The Debt

by D A Latham

  I lay awake a while, mulling things over. I knew I was shagging him for the money, which made me feel surprisingly sorry for him. He'd proven to be a kind, generous man, and I felt sad that I was using him. I also felt a bit ashamed of myself, partly for being with a man for his cash and partly for being such a mercenary. I was almost a prostitute. I prayed my parents weren't watching from Heaven.

  I woke early the next morning, disorientated and unable to move. The room was too dark to see what was pinning me down, so I wriggled a hand free and felt along the top of the covers. A large dog, probably Bruno, stretched and yawned loudly as soon as I prodded him. He was sprawled out on top of me, his entire weight centred on my tummy. I gave him a little shove, and he shifted enough for me to wriggle out from underneath him. As my eyes became accustomed to the dark, I could make out Aaron fast asleep beside me.

  I slipped out of bed and fumbled on the floor for my underwear and dress. I couldn't find either my bra or my stockings, so made do with my knickers and my dress. I padded downstairs to the kitchen. The clock in the hall said it was seven fifteen.

  I strolled into the kitchen to let myself out the back door and was confronted by the sight of Marcus, sitting and drinking coffee with another young man. Marcus was wearing only a pair of tight Jersey boxers, while the other man was dressed in tight jeans and a skinny-fit shirt. I don't know who blushed first, Marcus or me.

  "Sally."

  "Marcus."

  "Walk of shame?"

  "Something like that." I looked pointedly at the young man sitting beside him who'd whipped his hand off Marcus's leg as soon as I'd walked in.

  "Jonathan's just leaving," Marcus said.

  "My cab'll be another ten minutes," Jonathan said in possibly the campiest voice I'd ever heard. Marcus blushed deeper.

  "No need to leave on my account," I reassured him. "I'm just heading back to the flat to get changed."

  "Good night was it?" Marcus asked, motioning me to wipe under my eyes. I licked my fingers and ran them under my lashes. A load of sticky gunk came off. I must've looked like a clown.

  "Yes thanks. You?"

  "We had such a good time," Jonathan interjected, smiling sexily at Marcus, "and your place here is amazing.” He sniffed loudly.

  "The house is beautiful," I agreed. "Marcus is very talented."

  "In more ways than one," said Jonathan. I saw Marcus cringe. He turned to me. "So where do you live?"

  "In one of the flats over the garages. I'm the dog-nanny," I clarified.

  "So why are you creeping out of here?" Jonathan asked, rather tactlessly, I thought.

  "I think she spent the night with my brother," Marcus told him. I twigged. He'd obviously told his date it was his house. I wasn't about to rat him out.

  "You got me," I said brightly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a shower and a change of clothes. If your brother wakes up, can you tell him I'll be back to feed and walk the dogs?"

  Marcus grinned. "Will do."

  I scuttled out before I said anything to drop Marcus in it. Back at the flat, I stripped off the dress and knickers and let the hot water wash over me. I felt incredibly dirty, the way you do when the dirt is on the inside and no amount of soap or scrubbing will make you feel clean.

  I ached for Andy, for his forgiveness. I realised that not only had the sex been far better, our lovemaking had felt pure and born of nothing more than desire. It had made me aware of how tawdry my behaviour with Aaron had been.

  I wrapped myself in a towel and made a tea before checking my phone. There'd been another three missed calls from Andy, but no voicemail. I checked my emails and found one he'd sent in the early hours.

  From: Andy McCarthy

  To: Sally Higgs

  Time: 01:25 Sunday 8th February 2015

  Subject: Never giving up

  Darling Sally

  I wish you would talk to me. Not speaking to you… It's driving me nuts.

  I got your message, but I don't really understand it. There's nothing I wouldn't give you or do for you if it was in my power. I just wish you'd tell me what you need— help me out a bit when I'm a clueless dolt.

  Today's song is Passenger- Let her go

  Listen to the words. They speak for me. I'll send you a song every day until you at least talk to me.

