Deep Redemption

by Tillie Cole

  I let his words wash over me and drift away into the silent sky. I balled my hand into a fist and swung. As my hand connected with his face, I made myself feel nothing. Judah, unused to any form of violence, immediately fell to the floor. I jumped down on top of him and sent fist after fist into his face, letting his warm blood spatter on my skin.

  I hit him and hit him until his face looked nothing like my own—bloodied, nose broken, lips split. I hit him until I gasped for breath, my body aching with exertion.

  I sat back and ran my bloodied hand through my hair. But when I looked down, Judah’s eyes were still on me, blinking as he struggled to see through the blood. I bent down to place my mouth at his ear. “You need to die, brother.” As I spoke those words, feeling Judah’s breath pass by my cheek and his pounding heart echo against my chest, the numbness that I had embraced fell away, exposing me to nothing but raw pain.

  All the fucking excruciating pain of this fucked-up moment.

  He was alive. Judah still had life . . . we had come into this world together. We had been through everything together. He had been my only source of comfort. My only family . . . yet I knew he had to die, right here, right now . . . but I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t . . .

  The feel of Judah’s hand on the back of my head was almost my undoing. Because it wasn’t hard or rough. It was gentle and soft . . . it was the touch of my twin who loved me.

  Judah sucked in a long breath, his chest rattling from the beating I had given him. I held still. Judah’s head turned, and his mouth landed at my ear. “Cain . . . ” he rasped out, breaking my heart in two at the affection in his tone. “I . . . I love you . . . ” I squeezed my eyes shut and choked on a strangled cry. “My . . . brother . . . my heart . . . ” His fingers tightened in my hair.

  Boiling tears sailed down my cheeks, but I let them fall. I let my chest be torn apart by the immeasurable amount of grief in my soul. I kept my head down, unable to, but knowing that I had to, do this . . . no one would be safe if he was left alive . . .

  Just as I began to draw back my head, Judah said, “Evil begets evil, Cain. Whatever sin blackens my soul lives in you too. We are the same. Made the same . . . born the same . . . ”

  I froze. My lips parted as I struggled to draw in air. Evil begets evil . . . Evil begets evil . . . I couldn’t stop Judah’s words from circling my head. Each replay hitting me like a spray of bullets.

  Because he was right, but . . .

  “I would never have done something like this,” I whispered. I lifted my head, looking him dead in the eyes. “I would never have done something like this . . . something this fucked up . . . you murdered them . . . all of them . . . ”

  Judah smiled. “You would . . . you have . . . ” Judah replied and my face drained of blood. “This . . . ” he croaked, “was all done in your name.”

  Judah smiled wider, and I saw that look of triumph flare in his bloodshot eyes. “They died with your name on their lips . . . Prophet Cain.”

  I shook my head, over and over again. “No,” I growled. “NO!” I roared as Judah smiled a bloody smile.

  “We did this . . . we did it all . . . together.”

  As his gruff voice sailed into my ears, I embraced the darkness that was hovering on the edge of my heart. And I let it consume me. I let the black tar of rage swallow any light left in my soul.

  With a deafening roar, I lunged forward and wrapped my hands around Judah’s throat. Judah’s eyes widened in shock, and then I saw it . . . I saw the doubt in his gaze that I would see this through. I could almost hear his voice in my head as I tightened my grip. “You’ve tried this before, brother. You could not do it then, and you will not do it now. You will not be able to look into my eyes and watch the life drain from their depths . . . I am your brother . . . I am your twin . . . ”

  “No!” I screamed, answering the imaginary voice in my head. “I have to!” I spat to Judah’s reddening face. “I have to . . . you have to pay . . . you have to atone . . . ”

  Judah began to struggle as my fingers got tighter and tighter around his throat, cutting off his breath. His panicked legs thrashed beneath me, his desperate fingers clawed at my arms . . . but all the time I kept my eyes locked on his. I never moved them once as his skin began to mottle and the capillaries in his eyes began to burst.

  I squeezed harder, until my fingers ached with the effort. Judah’s legs began to slow. His hands fell away from my arms. Tears built in my twin’s eyes and fell down his cheeks. Mine did the same, twin tears pooling together on the desecrated plain.

