Deep Redemption

by Tillie Cole

  Her words were a punch to the stomach. Because I wanted so badly to be the man she believed me to be. I wanted to explain everything in great detail, to tell her why it all happened, how it all happened. But I knew there was never an excuse for what had been done to not just the sisters here, but too many more to count. Including the Hangmen themselves. I had let it all happen. I was the prophet, but allowed things to transpire in my name without my knowledge. I had been a fucking sorry excuse for a leader, burying my head in the sand when shit got hard.

  I had left the rulings to a delusional wannabe-God. That fault lied with me. I was as guilty as all sin. Maybe not directly, but in my eyes, that only made it worse.

  “Rider,” Harmony pushed me to answer, her hands clutched together in desperation, in a prayer position at her chest.

  “I did it,” I blurted again, more forcefully this time. I heard the conviction loud and clear in my voice. There would be no mistaking my truth.

  “No,” Harmony argued, shaking her head again. A sob left her throat and she stepped forward. Her hand landed on my chest, and I had to turn my head away when I saw the wedding band on her finger, the symbol of my vow to her, shining up at me in the harsh security lights. This was worse than anything Ky could do to me. That ring mocked me, taunted me with what I wished I could have gained—a love without shame or consequence. And a wife that I could love without guilt. “You did marry an evil man, Harmony—”

  “Bella,” she interrupted, her voice raw. I closed my eyes for a brief second, unable to stand the growing hint of pain and betrayal in her tone. “My true name is Bella.”

  My heart tore. “Bella,” I rasped. I opened my eyes. “You did marry the prophet, the true prophet. One that was just as guilty and fucked up as the alternative you feared most.”

  “Rider—”

  “Cain.” That name felt like vinegar on my tongue, but I forced myself to finish what I wanted to say. “I am Cain, no matter how much we’ve pretended I wasn’t. I’ve done fucked-up things, unforgiveable things . . . We have talked of Judah like he was the only guilty party in The Order. Like I am nothing like him . . . but I am. We are cut from the same cloth, made of the same blood and soul. The evil that lives within him crawls in me too. We just pretended otherwise.”

  I stared into Harmony’s eyes. “You need to let me go, baby. You have your sisters back. You are free. I’m not the man you believed me to be. And I can certainly never be who you deserve.” My chest ached as I struck the final dagger into her balloon of hope. “You have never known the true me. I am evil disguised as good. I am not worthy of your affection. You have to let me go.”

  Bella didn’t speak, just regarded me with a stranger’s eyes. Ky grabbed me by the neck and pushed me through the gates. Someone spat on my face as I passed, another brother stuck out his fist and punched me in my already bruised ribs.

  But I kept my head high as I walked through the main body of the compound. I had been weak before, letting all of the pedophilic shit happen on my watch. This time, I would take whatever punishment the Hangmen dished out. I just needed them to listen and help me first.

  After that help had been given, they could do whatever they wanted to me.

  No matter how severe that punishment was.

  There was no question that I deserved it. No punishment would ever be enough.

  Chapter Twelve

  Styx

  I couldn’t fucking believe this cunt. Turning up at the compound, brazen as all hell. Dressed in white, trying to look like he ain’t done a damn thing wrong.

  With Mae’s sister . . . her fucking doppelganger, her supposedly dead sister who Rider—Mae’s biggest fucking fan—looked like he was screwing.

  Fuck. My. Life.

  The brothers were all jacked up with rage, trailing after Ky as he dragged Prophet Fucknut across the yard and down to the barn through the woods. Perfect place to keep this fucker. Away from the clubhouse and nowhere near the cabins.

  I kept my eye on Ky as he dragged Rider down toward the small wooden barn. I looked at Rider, and my lip curled in disgust. I fucking hated this cunt. My muscles practically throbbed in excitement at the thought of what he was gonna go through tonight at our hands.

  Tonight my brothers would extract every bit of revenge they wanted from his flesh—slowly, painfully, drawing his death out as long as humanly possible.

  Tank and Bull came to my side. Tank shook his head. “Mae’s fuckin’ sister, Prez? Ain’t she supposed to be dead?”

