#3 Truth and Kisses

by Laurie Friedman

  Rotten Day

  It’s confirmed: the world is against me. As of last night, everything was great. Billy called me before I went to bed, and we talked for forty-three minutes. When we hung up, his last words to me were, “I miss this.”

  “Me too,” I said softly. It was perfect.

  But between the time I hung up with Billy last night and the time I got to school this morning, everything had gone wrong. I know I shouldn’t blame other people for my problems, but what happened this morning was Dad’s fault.

  I’ve been getting a ride to school from him every day, so I haven’t had to walk with Matt and take a chance of people seeing me with him. But today, Dad left early without even telling me, so I had no choice but to walk. When I went outside, Matt was standing in his yard like he was waiting for me.

  “I’m glad you’re walking today,” he said. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.” I couldn’t imagine why Matt Parker wanted to talk to me. He motioned to his own house. “Has anyone come to your house asking who lives next door?”

  He was making no sense. “Why would someone do that?”

  Matt didn’t really say. He just kept asking if anyone had come to our house asking about who lives in the neighborhood or if I’d seen any strangers hanging out on our street. I couldn’t figure out where any of it was coming from. He was weirdly intense. I tried to lighten the mood. “Are you expecting a talent scout?”

  Matt half-smiled, like he somewhat appreciated my attempt at humor. As we walked toward Faraway Middle, I kept asking why he was asking me such strange questions until he pointed and said, “Isn’t that your friend Brynn?”

  I froze. Brynn was standing there with a book open like she was reading, but that wasn’t what she was doing, because when Matt pointed to her, I saw her look down. By the time I’d walked into the gates, Brynn was gone, but she’d seen us. It shouldn’t matter that I was walking with Matt, but I knew it did. I decided to say something to Brynn, but she beat me to it. After morning assembly, Brynn came up to me.

  “I saw you this morning.” It was her way of saying she saw me with Matt and didn’t approve.

  “We just walked to school together,” I said. “It’s nothing.”

  “First in your front yard. Now, walking to school.” Brynn shrugged. “It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

  It was the first time Brynn had brought up the front yard sighting. I’d been hoping she wouldn’t, that it would somehow magically have disappeared from her memory bank, but clearly it hadn’t. Now I felt like I had to defend myself. “He’s my next-door neighbor,” I said, like that explained everything.

  Brynn looked at me in this weird, blank way. “Hmmm,” she said.

  I wasn’t completely sure what “Hmmm” meant. I took it to mean, “I can’t wait to tell Billy what I just saw.” I’m not certain she had told Billy when she saw Matt and me in my front yard, but now I’m pretty sure she’s told him about both sightings, because she and Billy weren’t in the cafeteria at lunch, and I didn’t see Billy for the rest of the day. I was hoping that he would call tonight or at least text. But he didn’t.

  Not a good sign.

  True friends stab you in the front.

  —Oscar Wilde

  Saturday, February 1, 9:42 a.m.

  Problems

  I just called Billy to see if he wanted to hang out today, and I’m pretty sure by his reaction that things between us have changed. He said, “Student government is getting together to make posters for the dance. I have to go. I’m late.” His tone was informational. He didn’t sound like the Billy who had called two nights earlier and said, “I miss this.” The only reason I could think of that his attitude had changed was because Brynn told him about seeing me with Matt, and he’s pissed.

  When I hung up with him, I called Brynn to see if she wanted to hang out. I wanted to see if I could get out of her what she’d said to Billy. But she didn’t want to hang out. “I’m getting together with the student government dance committee to help make posters,” she told me.

  “I thought you were just observing what they do and writing an article about it,” I said.

  “That’s all it was supposed to be,” said Brynn. “But I’ve been spending so much time with them, they made me an honorary member of the committee.”

  CRAP.

  4:38 p.m.

