Rock Paper Scissors

by Bobby Michaels

  I didn’t want to leave Tiger but what the doctor said made sense.

  “Okay. We’ll go and wait. I guess that’s all we can do,” I said.

  “I promise you we will take good care of him.”

  “Thank you. By the way, his name is Tiger. It’s actually Thomas Wells Atherton IV, which he’d proudly tell you if he was awake, but he’s known as Tiger.”

  “Tiger it is, then. I believe people in a coma are aware at some level of the people around them. Before we take him up to the CT scan, it’s okay to hug and kiss him. It may calm him about what’s happening to him.”

  I walked over to the bed and Brian walked to the other side. I looked down at my son, so young, so beautiful, so full of life just a few hours ago. I knew this was not the time for me to fall apart but it was very hard. I leaned down and slipped my arms around him and hugged him to me.

  “It’s Daddy, Tiger. I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay. They’re going to run some tests and find out what’s wrong so they can fix it. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

  I then gently kissed him before laying him back down. I looked up at Brian and I could see tears streaming down his face. But he leaned over, took Tiger in his arms and held him.

  “It’s Dad, Tiger. I love you, buddy. We’re going to get you through this. I promise.”

  Brian kissed him gently and then reluctantly laid him back down on the bed.

  “We won’t be long. The radiologist is waiting to read his tests so we should know something within an hour,” Dr. Coleman said.

  Brian came around the bed and put his arm around me and led me from the cubicle. Matt, who’d stood outside the cubicle, showed us to the parents’ waiting room. It was a very nice, quiet room with low lighting and couches. There was no one in the room right then and we sat down on one of the couches with Brian still holding onto me.

  The shock of Tiger in a coma had me almost speechless in fear. What was I going to do? How was I going to live through this if Tiger died? I now had Brian but I didn’t want to lose my son! Brian didn’t say anything either but I could feel the tension in him by the way he held me. I finally couldn’t hold up anymore and lay my head on his chest and cried. Through my tears, I heard Brian talking to Matt.

  “You brought your kit, didn’t you?” Brian asked him.

  “Yes, I did. Do you want me to do anything?”

  “Yeah. Whatever you can do. He’s not Catholic.”

  “Who cares? Certainly not God. When they bring him back I’ll do it.”

  “Do what?” I asked.

  “I have my kit with the anointing oils and the Prayers for the Sick with me. I’ll anoint Tiger and pray for his recovery.”

  “You mean you think he’s going to die?”

  “No. That’s not what this is about, Tommy. This about calling on God to heal him. I don’t think he’s going to die.”

  “Okay. I guess it’s all right. But he’s just a little boy…”

  “I know. That’s why I think he’s going to pull through this. He’ll be back playing baseball again before you know it,” Matt assured me.

  In about an hour, just as she’d promised, Dr. Coleman appeared.

  “I want you to understand, this is a preliminary diagnosis only. However, according to the radiology oncologist there is a tumor in his brain. It’s located in a part of the brain that is surgically accessible, which is good. However, at this point, we don’t know what type of tumor it is, whether it is malignant or not. Once we know that, there are several ways to deal with it, either by surgery, radiation treatment, chemotherapy, or a combination of them.”

  “Are you going to be the one to take it out?” I asked.

  “No. I’m a pediatric oncologist, not a surgeon. We have on staff some of the best pediatric neurosurgeons in the country. You, of course, have the right to have a second opinion of Tiger’s diagnosis and treatment.”

  I looked at Matt.

  “You know this place. How good are they?”

  “If Tiger was my child, I’d bring him here.”

  “That’s good enough for me. Go ahead, Doctor, do what you think is best for him.”

  “Then the next step is for you to meet with our pediatric neurosurgeon. We’ll be taking Tiger up to a room on the pediatric floor. I’ll have him meet you there after he’s had a chance to look over the test results.”

  “He’s here now?” Brian asked in surprise.

  “Yes, he was here seeing a patient when they brought Tiger in. He’s staying to see him. He should be along in a short while.”

