“About the same,” he said. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“Hurt me?” she asked in surprise, then shook her head. “No, Ian, you didn’t hurt me. You’d never hurt me.”
“Never intentionally,” he agreed, his eyes closing. “Should we be getting up for any reason?”
“Nope,” she replied, closing her own eyes. “We should be lying right here, together, resting.”
“That’s good,” he mumbled. A moment later Nica felt him relax against her and she smiled. Then she drifted off to sleep too.
Chapter 15
Nica stood in Ian’s study, looking out at the setting sun. Twelve days had passed since she’d restored the Udari, and so much had happened. There’d been funerals for all of the staff murdered at Fadden Fields, and new staff hired to clean up the mess caused by Thomas and Flora. Queen Eibhleann had decided that the Tuatha De need no longer hide their existence form the humans, and had removed the shield surrounding Galia. Both announcements had caused no small amount of excitement, and changes were already taking place. But the one thing that was foremost in Nica’s mind was Bree.
She’d been removed from the healing tank the day before, but Doc refused to release her until he’d run a series of tests. After giving her a clean bill of health, Doc agreed that she could go home, but she was apparently hesitant to do that. So, Ian went to the Ugaztun to talk with her. He invited Nica to go with him, but she thought it would be better if she didn’t.
She heard the sound of male voices in the foyer and knew at once that one of the Dracons had speed traveled Ian and Bree home because she felt their power. She smiled. There were so many new things to get used to! The door opened behind her and she turned to see Ian step inside and close the door.
“How’s Bree?”
“She’s good,” Ian said with a sigh. He went to the bar and poured himself a drink. “Prince Trey and Prince Garen just speed traveled her up to her rooms and me into the foyer. I sent Nance up to help her.”
“Do you think she’d be willing to speak with me?”
“Yes, absolutely,” Ian said. “She was more worried about you being angry with her than just about anything else. I assured her that you never stopped loving her.”
“Thank you, Ian,” she said. “I’ll give her a few minutes to settle in, then I’ll go up. Is there anything you want to tell me first?”
“She won’t tell me all that happened. He tortured her, Nica. For a long time. And he killed the staff in front of her. He made her watch.”
“Poor Bree,” Nica said, her heart hurting for her friend. Ian wasn’t looking so good either. “How are you, Ian?”
“Me?” Ian asked with a harsh laugh. “Oh, I’m perfectly fine. I made an enemy who tortured my sister and nearly murdered you, but I emerged completely unscathed. Not a scratch on me.”
Nica leaned over and squeezed his hands gently. “You did not emerge unscathed, Ian,” she said softly. “Your wounds are deep inside of you, but they are there.”
“It doesn’t really matter what happened to me, Nica,” Ian said, shaking his head. “Bree will never bear children, but she will bear the scars of Quill’s revenge for the remainder of her life whether they can be seen or not. You not only have to live with the knowledge that you killed a man, but you nearly lost your life as well. If you hadn’t been wearing that vest…well, I can’t think about that. As for me, I lost nothing except perhaps the desire to use the study at Fadden Fields.” He drank down the scotch in his glass and turned to refill it. Nica went to the sofa near the fireplace and sat down, understanding that he had to get this off his chest.
“And all of this pain and suffering for what?” he asked, joining her on the sofa. “What difference would it have made if I’d left Thomas alone from the start? So what if he completed a semester or two of school using someone else’s name? He would have been caught eventually, when the school sent his father a tuition bill, or a book bill. It wasn’t like anyone was being harmed by it. And what difference would it have made to me if a young woman I’d never even met before had married a man pretending to be someone he wasn’t? It might have been tragic for her, but would it have been as tragic as what Bree was made to suffer? Or you? I don’t think so.”
“Stop it,” Nica said firmly. “It’s ridiculous to second guess yourself like this. You did what was right, Ian. You wouldn’t be the man you are if you’d acted differently than you did. You cannot blame yourself for another’s actions.”
“I can’t help it, Nica,” he said. “I helped Jake’s family. I helped my friend’s family. But I couldn’t do anything for my own family. What does that make me?”
“Human,” Nica said. “You did the right thing both times and unless you have a talent you haven’t told me about, you can’t see the future.”
“No, I can’t see the future, but I’m responsible for Bree, and have been for a long time. She was with me at that wedding. I should have considered what the consequences of my actions would be for her before I opened my mouth.”
“Well, in that light I suppose I should blame myself for not getting to the estate sooner, or not coming to get you sooner, or not figuring out where Bree was sooner, or for not stopping Quill sooner.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Ian said. “Without your help we’d both be dead.”
“Oh, so now I’m ridiculous?” Nica asked archly. Ian stared at her for a long moment, then sighed tiredly when he realized what she was trying to do. “Ian, don’t you think that enough damage has been done?” she asked gently. “There’s no need for self-recriminations and guilt. The people who are truly responsible are dead and gone now. It’s time to put it behind you and focus on moving forward.”