  Weirded out

  In more ways than one

  I’m sure Brynn told Billy about seeing me with Matt. I get why she would. If she likes Billy (which clearly she does), she knows how sensitive Billy is about the subject of Matt and me. She knows that if he heard I was hanging out with Matt, there’s no chance Billy would like me. But here’s what doesn’t quite add up:

  It’s not like Billy and I act flirty when we’re together, especially around Brynn, so she doesn’t have a reason to think he likes me and not her. Unless she’s just worried about the fact that he used to like me.

  Or maybe she does have a reason. Maybe she knows Billy doesn’t realize how she feels about him because he’s told her how he feels about me. But I don’t think Billy would do that. Plus, I’m not even sure how he feels about me.

  I actually spent a big chunk of this morning looking in Mom’s magnifying mirror, counting my pores and trying to imagine what those two must have been saying about me. The more I thought about it, the more my thoughts began to swirl around in a giant circle that didn’t lead down a path toward any answers.

  It had me a little weirded out, so after lunch, I decided to take Gilligan on a walk. Surprise, surprise—when I did, I saw Matt. “Want to hang out?” he asked.

  “Sure,” I said. Since all my other friends were off together making posters and, in all likelihood, talking about me, I didn’t see that it made much difference. So I went over to Matt’s, and we sat on his couch and watched TV. For a Saturday, it was strangely quiet at his house. “Where are your parents?” I asked.

  “My mom is at work,” Matt said. He didn’t mention his dad. Then he looked at me. “I really don’t want to talk.”

  Did that mean he wanted to kiss? That’s all I could figure. And even though the only thing I’ve been thinking about lately is getting back together with Billy, as I sat there beside Matt on the couch and thought about Brynn talking to Billy about me and Billy barely speaking to me this morning, what I was thinking was that I wanted to kiss Matt too. I moved a little closer to him and tilted my face toward his. It seemed like the perfect moment.

  Matt looked at me. Then he looked down. “You should probably get going,” he said. “I have baseball practice this afternoon.”

  It wasn’t what I’d expected him to say. I felt like such an idiot. The next thing I knew, I was walking home with Gilligan and a head full of even worse thoughts than I’d gone there with.

  The whole day was so weird. Sometimes it seems like Matt likes me, and then he has a chance to kiss me, but doesn’t. It’s so hard to figure him out.

  He’s like a Rubik’s Cube. Nothing ever lines up perfectly.

  Does he like me? Or doesn’t he? How does Billy feel? Did Brynn tell him what she saw? Does Billy still feel the way he did the other night when we talked? Was he really in a hurry to go this morning because he was late?

  Way too many questions. Not enough answers.

  Monday, February 3, 1:39 p.m.

  Study Hall

  This morning, the school dance was the only thing anyone was talking about. When I got to school, there were posters up everywhere. There was a student government rep stationed at every poster passing out teaser pins that said, What will happen at the dance?

  Brynn had her camera around her neck, and she was following Billy everywhere, snapping pictures and making notes on her phone. When Billy saw me, he did this weird half-wave. I couldn’t tell if it meant “I’m too busy being president to stop and talk” or “I’m pissed.”

  “Isn’t this cool?” Brynn said when she passed me in the hall.

  “Yeah,” I lied.

  Frid
ay, February 7, 9:45 p.m.

  Back to normal

  Until this afternoon, I would’ve classified this as a mostly uneventful week of unsuccessful attempts to a) teach Des to dance, b) figure out if Billy still feels the same way he did when he said, “I miss this,” and c) forget about Matt saying, “You should probably get going.” Then something eventful happened.

  Brynn called and asked if I wanted to go shopping tomorrow for dresses to wear to the dance. “It’s been way too long since we’ve done something fun together,” she said. Then she went on for a long time about how much fun we always have when we shop together—which we do, it’s true. So I said yes, and as we talked about where we were going to go and what we were going to buy and when we would meet, it felt like everything was normal again.

  10:02 p.m.