  “Thank you, Doctor. You don’t know how much this means to us,” I said.

  “Oh, yes, I do. I have a son about Tiger’s age. I can imagine what you’re going through. You don’t know what’s happening or why and you’re probably thinking that it’s something you could have prevented somehow. Let me make this clear, there’s nothing you could have done.”

  I looked at her in shock. That’s precisely what I had been thinking.

  “Yes, I guess you do know,” I said.

  “Trust me, we’re going to not only do everything possible to get Tiger well, we’re also going to let you know everything we’re doing and you’re going to have a voice in it.”

  “To be honest with you, I didn’t expect that. It’s what I do for my clients but I didn’t know doctors did the same thing.”

  “Your clients?” she asked.

  “I’m a lawyer.”

  “Oh! One of those!” She chuckled.

  “Yes, but I don’t do malpractice law so I’m not looking to sue anybody.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” She smiled.

  Chapter Twelve

  Matt, Brian, and I were sitting in Tiger’s room, waiting for the surgeon. Because of my insistence, they gave him a private room, which had a couch that converted to a bed so Brian and I could stay with him all the time. We had watched Matt do the anointing of Tiger while he explained what he was doing. I guess if I had a stronger faith, it would have reassured me but the only thing reassuring about it was the fact that Matt was there. It was obvious both Brian and I were depending on Matt’s strength to help keep us going in the face of what had happened.

  None of us were talking. Brian and I were sitting on the couch with Brian holding me. Matt was in an upholstered chair near us. We were just waiting for the pediatric neurosurgeon to come. Finally, Matt seemed to tire of the silence.

  “I’m going to get some coffee. You guys want any?”

  “Yeah, it’s probably going to be a long night and I need something to help me stay awake,” I said.

  “Yeah, bro. That sounds good.”

  “How do you guys take it?”

  “Black is fine,” I replied.

  Matt got up and left the room to search for a coffee machine. I was sure nothing was open in the hospital at this time of night.

  A few minutes after Matt left, Ted and Dalt walked into the room. They looked over at Tiger laying in the bed.

  “Any change?” Ted asked.

  “No. What are you guys doing here so late?” I asked.

  “Dalt couldn’t sleep for worrying about Tiger,” Ted answered.

  I saw the shocked look Dalton gave him and I knew immediately who couldn’t sleep.

  “Thanks for coming. Matt’s here as well. He went to get us coffee and should be back in a few minutes. We’re waiting for the neurosurgeon. He’s looking over the CT scan they did on Tiger. He has a brain tumor, but the doctor we talked to first said it was in a place that was very accessible for surgical removal.”

  Ted looked like he’d been physically struck.

  “Tumor? Tiger has brain cancer?”

  “We don’t know that for sure. They don’t know what type of tumor it is,” I said.

  “How good is this place? Can they handle a problem like this?” Dalton asked.

  “Yes, Dalt. The doctor told us they have world-class pediatric neurosurgeons here, and Matt comes here a lot and he says if he ha
d a choice, he’d bring Tiger here.”

  “Well, if Father Matt says that, I’d take it to the bank.” Dalt smiled.

  “I figured you’d feel that way.”

  At that point, a man in a white lab coat walked in. He was tall but extremely slender. He had just about the kindest eyes I’d ever seen.

  “I’m Doctor Raymond Ballinger. I’m guessing this is Tiger and two of you are Thomas Atherton and Brian Baldwin?”

  “Yes,” Brian said as we stood up. “I’m Brian and this is Tommy.”

  “And this is Ted Mercer and Dalton Kensington, Tiger’s uncles,” I said.

  “Well, gentlemen, let me examine Tiger first and then we’ll talk.”

  With that, he turned to the bed, pulling off the stethoscope hanging around his neck and listening to Tiger’s chest. He then took out a small penlight and, lifting each of Tiger’s eyelids, he shone the light into them. He held Tiger’s wrist and felt his pulse, then pulled an otoscope from his pocket and examined both of Tiger’s ear canals. Having finished the examination, he walked back to us.