  I nodded my head and signed, “As a fuckin’ doornail. It was the reason Mae ran from the pedo fuckers in the first place.”

  “Then how the fuck did Rider find her? Out of all the bitches that woulda been creamin’ for him at that commune, he goes for the one that looks exactly like Mae—go figure.”

  My teeth ran over my top lip in frustration. His obsession with my bitch had gone too fucking far. And one thing was for damn sure: he wouldn’t be going near her or Bella again. I ain’t ever seen Mae react like she did just now, seeing her dead sister rock up like a damn ghost at our gates. I knew she’d been close to her, but fuck! She could barely stay standing.

  Guess I never understood just how close they really were.

  “He dies tonight,” I signed. “This fucker’s delusional reign is gonna end tonight. I’m done havin’ him exist. So fuckin’ done.”

  Ky opened the door to the barn and slammed the thick sole of his heavy boot against Rider’s back, catapulting him to the blood-stained floor.

  By the look on Ky’s face, I wasn’t sure anyone else would get a shot at the rat. Lilah had been and had her surgery, and every day since, my VP had fallen deeper into fucking darkness. Seeing his bitch hurting, in a fucking hospital once more, had turned the laidback brother into a fucking demon. A damn demon hell-bent on nothing but revenge.

  Kyler fucking Willis had enough pain inside him to make Rider’s death worthy of the fucking history books. Vike’s face was like stone as he held the door open for us to troop through. One thing I made sure happened in this damn club: any smartass and fucking stupid remarks stopped the minute business needed to get done.

  It was why we were ruthless.

  When it came down to it, we would cut any fucker down . . . then laugh about it later . . . over their carved-up dead bodies.

  Viking shut the door and snapped the lock. AK switched on the bare lightbulb that hung down from the center of the wooden roof. I pushed through Smiler, Hush and Cowboy and stepped around Flame, who had his blades ready at his side, pacing back and forth with bloodlust in his dead eyes.

  Ky shackled Rider to the long chains hooked into the barn floor. And my best friend wasn’t taking it easy on the traitor. He threw in a random punch when he fucking wanted, wrenching Rider’s arms back as he tied the cuffs around his wrists. I saw the pain on Rider’s face, but the fucker barely even flinched. His eyes were focused on the floor, staring off at sweet fuck all.

  Ky stepped back, panting from the adrenaline pumping through his veins. “What’s wrong, rat? Someone take away your new puppy? You cryin’ over your new bit of pussy findin’ out you’re a rapist?”

  Rider looked up. With a fucking spew of venom I never expected the cult-freak to muster, he hissed, “Don’t you ever talk about her like that ever again. I’ll tear your tongue from your mouth.” His voice was low and raw. Turned out the turncoat had some brass balls underneath that pansy tunic after all.

  Ky froze, then a cold-as-fuck smile spread across his perfect face. The VP crouched down, getting right in Rider’s face. “Aw, what’s the matter, oh holy one? Don’t like us fuckin’ with someone you care about? Talkin’ about her sweet, wet cunt?” His smile dropped, and he leaned in until his nose almost touched Rider’s. “Should’ve thought ‘bout that before you and your pedo twin made it your lives’ mission to take what was ours . . . over and over and fuckin’ over again.”

  Rider’s cheeks flamed. Then, just as I thought Ky would back away, he smashed his
forehead against Rider’s, the dull sound echoing off the bare wooden walls. Rider’s head snapped back at the force of the blow. But he quickly righted himself and forced himself to sit up.

  “Looks like we got a fuckin’ fighter here, boys!” Viking shouted, cracking his fingers. I felt the tension in the room soar.

  Ky hovered over Rider, lording over his sitting form. Flame was off to the side, losing his shit second by second. I knew if I didn’t do something about this shit, and quick, this fucker wouldn’t talk about why the hell he was here. These rabid pitbulls wouldn’t give him the chance—not that the fucker deserved it. But I wanted an explanation for the Bella situation.

  So I’d fucking get one.

  I didn’t buy for a second he was just here to return Bella. This fucker always had an agenda. There was always a catch. A damn deal to be done.

