No Fear (No Shame Series Book 3)

by Nora Phoenix

  Noah held him. He loved that Josh had so much faith in a happy end, that his belief in Indy’s return was unwavering. Noah couldn’t see it, couldn’t make himself look past the big, gaping hole Indy’s absence had created. “You take good care of you, Josh. Get better.”

  When he watched Josh walk out the door, it felt like the last little bit of light in his life was fading.

  19

  He’d been gone four weeks now. Aaron sighed as he finalized the registration screen for the guest he’d checked in. He leaned back in the creaky desk chair, careful to not tip it over again, like he’d done the second day on the job.

  Dang, he missed Blake.

  He’d thought it would lessen, this physical pain in his body whenever he thought of him, but it didn’t. If anything, it only got worse. Blake was still texting him at least once an hour throughout the day, and Aaron kept rereading his messages.

  I miss you so much, puppy. You brought me such joy.

  I’ll wait for you to come back as long as it takes.

  I’m cleared to drive again. Can I meet you somewhere to talk? I want to see you so badly.

  He also texted pictures of himself, what his wounds looked like now, of his students. Aaron had figured Blake would give up after a week or so, but he hadn’t. Four weeks later, Blake showed no sign of giving up, though he never demanded or put pressure on Aaron. He merely let him know in every single text how much he…

  Aaron’s breath caught, and a tingle danced over his spine.

  Blake loved him.

  These texts, the words he wrote, this was not disappointment over a friend leaving. This was not someone being slightly miffed something hadn’t worked out the way he’d hoped. Blake was showing in every text how much he missed Aaron, how much he…loved him.

  He hadn’t used those exact words, but suddenly it was crystal clear. Aaron had no idea how and why, but somewhere along the way, Blake had fallen in love with him. There was no other explanation for how Blake was feeling now that Aaron had left.

  Blake loved him.

  It took him five minutes to quit his job, five more to persuade his former boss to buy Aaron’s car for a ridiculously low price, another five to use that money to book the first plane ticket home.

  Home. To Blake.

  He persuaded his ex-boss to drop him off at the airport. He couldn’t stop smiling during the flight or the taxi ride home, which ate up his last cash. He spotted Blake’s car in the driveway when the taxi dropped him off, and his stomach rolled with excitement. He was flat broke and dead tired, yet he’d never felt happier.

  He’d left his key, so he had to ring the bell. When the door opened, Blake’s tired face filled his vision. He’d lost weight, and judging by the bags under his eyes, he wasn’t sleeping too well. But all that was forgotten when Blake’s face broke open in a smile that brought tears to Aaron’s eyes.

  He smiled back through his tears. “I’m home.”

  Blake’s hand reached out to touch his face, his hair, then grabbed his neck and pulled him in for a bone-crushing hug. “Oh, God, Aaron…I missed you so much.”

  More tears fell from Aaron’s eyes as he reveled in the sensation of those two strong arms around him again. He breathed in Blake’s smell, rubbing his cheek against Blake’s shirt. A sob escaped from his lips, and Blake pushed him back to study his face. Much to Aaron’s surprise, Blake’s eyes were teary, too.

  “You love me,” Aaron said in wonder.

  “You have no idea how much. I need you, puppy. You make me whole.”

  Aaron lifted his hand, let it slide through Blake’s silky dark hair. “Tell me again. Please.”

  Blake cupped his cheeks and focused those piercing blue eyes on him. “I love you, Aaron. You fulfill me, complete me.”

  “I didn’t realize it until today,” Aaron said.

  “I don’t think I fully grasped it until you were gone, and my life was so empty and bleak without you. I’m so sorry, puppy. I fucked up royally by not supporting you fully against my brothers.”

  They were still outside in the chilly April wind, and Aaron shivered in Blake’s arms. “Can we go inside?”

  Blake looked at him for a few seconds as if searching for something, then let go. “Yeah. Please.”

  Aaron breathed in deeply as he stepped inside. Home. This was truly his home. He didn’t even think, just rolled his suitcase right into Blake’s room. Their room.

  He turned around to find Blake watching him with a guarded expression. “If you want to, there’s also a guest room free,” he said.

