I took a breath and tried to compose myself. This was supposed to be the time I’d allocated to thinking about how I’m going to get back together with Billy, not walking to school and having Matt Parker flashbacks.
Matt smiled as he fell into place beside me. “I didn’t know you walked to school.”
“My dad usually drives me, but I felt like walking today.”
“Cool!” Matt was still smiling. “The middle school is on my way.”
The middle school is on the way to the high school, but I didn’t want to be seen walking there with Matt Parker. For starters, just about everyone at Faraway Middle heard what had happened last semester with him. Plus, being seen with Matt didn’t seem like such a good idea when my resolution is to get back together with Billy.
Matt was oblivious to my thoughts. “Practice for baseball season starts in February,” he said. “I can’t wait. I’m the starting first baseman.” Matt smiled like he was proud.
“That’s awesome.” I was trying to focus on what he was saying. “Starting as a ninth-grader, must be hard to do.”
Matt nodded like he appreciated my recognition of his accomplishment. “You should come to one of my games.” He grinned at me. It’s hard not to notice how white his teeth are.
I was trying to decide if he said I should come because games are fun or if he had a bigger reason, like he’d like it if I saw him play. But as we got closer to the middle school, I stopped thinking about what might be going through Matt’s brain and started thinking about what might be going through other people’s, especially Billy’s or Brynn’s, if they saw us walking together.
I felt like I had to do something. I couldn’t just walk by Faraway Middle with Matt Parker. As we got close to school, I put my backpack on the ground and started shuffling through it like I was looking for something.
Matt looked down at me. “Everything OK?” he asked.
I slapped my head. “I’m so dumb. I left my math assignment at home. I have to go back.”
Matt glanced at his watch. “You better hurry.” Then he looked at me like he felt bad that I was in this predicament. We both knew he didn’t have the time to go back with me and get to the high school.
“You go ahead.” I waved and started to jog back in the other direction. I looked over my shoulder a few times until I saw Matt disappear around the corner. When he was out of sight, I stopped. Beads of sweat had formed on my forehead. I felt bad lying, especially since the truth is that I liked walking to school with Matt.
10:17 p.m.
OMG! Billy just FaceTimed me. He hasn’t done that since we broke up, and I was totally NOT prepared for him to do it. My hair was in a ponytail and I was in my PJs, ready for bed. I debated whether I wanted to answer, but I did anyway.
“Why are you FaceTiming me so late?” I asked Billy when his face appeared on my screen. I was a little nervous it might be for a bad reason.
He smiled. “How’s second semester going?”
I relaxed and started telling Billy about the dance show at the community center and how I’ll be working with a girl and teaching her to dance. As I talked, Billy scrunched up his forehead like he was thinking about something.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you think you could teach me to dance?” Billy asked.
I laughed. We both know he’s a terrible dancer. “I don’t know if that’s possible.”
Billy smiled into the phone. “I have moves that might surprise you, April.”
“I hope I see them one day,” I said.
Billy was still smiling as I hung up. He was teasing me like he used to when we went out.
A good sign, I think.
Friday, January 10, 10:04 p.m.
Text from Sophie
Sophie: How are the newlyweds?
Me: IDK
Sophie: For real?
Me: Fine. I guess.
Me: Haven’t seen them.
Sophie: Don’t want to know why!
Me: Ewww!
Sophie: Ha ha! How are you?
Sophie: And Billy? Or Matt?
Sophie: Which is it?!?
I was trying to decide what to write back, and I couldn’t. I didn’t know how I wanted to answer the question. Ever since I walked to school with Matt, I’ve been thinking about him and why he asked me to come to one of his baseball games. But I’ve been thinking about Billy too. It was just like old times when he FaceTimed me, and it was fun. Is it even possible to like two guys at the same time? I literally started six different texts to Sophie and kept erasing what I’d written. Before I sent anything, Sophie texted me back.