  Yours,

  Andy

  I clicked on the link and watched the video. “Only know you love her when you let her go.” I wondered how Andy would feel if he knew what I'd been doing while he was composing that email. I wanted so badly to speak to him, ask for his forgiveness. What stopped me was the prospect of being homeless and jobless. The situation had gone too far, there was no way back for me.

  I was just sipping my tea when there was a knock on my door. I tightened the towel around me, closed the laptop, and ran down to answer it, fully expecting to see Aaron. Instead, Marcus was standing there rather sheepishly. "I've just let Jon out," he said. "You won't tell Aaron I let him think it was my house will you?"

  "Course not," I dismissed. I stood aside to let Marcus up to the flat. "Want a coffee?"

  "Got any builder’s tea? Two sugars please." He parked himself on the sofa while I made him a cup.

  "He seemed nice, that Jonathan," I ventured.

  "Yeah. Met him last night at Manscape. He's a bit skinny for me. I like them taller, more manly." “Like Aaron,” I thought. The notion made me smile. "Quit the dopey smile, what were you doing creeping out of the house half-dressed?"

  "Same as you probably."

  Marcus scrunched up his nose in disgust. I just laughed. "Changing the subject, why are you seeing to the dogs? It's your day off"

  "I may as well. I've got nothing better to do and no money till payday," I told him. He rolled his eyes.

  "You should have said. I can give you an advance on your wages. It's only a few days away."

  "I never thought to ask," I said, feeling foolish.

  "Let me drink my tea and I'll transfer a hundred into your bank. Is that enough to tide you over?" I nodded, grateful for his kindness. I didn't even need that much, as I had plenty in the fridge, but I really needed to pick up some shampoo and toothpaste. Plus, I quite fancied a trip into Bromley. Being in the house all the time got a little stifling after a while.

  Aaron was up when I went back with Marcus. The dogs were scoffing their breakfasts, and he was making coffee. "Hey you, I wondered where you went."

  "Just went for a shower and a change of clothes," I said. I was wearing my new boots, a new jumper and my new coat. "I thought I'd join you on a walk."

  "Excellent," he beamed.

  We walked through the woods together, enjoying the sounds and smells. For the first time, I was warm enough to be able to relax and enjoy it. I spotted snowdrops along the edges, dangling their little white heads to announce that spring was imminent. Aaron saw me looking at the stiff green shoots of the daffodils poking their noses out of the soil. "Jed planted thousands over the years. It's quite a show when they all come out."

  "Can't wait to see it," I said.

  Neither of us mentioned the previous night. I didn't think it was because it was a taboo subject, or anything Aaron regretted, more that it wasn't something he felt the need to examine or discuss. The thought struck me that there was every possibility that the women who had come before me may have just accepted the lacklustre sex too, in exchange for his material generosity. Nobody had actually cared for him enough to guide him in what women actually like, which filled me with sadness.

  "I'm going over to see my mum this afternoon, do you want to come?" He asked. I was torn, as I liked Maggie, but I also wanted some time alone.

  "No, you go. I appreciate the invite, but I really need to pick up a few bits in Bromley."

  "I've got a function next Saturday. I'd really like it if you'd accompany me," he said. "It's black tie, so you'll need a long dress. Marcus can order you one from Net-A-Porter if you like."

  "OK, thanks. I'd like that." I felt quite e
xcited at the prospect of getting all done up. I wondered if any salons would be open in Bromley for me to get a haircut.

  It felt fantastic to hop on a bus back to the familiarity of Bromley Town Centre. Back at the house, Aaron had pulled out his wallet and peeled off a few fifties for me, telling me to treat myself. I wandered around for a while before walking into a salon for a luxurious cut and blow-dry, with an actual stylist as opposed to my usual dry trim with a trainee. She did a super job. My hair felt soft and bouncy as I wandered into Debenham’s to look at makeup and get myself a bottle of perfume.

  With Aaron paying off my debt the next day, I shoved all guilt aside and enjoyed myself, even stopping for a latte at Starbucks. I sat and ruminated how differently people treated me when I was wearing good clothes and had nice hair.

