No Fear (No Shame Series Book 3)

by Nora Phoenix

  It turned out people weren’t exactly lining up for the night shift behind the reception desk of a ratty motel. No wonder, since it paid only seven bucks an hour and was off the books, but right now, he couldn’t care less. He’d taken it, because it came with a room. A smelly, musty room with a shower that hadn’t seen bleach in ages, but a room nonetheless. It even had a mini fridge that made one heck of a racket and a microwave that looked like it would expire any second. But he had a room and a job. It was a start.

  Blake had texted again throughout the day, sending pictures of himself, the house, his jiujitsu students. He’d started teaching again, though it was more being present in the studio than doing anything physically. Apparently, Brad and Burke were driving him back and forth, since he wasn’t cleared to drive yet.

  Aaron sighed, letting himself fall backward on the creaky bed as he studied Blake’s face in the close-up he’d sent. He looked tired, though he’d pasted a smile on his face. Aaron could tell it was fake since his eyes weren’t smiling. Besides, Blake smiled so rarely it was easy to see when he was pretending. He reread the last message.

  Even if you’re mad with me, or hurt, could you please let me know you’re okay?

  His fingers hesitated, then quickly tapped out the message back.

  I’m okay. Thank you for your messages.

  The reply was almost instant.

  Oh, thank fuck you’re okay. Thank you for letting me know. I miss you.

  Aaron frowned. Blake kept texting that, that he missed him. Was it an instinctual thing to say because it was expected, or did he mean it? As he was pondering this, another message came in.

  Is it okay if I keep sending you messages?

  He sighed. Wouldn’t it be better for Blake to stop, to give up? He would at some point, anyway? But maybe he hadn’t reached that point yet. And to be honest, Aaron did feel better Blake was texting him. It made it feel like he had at least some human connection left because Josh probably hadn’t even noticed he was gone. Things had gotten a bit better between them after the shooting, but he still wasn’t reaching out to Aaron. Not even when he had to be going through a heck of a hard time with Connor gone.

  Aaron stared at his phone, trying to decide if he should tell Blake to stop or not. He might as well let it run its course. That way, no one could accuse him of not giving it a chance.

  Yes.

  He put his phone in his pocket and went downstairs to the office to report for his first shift behind the desk.

  Noah woke up grumpy, as had been the case ever since Indy had been gone. He slept like crap, tossing and turning in his bed without that little, tight body draped all over him. Even Josh's presence hadn’t managed to calm him, but that might be because he was hurting as much as Noah was.

  Next to him, Josh stirred and slowly opened his eyes. “Hey,” he said with a sleepy voice.

  “Hi,” Noah responded.

  It was eerily familiar, the two of them back together again, even if the ranch they had moved into last week still smelled new. No Indy, no Connor. Just him and Josh.

  “Did you sleep?” Josh asked.

  He shrugged. “Not much.”

  “You’re starting work again, Noah. You need sleep. Take a pill if you have to tonight.”

  “No. I’m too scared I’ll become addicted to them.”

  Josh relented, probably knowing Noah was right. “How you feeling about going back to work?”

  Noah sighed. He’d gotten a severe reprimand from the hospital and was now under probation for an entire year. If he fucked up again, he’d be out on his ass. “I don’t want to, to be honest. I like the idea of feeling useful again, but even thinking about that constant stress and adrenaline makes me tired before setting foot inside the door.”

  Josh's answer was swift. “So quit.”

  Noah grimaced. “You sound like Indy.” He swallowed as memories flooded him. “He told me I should quit too, go back to college to get my psychology degree.”

  Josh smiled. “He called that one right.”

  “He usually did. He wasn’t wrong often, you know.”

  “So what’s keeping you?”

  “I hate to say it, Josh, because I don’t want you to feel guilty, but what will we live off of?”

  Josh slowly sat up on the bed. “This house is paid for, Noah, and we have the profits from the sale of the house. We can live off that, combined with our mutual savings. And it’s not much, my disability benefits, but it’s a little. In time, I can find a job.”

  “Do you really want to stay here, live in the house Connor bought for you?” Noah asked. “Wouldn’t that remind you every day of him, of what you’ve lost?”

