Matt Parker was standing there. I shoved my phone with the unsent text into my pocket. He looked down at the ground around me. “Are you making pine needle houses?”
I didn’t want to say that I was, but it was pretty obvious.
“Do you want to help us?” May asked.
I waited for him to say, “I’ll pass.” But he didn’t. “Sure.” Matt laughed. He took the rake from me and started raking. I watched speech-lessly as he made a wall of pine needles.
“That’s the kitchen,” June said, pointing to the wall he was raking.
Matt nodded like it made perfect sense and kept raking.
I furrowed my brow as I watched him. He seemed oddly comfortable.
“Problem?” Matt asked like he was trying to read my thoughts.
I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to tell him that he had surprised me, in a good way. I wrapped my arms around my middle. “It’s cold out here!” I said, like the temperature was my only issue.
Matt didn’t miss a beat. He propped his rake against a tree, then put his arms around me and pulled me in next to him. I could feel his breath against my neck. “I’ll warm you up,” he said.
I was speechless. So were May and June. I could feel them both looking at me. Then May broke the silence. “Brynn!” she said, and waved. I turned my head in the direction May was waving. Even though Matt had made my heart start racing, I’m pretty sure it completely stopped when I saw Brynn.
She was standing there, open-mouthed. “I decided to walk over and see if you wanted to hang out,” she said when I looked at her. Then she shrugged. “But I can see you’re busy.”
I thought Matt would let me go at that point, but he didn’t.
Brynn gave Matt a disapproving look that seemed like it should be coming from my mother, not my best friend. “I’ll come back another time,” she said, and then turned and left.
I wanted to crawl under one of the piles of pine needles. I didn’t like Brynn’s reaction. I think Matt could tell I was upset. He squeezed me and then dropped his arms. “What’s her problem?” he asked.
I took a deep breath and shrugged. Not an answer I wanted to share with Matt Parker.
10:32 p.m.
Problems
I haven’t heard from Brynn all day, and I can’t decide if I should call her.
I know if I try to explain that what she saw isn’t what she thinks she saw, she’ll say it couldn’t possibly be anything else. She has probably already called Billy and told him what happened. Unfortunately, that’s not even my biggest problem.
My biggest problem is that I’ve been confused all day. It’s what happens whenever I’m around Matt Parker. He’s the only thing that has ever come between Billy and me (well, except for Brynn), and I’m not going to let that happen again. What’s the point?! He doesn’t like me, like me. He likes to flirt with me, or rake with me, or walk with me. But that’s it. I’m done being confused about Matt Parker. He’s gorgeous and mysterious and my neighbor, but that’s it. I LIKE BILLY!
What I need to be thinking about is Billy and how to get him back.
It can’t be that hard. It would be nice if I had someone to talk with about this, like a best friend. But I don’t! My best friend is off doing what I should be doing, which is getting the boy of her dreams. How is she doing it? By giving him gifts and writing an article about him and sharing water bottles and granola bars. I wouldn’t have called that a perfect plan, but it seems to be working better than anything I’ve come up with.
And now she can tell Billy that she saw me in my front yard hugging Matt Parker. If Billy didn’t like her before, he will now. Brynn should thank me for practically handing her Billy.
How could I be so stupid to let Matt hug me in full view of the neighborhood? If I hadn’t gotten four As and one B on my last report card, I’d be seriously concerned for my intelligence. Now putting my brain to work on a brilliant plan of my own. I just don’t know what it is yet.
10:47 p.m.
Online
According to Google results, the top ten ways to get your boyfriend back are as follows:
1. Give him space.
2. Play hard to get.
3. Kill him with kindness.
4. Dress more attractively.
5. Hang out where he does.
6. Be irresistible.
7. Find a new hobby.
8. Focus more on school or work.
9. Laugh when he talks.
10. Stand up straight.
Just one question: when the Internet makes me more confused than ever, how am I supposed to figure out what to do?
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
—Maya Angelou
Wednesday, January 22, 6:17 p.m.
I’ve been trying very hard for the last few days NOT to think about the Billy situation, and the reason for that is because I have NO idea what I think about it, or more specifically, what to do about it. I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a plan, but I haven’t come up with anything. It’s put me in a rotten mood all week, which was the mood I was in when I got to the community center this afternoon.
“What’s wrong with you, Miss Grumpy Pants?” Des asked as we started rehearsal.
“Nothing,” I lied. I replicated the jazz step Ms. Baumann had just demonstrated. “Your turn,” I said to Des. She shook her head and planted her feet on the floor.
“C’mon!” I tried to coax her into moving. “You need to learn the step.”
Des’s hands were on her hips. “I’ll do the step when you tell me what’s wrong.”
I let out a loud breath. For a cute little kid, she could be very frustrating. I wasn’t going to tell her about my boy problems, but the next thing I knew, Ms. Baumann was pointing to me like I’d better get my student moving. “Just tell me what it’s about,” whispered Des. “Then I’ll dance.”
“Fine,” I said. “Boy issues.”
Ms. Baumann gave us both a stern look as Des let out a whoop. Thankfully, she did the step. “I love boy issues,” said Des.