“I know you’re right, Nica,” Ian said. “But the truth is, I’ve no idea what the future holds for my sister.”
“None of us know that, Ian,” Nica said. “All I can tell you is that I’ll be there for you, and for her, every step of the way, and I’ll do everything I can for her. But her life will be in her own hands.”
Ian nodded and sipped his drink. “I told her everything that happened, and about us.”
“How’d she take it?”
“She’s ecstatic,” Ian said with a smile. “She wanted to know when the wedding would be. She’s always felt like you were the sister she never had, and she’s anxious to make it official.”
“Well then, for Bree’s sake maybe we should set a date,” Nica said, smiling.
“Is today too soon?”
“I think so, yes,” Nica said.
“Seriously, it’ll have to be a fairly large event,” Ian said. “It’ll take a lot of planning and I’m not sure I’m up for it just now.”
“I’ll never be up for it, so don’t feel bad,” Nica said. “But, I know a few people who would love to plan it, so how about we let them?”
“Oh yes?” Ian asked. “Who did you have in mind?”
“Bree, of course,” Nica said. “Aunt Lari, and I think Mrs. Cartwell should be included if she’s agreeable to it.”
“Why her?”
“Because she knows the customs, the people, and everything else, and because I think Bree will need her friendship.”
“Yes, you’re right of course, I think that’s a good idea,” Ian said. “What about a date?”
“We’ll let them pick it.”
“Excellent. I’m so glad that’s done.”
“Yes, me too,” Nica laughed, then kissed him. “I’ll go break the news to Bree now.” A few minutes later she was in the private sitting room next to Bree’s bedroom, waiting for her friend to join her. She heard Bree’s steps behind her, muffled by the thick carpeting on the floor, and got up to face her. She immediately went forward and wrapped her arms around Bree’s shoulders in a tight hug.
Bree hugged her back, her arms trembling slightly. After a long moment Nica released Bree and stepped back to stare directly into her eyes. She would not pretend nothing had happened. She owed her friend better tha
n that.
“You look good,” Nica said after studying Bree’s face carefully.
“You look better,” Bree said, smiling. “Nice crown.”
Nica felt her face heat and shrugged, embarrassed.
“I’m sorry, Nica, I didn’t mean that the way it came out,” Bree said quickly. “It really is beautiful, and it suits you.”
“It’s a little…much, but I guess in the realm of accepting things as they are, wearing a crown can’t actually be considered a hardship.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Bree said. “For someone like you, who prefers to hang back, I don’t think it’ll be easy.” Her eyes went to Nica’s hand. “Ian told me that you took the ring off so you could find me.” Nica nodded. “Thank you for that. Thank you for all you’ve done for me, and for Ian, too. And please, please accept my apology for throwing you out and not listening to you and all of the horrible things I said. I truly am sorry, Nica.”
“You’re apology is accepted, Bree. I love you.”
“I love you too, Nica,” Bree said, and hugged her again. Nica felt her tremble a little and knew she was getting tired so she took Bree’s arm and guided her to the sofa. Once she was settled, she took a chair nearby.
“You don’t have any scars at all.”
“A few on my stomach, but even those are faint,” Bree said. “All things considered, I’m lucky and I know it.”
“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Nica said. “What was done to you goes deeper than a few surface scars, as Aunt Lari reminded me. The question is, what will you do about it?”
“Do?”
“Yes, do,” Nica said. “Will you stay here, in this room, or in this house or the one at Fadden Fields, for the remainder of your life? Or will you get on with it.”
“I really don’t know,” Bree said. “To be honest, I always thought I’d get married to a man with an estate somewhere, and help him run it, have children, all the normal stuff. I truly thought I’d have all of that with Quill, Nica. I know I got messed up and acted badly, and I know the way I treated you was unforgivable, but the honest truth is that I was in love with him. I loved him, and I believed everything he said to me, including that he loved me, too. I was a fool, I know that now, but I swear I never meant to hurt anyone.”
“I know that, Bree,” Nica said, leaning forward to take Bree’s trembling hands in hers. “I was never angry with you for a single moment. Not once. I understood how you felt about him, and I knew exactly how you’d react when I confronted you that day. I even knew you’d toss me out, because I knew what was happening in your head and in your heart. But I had to do it, Bree. I had to tell you the truth, as painful as it was for you, even though I knew you wouldn’t believe me. You couldn’t believe me and still go on loving him. I wish I could’ve changed what happened, but I’m not going to beat myself up for that and I don’t want you to either. You’ve already paid for your mistakes. Let it be enough.”
“Thank you, Nica,” Bree said. “You’re the best sister I could ever hope to ask for. And congratulations by the way. I’m so happy for you and Ian, and myself, too.”
“I was worried it would be too difficult for you to accept, that you’d regret Thomas.”
“No, that’s not a problem,” Bree said. “He cut every feeling I had for him out with a knife. And that’s the truth. I’m excited about you and Ian getting married, Nica. I promise.”