  Back to NOT

  I thought about it more, and just because Brynn asked me to go shopping with her doesn’t mean her feelings about Billy have changed. For all I know, she wants me to go shopping with her because she knows I trust her taste in clothes. How do I know she’s not just trying to get me to buy a dress that looks terrible on me? What was I thinking? Things aren’t normal at all!

  10:32 p.m.

  Sophie just called, and I thought maybe it was because she has some kind of Zen ESP thing and could sense that I needed to talk, but that wasn’t it. “If you had to choose between cinnamon or sage, which color would you pick?”

  “Aren’t those spices?”

  “Irrelevant,” said Sophie. “It’s for a project I’m working on. Don’t think, just pick.”

  “Cinnamon,” I said.

  Sophie exhaled like I’d given her the answer she was looking for. “So, how are you?” she asked. I gave a rundown of everything that’s happened since the last time we talked. I told her about Billy calling and saying, “I miss this,” and Brynn seeing me with Matt and possibly telling Billy, and hanging out at Matt’s, and then about Brynn asking me to go shopping. “How do I know she’d not going to convince me to buy a dress that looks terrible on me?”

  “Wow,” she said when I finished. “One thing at a time. First, I thought you were going to tell Billy how you feel.”

  I groaned into the phone. “I was going to. But I can’t now. I don’t know what Brynn told him, so I don’t know how he feels about me. I don’t want to tell him I like him and then have him say he doesn’t like me.”

  Sophie made an ehhh sound, like she didn’t quite agree with my reasoning. “OK, what about Brynn? Why don’t you tell her when you go shopping that you still like Billy and that it bothers you that you think she likes Billy, and you don’t like how it’s affecting your friendship.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?” asked Sophie.

  “What would I say? He was my boyfriend first, and I don’t like that you gave him a nice gift and that you’re writing an article about him so you can spend time with him?”

  “Something like that,” said Sophie.

  “Brynn and I are best friends. We should be able to talk about anything, but we can’t.”

  I waited for Sophie to agree. I thought she was going to say something prophetic about how friendships change and it’s hard when they do, but she didn’t.

  “Why don’t you acknowledge how you really feel?” Sophie spoke slowly and quietly, like she wanted to make sure her words sank in. “I think you should admit that you don’t want Brynn to have Billy, but you don’t really want him for yourself. Maybe you want him to always be there for you, but I think the one you want to be with is Matt.”

  “No!” I’d just told Sophie how upset I was about Brynn possibly telling Billy she saw me with Matt and how that messes up all my plans (not that I had any good ones) to get back together with Billy. “I don’t get why you would say that,” I said to Sophie.

  She laughed into the phone like I was the one who wasn’t getting it. “Because it’s the truth.”

  I’m the girl who—I call it girl-next-door-itis—the hot guy is friends with … but never considers dating.

  —Taylor Swift

  Saturday, February 8, 6:45 p.m.

  Brynn and I went to the mall this morning. When we first got there, I wasn’t sure how the day was going to turn out. Brynn was totally focused on finding her dress first. Once we did, she wanted to look for shoes to go with it. We went into three different stores before she finally settled on a pair of black wedges. But after that, she was totally into helping me. “April, check this out,” she said when we went into a small boutique with cool stuff. She was holding up a pink beaded mini dress. “It’s super cute, your size, and on sale.”

  When she showed it to me, the first thing I thought was that it might be too glam. The dress she’d just gotten was all black and much simpler. The thought that Brynn wouldn’t give me good fashion advice flashed through my head again. I could picture everyone staring at me and whispering as I showed up in a way-too-glitzy dress.

  “You don’t think it’s too much for a school dance, do you?”

  Brynn put the dress in my hands. “Just try it on.”

  When I did, I couldn’t help but smile. It fit perfectly, and the price was right. “It’s awesome,” I said to Brynn.

  She squealed. “I told you!” After we got the dress, we found some gold flats to go with it, and then we went to the food court to get lunch. I thought about Sophie’s advice to be honest. I figured it was a good chance to at least try and talk to her about things. “This was fun,” I said as we sat down with our salads.

