#3 Truth and Kisses

by Laurie Friedman

  “But you have sisters.” Sophie had met May and June last night, and May had tried to pick her up, which is what she does when she meets people, and June stood there laughing like a crazy person while she did it. So I was pretty sure Sophie would understand how I felt about them.

  “OK, Brynn is more like a sister I like.”

  Sophie laughed. “Your sisters are cute.” I smiled. I’m not sure she meant it, but it was nice of her to say it. “So, are you and Brynn, like, the tell-each-other-everything kind of friends?”

  I took a deep breath. I’d just met Sophie and I didn’t want to tell her what Brynn and I have been through, especially over the past year. But Sophie just sat there, patiently eating forkful after forkful of scrambled eggs, and the story somehow spilled out. All of it.

  I told her about Billy kissing me last spring, and then Matt, my hot new neighbor, kissing me, and how Brynn got mad when she heard about Matt and said some stuff that made me wonder if maybe she liked Billy. And how that was just before they went to camp together, without me.

  Sophie raised a brow. “Wow,” she said.

  I nodded. “There’s more. Billy and I got together when he came home from camp, and things were great, but then I made the high school dance team and Brynn … kind of … had a hard time with that.” I paused. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to say next.

  Sophie smiled like she had ESP or somehow understood that things might have gotten complicated without me having to say it. She sat without saying a word until I started again.

  I told her about Matt kissing me again and how it changed everything because it was so intense, and how I felt horrible about what I’d done to Billy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Matt.

  “Juicy!” Sophie said, and laughed.

  I smiled. I felt a little weird telling Sophie what happened, but she wasn’t making any faces like she was judging me. “I knew I couldn’t tell Brynn about Matt. Things had been weird between us because of dance, plus there were still signs that made me think she liked Billy. So I told this girl Emily, on the dance team, instead, but then she told everyone, and before I knew it, my life fell apart.”

  I confided in Sophie about Billy breaking up with me, and how Brynn said she couldn’t trust me anymore and that for a long time, the girls on the dance team weren’t talking to me. I exhaled when I finished. It had been so horrible when it happened, but it felt oddly easy to tell Sophie about it.

  “So who do you like? Billy or Matt?” she asked when I was done.

  I hadn’t thought about it like that. “I’m not sure,” I said honestly.

  Sophie laughed. “TBD,” she said.

  It was time to change the subject. “So what about you? Living in Paris must have been cool.”

  Sophie flashed a huge grin when I said that. “Paris is great. I didn’t want to move, but my dad got this big job.” She paused. “I hated leaving all my friends behind in Paris, but I like New York. I go to an art school, which is pretty cool. I want to be a painter.”

  It definitely sounded cool. “They don’t even have schools like that in Faraway.”

  Sophie nodded. “When I turn eighteen, I’m going to get a tiny butterfly tattoo right above my ankle bone.” She lifted the leg of her jeans and showed me where it would go. “I love butterflies,” said Sophie. “They represent lightness, beauty, and freedom.”

  I was overwhelmed just listening to her. I’ve never thought about what things like butterflies represent, and I certainly haven’t done any planning for what I’m going to do when I turn eighteen. I think Sophie mistook my silence as judgment, because she kind of shrugged and changed her tone and said, “I just think butterflies are very Zen, and I like that idea. Know what I mean?”

  I nodded like I got it, even though I wasn’t sure I did.

  When we finished eating, Sophie’s parents said they had to leave. “We’re flying back to New York tomorrow, but we should keep in touch,” she said.

  “I’d love that,” I told her as we put each other’s numbers into our phones. It was cool that she wanted to be friends. I was in a good mood the rest of the day at Gaga’s, and I was still happy as we were driving home. I even laughed when May and June, prompted by the reminder Gaga had given as we left her house, made their New Year’s resolutions.

  “My New Year’s resolution is to eat chocolate every day,” said May.

  “My New Year’s resolution is to eat chocolate every day too,” said June.