  Aaron raised his eyebrows. “Why would I prefer that?”

  Blake shrugged, jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I just wanted to let you know you have options. You’re welcome to stay even if you choose to stay in a different room.”

  Blake’s sudden aloofness puzzled Aaron. Blake had been so happy Aaron was back, and now he wanted them to sleep in different rooms? Aaron didn’t understand what had happened. His shoulders dropped. Had he misunderstood? Fucked up again, somehow? “Don’t you want me to stay with you?” he asked softly, avoiding Blake’s eyes.

  “Fuck, yes. I want nothing more. But you have a choice, and I’d understand if you needed some time to…I don’t know, adjust.”

  It wasn’t making any sense, the way Blake was talking. Aaron had thought he’d be over the moon and he had been, until…until Blake had declared his love and Aaron hadn’t said it back. Blake had apologized and Aaron had asked to go inside. He was such an idiot.

  He’d tell him back, but first, he had to do something else. He had to finish what they’d started, together.

  Aaron dug in his pocket, found the thing he wanted to give to Blake. “Remember when you asked me to make that list of five things I didn’t want to be and five things I wanted? It took me a long time, but I finally made it.” He handed Blake a folded sheet of paper. “Read them out loud.”

  Blake looked insecure, and it made Aaron’s heart clench.

  “Five things I don’t want to be: masculine, boring, empty, independent, and alone,” Blake read. He looked up from the paper. “Oh, puppy, you don’t—”

  “Read the rest,” Aaron interrupted him.

  Blake hesitated for a second before he looked down at the paper again. “Five things I want to be: feminine, pretty, cared for, loved, owned by…” His voice broke, and when he looked up there were tears in his eyes again.

  “Owned by Blake,” Aaron said, filled with a sudden calm and peace. He met Blake’s eyes. “I love you,” he said simply.

  He watched the words register with Blake, saw the look of relief and joy spread over his face. “You’re mine.”

  Aaron nodded. “I’m yours. Blake, I hated being by myself, hated being independent. You were right. I want someone to take care of me. I want that more than anything, and I want it to be you, because you get me. I love you and I need you. Will you please be my owner and take care of me?”

  “I want nothing more. I love you, puppy, and I promise I’ll be and do whatever you need to be happy.”

  Blake closed the distance between them with three big steps and crushed his mouth to Aaron’s. He opened up immediately, needing Blake so fiercely it bordered on painful. Blake ravished his mouth, invading every cell of his being. Aaron sighed, then moaned. He needed more.

  Blake broke off the kiss and stared deep into Aaron’s eyes, breaths coming out in pants. “I bought you a present. Give me one sec.”

  Aaron watched as Blake walked over to his nightstand and took out a small box. He turned around and handed it to Aaron.

  It was light. A soft smile played around Blake’s lips, which encouraged Aaron to open the package. Inside the plain brown box was a smaller box, and he ripped off the tape sealing it. He upended it, and out came something pink and shiny. He turned it in his hands. What the heck was that?

  A collar. A beautiful pink collar with rhinestones, looking like it was big enough to fit him. And the box held a leash as well,
in the same style. Blake had bought him a collar and leash.

  He raised his eyes to look at Blake. “You bought this for me without knowing I’d come back?”

  “I hoped you’d realize how much I love you. Bow your head, Aaron.”

  He couldn’t disobey that voice even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. Blake fit the collar around his neck, clicked it close and pulled it so it fit snugly, without restricting him.

  “Beautiful.” Aaron looked up. Blake looked at him with tenderness radiating from his eyes. “My beautiful puppy.”

  He reached up to feel his collar. It was so pretty, so perfect, and it showed how much Blake loved him exactly the way he was. He wouldn’t have to change himself, be more masculine, or less needy, or more independent. Blake loved him the way he was. A weight lifted off him, like a heavy blanket that had been draped over his heart.

  “You like it?” Blake asked, his voice soft and kind.

  “I love it. I love you.”

  “You’re beautiful with my collar around your neck. I love you, puppy.”