  I pushed forward, the brothers scattering outta my way, and stopped dead in front of Rider. To his credit, Rider looked up and never fucking broke my gaze. The bastard didn’t even look scared. Maybe I’d have to change that quick. Shaking my hands to loosen them off, I motioned with my head for Ky to move away. Ky glared at me. He wanted to tear this fucker apart piece by piece.

  It wasn’t happening. Not yet.

  When Ky saw I wasn’t gonna back down, he threw his middle finger in the air and moved to stand next to Hush. Hush pressed his arm on Ky’s shoulder to hold the fucker back. Ky’s eyes locked on Rider. I knew one wrong word from his mouth would push my VP over the edge.

  Rider’s attention was squarely on me. I rolled my neck from side to side, then signed, “You better start talkin’. And you’d better do it fuckin’ quick. ‘Cause I got about eleven reasons stood around this room for why you wanna start explainin’ shit . . . before it’s too late and I just decide to slit your fuckin’ throat.”

  Rider’s nostrils flared at my words. But he opened his mouth. I noticed the traces of faded bruises all over his face. That fuckin’ got my attention. Someone had got to him first.

  Lucky bastards.

  “He’s coming to attack you,” Rider blurted, and every one of my brothers froze.

  “What? Who’s comin’ to attack?” Tank asked and came to stand by my side. Ky wasn’t translating anything I asked, the brother was too pissed at me, so Tank stepped in. I was glad. The ex-Nazi was as cool as shit under pressure. Ky was falling apart.

  “My brother.” My hair stood on end. Rider’s psycho, pedo twin. That shit-stain was even worse than this cunt, if that was possible.

  “How the fuck is he comin’ to attack us?” I signed. Tank translated my question out loud.

  Rider’s face lost some of its color. His eyes tracked over every one of the brothers. Looking back to me, he said, “When he took the women—your women—it wasn’t on my order. He was doing it because he thought he had to fulfill the prophecy of the prophet marrying a Cursed for the sake of our people.” Rider shook his head. “Which I now know is false.”

  Rider dropped his head. “When I set your women free at that mill, it pissed off not only Judah but the other elders too.” He glared directly at me, and added, “Then I fucked them off even more when I was asked to attend a Lord’s Sharing. I’d never seen or been in one before—”

  A savage roar rang out, cutting Rider off. When I lifted my head, Flame was seething. Radiating pure fucking rage. His neck was ripped with corded veins and the blades in his hands shook with anger.

  AK met my eyes. I nodded my head, telling the ex-sniper to calm his friend the fuck down. AK moved in front of Flame and started talking him down off the ledge. Flame’s eyes closed, and he growled, “That happened to Maddie. That fuckin’ happened to my Maddie. They hurt her in those fuckin’ things. They fuckin’ hurt her.”

  My blood boiled at his words, because the anger over that fucking rape ritual stirred in me, too. Every time I looked at Mae’s scarred inner thighs I got murdering mad. As I glanced across at Ky, who had his eyes closed to calm himself the fuck down, I knew my VP was close to going nuclear on Rider’s ass too.

  “I stopped it!” Rider spat out, as if sensing I was a few seconds away from scalping him where he sat. Rider’s face contorted with pain. “I didn’t believe that it actually happened until that day.”

  “Mae told you, scumbag. She told me she’d told you,” I signed.

  Rider’s expression fell and he turned his head away. “I didn’t believe her. I thought she was just lying to get free from us . . . but now I know it was the truth. I saw that messed-up shit with my own eyes.” He dragged in a breath and squeezed his eyes shut. “I saw the men raping the kids, forcing themselves on tiny kids . . . so I stopped it . . . I beat a man until he fucking stopped breathing. It was sick . . . I never . . . I could never have believed that kind of act was true of my people.”

  Viking appeared at my side. He crouched down to meet Rider’s eyes, flicking his knife back and forth in his hands. “So you got a type, rape-rat? You like the itty-bitty blondes, or do the pre-pubescent brunettes do it for ya? Below age ten or just over?”

  Rider shook with fury. “None, you dick! I don’t fuck kids. I would never do that!”

  Viking drew back his head. “Really, ‘cause that’s all you guys do over there in that commune, right? Rape kids day and night, all in the name of ‘God’?”