  Then, just as his body drained of its fight, Judah opened his lips and mouthed, “Cain . . . Cain . . . ” My teeth gritted together as my name left his lips—my true name, the name I heard him speak so many times with love and affection. The name I had heard him utter in the throes of childhood laughter . . . in the hard times and the good.

  Then he stopped moving at all. And I watched. I stared into his eyes as the life drained from his body, his brown gaze frosting over with the fresh veil of death . . .

  . . . and I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t move my hands, nor stop the flood of tears as my brother and best friend stared up at me from a now-soulless body.

  Even though the night was humid and hot, cold ran over my skin. My hands had frozen on his neck . . . I couldn’t move . . .

  My arms began to shake. The trembling shivers reached my locked fingers, and they fell from Judah’s neck. The red prints of my hands were splayed like burn marks on his skin. I closed my eyes. But all I saw was Judah’s dimming face mouthing, “Cain . . . Cain . . . ”

  He had pleaded me to spare him . . . but I couldn’t . . . I fucking couldn’t . . .

  I opened my eyes and forced myself to move off his corpse. But when I turned and was met with hundreds and hundreds of dead, poisoned followers, my head shook. My hands raked through my hair and I looked in every direction, searching for some kind of peace. None was found.

  Tears blurred my sight, but I could see the Hangmen all watching me . . . I choked out a cry at so much death, the sight of endless, senseless murders too much to take . . . to comprehend . . .

  My legs gave out and I fell to the floor . . . right beside Judah. My face contorted with the pain ripping me apart from inside. But the darkness in my heart remained; it fucking ran like rapids through every vein, blotting out any light and good with its shade. I tipped back my head and roared. I screamed and screamed until the sound of my pain was the only noise to be heard.

  When I had nothing left to give, I fell forward onto my hands, gasping for breath. I sucked in long, desperate inhales, but nothing took this ache away, this fucking racking ache in my heart.

  Suddenly, a hand landed at my back. I flinched and sat up, ready to fucking fight whoever came at me next. But when I looked up, Smiler was standing before me. He stared down with an unreadable expression on his face . . . then held out his hand. I looked at it, not knowing what the fuck to do. Smiler, swallowed. “Take it.”

  So I did. I held out my shaking hand and took my former best friend’s help. Smiler pulled me off the ground. I didn’t look back at Judah. I couldn’t look back.

  My gaze tracked around the gathered Hangmen. They had all survived. And they all stared at me in disbelief. “Rider . . . what the fuck?” Smiler said hoarsely, pointing at the masses of dead.

  “He got out of the cell. He killed them. He made them take their own lives. I . . . ” I trailed off. “I couldn’t fucking stop it. I couldn’t save them . . . the children . . . none of them . . . ”

  My gaze landed on Ky, and Phebe’s face suddenly came to my mind. “Phebe,” I said under my breath, and ran around the perimeter of bodies until I hit the line of trees. I ran, hearing the sound of the Hangmen giving chase. I slapped branches from my path as I tore through the woods toward the cellblock.

  I burst through the bushes at the back of the block, and I breathed my first bit of air. Stephen and Ruth were standing near the small outdoor cell. Th
ey quickly hid something behind them with their bodies.

  When Ruth’s swollen, bruised eyes landed on me, her hand flew to her mouth and she cried out. She turned her face into Brother Stephen’s chest and sobbed.

  I stood, frozen, not knowing what the fuck to do. I heard the brothers push through from the woods behind me. Stephen and Ruth’s expressions became racked with fear.

  The sound of safeties being clicked off made me whip around. Ky, Flame and Styx had their semi-automatics raised at my friends. I held up my hand “No,” I managed to say with the leftovers of my raw, croaky voice. “These are the defectors who helped me get Bella free. They are innocent.”

  Styx’s eyes narrowed on Stephen. Turning to Stephen, I said, “This man is with Mae.” I pointed to Flame. “Flame is married to Maddie.”

  Brother Stephen’s assessing gaze roved over the prez and Flame. “Thank you,” Stephen said to the two brothers . . . and me. “Thank you for saving them when I could not. I can never repay you for what you have done for my girls.”