  Aaron’s heart and mind were at peace but his body wasn’t. He needed. Badly. “Blake?”

  “Yes, puppy.”

  “Will you please fuck me?”

  Blake smiled. “That’s the first time you’ve said ‘fuck’ without stuttering. I’m so proud of you for voicing what you need.” His eyes darkened. “I’m gonna fuck you hard and deep. I know what you need, Aaron. I’ll take care of you.”

  Aaron whimpered with impatient need. “Please, Blake. I need you so much.”

  “Strip.”

  The order was firm, yet kind, and Aaron didn’t waste a second before obeying. He was naked within seconds, his clothes in a heap on the floor. Blake needed a little more time, and Aaron helped him drag down his jeans, then pulled off his socks. Blake’s cock was standing at attention, and Aaron gave it a quick lick when it almost poked him in the face.

  He’d blow Blake some other time because he wanted to feel his cock in his mouth again, wanted to taste him, but right now he needed something else first. He climbed on the bed in eager anticipation, his cock already straining. The mere thought of Blake filling him up again made his hole quiver and his cock leak. He needed him so much, to the point that his brain was shutting down.

  Blake climbed on the bed, lube in his hand, immediately reaching out for Aaron. “Want me to skip the foreplay for now?”

  Aaron let out a happy sigh that Blake was so tuned in to him. “Would that be okay?”

  “Anything that makes you happy is okay. I want to take care of you. Am I right that you need me to fill you?”

  Aaron nodded, unable to form words anymore. His body was shaking. Blake squeezed lube on his fingers, lubed up his cock first and then coated his fingers. “Lie on your back for me, sweetheart,” he said. “Yes, like that. Good boy. Open your legs wide, put them on my shoulders. Look at your pretty little hole, all eager for my touch.”

  He breached his entrance without delay, pushing his middle finger in. Aaron moaned, taking him in with ease.

  “Did you miss this, puppy? Miss me?”

  “So much. I’m so empty without you.”

  Blake added a second finger and started fucking him in a steady rhythm. “Shhh, puppy, no more worries, okay? I’m right here.”

  Aaron shuddered, shifted his ass, tried to push back. “Feels so good.”

  Blake seemed to sense he couldn’t wait anymore. He pulled out his fingers and lined up his slick cock. Aaron breathed out as it demanded entry, welcoming the burn. Blake was careful, sliding in inch by delicious inch, Aaron panting and moaning at every move.

  “Blakeblakeblakeblake…” Aaron babbled, thrashing his head with eyes closed. So close.

  Blake pushed in all the way, filling him completely. Aaron cried out, his cock jerking as he orgasmed. Like the first time, the mere sensation of Blake inside him was enough for him to come.

  “Oh, puppy, I love how you respond to me. I’ll never grow tired of watching you come,” Blake said.

  “I love you,” Aaron said again. It was as if he couldn’t hold back the words now that he’d said them once. He opened his eyes, meeting Blake’s blue eyes that were completely focused on him.

  “I love you too.” Blake smiled, still deeply embedded inside Aaron.He looked at him with so much love it made Aaron’s insides melt. “One of these days I’ll explain in excruciating detail why you are perfect for me, but right now we have other priorities. You need a second orgasm, and I have a desperate need to pound your ass.”

  He angled his hips and slowly withdrew, only to surge back in. Aaron’s skin tingled. Blake repeated his move, with slightly more force this time.

  “Uhhhh…” Aaron moaned.

  “The first time we made love, you had to do all the work. But now that I’m almost fully recovered, I want you to feel what it can be like. I’m gonna fuck you hard and deep, Aaron. I haven’t come in days, and I’m gonna fill you up with my cum.”

  Those words. They rolled around in his head, triggering all kinds of sexy images. He could picture it, Blake’s fat cock breaching him, fucking him. The dirty words made him feel so good, so sexy.

  He scrambled off Blake’s cock, ignoring his surprised face, planting himself on his hands and knees, his head low. Shamelessly, he pushed his ass backward, looking over his shoulder. “I’m yours, Blake. Claim me.”