Sophie: DWBH
Me: BFN
The second I pushed send, I regretted it. I’d wanted to write something that sounded as cool and effortless as “Don’t worry, be happy,” but “Bye for now” definitely fell short. I feel like such an idiot. Not just because this was the first time Sophie and I have texted and I sounded like an idiot, but because I’m thirteen, almost fourteen, and I can’t even decide which boy I like.
It can’t be normal to be that confused.
Can it?
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.
—Mark Twain
Monday, January 13, 6:45 p.m.
On the couch
Today the dance team went to the Faraway Community Center and Ms. Baumann paired us up with the girls we’re supposed to mentor. When we first got there, the girls were all over the place with their books, phones, and snacks. They were talking and laughing and definitely not what Ms. Baumann calls “dance ready.” But it didn’t take her long to get everyone in order. She was pairing girls with dancers faster than most people brush their teeth. When she brought a tiny ten-year-old girl over to me and introduced her as Desiree, I thought the girl might be scared or shy. She had to be smaller than June, who is only seven.
I gave her my best it’s-going-to-be-okay smile. “I’m April,” I said.
“You can call me Des.” She put one hand on her hip and grinned. It was clear Des might be small, but her personality wasn’t.
I sat down next to Des when Ms. Baumann started to talk. She told the girls we would be working with them for the next six weeks to help them prepare for a dance show they’ll put on for the community. When she finished explaining the details, Ms. Baumann asked everyone to form three lines so we could begin rehearsal.
“There are two things you need to know before we start,” Des said as we walked to a spot in the back line. I raised an eyebrow. She continued. “Number one: I love to talk.”
Ms. Baumann clapped her hands. “Girls, take your places.”
I put my fingers to my lips. Des bit hers to show she got that when Ms. Baumann is talking, no one else should be. Ms. Baumann explained a plié and then demonstrated how to do one. “Now it’s your turn,” she said.
Des just stood there. Her hand was back on her hip. I couldn’t figure out what she was waiting for. “So what’s the second thing?”
Des grinned like she was glad I’d asked. “I hate to dance.”
Tuesday, January 14
Study Hall
This morning at assembly, Billy announced the upcoming student government activities, which include the school dance—on Friday, February 14. He did his best to try to get everybody excited.
“The dance is going to be better than ever this year because it falls on Valentine’s Day,” he said. Then he showed a really corny video he made of people dancing and kissing and having fun. When it was over, he promised there would be cool, never-before-seen-at-Faraway-Middle stuff at the dance. “I’ve been sworn to secrecy by the committee members,” said Billy. “I can’t divulge what we will have, but I can tell you that any lone females in need of a Valentine can count on me.”
When he said that, a bunch of girls started clapping, cheering, and whistling. I thought Billy’s offer sounded like a good thing too.
Until lunch. I was sitting with Brynn and Billy when Brynn sai
d, “Hey Billy, I have the perfect angle for the newspaper article I want to write! Since the dance is going to be so awesome, I think it would be really interesting to everyone if I focus on what goes into planning it. What do you think?”
I froze. I thought I was going to choke on my chicken patty. I wanted to say I hated the idea, but I was scared if I did, it would have a reverse effect on Billy, the way that most things Mom says have on me.
Brynn kept talking. “I could shadow you while you go to planning meetings. I’ll take notes and pictures, then my story could run the Monday after the dance. It’ll be so cool for everyone to have an awesome time at the dance on Friday, then come to school Monday and read about what went into planning it.” Brynn exhaled. “What do you think?”
I said a quick prayer. Dear God, please let Billy hate that idea as much as I do.
But apparently, I wasn’t fast enough.
“I love it,” said Billy. He put his hand up, and he and Brynn high-fived like we used to do in grade school, only then I used to like it. Billy kept talking. “The dance committee meetings are before school, so you’ll have to get up early.”
“I don’t mind.” Brynn’s anything-for-the-story tone annoyed me.