  “I’ve examined Tiger’s CT scan. As Dr. Coleman already explained to you, the tumor is in a relatively good area for surgical removal. However, we don’t know what type of tumor it is, and we won’t know until we go in and do a biopsy of the tumor to determine if it’s malignant or not. What I’ll actually do is go in and try to remove the tumor. Depending on its type and how much of it I can excise, that will determine if there’s further need for either chemotherapy or radiation treatment. Perhaps both or neither. What I want you to know most of all, however, is that while all tumors are serious, especially in the brain, I think we’ve gotten to this early. The earlier we can treat this, the better the chance of survival.”

  “So he could die?” I asked.

  “I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Yes, he could die. But I have a number of patients who had tumors when they were Tiger’s age who are now grown men with children of their own.”

  I noticed as Dr. Ballinger said this, Matt came back into the room. He handed cups of coffee to me and to Brian.

  “Hello, Father. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

  “Hi, Dr. Ballinger. Brian’s my brother and little Tiger there is my nephew.”

  “Oh, I see. I guess I won’t have to recommend to Tiger’s dads to seek some emotionally supportive counseling, will I?”

  “Matt is like an older brother to both of us,” I said.

  “Well, that’s good because I worry more about the parents than my patients at times.”

  “Doctor, when are you going to schedule the surgery?” Ted asked.

  “Actually, I’ve already scheduled it for tomorrow morning. It will be early, probably around six, the first surgery of the day.”

  “That early?” I asked.

  “Yes, that way I have all the time I need and we’ll be able to get the report from the biopsy the same day.”

  “Oh, that’s a good idea.”

  “So, I’ll see you gentlemen tomorrow after the surgery. Are you both spending the night here?”

  “Yes. We don’t want him to possibly wake up and us not be here,” Brian said.

  “I don’t think there’s much chance of him coming out of the coma, but there’s always the possibility. At any rate, I need to go and get some sleep. I want to be at my best for Tiger tomorrow. Good night to you all.”

  And with this, Dr. Ballinger walked out of the room.

  “Yeah, I guess we should be going as well,” Ted said.

  “Thank you for coming. I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know how things go.” I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Or you, Dalt.”

  “Anything you need, anything we can do, please let us know.” Dalton put his hand on my shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze.

  “I will. I promise.”

  “Good night, Brian,” Dalton said and Brian nodded.

  After Ted and Dalton left, Matt told us good night as well, saying he would be back in the morning to be with us during the surgery. That left us alone with Tiger. I moved over close to Brian and he put his arms around me.

  “This wasn’t how I envisioned our wedding night,” I said.

  “The for better for worse part came a little fast, didn’t it?”

  “I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose him.”

  “We aren’t going to lose him. Dr. Ballinger said that they’d caught this early and that gave Tiger a better chance.”

  “But he said he could die.”

  “Yeah. He said could, he didn’t say he would. There’s a big difference between them.”

  “Yeah, I know, but there’s still the possibility.”

  “The possibility exists for every one of us, every moment of every day. If we thought about it, we’d probably hide under our beds and never come out.”

  “I know that but…it’s Tiger. Seven-year-olds aren’t supposed to die.”

  “No, and Tiger isn’t going to, either. I believe in thinking positively. I really believe good thoughts can change the universe ‑‑ so can negative ones.”

  “Okay. I get it. I’ll try.”

  “I know you will, babe. Tell you what ‑‑ let’s pull out the bed and just spend the rest of the night holding onto each other.”

  “Brian, I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all night.”

  Before we could, however, a nurse came in to check on Tiger and to take his blood pressure and temperature. After she was finished, she turned to us.

  “Don’t you worry about your son. He’s got the best care in the world in Dr. Ballinger and you’ve got every nurse on this floor praying for him.”

  I was thoroughly surprised by this.

  “Do you pray for all your patients?”

  “Every last one of them, honey. There’s nothing more we want than to see all of the little ones go home healthy and happy again.”