  I felt normal.

  I actually felt like the girl I'd wanted to be. With my bags of shopping beside me and with money in my purse, I felt like I belonged. I was no longer the dowdy, exploited little girl with the scars and the inferiority complex. I hadn't even cared when the hairdresser had combed my wet hair back off my face in public while she was parting it. Pulling my bags of purchases open, I found the new lipstick I'd bought and applied some, using the little mirror on the side of the cap. I smiled to myself and shoved all my doubts to the back of my mind.

  CHAPTER 13

  I spent that night with Aaron. He'd knocked on my door at nine, after getting back from his mum’s, to ask for Alpha's details and my account number with them. The least I could do was spend the night with him, even though it left me feeling incredibly sad for the man. I even made him a nice breakfast the next morning to allay my guilt.

  After he'd gone off to work, I fed the dogs and took them out, glad to have some time alone to think. I liked Aaron. I thought he was a kind, generous man with a wicked sense of humour and a down-to-earth manner. I just wasn't in love with him. I figured it was why the sex wasn't great. I mean, Aaron had a killer body: lean, muscular, and impeccably-groomed, but it didn't do it for me. I just couldn't get excited in the same way I did over Andy.

  At half-ten my phone rang, making me jump somewhat. I saw on the screen it was Aaron. "Hi babe," I said.

  "Put some champagne on ice, you're out of debt."

  "Oh my God!" I squealed, "That's fantastic news. You've got no idea how happy that makes me."

  He chuckled, "I think that squeal down my ear gives me an idea. Anyway, it's all done; you're free and I expect a big smile on your face when I get home tonight. I'll be quite late though, I've got a shareholder dinner to attend."

  "Thank you," I said. "You have no idea what a weight you've taken off my shoulders."

  "My pleasure. Now, go choose a dress for Saturday. Get Marcus to help you. He's good at that sort of thing."

  I hugged myself as I walked around the perimeter. In some ways it felt anticlimactic in that I'd expected such a battle to pay it back; that the moment it was cleared would mark a major achievement, yet in other ways, it felt monumental, as though I was free again. I was temporarily tied to Aaron, but that in itself wasn't too bad.

  Back at the house, after I'd done teeth- and coat-brushing, I made two lattes and went to find Marcus. He was sitting with his feet up talking on his mobile, which he put down the moment I walked in. "Hiya," I said, "Aaron said I should ask you to help me find a dress." I wondered if he'd be cross about being lumbered with another task.

  "Yes, he said. You’re going to accompany him to the Foxbury Ball apparently."

  "I've never been to a ball before. I've got no idea what to wear or what to expect," I confided.

  "It's just a big party, held at Foxbury Manor every year. It's a lot of fun." He had a strange look in his eyes, as though he wasn't telling me everything.

  "Are you going?" I asked. He nodded.

  "Wouldn't miss it for the world." He moved a package off his desk, then pressed a button that opened a flap. A large monitor slid up. He pulled a small keyboard out of a drawer and fired it up.

  "This site's the best one. I'll order a few and send the ones you don't want back. Just don't look at the prices or you'll lay an egg. Now, what size are you?"

  With Marcus's help, we ordered five ridiculously-overpriced dresses, four pairs of designer heels, and three handbags. He pulled out a credit card and paid for them as if they were nothing. I was astonished.

  "Aaron won't be cross, will he?" I asked nervously as he tapped his number in.

  "Nah. He'll want you to wear something spectacular. He's pretty well known, so people will be checking you out."

  His words struck fear into me. I'd never liked being centre of attention, and being Aaron's date would mean every hungry girl in the place would be examining me in minute detail. It was a scary thought.

  "Should I book to get my hair done?" I asked nervously. Marcus shook his head.

  "I'll organise someone to come to the house. You don't want to be travelling home from a salon with fresh hair. She'll do your makeup too. Can you get your nails done in the morning though? There are a couple of places in Locksbottom that'll do it. Feet as well. I'll book you in and organise a taxi."

  "You're being very bossy," I told him. He just smiled.