Billy kept going. “Also, the meetings are closed-door. We don’t want anyone to find out what we’ve got planned before the dance.” He leaned across the table like what he was about to say next was for Brynn’s ears only. “Will our secrets be safe with you?” he asked her.
Brynn leaned toward Billy. “Absolutely!”
Her you-can-trust-me voice was even more nauseating than her anything-for-the-story voice. I guess I should be grateful I didn’t throw up chicken all over the cafeteria.
Wednesday, January 15, 10:02 a.m.
Science class
Ms. Thompson gave us a study hall this period, which I would use to study except I can’t think about school when I can’t stop thinking about what happened on the way to school. Ever since last week when Matt walked with me, I’ve been having Dad drive me. It’s just that I made a resolution to try to get Billy back, so walking to school with Matt doesn’t seem like a smart thing to do. But this morning, before I could leave the house with Dad, Matt actually knocked on our door and asked if I wanted to walk.
Grrr! I couldn’t very well say no when he was standing right in front of me—plus he looked really cute in his hoodie and parka. So I walked to school with Matt, and here’s the bad news (or the good news, depending on how you look at it, and I’m still not sure how I’m looking at it): I liked walking to school with him. He didn’t talk about baseball this time. In fact, he didn’t talk about himself at all. He wanted to talk about me, so I ended up telling him about the dance team going to the community center and the show we’re helping with. I told him about Des and how she likes to talk and hates to dance. I even imitated how she talks with her hands on her hips.
When I finished the story, Matt laughed. “She sounds cute,” he said.
I nodded. “She is.” Then I looked around. We were standing right in front of the middle school. I’d been so absorbed in telling him my story, I didn’t even realize it. I had no idea how long we’d been standing there or who might have seen us. I mean, SERIOUSLY? What is the point of standing in front of the middle school talking to a boy who has never liked me back when there’s a boy in the middle school who used to like me and who I want to like me again?
Double grrr!
Study Hall, 1:33 p.m.
Stressed
At lunch, when Brynn and I got our trays, Billy was still in line, so we went ahead and sat down. Right when we got to the table, Brynn said, “I know a secret.” I couldn’t tell by her expression what it was about, but the only secret I could think she might know was that she saw me walking to school this morning with Matt, and the only reason she wouldn’t tell it is because she doesn’t like to talk about him.
“You can tell me.” I tried to stay calm. Brynn shook her head like I wasn’t pulling any secrets out of her that easily. I eyed the line. Billy was almost through it. “Spill it,” I said to Brynn. And do it quickly. I really didn’t want her to say that she’d seen me walking to school with Matt in front of Billy.
That’s when Brynn, whose back was to the cafeteria line, turned around like there was something she needed to see too. My stomach lurched. She and I both watched as Billy walked toward our table. I thought it was possible she was waiting for Billy to sit down with us before she announced that she’d seen me walking with Matt, but before he got there, she leaned across the table toward me. “The secret is that I went to my first dance committee planning meeting this morning, and trust me when I tell you … this dance is going to be awesoooome!” She rolled her eyes in Billy’s direction and ran her fingers across her lips like that was all she could say for obvious reasons. Even though I don’t like that she and Billy have secrets they can’t share with me, I was glad it was all she had to say.
9:42 p.m.
Something good happened!
Billy called tonight to tell me a funny story about his Spanish teacher. “Señora Mendez got mad because Jake Willensky fell asleep on his desk during class. She snatched his book right out from under his head and threw it in the trash! He was so sound asleep that his head actually hit the desk.” Billy laughed. “It was pretty funny.”
“That’s crazy!” I laughed.
“You mean loco,” said Billy.
Then we both laughed. It felt so good to laugh with Billy again. It was just like old times. It made me completely un-confused and know for sure that I want to get back together with him. I can’t believe I ever was confused. I can be such an idiot. I made a New Year’s resolution to get back together with Billy—it’s time to figure out a plan to do it.