  “That’s all we want, too. Thank you,” Brian said.

  After she left, Brian and I pulled out the couch and laid down together with our clothes on. He took me into his arms, nestling my head into his shoulder. I could smell his scent and it comforted me, though this was the first time I could remember being in his arms, smelling his scent, and not getting hard from it.

  “I’m sorry. This isn’t the honeymoon I planned on,” I murmured.

  “Me either but it can’t be helped. What’s most important is for us to be here for Tiger.”

  “Yeah, even if he doesn’t know we’re here.”

  “Remember what Dr. Coleman said? Maybe on some level he does know we’re here. Maybe he can hear us talking or feel our presence somehow.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad I found you. I’m so glad I married you. I don’t know how I would get through this otherwise.”

  “That’s what life is all about, babe. Loving each other, being there for each other. You have no idea how glad I am I found you and Tiger. I realize I had no life at all before. Living with Sandy was just marking time until I could wake up and realize where I needed to be.”

  Then Brian kissed me gently on the forehead. I had tears rolling down my cheeks, but it wasn’t because of Tiger this time.

  We lay there quietly and, without knowing it, fell asleep. We woke up when they brought the gurney in to take Tiger to surgery. The same nurse who had come in earlier was with them as was Matt. Brian and I hugged our big brother; then we both hugged Tiger and kissed him. I turned to the nurse and asked, “Do you have any idea how long he’ll be in surgery?”

  “Oh, honey, he’ll be there at least five or six hours and then he’ll be in the recovery room. Then they’ll take him to ICU. I’d say you’ve probably got a good eight or nine hours before you can see him there.”

  “That long?”

  “What they’re doing is really delicate surgery. It takes a while.”

  Matt spoke up at this point.

  “I really think you should go home, change
clothes and all that, and get something to eat. I’ll drive you home and then come back here and visit with some of the children in the AIDS ward. I’ve got my cell with me so you can call when you’re ready to come back.”

  “Yes, I guess that is the sensible thing to do. I just hate leaving him,” I said.

  “We can’t be with him anyway, babe. I think Matt’s right,” Brian said.

  “Okay. Yeah, it would be a good thing to take a shower and all that.”

  We followed Tiger’s gurney all the way to surgery, Brian on one side, me on the other, each of us holding one of his hands. When we got to the surgical suite, we each leaned over, kissed him, and said we’d see him later. After they took him into the surgical suite, I broke down crying in Brian’s arms. He was crying too and, after a moment, I felt a second set of arms go around me as Matt hugged both of us.

  “He’ll be fine. He’s going to come out of this and he’s going to be fine,” Matt said.

  “From your mouth to God’s ear,” I managed to chokingly get out.

  “Well, since I work for Him, I think He will listen. But He loves you and Brian, too. He’ll especially listen to a father’s prayer for his son. After all, He has a son, too.”

  “I never thought of it like that. Thank you. I not only picked the best husband in the world, I got the best big brother along with him.”

  Brian and I finally pulled ourselves together, and Matt drove us home. When we got into the house I turned to Brian.

  “We could go and pick up Tramp at the doggie hotel. I guess we’re not going to need privacy this weekend.”

  “No, he’s better off where he is. We’re not going to be home to walk and feed him. He’ll be fine until we find out what’s going on with Tiger. I think we should probably call them and have them extend his stay.”

  “Yeah. Maybe you’re right. Would you call them? I’ll go make coffee while you do.”

  “Sure, babe. Then we can take a shower and get some more sleep.”

  We drank a cup of coffee, not really saying anything and then went into our bathroom and into the big shower. I turned on the shower and was about to get the soap when Brian, who was behind me, slipped his arms around me and gently began kissing and nibbling at my shoulder. Despite the crisis we were dealing with, or maybe because of it, this gave me a raging desire for him. I needed sex. I needed to feel loved. Most of all, I needed to forget about what was going on for just a little while. I guess Brian felt that way, too, because I could feel his cock, already hard, poking into the crevice of my butt.