Nica nodded. “I have some things I want to tell you about that, but first let’s finish this discussion about you. What do you see yourself doing with your life now?”
“I don’t know,” Bree replied. “Like I said, I always thought I’d have a family. That can’t happen now, and I haven’t figured out what else I’m supposed to do yet. I’ve only been out of the healing tank for a day and a half.”
“Why not?”
“Why not what?”
“Why can’t you have a family?”
“I can’t have children, Nica,” Bree said. “Didn’t anyone tell you that?”
“Do you still have your ovaries?” Nica asked, though she already knew the answer.
“One of them,” Bree said. “Doc said that it would help in terms of hormonal problems. But there isn’t much else left.”
“One ovary is all you need,” Nica said. “Honey’s an obstetrician, as you know, and a damn good one. I suggest we get you to Jasan so she can harvest some eggs for you. I’m not sure how soon we need to do it. I’ll have to ask Honey.”
“Why?”
“So that when you meet the man you want to have a family with, you’ll have some of your own eggs stored which can be inseminated by your husband, and grown in an artificial womb,” Nica said. Bree’s eyes widened.
“We don’t have that technology here, Nica,” she said. “I heard of it, when we were in school I think, but I certainly never considered it.”
“Well, consider it,” Nica said. “You can have children, Bree. You might have to alter a dream or two, but that doesn’t mean you have to give them up entirely. And, even if your eggs can’t be harvested, there’s always adoption. You have a life, Bree. You just need to make up your mind to move forward and live it.” Nica tilted her head. “What are you grinning about?”
“Doc was rattling off stuff about scars and internal damage and to be honest, I wasn’t really listening all that closely after he said I couldn’t have children. Although, now that I think about it, what he said was that I couldn’t carry children. He also said something about eggs and freezing, but I tuned it out at the time. Now it makes sense.”
Nica nodded, already knowing Bree hadn’t listened from what Lariah had told her. “Good, then that’s decided. Your status as a future mother will be preserved. Now, tell me the truth. How are you doing otherwise? Nightmares?”
Bree nodded. “The hardest part isn’t what Quill did to me, but what he did to the staff. I knew some of those people my entire life. It was like watching family be murdered in front of me and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t get there sooner, Bree,” Nica said. “But, you’re alive, and I’m thankful for that. Now, here’s the big question. Do you feel guilty?”
“About some of the things I did, and some of the decisions I made, yes, absolutely,” Bree said. “I was foolish and stupid and selfish and blind. I admit all of that, and more. I didn’t listen to your warnings, or Ian’s warnings. I was rude to you, to say the very least, and to Ian, too. Those are the things I did wrong, that I’m responsible for. But I am not responsible for what Quill did. I refuse to take the blame for his lies or his crimes. He fooled me, yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m guilty of the murders he committed. He kept telling me over and over that it was my fault, that I was forcing him to do every horrible thing he did, but I knew better then, and I know better now.”
“Excellent,” Nica said, smiling warmly. “You’re going to be just fine, Bree.”
“Yeah, well, I admit that if you or Ian had died, I wouldn’t be feeling quite so optimistic.”
“Well, we didn’t die so we don’t have to discuss that,” Nica said. “Now, tell me about the future.”
“I’m sorry?” Bree asked.
“The future, Bree,” Nica said. “What do you want to do?”
“Why do you keep asking me that?” Bree asked, her forehead creased in a frown as she studied her friend. It only took a moment for her to realize Nica had something up her sleeve. “What is it you’re not saying?” she asked speculatively, already knowing Nica wouldn’t answer. Nica leaned back in her chair and let Bree work it out for herself.
As much as Nica loved Ian, he had a serious fault when it came to his sister. He seemed unable to see her as she was; an educated, intelligent, and talented young woman. All he saw when he looked at her was his little kid sister. It didn’t help that Bree responded to him in exactly the way he expected. It was time for both of them to take the blinders off and accept each other, and themselves, for who they truly
were.
It took about thirty seconds for Bree to work it all out, a bit longer than Nica expected, but she’d been in a healing tank for nearly two weeks so maybe she was still suffering some side effects. Nica knew she had it when her face split into a brilliant smile. “Do you really think he’ll go for it?”
“Yes, but only on one condition,” Nica said. “This has to be something you truly, completely and totally want for yourself, Bree. Not a sacrifice to me or Ian, or because you don’t think there’s anything left for you. And not because you want to hide from the world.”
“Oh Nica, I swear, I would love to run everything on my own, with my own ideas,” Bree said with barely restrained excitement. “I’ve dreamt of it my whole life. It’s been torture to watch Ian work himself half to death running Fadden Fields and healing other growers’ orchards at the same time. Not to mention the fact that he has no flare for it. He does things the way Father did them, and never imagines changing anything. To him, it’s a job and a responsibility. For me, it would be so much more than that. I would rather walk the fields of the estate every single day for the rest of my life than spend another week in Cidade’s ball rooms.”
Nica's Legacy (Hearts of ICARUS Book 1) Page 35