The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
—Robert Burns
Friday, January 17, 7:02 p.m.
Right when I got home from the community center, I called Billy to see if he wants to go on a bike ride tomorrow. I thought it was a genius plan. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought so, because Billy told me Brynn had already called him and that they’re going on a bike ride tomorrow, but that I should definitely come too. So the three of us are going on a bike ride tomorrow. Not exactly what I had in mind.
Saturday, January 18, 9:42 a.m.
Deciding what to wear
It’s so ridiculous that I can’t decide what to wear on a bike ride I’ve been on dozens of times before, but I can’t. I want to look cute. I need a fashion opinion. Easier said than done. I just asked Mom if she thought what I was wearing was good. All she said was that I need a heavier jacket because it’s cold outside.
10:02 a.m.
I asked May and June what they thought about what I was wearing, and we had the most annoying conversation.
Me: (in Converse and a baseball cap) May, do you like this outfit?
May: Did you join a baseball team?
Me: (changed into leggings and a fleece) June, do you think I look cute?
June: Did you join a baseball team?
I gave up and put on the cap and Converse with the leggings and the fleece. I would have been better off asking the dog.
4:55 p.m.
Two words about today’s bike ride: it sucked.
Brynn, Billy, and I did the same ride we’ve always done. We rode four miles to Rock Creek. When we got there, we stopped and took pictures of the three of us clowning around in the trees on the edge of the creek. After that, we pedaled west to Mr. Agee’s farm, where we sat side by side on his fence and counted cows. Then we rode to 7-Eleven and bought Slurpees before heading home.
The problems started at Rock Creek. When we sat down on the bank of the creek to look at the pictures we’d taken, Brynn pulled up a picture on her phone of the three of us. “This is kind of crooked,” she said. Then she started editing the photo, and when she straightened it, I got cropped out. “Look, this is cute,” she said as she handed the phone to Billy.
/> I couldn’t believe what she’d done. The same sort of thing happened when we got to Mr. Agee’s farm. Brynn had packed water bottles for all of us. She’s always been the one in charge of bringing drinks and snacks, and she’s always brought three water bottles and three granola bars. But today she only had two of everything. “I can’t believe I forgot to bring three,” she said as she pulled the snacks and drinks from her bag. I thought she was going to say she forgot to bring one for me, but what she said was much worse. “Billy and I can share.” Then she handed me a water and a granola bar like I was the odd man out.
And to be honest, I felt like it. We finished up the bike ride, but I wasn’t into it. I didn’t even have fun when we stopped to get Slurpees. It was so evident that Brynn likes Billy. She’s being super aggressive about trying to get him. I guess it’s also evident that if I want him back, I better do something about it too. ASAP!
Sunday, January 19, 5:02 p.m.
Confused.
Again.
This morning, I took May and June outside in the front yard to teach them how to rake pine needles into a house. Brynn and Billy and I used to love to make pine needle houses when we were little, and it made me kind of nostalgic thinking about it. Even though part of me is mad at Brynn for the way she’s been acting lately, part of me misses her and the way we used to be.
Anyway, my sisters needed some convincing. “It’s cold out here,” said May.
“Yeah,” said June. “It’s cold out here.”
I handed them each a rake. “You’ll warm up when you start working.” I showed them how to rake the pine needles into rooms with walls. “Leave an opening for a door there,” I instructed June. As I was helping them, my mind wandered to Billy. When we used to make pine needle houses, he was the architect and he drew out intricate floor plans for Brynn and me to execute. I was picturing him as a third grader hunched over his drawing pad when I came up with a great idea. I decided to text Billy to see if he wanted to come over and help us make the house. It was a brilliant plan! May and June love Billy. They would be so excited if he helped us. I could picture how much fun we’d all have. I was composing the text on my phone when I realized I was suddenly engulfed in someone’s shadow. I turned around.
#3 Truth and Kisses Page 3