  I tickled her ribs and called her by her nickname, which came from one of her favorite books when she was little. “Silly Sally, you have to make your own resolution.”

  June thought for a minute. “My New Year’s resolution is to eat vanilla every day.”

  Everyone laughed, even June, who didn’t really get why we were laughing. Dad looked in the rearview mirror in my direction. “April, what’s your resolution?”

  I shook my head. “TBD,” I told Dad.

  I was still on a high when I got home, but that ended when I went to my room and called Brynn. “How was the getty?” I asked.

  Brynn paused for a beat too long before she answered. “It didn’t really work out.”

  “That’s too bad.” I actually did feel bad for her since she’d been so excited about having people over when she called me earlier that morning.

  “No big deal,” said Brynn. Then she made this weird sigh, like she was trying to decide exactly how to put what she said next. “It was hard to get people to come over at the last minute, so it was just Billy and me.”

  I didn’t respond. Brynn continued. “He’s still here, and we’re hanging out on my bed watching the end of a movie.” I heard laughter. “Can I call you when he leaves?”

  “Sure,” I said like it was no big deal.

  But it was.

  7:22 p.m.

  Should I be annoyed that Billy and Brynn spent the day together, alone?

  Well … I am. I’m going to take a bath and try to get un-annoyed. It seems like a Zen way to handle things.

  8:49 p.m.

  Least Zen bath ever

  I must be the only teen in America who has ever gotten in trouble while taking a bath.

  I was in the tub trying to relax, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Brynn and Billy. I think Brynn actually planned to spend the day alone with him. Maybe it wasn’t her initial plan, but when she called me and I said I couldn’t come over, she probably decided that instead of having other people over, she’d just invite Billy so they could spend the day together. Usually it wouldn’t bother me so much, but it does after what also happened the other day when Brynn got back from her ski trip. She had Billy and me over, and it was totally weird.

  When I got to Brynn’s house that day, Billy was there too. She had brought back presents for both of us, but I think she only brought back something for me so she’d have an excuse to give him something.

  “April, I’m so happy to see you!” Brynn said. Her voice was overly sweet, like cotton candy or Skittles. Then she put one arm around me and another one around Billy. “I could hardly wait for you guys to get here. I brought back amazing stuff.”

  Even though we’ve all been friends for so long, it was strangely uncomfortable sitting there with Brynn in the middle and her arms around both of us, waiting to be given our gifts.

  “You first,” Brynn said pointing to me. She handed me a wrapped box. “You’re. Going. To. Love. It!” She enunciated each word like there was something really special in the box. But when I opened it, the only thing inside was a T-shirt that said I skied Aspen Mountain. It was nice that Brynn brought me back a T-shirt, but since I hadn’t skied Aspen Mountain, it would look kind of stupid if I wore it and someone asked me about it.

  “Thanks!” I tried to pretend that I liked the shirt, but Brynn wasn’t paying attention to me anymore.

  She was already focused on Billy. “I hope you like what I brought you.” She smiled as she handed him a different box, and she leaned in toward him while he o
pened it. When he pulled the lid off, I thought I was seeing things. “It’s hand knit,” Brynn said as Billy pulled out a beautiful sweater. She took it from him and held it up against him. “I picked this shade of blue because it matches your eyes.” She steered Billy over to the mirror so he could see what she was talking about.

  “Thanks,” Billy said stiffly. What he didn’t say was that it’s weird she brought him back a fancy sweater or that it looks like something his mother would have bought for him. I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do.

  “Try it on,” said Brynn.

  Billy pulled his sweater on over his head. “It’s great,” he told Brynn.

  She smiled at him and opened a drawer in her dresser and pulled out a similar sweater in pale pink. “I got one too.”

  Then, Brynn took off the sweatshirt she was wearing. All she had on was a white tank top and a bra and you could see her cleavage popping out of her tank top. She looked at Billy like she was curious if he noticed her like that. Honestly, it would have been hard not to. I’m sure Billy was thinking what I was thinking, which was that Brynn’s boobs have gotten huge.

