someone you shouldn’t. Collins and I had tried to capture that feeling with down tempo chords, a strong hook and a backbeat.

  I glanced at the sheet with the lyrics and music on, waiting by the sideboard for their verdict. I wanted them to think it was good. I was worried about what they’d say.

  The music died away to nothing.

  Silence sat heavy in the lounge.

  Noah put the music down on the couch beside him. “It’s great,” he said finally.

  “Thanks.” I waited for the rest to comment.

  “Who’s it about?” asked Cole. I snorted, turned back to the laptop and hit pause.

  “I like it,” said Luke. “Now let’s see what we can do with it.” He picked up his guitar again and plucked the first few chords.

  Adam moved to the keyboard.

  “Do you want it over by the chair?” I asked. “We’ve got an extension cord.”

  “No, I’ll stand.” He put the music on the holder, hits a few keys and started playing. The melody from Temptation floated out into the room.

  “No violin in this?” Noah grabbed his guitar.

  “Not this one.”

  He played a few chords, checked the tuning then came in under the melody. The lounge was filled with music, all scraps of what I had imagined, like a broken-up jigsaw puzzle of sound

  “What do I do?” Cole stretched back into the couch in the cacophony like he could easily relax there for the afternoon just listening. I should have talked to Dad about using his shed again for this. The stage we set up was still there.

  “Sound engineer. You can work the laptop.” I took it off the sideboard, pulled out the cord and handed it to him.

  “Do you want to record what we’re doing?” He hauled his phone out of his pocket.

  “After a couple of run throughs.”

  Luke crossed his boots and gave the first line of the lyrics a go.

  “You’ve got me thinking….” growled out across the room, against the rest of the sound. He looked up at me. “Thinking with what?” He grabbed his crotch.

  “Ha ha.” It wasn’t a great comeback. Luke smirked and went back to growling out the rest of the first verse. It wasn’t the way I recorded the lyrics. I listened to what he was doing. It was better. It sounded rougher, more guttural, darker.

  “That’s great, Luke,” I said.

  “Yeah, should work.” Luke grinned. “This is going to make people listen.”

  I looked over at Adam. The music coming from the keyboard sounded right.

  Adam stopped playing and looked up. He looked excited. “Is that what you wanted?”

  “Yeah.”

  Noah leaned the guitar against the couch. “Shall we give it a go?”

  I nodded. “I’ll do the harmonies. We’ll see how it sounds.” I looked over at Cole. “Drums.”

  He fiddled with the laptop. The first few beats started up and he hit pause.

  “Tell me when you’re ready.”

  Luke flattened out the lyrics on his knees. Adam was ready at the keyboard. Noah picked up the guitar. We were about as ready as we were going to get.

  “Go for it.” Cole hit play.

  We went for it.

  It sounded all right.

  “Again?” asked Cole.

  I nodded. We went for it again. Still sounded good. The lyrics came from Luke like deep dark smoke. Adam kept the keyboard down to just glowing coals. Noah on the guitar was all blues. I thought it sounded unbelievable.

  “Time to record?” asked Cole. He held up his phone.

  “Yep.” And we did it again. I flopped down on the couch beside Cole when we were finished. He hit play. The moment of truth.

  I could hear the growl in Luke’s voice, the smoking coals of the keyboard, the laid-back guitar.

  But overall it sounded like shit.

  Cole hit pause around half way through the first verse and we sat there silently. Luke puffed out a breath, then rubbed his chin with his fist.

  “And that’s why we have technology,” he said. He was right if we were going to see how this could sound we needed to record each track separately and layer them.

  “You haven’t got anything on that thing with just the instrumental tracks?” Luke nodded at the laptop.

  “Yeah, but it’s all me playing. You’ve already heard that,” I said.

  There was nothing for it. We were going to have to do this properly. “I’ll go get the leads and the interface. We’ll do one track at a time.”

  I raided the spare room. We started to record the tracks separately. We listened after we added each layer.

  “Delete that keyboard track,” said Adam after we listened to what he’d just done. “I can do better.” He had another go and we listened again.

  Then Noah recorded the guitar track. We listened again.

  “Sounds good,” said Noah. “When we get Cole on the drums it’ll be even better.”

  “Yeah, what I did was basic.” I put my earphones on. We were ready for th
e vocals.

  Luke was standing up with the microphone. Cole fired up the laptop again. I came in under Luke’s vocals on the chorus, but it didn’t need too much. He was flawless. Better than I imagined.

  By the time Jess and Tessa got back with bags of food, we’d recorded the last of the vocals and layered them on top of the rest. Now was the real moment of truth.

  “Just in time,” Luke said to them. He was back on the floor, leaning against the wall, all suppressed excitement. That feeling was all around the room. We all knew we had something here.

  Tessa put the grocery bag on the table and sat on the floor beside him. They got engaged a couple of months ago. The diamond on her finger sparkled.

  Isabelle ran over to me. “Daddy.”

  I was on the couch again, pretending to be laid back about this, but I wanted to burst out of my skin. These numbers Collins and I had written had to work. I’d put everything into them. It was nearly a year of my life.

  “Hey,” I said and scooped Isabelle up. She sat on my lap and snuggled into me. “Want to hear what Daddy has done?”

  She nodded. She’s heard bits of everything plenty of times, I can’t keep her out of the spare room when I’m working so she’s learned to sit quietly on a chair she dragged in.

  Jess was leaning on the architrave of the doorway. She looked over at me and Izzy and smiled. I guess she knew what a big moment this was too.

  Cole hit play. That smoky keyboard sound floated out into the room, those laid-back guitar chords started and then Luke’s voice came in deep and throaty. I saw Tessa shiver and hug Luke, because it was great. It sounded amazing. It couldn’t have been better. And Collins and I have written another seven numbers like this. Now Stadium had two weeks to get them right before the break was over.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Saturday 18th September

  The first outing for the new numbers tonight and I’m bloody nervous.

  “The crowd will love them,” said Luke. “The lyrics and music are great. Besides anyone who comes to the pub on Saturday night is there to see us. They’re our fans.”