This was ridiculous. “What do you know about boys? You’re ten.”
Des’s grin was as big as her face. “I know a lot. I watch TV.” Des was serious. “Go ahead. Tell me your problem, and I’ll tell you how to solve it.”
I pointed to Ms. Baumann, who was demonstrating the next step in the dance. “Go!” I said when Ms. Baumann told the girls to try it.
Des shook her head at me. “You first.”
I groaned. It was impossible to reason with her. I knew I’d have to talk if I wanted her to dance. “My problem is that I had a boyfriend, we broke up, and now I want him back.”
“Easy,” said Des. “Go get him.”
I shook my head at her. “That’s not how it works.”
“Then tell me how it works.” Her feet were glued to the floor. It was clear she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Boys can be complicated,” I said.
“Not as complicated as learning to dance,” she said. Des sat down on the floor and gave me her I’d-rather-talk-than-dance look. I’m not sure which will be more complicated—finding a way to get back together with Billy or teaching her to dance.
Thursday, January 23, 1:33 p.m.
Study Hall
Mr. Barton just told Brynn and me that if we can’t stop laughing, he’s sending us to the office. Unfortunately, it’s not so easy to stop laughing after what happened at lunch.
As Brynn and I were leaving the cafeteria, the most jaw-dropping thing happened. Brynn pointed to Ashley Simon, who was coming out of the bathroom. Ashley’s skirt was tucked into the back of her underwear, and you could see the letters THUR written across her butt.
“Isn’t she a little old to be wearing days-of-the-week panties?” I asked.
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought so, because laughter spread as Ashley walked through the cafeteria. When she passed Kelly Blake, Kelly stopped her and whispered in
her ear. There was clapping and whistling as Ashley pulled her skirt out of her underwear and ran out of the cafeteria.
Brynn and I cracked up. “She had it coming to her,” said Brynn. She looped a conspiratorial arm around me. “Justice is served!”
I knew we were both thinking about the time Ashley “accidentally” spilled a carton of milk on me in fourth grade, which made it look like I’d wet my pants. Brynn told the teacher that Ashley had done it on purpose, but it was her word against Ashley’s, and Ashley managed to escape trouble. To this day, it bothers Brynn. She can be such a good friend.
I just wish it happened more often.
Friday, January 24, 1:48 p.m.
Study Hall
Ultra annoyed
At lunch today, Billy had to make up a test, so it was just Brynn and me. All she could talk about was how awesome the Valentine’s dance is going to be. “The committee is making such amazing plans,” she said, like it was a big, exciting secret.
I nodded like I appreciated she’d told me that, even though I didn’t because I knew she was going to say she couldn’t tell me more. Brynn continued. “I never knew how much work went into planning these things. It’s been really special to get to watch it happen.”
“I’m sure,” I said unenthusiastically.
Brynn eyed me like she was trying to interpret my response. “I’m sure it’s hard for you to understand,” she said. “I wish I could tell you all the cool stuff that’s in the works. But when you see it, you’ll get what I’m talking about.” Then Brynn looked at me like she felt sorry for me.
I felt sorry for me too … I had to sit there listening to her!
10:33 p.m.
Starting to bore myself
My brain is literally consumed with the Billy/Brynn situation. I feel like Brynn and I are just pretending to be friends, and I have no idea how to get Billy back. I know I’ve overthought the whole thing, and now it’s like I’m paralyzed and can’t do anything.
Tonight I really needed someone to talk to, so I called Sophie. I wasn’t even sure she would answer, but she picked up on the first ring like she was super happy to hear from me.
I told her about the sweater and the bike ride and the picture and the secrets about the dance that Billy and Brynn can’t tell me.
“I know Brynn likes him. I hate that she won’t tell me she does, but it sucks even more that we’re supposed to be best friends, or we were, and now we’re really not.” I let out a breath. “I like Billy, but I don’t know how to tell him I do. It’s all so complicated.”
Sophie was quiet for a while, like she was thinking. “It’s really not complicated,” she said. “It sounds like a lot of the stuff you’re describing falls into the things-that-don’t-matter category.”
“They matter to me,” I said defensively.
“I didn’t mean they don’t matter,” Sophie said, like she hadn’t meant to be hurtful. “I just meant it’s small stuff and you should let it go.” I was quiet, so she continued. “Talk to Brynn and Billy. Just be honest.” Sophie made everything sound so simple. And it probably would be.
For her.
Sunday, January 26, 7:02 p.m.
Home from the diner
Today Dad’s brother, Uncle Marty, and his son, Sam, drove in from Mobile. It was Sam’s birthday, so Dad closed the Love Doctor Diner early and we all had dinner together. We don’t see Uncle Marty and Sam very often, but when we do, it’s always interesting. Like tonight. It started when Dad asked Sam how he was doing. “I just turned five.” He held up four fingers.
Uncle Marty smiled at Sam. “He hasn’t quite gotten the counting thing down yet.”