  I looked away quickly. It would seem weird if she thought I was looking at her, but it was like she’d forgotten I was in the room. She pulled her sweater on. “Do you like the way this looks on me?” she tilted her head to the side while she waited for Billy’s response.

  He did this weird half-shrug. “It’s nice,” he said.

  Brynn beamed, then she turned her attention back to me. “I would have gotten one for you too, but I thought you would say it was itchy.”

  She said it like that explained why she brought Billy back a hand-knit sweater and me a T-shirt. But that made no sense because in the history of my friendship with Brynn, I’ve never once complained about a sweater being itchy.

  Tonight in the bathtub, I was thinking about why in the world a girl would give a guy, even a best-friend guy, a sweater when May and June started banging on the bathroom door.

  “April, time’s up!” yelled May.

  “Yeah, it’s our turn!” screamed June. They kept banging and yelling and the lock was moving like they were trying to stick something in it so they could get the door open.

  “GO AWAY!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

  Then I suppose I did yell some other stuff about them being the most annoying little sisters on the planet, and the next thing I knew, Mom knocked on the door and said, “April, I don’t like what you’re saying or the tone you’re saying it in. This is NOT a good way to start the new year!”

  Well, that’s one thing we can agree on. I don’t think the year has started off so well either. I talked to Brynn over an hour ago, and she still hasn’t called me back. I don’t know if it’s because Billy is still there and she can’t or if it’s because he’s gone and she doesn’t want to. Maybe she and Billy are like Gaga and Willy—today is the first day of the rest of their lives. I know that sounds overly dramatic, but my brain is picturing them laughing and talking and lying on her bed watching movies. I keep thinking about what Brynn’s boobs looked like in that tank top. I hope Billy hasn’t been thinking about the same thing.

  Dear God, please don’t let Billy have spent New Year’s Day thinking about Brynn’s boobs.

  9:58 p.m.

  Still upset

  I know if I asked Brynn why she only had Billy over today, she’d say they’ve been friends forever so of course she wanted to spend New Year’s Day with him, and that she invited other people (including me) but no one else could come. But it’s so obvious how she really feels. They bonded over what Brynn called my “betrayal” when I kissed Matt, and she’s happy about that. She brought him back a hand-knit sweater from her trip. And today, instead of having the getty that she was “super excited” about, she invited him over and they hung out on her bed watching movies.

  She won’t admit to me that she likes Billy, but I know she does and that she wants to get together with him. I have no idea if he feels the same way. But I know this: I don’t want Brynn to be with Billy. I want to be the one with him.

  At the wedding, Gaga said it’s important to make a resolution to start the year off right. She made a resolution to live each day like it matters. I don’t usually agree with Gaga, but maybe that’s what I need to do too—make a resolution, something that really matters to me, not something small like eating chocolate. The more I think about it, the more I know that’s exactly what I need to do.

  So here goes. I resolve to get Billy back.

  How can you do push-ups when your nose gets in the way?

  —Snoopy

  Monday, January 6, 1:45 p.m.

  Study Hall

  I’m up to 434 quotes in my collection. I’ve always liked this one because it just seems so obvious. How can you be expected to do a push-up with a big, fat honker in the middle of your face? It’s kind of like: How can you be expected to work right when you come back from winter break? Don’t teachers get that your mind is still in hibernation mode?

  Apparently not. This morning in science, Mrs. Thompson asked us if we’d had a nice break, and before anyone could even answer, she put up a chart about rain and frogs and started asking questions about the relationship between the amount of spring rainfall recorded over a five-year period and the number of frogs in the pond. Seriously? Who cares about rain or frogs or ponds?

  Or the school newspaper?

  Today at lunch, I was sitting with Billy and Brynn, and Brynn was talking to Billy about the paper like I wasn’t even there. “As editor, I get to pick one student who makes a difference at school and do a feature story on that student.”