  Rider closed his eyes briefly. “I didn’t do anything like that. I’m telling you the truth. I never did none of that shit. I stayed locked away, failing every day at being the leader . . . I didn’t know . . . ”

  “Mmm . . . You better not be lyin’ to me, fucktard. ‘Cause if there’s one thing none of us Hangmen will tolerate, it’s kiddie-fiddlers.” He pointed the tip of his knife at Rider’s forehead, pressing it forward until a drop of blood spilled from the skin. “So if we find out you’ve been lyin’—if I find out you’re lyin’—I’m gonna get real inventive with your dick and this here knife.” He smiled. “I’ve been gettin’ some real interestin’ tips from my fellow psycho, Flame. And shit, that guy hates pedos even more than me.”

  “They came for me,” Rider said urgently. “After I destroyed the room where they were holding the Lord’s Sharing, I banned it, expelled the practice . . . so they came for me. My own twin turned on me and took my place as prophet. He and his guards locked me in a motherfucking cell, away from anyone who could help. And for the past several weeks they’ve beaten me every day, making me pay for getting rid of that messed-up practice. My own twin turned on me because he’d rather fuck kids.”

  We all stared at him. And I had zero fucking clue as to whether he was lying. Because that’s what Rider did. He fucking lied. Lied all the bastard time.

  “I believed that shit my whole life, was made to. But I recently found out how and why the commune was created . . . and none of it was for religion. So you might say I’m a sinner now too.” I glared, waiting for him to keep the hell going.

  “Judah has been running the commune, pretending to be me. The people didn’t notice it was a switch. And now he’s gearing up for war. He’s got the people fired up, telling them end of the world is coming, that God revealed it was Armageddon.” He inhaled. “They are coming here for you. Judah’s planning an attack on the Hangmen, this compound, soon. And they’re coming with one goal: to kill. All of you . . . and all the women too.”

  My jaw ached from how hard I was clenching my teeth. Tank asked Rider, “Your brother, is he still using the Klan for guns?”

  Rider frowned at the turn in questioning, but nodded his head. Tank turned to Tanner. “The guns. That fuckin’ shipment of guns.”

  Tanner ran his hand over his head. “Shit! I just knew it was somethin’. I had a fuckin’ feelin’.”

  “You still got contact with whoever helps you get info on the inside?” Ky asked Tanner, finally pushing his anger aside and getting down to business.

  Tanner paused, then said, “Yeah. I think so. It’s gettin’ harder to get help, but yeah.”

  “Can you get them to check a
ll this shit is true? Or if the fake prophet here is just spittin’ shit?”

  Tanner nodded. Just as he turned to leave the barn, Rider said, “The Klan have someone in the commune, in the inner circle. He’s watching my twin to make sure he’s not fucking up their arms deal and . . . other business they do.” My eyebrows rose. I had no idea what other business the Klan did, but if all this was true, we’d be finding the fuck out.

  Tanner spun around and glared at Rider. “Who? What’s his name?”

  Rider shrugged. “All I know is that he’s all tatted up like you, swastikas and shit. No hair . . . and he’s getting everyone in the commune to call him Meister.”

  I frowned at that fucking useless tidbit of information. But when I looked at Tanner, his face had drained of blood. “Christ,” he said and met my eyes. “That’s not good, Prez. That’s not good at all. Meister’s a fuckin’ grade-A cunt. And he’s fuckin’ tapped in the head. Like, never-comin’-back-from-that-crazy-shit tapped.”

  “If he’s stocked the cult freaks with guns, there’ll no doubt be automatics, semi-automatics, sub-machine guns, and all that fun stuff,” Tank said to Tanner’s nodding head.

  My throat started closing up. This was all sounding fucking real. The Klan, Rider’s twin… the fucking end of days.

  Same kinda crazy that we usually deal with.

  “You met this Jägermeister prick?” Viking asked Rider as Tanner ducked out of the barn to go and check this dick was telling the truth.

  “No.” Rider’s eyes left Viking and found Ky. “Phebe told me.”

  Ky’s eyebrows pulled down at the mention of that name. He opened his mouth to speak, but AK stepped forward first and asked, “Lilah’s sister?”