  Rustling came from the trees. The Hangmen all snapped into action and raised their guns, ready. Solomon and Samson ran through, staggering in shock when eleven sets of guns were aimed at their heads. The two built brothers stopped dead and held up their hands.

  “This is Solomon and Samson,” I said quickly. “They helped us too.”

  “These ‘roided-up fuckers helped?” Bull asked.

  I nodded. Styx lowered his hand, motioning for the brothers to lower their guns.

  “We need to get the fuck gone,” Ky said.

  AK stepped forward. “Where’s the redhead? She was involved in this too, weren’t she?”

  My head whipped around the cellblock. “He took her,” Solomon said. “That Meister fucker took her. We gave chase but he had a vehicle waiting for them on the side road. We could not follow on foot.”

  Tanner looked at Tank. “That ain’t good for her,” he said, and Tank tipped back his head in frustration.

  “She got us out,” I said, feeling nothing but guilt. “She sacrificed herself to get us out. She asked us to help her with one thing, and we fucking failed.”

  Silence thickened around us as I let the guilt drown me.

  Then I saw a flash of blond hair peeking out from between Ruth and Stephen’s legs. I met Ruth’s eyes. “He didn’t get her?” I asked.

  Ruth shook her head. “I think Phebe had left in here for safety . . . she . . . she saved her life.”

  “What the fuck are y’all talkin’ ‘bout?” Ky asked, rocking on his feet. The brother was losing patience.

  Ruth turned to Styx. “Phebe made me promise her something should she not make it out of the commune when the time came to flee. She asked me to find her sister on the outside world. Her name is Rebekah.”

  Ky pushed out from the line. “That’s my wife. Rebekah . . . Lilah, Phebe’s sister. She’s my wife.”

  Ruth took in a breath, but instead of replying, she turned around. When she faced Ky again, she was holding the hand of the little girl Phebe had saved. “Phebe was charged as guardian of this little girl.” Ruth winced. “She was recently branded as a Cursed Sister of Eve.”

  I looked at Ky, but his gaze was fixed firmly on the little girl. Her headdress had gone, and her long blond hair was flowing down her back, her blue doe eyes staring up at the VP. “Fuck,” Ky whispered and swallowed.

  “She has no parents.” Ruth’s face contorted in grief. “Especially now.” She brought the young child closer to her leg, hugging her close. “Phebe wanted her sister to take her and give her a good life. She said . . . she said she reminded her of her sister, when she was young.” Ky was mute, and if I wasn’t mistaken, his eyes had misted over. Ruth waited for Ky to speak, but he could only nod. Ruth ran her hand over Grace’s blond hair. “Phebe cared for her because she could not bear for her to be treated like her sister was. She kept her away from the men.” Ruth pointed to the child. “Judah recently named her Delilah. Her Cursed name was Delilah.”

  “What’s her real name?” His voice was cracked and low.

  “Grace,” I said. “Phebe told me her real name was Grace.”

  Ky nodded and said, “Then she fuckin’ comes with us.” I caught the brothers all looking at one another, unsure what the hell was happening. It was too much. It was all too much.

  Styx cleared his throat then began to sign, Ky translating as always. “They come with us. We have trucks at the east point where we entered. And we need to get the fuck gone now.”

  Ruth lifted Grace into her arms, the timid little girl tucking her face into Ruth’s neck. And we ran. We got the fuck away from the commune. In less than twenty minutes, we were en route back to the Hangmen compound . . . with the commune left in the past.

  Along with my faith.

  Along with my dead brother . . .

  . . . along with my last act of redemption.

  Because I knew what came next for me. But it was welcomed. I’d killed my brother because it was just.

  Now it was time to finish what had been started a long time ago.

  And that was just, too.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Rider

  Dusk had begun to fall as we approached the compound. I rode alongside my former brothers, feeling numb.

  Every time I thought of what had just happened, my mind would chase it away. I tried to think of the faces of the dead, but they were all just a blur. I tried to remember Judah’s last breath . . . but my mind was blank.