  “Interesting,” said Billy.

  I didn’t think it was so interesting. I took a bite of my tuna wrap. Brynn smiled like she was glad Billy liked the idea. “Since you’re president of the student body, I want to do the story on you.” Whole-wheat tortilla stuck in my throat. I tried to swallow while I waited for Billy’s response, which I thought was going to be something like “Cool! I’d love for you to do that.”

  But he surprised me. “I’m not sure the student body would be interested in me just because I’m president.” I looked at Brynn. Her face fell. I breathed a sigh of victory relief. But Billy wasn’t done. “You’d have to find an angle that would be interesting to everyone,” he said.

  Brynn perked up and smiled again. “I’ll think on it,” she said. I got up and dumped the rest of my wrap in the trash. All I can say is, I hope Brynn finds other things to “think on.”

  6:08 p.m.

  In the kitchen

  I just got home from dance practice, which started up again tonight, and it was great. It was really fun to see all the girls on the team. Even Emily. After what happened last semester, I didn’t think we’d ever be friends. We’re really not, but we’re not enemies either. It’s like we declared a truce and we’re more like fake friends, which is fine. After school ended today, Emily, Kate, Vanessa, and I all walked to the high school together, just like in the fall. When we got there, everyone was hugging and in a good mood, including Ms. Baumann. She let us talk and catch up for a long time before she had us sit down while she talked.

  “Girls, for the next two months, we will be doing a community service project. We’re going to go as a team every afternoon to the Faraway Community Center, where we’re going to be teaching dance to underprivileged girls. Each one of you will be paired with a younger girl and will act as her mentor. In early March, we’re going to help the girls put on a show for the entire community.”

  Ms. Baumann, who doesn’t like to be interrupted, ignored some excited whispers and kept talking. “It will be your job to help the girls learn the dances so the show will be a big success.”

  Camilla, a senior and captain of the team, had been planning this with Ms. Baumann, and she stood up and talked about how this is the first time the dance team has ever done anything like this. “So it’s up to all of us to make it work.” When she said that, everyone cheered and
nodded like we were all on board.

  It’s going to be a busy spring. Ms. Baumann told us that when the show is over, it’s back to our regular rehearsal schedule so we’ll be ready for the competitions we’ll be doing in the spring and the state competition at the end of the school year. It all sounded great.

  No complaints. For now.

  7:42 p.m.

  OK. Now I have something (or someone) to complain about. That someone is Brynn. She just called to ask if I have any ideas for the piece she’s writing about Billy for the school paper. Seriously? I get that she likes him (even though she hasn’t told me she does). But she knows I was upset when Billy and I broke up. Does she really think I want to help her come up with an idea for her article so she can gush about him? How about: “Student body president reunites with ex-girlfriend”?

  Something tells me that’s not the sort of article Brynn has in mind.

  I don’t like saying this, but I feel like I’m competing against my best friend for a boy we both like who happens to be our other best friend. And to make matters worse, Brynn seems to have figured out how she’s going to get him. She’s going to write that article.

  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

  I know I made a resolution to get back together with Billy, but I don’t know how I’m going to make that happen. I can’t just call him up and say, “Hey, Billy, want to get back together?”

  I might have made a resolution, but what I need is a plan.

  Wednesday, 9:38 p.m.

  Most mornings Dad drives me to school, but this morning I decided to walk. I thought it would be a good chance for me to think up a plan to get Billy back. I could hear Sophie saying, “Thinking while walking is a very Zen thing to do.” I was all set to walk and think and be Zen, but as I was coming out of my house, Matt Parker was coming out of his. “April, wait up. I’ll walk with you.”

  My stomach flip-flopped as he crossed the yard between us. It’s hard to look at him and not think how GORGEOUS he is. My mind flashed back to the time he saw me in my bikini trying to get a tan and nicknamed me California.