Christmas Couragement

by LoRee Peery

  Meredith blew a sigh. “He sees himself in them, so it’s like looking in the mirror at a person he can’t believe he once chose to be. The thing is, Liam didn’t have to go down in the pits like that. He had money in the bank. He had his talent to fall back on, scads of stockpiled photos. He had two outlets for his pictures. I finally concluded it was in God’s plan and not for me to question, especially because I was grieving for Mom, too. The way he was living, I also grieved for Liam.”

  “This is an awful way to tell you, Merri, but I need you to know something about me before you get here. There’s no easy way to say this, and I hate to do it in a call, but I went through rehab for drug addiction.” Zoe paused while watching for a clearing in the traffic so she could merge onto the highway. “I told you I don’t have to work. I live in my parents’ old home so there’s no rent to pay, or a mortgage.”

  “Oh, that’s rough.”

  “I’m being serious here, girl. This is kind of practice because I need to come clean with Liam. Anyway, there was a lump sum at first and now I get a monthly allotment. I quit my job and started to party. Drinking wasn’t a temptation because it makes me ill. There’s a buffet of drugs out there. I liked the rush, and still miss the high at times. There’s no point in going into what I took.” Peace flooded her soul. “When I concentrate on the Lord the desire is gone.”

  “Praise Him for that, Zoe. Who knows, but I could have taken the same route. The stuff is everywhere, and available to anyone in all areas of life. I could get them if I wanted, but God has provided a time-consuming job and good friends at church who fill my hours. I would have never thought you could take that path, but thanks for telling me. Praise God for where you are now, relying on Him. I’ll pray for you both. I have no idea how Liam will take this.”

  “I can take a guess.” He’ll think I’m a hypocrite.

  ~*~

  On their way to lunch Liam noticed a spring in his step, much like he’d been energized by meeting Zoe’s house mates the previous evening. He leaned close to her and caught the scent of peppermint mixed with coconut. A boisterous group of high-schoolers approached, or he would have given her a hug.

  Once the crowd passed, she looped her arm through his. “We aren’t in a hurry, are we?”

  “Nope. Do you want to go someplace you haven’t taken me yet?”

  “Actually, yes. How does Mexican sound? I need to talk to you about something and my favorite place has booths for privacy.”

  “Sounds promising.”

  A man underdressed for the weather swiveled from the curb. “Sir, do you have a moment?”

  “No.” Liam turned his back. “Get a job.”

  “Wait.” Zoe let go of his arm. She stepped closer to the man.

  Liam assumed she figured the guy was cold. For Zoe’s sake, Liam kept her in sight.

  She fell back on what she’d practiced. “I can get you a sandwich if you’re hungry.”

  The man tucked his bare hands into the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt, glancing from her to Liam. “Thanks. I need cash.”

  Liam exhaled in disgust. “See? I was right to ignore him. He’s a panhandler. He smells clean. He’s had a fresh shave. Probably wearing thick underwear beneath his clothes. Follow him. He’ll climb into an expensive SUV or truck.”

  She scurried after Liam, and fell in step as he stomped away. “Wow, do we need to talk about your attitude? You accepted everyone as a young man. Where did discrimination come into your life? If people stay at the mission they can shower and shave.”

  “What’s to talk about? I’ve been amongst these people you reach out to with all your agape love talk.”

  “Agape love is love in action. Have you ever stopped to consider that man might not have been asking for himself? He could have been about to tell us of some poor child with cancer, or a family whose house burned down.”

  “Then why didn’t he hand us a flyer?” Liam slowed, missed a step, because he hated how he looked on those people as much as Zoe did. Or with greater self-loathing. “The money could be collected in a fund at a local bank.”

  She gave him a sharp look. “Not everyone is down and out on purpose.”

  He came to a standstill and waited until she looked him in the eye. “Thanks for saying that. You might try understanding as you want me to. I don’t get how you can be so trusting. I’ve slept in alleys. I’ve hung around dumpsters behind expensive restaurants and scrounged for what’s been tossed away. I’ve seen real street people who don’t want to be helped, as if they’d have to put forth too much effort.”