  Which he did. Over and over again, until Aaron’s hole was, indeed, overflowing with cum. They showered, fell into each other’s arms as soon as they hit the bed, Aaron touching Blake wherever he could.

  I’m finally home.

  20

  Josh rammed the vibrator in his ass with one final thrust. His cock exploded, his balls emptying almost painfully as he spurted thick ropes of cum onto the sheets. Fuck, he’d needed that. He should have done it sooner, but the therapy had him too busy and too fucking tired afterward. He let out a shuddering sigh of relief as the stress was leaving his body. Well, some of it at least.

  He pulled the toy out and threw it on the sheets. Good thing his room was due for fresh linens today. And no, he didn’t give a shit what the household staff would think of the stains. Any guess they’d make would probably be correct, and why the fuck would he care? He was a man, he had needs, and since he was on his own, he had to get creative.

  Damn, he missed Connor. He missed the sex, of course, and the intimacy. But he especially missed the emotional connection. The being known, being seen. The freedom to completely be himself. Even with Noah he’d had to hold back out of fear Noah would reject him. And with Indy, he’d had to be careful as well—though for different reasons. Indy was fragile in a sense, and Josh would do anything to keep from hurting him.

  But Connor, Connor was different. Connor could take him as he was, with all his strength, with all his emotional hang-ups, and even with his mental and physical needs. Connor was his equal in every aspect, and he’d never felt more at peace than when he was with him. The man was a miracle Josh had never even dreamed of finding.

  And this plan of Connor’s, the cop had been so right. It was absolutely fucking crazy, but it was the only chance they had to give Indy the freedom he deserved. No cost would be too high to achieve that, though Josh had felt like shit for deceiving Noah. When he’d told Noah he wanted to be admitted, it had taken everything to not tell him the truth. God, Noah had been so broken already from losing Indy, and now he had to face living without Josh for a while as well. Noah had looked so forlorn but had supported Josh completely, as Josh had known he would. Noah had his back, even now.

  They’d fucked one more time the evening before he’d left, a hard and furious round of fucking for Noah, and a serious walloping for Josh. His ass had hurt for days after, but it had been necessary. It would be worth it, Josh kept telling himself. In the end, Noah would understand. If he ever found out. At least he had Brad and Charlie to keep an eye on him.

  He finally got up from the bed, taking the dildo with him into the
shower to clean it. He’d throw it in one of his drawers, not caring if a maid found it. The water was brutally hot, to the point of scalding—exactly the way he liked it. He scrubbed himself clean, toweled off hard, and shaved. It was funny how even being in the strict discipline of a military clinic brought back some of his old habits. He’d even gotten a haircut the first week—but that was also because he wanted to do everything he could to get back into the groove.

  He got dressed, chose dark blue cargo pants, a tight white shirt, and boots that resembled military boots. It felt slightly off, but more comfortable than jeans, and since he was not on active duty, he wasn’t allowed to wear a uniform.

  The rhythm in the hospital was basic: rise, shower, breakfast, therapy, physical exercise, lunch, group therapy, creative session, yoga and relaxation exercises, dinner, and socializing. The last part of the schedule was his absolute nightmare. Playing Ticket to Ride with complete strangers with whom he had little in common except a diagnosis—somebody sedate him, please. That part of the ten days he’d been staying here had been hell.

  Halfway through his breakfast, his name was called out. He jumped up.

  “Yes, Corporal.”

  He didn’t recognize the face of the corporal in front of him, but he sure as hell recognized the rank.

  “We’re doing simulations today as part of your therapy, Gordon. Follow me.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He didn’t touch the rest of his breakfast, trusting someone else would clean that up after him. The corporal led him into a hallway, then another one, around a corner, then into a room, which surprisingly had a door that led directly outside. Josh blinked against the sudden light but didn’t miss a beat.

  He was led into a van, the doors closing quickly behind him. He’d expected something like this when he’d told Connor he needed at least one day of practice. Connor had called in favors everywhere, fuck knew how, but it seemed to have worked. He’d told Josh he had connections that he couldn’t talk about but that could arrange for a practice time. And he’d get him out without anyone noticing on Freedom Day. That’s what he and Connor had called it, Operation Freedom.