  “Yeah,” Brynn said. I knew she got what I meant.

  “I feel like we’ve gotten kind of far apart lately, and it bums me out.” I tried to say it lightly. I didn’t want it to seem like I was making too big a deal out of things.

  Brynn nodded like she agreed. “I know. It’s been hard. I’ve been so busy with the dance and the story for the paper.” She shrugged like that explained it, but it didn’t.

  “So who do you want to dance with at the dance?” I tried to ask in a sing-songy kind of way, like I wasn’t concerned about anyone in particular.

  Brynn took a bite of her salad. “No one special,” she said after she swallowed.

  I looked at her to see if she was telling the truth. But her face didn’t give away anything. There were still a lot of things I wanted to ask her, like why she brought me back a T-shirt from her ski trip and Billy a sweater, and if she likes him as more than a friend, and if she told Billy that she saw me with Matt. But she stood up and dumped the rest of her barely eaten salad in the trash, and I knew I couldn’t ask those things. She wouldn’t have answered anyway.

  Conversation over. It was the most I was going to get from Brynn.

  Sunday, February 9, 10:42 p.m.

  A text from Billy

  Billy: What’s up?

  Me: Not much.

  Me: You?

  Billy: Not much.

  I waited to see what else he would write, but it didn’t seem like he was going to, so I did.

  Me: Going to bed.

  Billy: Yeah. Me too.

  Me: Nighty night.

  Billy: :-)

  His text didn’t exactly say I want to get back together, but it also didn’t say Brynn told me she saw you with Matt, and I’m pissed. All in all, a pretty good text.

  Monday, February 10, 1:34 p.m.

  Study Hall

  The only thing anyone at school is talking about is the dance on Friday night. In PE, Julia Lozano told everyone she heard there’s going to be a real DJ. After assembly, Jake Willensky told everyone he heard there was going to be a Dippin’ Dots cart. At lunch, Billy was at a dance committee meeting and Brynn was in the newsroom editing what she said will be “the best piece ever” in the Faraway Middle News, so I sat with Emily, Kate, and Vanessa, and they were talking about the dance too. “I heard there’s going to be a dance contest,” Emily said.

  “With awesome prizes,” Kate added.

  Vanessa grinned. “Put my name on one!” S
he smiled with confidence.

  I felt the excitement too. Hopefully, we hadn’t been going to dance practice every day since school started for nothing. As I was listening to Emily talk about what we should do to win the contest, my mind was picturing Billy watching me dance in my pink dress. And that’s when it hit me. At the dance, I’m going to tell Billy I want to get back together. It’ll be perfect timing. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.

  “Earth to April,” I heard Emily say as I was picturing Billy and me happily slow dancing to the last song of the night.

  I looked up, startled. “Oops, sorry!” I said. But the only thing I was really sorry about was that it had taken me so long to think up this brilliant plan.

  Wednesday, February 12, 9:45 p.m.

  Deep in thought

  I spent most of today thinking about talking to Billy at the dance. Even though he hasn’t said anything else to me about how he feels, he did text me the other night, and I could tell from his text that he’s not mad. I think I just need to do what Sophie said and tell him how I feel. And what better time to do it than at the Valentine’s Day dance, when I’ll be wearing my new pink, sparkly dress? The more I thought about it, the more excited I was.

  It was what I was thinking about when I got to the community center after school. Des took one look at me and said, “Why are you all smiles today?”

  Usually I make Des dance before I give her any info, but today I didn’t. I launched right into my plan to tell Billy that I want to get back together. When I finished talking, Des frowned. “I don’t like it,” she said.

  I was sure she would. “You’re the one who told me to ‘go get him.’”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t mean like that.”

  “Then how?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” Des said slowly, like she was actually putting a lot of thought into what I was going to do. “It just seems weird to show up at a dance and tell your old boyfriend that you want to get back together. It’s, like, too planned.”