  “How about you put forth the effort to trust?” Zoe took his arm. “Liam, help me understand. If you need to talk further, I’ll listen. I don’t comprehend what bothers you so much, and why you’re so antagonistic to people in need.”

  “Already told you about my experience.” Liam slowed. Frustrated, he wanted to make her understand an issue he had trouble putting into words. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. One of these days he’d remember to wear gloves rather than leave them in a drawer. “I’m not that hungry. Can we still do Mexican dessert and something hot to drink?”

  “I’d like that. The place I have in mind will work. We can look out the window and watch the ice skaters.”

  They didn’t speak on their way to the restaurant.

  Liam guided her with his hand on her back.

  They shed their outer garments, slid into a booth, and agreed on what to order.

  He reached for her hands, traced the fine veins, and straightened a ruby ring accented by tiny diamonds that had slipped off center. “Your skin is soft and your hands clean. I never want you soiled or sullied by those dirty men you give blankets and Bibles to.”

  She flipped her hands up and interlaced them with his. “Someone dirty on the outside can have a pure heart. Someone lily-white on the outside can house an evil heart. I give to others, Liam. That’s what I do. I’ve been giving some of myself to you each day with these Christmas crafts I make.”

  As though I’m a project, and I’m supposed to change how I view Christmas.

  They unclasped their hands and pulled back as the orders arrived.

  Liam turned to the window, fighting the battle in his mind. His gaze followed the skill of a young skater who circled, glided, and jumped in smooth rotations. He turned his attention to Zoe and their knees bumped. He didn’t move away.

  She smiled, placed her tea bag in the cup, and poured hot water. “Thank you, Jesus, for this dessert and for Liam’s company.”

  “That wasn’t much of a prayer.”

  “He knows my heart.” She pierced him with an unspoken question in her eyes.

  “All right. You get to me. I don’t want to be dependent on your good, giving nature,” he answered, as though she’d asked him what was on his mind. “The cards, the care you’ve put into what you’ve made for me stab into my heart. I don’t understand your motivation. On the flip side, I go back and forth with how I really feel about it. I hate the idea I’m a ministry or something, like Agape Wear, an outlet where a church gives clothing. Or the go-to place for donations of yarn for mittens and scarves.”

  “Wow.” She put down the spoon, dropped her arms, and folded her hands.

  “The last thing I want is for you to feel sad. You’re making me crazy inside, and most of the time I can’t keep up with my own flip-flopping thoughts.” His mouth twitched. He gave in and smiled at her.

  “You really need to do that more often. Smile. It makes me sad that you view my desire to give to others in a negative light.” She straightened and took a taste from the chocolate sampler they shared. “I say it’s time we have a talk about me. Because I don’t have to work, I need a worthwhile activity to keep me busy. I choose to give of my time and the money I’ve received. Without that purpose for my life, what good am I? I need something to do, a means to contribute to society. I’m not going to apologize for living a life that isn’t frivolous.”

  He hated the tears in her
eyes. Tears that he’d put there. His heart was at stake when it came to Zoe, and he had to touch her. He got up from his side of the table and slid next to her, where contact sparked awareness.

  It wasn’t enough to share the same bench. He raised his arm and settled it behind her, then played with her hair. “I doubt you could ever live a frivolous life. As much as I was hurt by Mom’s death, I think I’d die if some guy lost his mind, and I forfeited your life to the evil on the streets.”

  Zoe leaned into him. An indescribable hardness shattered within. Nothing had ever felt more right. “Sitting next to you, and feeling you breathe, is easier than looking into your eyes.” Her chest heaved with her sigh. “I’ll put my pride aside as you did, and bare my soul. I’m never ready to share my fall, but we should understand where we each have walked.”

  He almost chuckled. “I can’t imagine you falling from grace.”

  “What an interesting way to put it. I’ll come back to that. Evil isn’t always on the streets, or in the dark, but it can be disguised. I told Meredith my secret this morning.” She pulled back, played with her ruby ring, but remained close to his chest. “I’ll just come out with it. I’ve been in rehab for drug use.”

  Liam stiffened, sat up straight. Grace. God had showered them both with grace. He immediately relaxed. He couldn’t point a finger or think himself above her. He’d never walked in her shoes.

  She tried to move further from him.