  "Just doing my job. Aaron will expect you to be the belle of the ball. I'll be getting a fresh haircut and a hot towel shave. Can't let the side down."

  Aaron didn't get home till nearly eleven that night, still as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as he'd been when he'd set off that morning. He walked in wearing a tux, his bow tie undone and dangling around his neck. I had to admit, it was a look that suited him. He insisted on toasting the end of my debt with champagne, making a celebration of it. I'd rarely tasted real bubbly, but knocked it back, not wanting to be ungrateful.

  He practically had to carry me up to bed. The blasted stuff went straight to my head. I wasn't too pissed to give him a nice shag though to say thank you.

  The next day, another email from Andy awaited me. I cringed when I saw it, thinking he'd know about Aaron paying his firm off, but it seemed he didn't, or he didn't mention it. That day's song was The First Time by Roberta Flack, which made me cry.

  Each day that week, he sent a different love song. Some were full of angst, such as Say Something by Christina Aguilera, while some were more romantic and sweet. What bound them all together was that each one provoked more tears. I wished I could reply or even talk to him, but I just couldn't risk upsetting Aaron; at least until I'd got some sort of money behind me. Ms Gadd was still refusing point blank to pay, saying she couldn't afford my wages owed. Rupert had begun proceedings for tax evasion, which meant it would become longer and more drawn out. At least I got my first month's pay, which was a relief. I decided I'd try and resist the temptation to splurge it and try and squirrel as much as possible away as savings for when the inevitable happened, and I had to move on.

  When Saturday came, Marcus got me up early, telling me I needed a bath and exfoliate, as he'd booked a spray tan for each of us before my taxi arrived for my nail appointment. Ten minutes later, a girl in a black tunic arrived with a pop up tent and what looked like a fence sprayer. She proceeded to spray foul-smelling tan solution all over me and made me stand in a starfish shape to dry off. She then did the same to Marcus, who was quite insistent that she give him two thorough coats of the darkest one possible. By the time she'd finished, he looked like he'd been mud wrestling. "Give it eight hours to develop, then wash off the guide colour," she instructed, before folding up her tent and disappearing.

  "So you shower and wash your hair at four. Got that?" He said. I nodded. "Make sure they just do your toenails. You want a dry pedi. No water." I nodded again, not daring to argue.

  I was prodded, poked, and primped all day. I'd never spent so long getting ready for a night out. By the time I slipped on the long, red silk dress Marcus had chosen and the red Jimmy Choos, I was unrecognisable. I stared at the sophisticated girl in the mirror; with perfectly blow-dried hair and immaculate makeup and s
tood a little straighter. I really had nothing to be ashamed of.

  Carefully and with some trepidation, I made my way over to the main house. Aaron and Marcus were in the hall, waiting for me. They both looked me up and down as I walked in. Aaron whistled.

  "You look... wow. Good job Marcus." I beamed a smile at them both.

  "You two look very handsome too," I said. They were both in tuxedos, which made them both look very sophisticated, although I did wonder why Marcus had been so picky about his tan when I could only see his face and hands.

  As there were three of us, Aaron had decided to drive his Bentley, which was a beast of a car. He explained how difficult it was to handle compared to his Porsche as we drove at alarming speed through the suburbs. I had no idea where I was. Eventually we turned up a track that was signposted “Foxbury Manor,” with a makeshift sign for the Foxbury Ball tied to the hedge beside it. "So this ball is held every year?" I asked.

  "Oh yes, it's a fundraiser for a local charity," Aaron explained as he dodged all the people walking up the track in high heels and party outfits. It wasn't quite the grand entrance I'd expected.

  "What charity?" I asked as we passed a sign announcing the entrance of “The Old Elthamians Rugby Club.”

  "Just a local sports club," he said.

  He parked the car directly outside a vast marquee and switched off the engine. I got out carefully, checking first for puddles. I noticed a few people watching, no doubt because of the car. Aaron offered me his arm "Shall we?" He said, smiling. I hooked my arm through his to make the short but perilous walk across the car park and into the venue.