  He hadn’t dared to ask Josh before, not even when they were moving into this place. It was a beautiful ranch and incredibly practical for Noah, but he couldn’t imagine staying here if he were Josh.

  “No. It will remind me of being loved. I love this place, Noah, and it’s so much easier for you to navigate.”

  Noah pushed himself up as well, leaning against the headboard. Was he really considering it? The thought of not having to go back to the hospital opened up something in his chest. Relief.

  “I can’t just up and leave.”

  Josh smiled slowly. “Why the hell not? Come on, don’t you think Owens sees this coming? He knows how hard this job is on you mentally and physically. He’ll handwrite you a letter of recommendation. You know he never wanted you suspended or fired.”

  Noah’s face broke open as well. It was the first time he’d smiled since Indy had left. “Are we really doing this?”

  Josh scooted over, leaning his head against Noah’s shoulder. “No, you are. You are doing this, Noah.”

  Noah’s smile faltered. He swallowed. “Do you think he’ll ever come back?”

  “I have no doubt. He loves you so much.”

  “Us. He loves us.”

  “Yeah, he does. He’ll come back as soon as he can. I know he will.”

  “It hurts so fucking much,” Noah said, his voice breaking. “And the truth is that I can’t even be mad at him. He did it to protect me, to protect us. I get that and I can’t argue with it. But I miss him so much. It’s like somebody turned off the light, and all that’s left is empty darkness.”

  He buried his head in his hands, fighting to keep the tears at bay. Crying was senseless, and it didn’t make him feel better. Nothing made him feel better anymore.

  Josh pulled him close and Noah surrendered, putting his head on Josh's lap, only a sheet between them. He wrapped his arms around Josh's waist, finding comfort in the familiar feel and smell of his best friend. Josh softly stroked his hair while Noah snuggled close, calmed down his erratic breathing. It took a few minutes before the sensation of the hardening cock under him registered.

  He turned his head, seeking Josh's eyes. “Josh,” he said.

  “I can’t help it,” Josh said, but there was no apology in his eyes, nor his voice. “My body is still programmed to respond to you, Noah.”

  Noah turned his head back and rubbed his cheek against Josh's cock, the sheet still between them. “Do you still want me?” he asked hoarsely.

  “I don’t think I will ever stop wanting you.”

  Noah rested his hand on Josh's cock, which grew harder and harder. “What about Connor?” he asked, putting pressure on his hand.

  Josh lifted his hips ever so slightly, pushing against Noah’s hand. “You know the rule, Noah: you have to ask. What are you asking me?”

  He wanted to feel better, if only for a minute. But he could never go back to the egotistical asshole he’d been with Josh before. He didn’t want to use him. It had to be equal, this time. No guilt. No pressure. Simply two best friends, loving each other the best they could.

  “Will you let me fuck you, Josh?”

  It had been inevitable they’d end up this way. Him and Noah, together again. Connor had known too, otherwise he would’ve never given Josh permission so explicitly. It freed him from guil
t, knowing that he could say yes without fearing Connor’s anger. But he wasn’t the same Josh he’d been when Noah and he had started this. He needed more. Deserved more.

  He met Noah’s eyes, knew Noah could read him like a book. “Will you make it good for me too, Noah? Give me what I need?”

  “Tell me what to do, Josh. We’ll take care of each other, as we always have.”

  He needed it, the pain, the pleasure, the release. The tension in his body and mind had been slowly increasing. He’d fought it hard, but he’d almost reached his limits. And when that call came, he needed to be ready. Plus, Noah had reached his limits, too. Josh had never seen him so dark, so lifeless. He’d do anything to keep him from sinking in deeper.

  “I need you to use me. You’ve seen what Connor does. I need that. Boss me around. Don’t ask, take. Fuck me as hard as you can, as many times as you can, and order me not to come until you’re done.”

  “I can’t read you like Connor can. How will I know when you’ve reached your limit?”

  Hmm, he had a good point. Connor had this instinctive knowledge of Josh's needs and limits but Noah didn’t. Besides, he wasn’t the natural Dom Connor was.

  “We’ll use a safe word. Red Sox. That’s our safe word, Red Sox.”