  As we drew closer to the compound’s gates my hands began to shake. I tried to stop the trembling. But I couldn’t. I could see Smiler watching me from his bike beside me.

  But I just couldn’t stop the fucking shakes.

  The gates opened as we pulled up. My heart fucking burst when I saw the clubhouse door slam open and Bella run outside, Mae, Lilah and Maddie following behind. Beauty and Letti followed after them, looking exactly the same as the last time I had seen them.

  Bella’s frantic eyes searched over the group. When her blue gaze landed on me, her hands covered her mouth. Tears fell down her cheeks as she ran to me. I made myself get off the bike to greet her. She stopped dead in front of me. “Rider,” she whispered, roving her shocked eyes over me.

  I glanced down at my body. I was covered in Judah’s blood. I lifted my hand; it was bright red, the knuckles grazed of their skin.

  Bella reached forward and wrapped her arms around my waist. Her concerned face searched mine. I stared into her eyes, tears tracking down my cheeks. Bella’s eyes closed and she took in a long, deep breath.

  When they opened again, she said, “You did it . . . he is . . . he is gone?”

  I nodded my head. There were no words. I could not speak. Bella molded her body against my own, ignoring the dried blood staining every inch of me. I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could.

  I needed her.

  I so desperately fucking needed her.

  I heard voices around us. I heard the brothers describing what happened. “Mass suicide . . . poison . . . kids too . . . Rider killed him . . . ”

  Bella tensed in my arms. Her lips trembled. “Everyone is dead? The innocent . . . the children . . . ?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded my head. Bella stepped back from my embrace. I opened my eyes. Her eyes were swimming in sadness. “Ruth, Stephen, Samson, Solomon? They are all . . . dead?”

  “No,” I managed to reply quickly, then turned toward the parked trucks. Hush opened the truck’s door and Solomon and Samson stepped out. Before they could even take a step, Bella ran to them and wrapped her arms around each of them, crying in relief. They hugged her back, awkwardly.

  Bella withdrew as Brother Stephen slid from the back seat, and she greeted him in the same relieved way. My chest ached; she didn’t even know she was embracing her father.

  A father who adored her.

  Brother Stephen’s eyes closed as he pressed a kiss to her head. He stepped back, and his eyes scan
ned the crowd. Then he stilled. I followed the path of his gaze and saw Mae and Maddie watching Bella greet her friends.

  Stephen then turned away from Bella and moved his fingers to his eyes. I had a sudden image of myself doing the same thing to Bella, in that motel bathroom . . .

  Bella looked up at him. And I saw the moment she registered the change in his appearance. She took a step back, then another. She lifted her hand to her eyes. “Your eyes,” she whispered. “They are . . . they are like mine . . . ” Bella turned to Mae. “They are like Mae’s.”

  Stephen looked at the three sisters in turn, then said to Bella, “I am your father, Bella . . . I am your father. And Mae’s and Maddie’s too.”

  “What?” Bella whispered.

  His ice-blue eyes shone with emotion. “I was exiled to the defectors’ commune because I tried to run away with you all when you were little.” He pointed at Maddie. “Maddie was just a baby. You and Mae, toddlers.” Maddie watched Stephen, her arms wrapped around Flame’s waist. Her green eyes were huge as she listened to Stephen’s revelation.

  Styx had his arm slung around Mae’s shoulder. Mae was listening, lips parted in disbelief.

  “Why?” Bella asked. “Why did you not tell me? Why did you disguise your eyes from me? Hold back this truth?”

  Stephen sighed deeply. “Because I did not want to cause you any more hurt. You had already been through so much. I always knew we would return to the commune to try and take it down. If I fell, I did not want you to mourn me. You deserved to be happy . . . I had failed you so many times before. I could not stop the pain you all went through at the hands of the prophet . . . I . . . I was unworthy of being your father.”

  Mae began crying, turning her face into Styx’s chest. Maddie was silent, looking as if she was deep in shock. But not Bella. Finding the strength she always managed to muster, Bella rushed forward and put her hands on Stephen’s cheeks. “I . . . I would have mourned you if you had fallen regardless. You have been my family… you are my family.”