“When I poop, I can wipe myself,” said Sam. May and June looked at each other and started laughing. I have to admit, I thought it was pretty funny too. Even Mom couldn’t help smiling.
“Sam, remember what we talked about,” said Uncle Marty. “That’s not table talk.”
Sam didn’t seem to remember. “Dad wipes himself when he poops too. I’ve seen him do it,” said Sam.
“Sam!” said Uncle Marty. May and June were falling out of their chairs. I was laughing too. But Sam was just getting started. “When I eat corn you can see it in my poop.” Sam pulled his khaki pants away from his belly and stuck his hand down them. I don’t know what he was looking for. Maybe poop with corn in it. I was laughing so hard, tears were rolling down my cheeks. May and June were literally on the floor.
“Girls, that’s enough,” said Mom. She made everybody sit back down and gave Uncle Marty a look like he needed to do something to restore some order.
He pulled Sam’s hand out of his pants. “Sam, why don’t you tell everyone about Cassie.”
Sam nodded like he was happy to talk about her. “We’re getting married. I got a ring in the gumball machine at the car wash, and tomorrow on the playground I’m going to ask her to marry me.” I bit my lip. I knew I shouldn’t laugh.
Sam pulled the ring out of his pocket and showed it to us.
I could tell Uncle Marty thought it was cute. “Sam, tell them why you think Cassie is going to say yes when you ask her to marry you.”
Sam sat up straight while he talked. It was easy to see his confidence on this topic. “Cassie is going to say yes when I ask her to marry me because the other day at lunch, she gave me one of her Oreos.”
His answer made me smile. Love sure is simple when you’re five. I wish it was that easy at thirteen.
That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
—Neil Armstrong
Tuesday, January 28, 7:02 p.m.
I’m a genius.
I think.
We had a day off from practice at the community center, so I decided to ask Billy to come over to help me find good music to download. It was a last-minute idea, and Billy said yes, so I decided to take it as a sign that today was the day I should do the Sophie thing and just be honest and tell him how I feel. But it was kind of hard to do when he first got to my house because when May and June saw him, they went nuts.
“Billy!” screamed May.
“Billy!” screamed June.
They were all over him, and both made him give them piggyback rides down the hall. When they finally left us alone, we sat down on the floor of my room to listen to music. “Do you still like Coldplay?” Billy asked.
I bumped my shoulder into his. “You know I’ll always love Coldplay.” Billy reached down and took over my laptop. “We Never Change” started to play. It’s not their most popular song, but it’s really pretty. Billy and I sat side by side, listening. Neither of us said anything as we listened, but the meaning of the lyrics wasn’t lost on me. I couldn’t help but think that Billy had chosen that song for a reason. As the music played, I let my knee fall so that it was touching his. He didn’t move his knee away, but he didn’t move it closer either. I looked at Billy, but I couldn’t read his expression.
“What are you thinking?” he asked when the song ended.
It was my chance to say something, the perfect moment to tell Billy how I feel. As he looked at me, I thought maybe he was waiting for me to say something about us, about everything that happened. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words stuck in my throat. I wanted to say just the right thing, and suddenly I didn’t know what that thing was.
I think Billy sensed my hesitation. “Want to listen to another song?” he asked. Before I could answer, Justin Timberlake’s voice filled my room. The perfect moment passed almost as quickly as it had presented itself. Billy and I sat on my floor listening to music until his mom called and told him he had to come home for dinner.
Part of me is upset. I mean, I blew it. At least, I think I did. Another part of me feels like maybe I didn’t. This was the first time in a long time that Billy and I were how we used to be. Just April and Billy. That’s a step in the right direction.
Isn’t it?
Wednesday, January 29, 6:15 p.m.
Home from the community center
> “So how are things with you and B-man?” Des asked while we were going over the steps of the hip-hop dance she’s going to be doing at the show.
“B-man?” I asked, even though I knew she meant Billy. My boy drama had become her favorite distraction. “We need to focus on your dancing, not my love life.”
Des ignored what I’d said. “Are things good?”
“Yep.” I nodded, then did a series of moves. “Your turn.”
Des copied what I’d done. It didn’t exactly look like what I’d done, but at least she tried. “Define good,” said Des.
We’d developed a pattern. I talked. Then she danced.
“Billy came over, and we hung out and listened to music,” I said.
Des wrinkled her nose like something smelled funny. “How’s that good?”
I shook my head like I didn’t want to get further into this, but Des clearly did. “If you’re trying to get Billy back, I don’t see how hanging out and listening to music counts as good. You could do that with anybody. Your dad. Your grandma. Even your dog.”
I’d basically had the same thought, but I didn’t like hearing it from Des. “I’m not going to sit here explaining the subtleties of a relationship to you.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t sound like a relationship.”
I flinched. Des could tell she’d hit a nerve. “You just need to look for a sign that he likes you,” she added.
“Right,” I said. But I felt pretty stupid taking relationship advice from a ten-year-old.
10:02 p.m.
Billy just texted me. Two words: Sweet dreams.
I’m taking it as a sign.
Friday, January 31, 10:44 p.m.
#3 Truth and Kisses Page 4