  Noah nodded. “Okay, that will work.” He furrowed his brow. “Do you want me to spank you?”

  Josh smiled, touched that Noah had offered. “Could you? It would really help me, but I know it’s not your thing.”

  “No, but it’s yours. If that’s what you need, I’ll do it.”

  “Use your hand, not the paddle. I’ll use the safe word if it gets too much. And Noah, remember that for me, that’s not pain. It’s pleasure, release. You’re not hurting me, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  They looked at each other, and Josh grinned. “Things have changed, huh?”

  Noah smiled back. “We’re sure as fuck not in Kansas anymore. You ready for this?”

  “Fuck, yeah. Bring it on.”

  Noah seemed to hesitate for a second on how to progress, and Josh couldn’t blame him. They couldn’t fall back on their previous pattern of Josh taking care of Noah and Noah making sure Josh came first. No, they were equals now, Josh needing Noah as much as the other way around.

  Noah sat up against the headboard and whipped the sheets off of him to reveal his hard cock. His hand shot out, grabbing Josh's head, pulling him down. A rush of adrenaline hummed through Josh's veins. Fuck, yes.

  “I’ve missed your sweet mouth on my cock, Josh, so why don’t you start by sucking me off?”

  Noah pulled him down on his cock, not too gently—which was exactly what Josh had hoped for. He gave an experimental lick over Noah’s crown. Familiar salty sensations tickled his tongue as Noah moaned deeply. Josh turned to his stomach and nibbled his way down Noah’s cock till he reached the base. He teased with his tongue, lapping Noah’s balls, sucking gently.

  Noah had one advantage over Connor. Because his cock was smaller, Josh could take him in way deeper. And since he’d been practicing with Connor’s beast, he was pretty damn sure he’d be able to take Noah in all the way. He shifted till he had the right angle, teasing Noah with soft kisses and little nips.

  Noah moved, undoubtedly getting impatient. Noah’s hands came around his head, pulling him down. Josh opened his mouth and took him in as deep as he could, then relaxed his throat and took him deeper still. Noah’s hips bucked, and his balls hit Josh's chin.

  “Uhhhh,” Noah groaned. “Fucking hell, you’re so damn good at this.”

  He kept still, but Josh wanted him to move. He brought his hands to Noah’s hips, pulled until Noah got the hint and started thrusting into his mouth. Josh relaxed around his cock, sucking as hard as he could.

  “You like that huh?” Noah said, his voice low. “You like me fucking your mouth. Look at you, your whole mouth stuffed with cock.”

  Josh's eyes watered, and Noah pulled back to allow him to breathe and swallow. His eyes were completely focused on Josh, and as soon as Josh had breathed a few times, he shoved his cock right back in. Josh gagged, but Noah didn’t pull back, simply waited till he’d relaxed again.

  “I’m close to coming, and you damn well better not spill a drop. If I spot one drip of cum outside your mouth, I’ll have to punish you.”

  Josh almost smiled, except his mouth was full of cock. Noah still needed a reason to spank him, whereas Connor would simply do it, knowing Josh craved it. Josh would make sure to spill. He couldn’t wait to feel Noah’s hands on his ass.

  Noah fucked his mouth hard, unrelentingly, and Josh loved every second of it. This sensation of being used, being taken—there was nothing like it. Noah grunted and tensed up. He gave one last hard thrust, then came hard down Josh's throat. Josh swallowed the first load, let the second stream dribble out of his mouth, drip down his chin onto the sheets. He released Noah’s cock and licked his lips.

  “Oops,” he said, smiling deviously.

  Noah grinned. “Oops, my ass,” he said. “You’re gonna regret this, Joshua.”

  He yanked him down by his arm, splayed him across his legs and his hand came down hard before Josh could even utter a word. Fucking hell, that stung. The second slap brought tears to his eyes. He’d clearly underestimated the strength Noah had in his upper body and especially his hands. If he continued like this, Josh wouldn’t be able to sit tomorrow. Noah smacked him again, the sound echoing through the bedroom.

  Josh gasped, breathing away the burning sensation in his ass. Thank fuck Noah stopped for a little bit, moving underneath him to reach for something… What was he getting? Josh barely had time to wonder, because seconds later cold lube drizzled in his crack, followed by two fingers that shoved in unceremoniously. His initial curse transitioned into a moan as those fingers started sliding in and out. He pushed his ass back and was rewarded with a vicious slap to his right butt cheek. Dammit, had the fucker taken lessons from Connor?

  Noah’s fingers resumed their rhythm until they were in as far as they could be. Noah’s middle finger curled, finding that spot inside of him that made him want to beg to be fucked. He managed to hold himself in check for all of three seconds before his body moved all by itself. This time, he knew what was coming and mentally braced himself. Yup, his left cheek got the same treatment.

  “Fuck, Josh, your ass is fiery red. That has got to sting.”

  Damn right, it did. It throbbed every time Noah moved his fingers. Josh canted his hips, seeking friction for his cock that was pressed against Noah’s leg. Two slaps quickly convinced him that was not a good idea. Noah meant business. Thank fuck.

  A third finger was added, creating a burn inside his ass in addition to the heat coming off his cheeks. He hoped this meant Noah was getting him ready to be fucked, because he needed it. He wanted nothing more than cock up his ass, and since the Beast was unavailable, Noah would have to do.

  The fingers pulled out. Josh exhaled, braced himself for being flipped, because Noah couldn’t fuck him in this position. Instead, a cold rubber hardness pushed against his ass and he opened up by instinct.

  Huh. A massager. A small one, by the feel of it. Why the fuck would Noah use that? Maybe he wanted to tease him a little?

  “You know the rules, Josh. Don’t you dare come.”

  He wanted to answer there was no chance in hell he’d come with that tiny thing up his ass, unless Noah aimed it directly at his prostate. Before he could open his mouth, Noah turned it on. Josh figured it’d be polite to let him at least try, so he swallowed back his comment. It was…pleasant, this nice little buzz in his ass. Not overwhelming, but nice.

  Noah slapped his ass again, softer this time. Then again. And again. Josh shifted as his ass started to hum. Hmm, this felt good. Noah adjusted the setting on the vibrator, letting it vibrate a tad stronger. His slaps came down steadily now, not so hard Josh couldn’t take it, but enough to get his attention. His body responded, hummed and throbbed, wanting more. Josh shifted again, his
cock hard as granite.

  Sweat pearled on his forehead as the tension in his body started to build. His balls tightened, weighing heavy. No, he couldn’t come. Not yet. Not until Noah told him he could.

  Noah moved underneath him, changing position. His right hand pulled out the vibrator and shoved it back in, while the left kept spanking Josh in a steady rhythm. He was gonna wear him down. Dammit, this assault on multiple levels was getting to him, the pain and pleasure entwining till he was gasping for breath. Josh fought back the wave of desire rolling through him, but a moan slipped through his lips.

  Noah chuckled. “Hang in there, Josh. I’m not done yet. Ready for the next phase?”

  The massager was yanked out of him, eliciting a groan of protest. This time, Noah’s hands did lift him up and turned him. “On your hands and knees.”

  He scrambled up. Noah’s hands dug into his hips as he slammed deep in one powerful stroke, bottoming out so hard his balls slapped against Josh's ass.

  “Fuck,” Josh grunted through clenched teeth.

  “I’m about to,” Noah quipped.

  He pulled out and surged back, clutching Josh's hips. Damn, Noah’s cock was hard as steel, pulsing inside him. Josh lowered his arms and pushed his ass back in a wordless invitation. More. Harder.

  Noah thrust in again with even more force, making Josh fist the bed to keep himself from moving. His breath whooshed out every time Noah plunged into him. He cried out when Noah hit his prostate, which only seemed to encourage him more.

  He’d never fucked Josh this hard, this deep, this raw. Josh's body was completely alive, throbbing, burning, wanting. He was so close to reaching that high, he could touch it. All he needed was…

  Noah let out a roar, unloading in his ass. Tears sprang to Josh's eyes. Dammit, he’d been so close, almost there. There was no way Noah would have the stamina for a third round. Josh would come if Noah ordered him to, but it wasn’t the orgasm he craved. It was the pain-pleasure high, that state that made him forget everything. He’d been so fucking close.