  He cupped her head, leaned it on his shoulder, and wrapped her in his arms.

  Would it be so difficult to succumb to the whirlwind of emotions, to accept everything about her, and learn to love her with all his heart?

  ~*~

  Time stilled for Zoe. She closed her eyes and snuggled against Liam.

  A boisterous group passed the booth and broke the moment.

  He loosened his hold. “Do you go to meetings or anything?”

  “I don’t. My roomies are excellent listeners. If I’m in real trouble, there’s a pastor who celebrates recovery, and others I can call.”

  “Since we see each other five days out of seven, you can skip across the bricks and launch yourself at me any time you need.”

  She tapped his chest. “Speaking of bricks, we’d best get back to the courtyard. I can afford odd hours, but you need to develop the habit of being around when the time painted on your door says you’ll be open.”

  “Looks like the check is here. Ready to go?”

  He was being much more accepting and supportive than she could have imagined.

  Outside on the walk she left a foot of space between them, and pulled her right glove from the pocket. He reached for her bare left hand and stuck it in his right coat pocket. He stilled, rather than take a step.

  She moved in close. Close enough to feel his warm moist breath in the dry cold air. Laughter and shouts of young skaters faded away.

  Liam lowered his head and filled her vision until she closed her eyes against the intensity. Rather than meet her mouth, his lips caressed her on the cheek, missing her mouth by a millimeter.

  “Later.” He brushed her cheek with his bare chilled hand.

  She swayed, disappointed.

  The whisper of that kiss was enough to make everything around her grow hazy. Foggy on the outside, but crystal clear on the inside. Like the man who never left her private thoughts, Zoe decided she wanted the craziness he stirred within her to last a lifetime.

  The gentleness, with an underlying hint of passion, of Liam’s kisses proved more potent than any drug could ever be.

  He gave her a tug, settled his arm across her shoulders, and they matched their steps.

  So quick to have an opinion about the homeless, had he so readily accepted her weakness, her addiction?

  Inside the courtyard, he escorted her to Agape Wear.

  She pulled out her key. “Come inside for a minute.”

  He rubbed his hands together. “One of these days I need to remember my gloves.”

  “Why don’t you put them in your pockets?”

  “Too big.” He shrugged. “I lose them all the time. Can’t hold a camera, let alone push a shutter button with gloved hands.”

  “You have a point.” She shook her head. Men were like over-grown boys. She had no idea what to think of his tenderness compared to his earlier outburst.

  Could he be as mixed up about their relationship as she was?

  He held the door and they crossed to the counter together.

  “This is my last Christmas card for you. According to Colossians 2:13-14, Christ forgave all our sins. He nailed them to the cross.”

  “You’ve given me more to think about.” He accepted her gift. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Meredith will be here.”

  “I can hardly wait. Shall we both meet her flight?”

  “She’d love that. I have a pile of moving crates on my passenger seat, didn’t want to haul them to my postcard place behind the gallery. Any chance you can drive?”

  “That means you’ll be stuck going to church with us.”

  11

  Christmas Eve

  Liam crouched for a better angle. His foot slipped on a streak of wet pavement. The little tyke in the viewfinder wobbled, revealing to anyone who looked close enough that he hadn’t been running long. The giant, glistening red globe resembling a Christmas ball drew the tot like ice cream. Independent, he pulled his hand from his mother’s.

  The camera clicked lighting fast as Liam crouched and waddled like a duck for the best shot of the bliss on the boy’s face. Pure innocence and enjoyment shone on the pink nose and the picket-fenced smile.

  Liam reached for a business card with the intent of handing it to the mother. A few degrees from upright, he was knocked off his feet and swung away from the street. He managed to protect his camera as he landed on his side.

  What had happened?

  Surrounded by a gathering crowd, he accepted an outstretched hand. Liam glanced up. Camo Man. Of all people to lend aid.

  From his mother’s arms, the toddler stretched out his arms and peered up at Liam. “’Kay?”

  “Fine, little guy.” He checked his camera, searched for Camo Man, and settled on the nearest person, a teen boy. “What was that all about?”

  “Mister, that dude saved you. You were half in the street. A stupid gray hybrid swerved to avoid an ice chunk and would have hit you.”

  The small group broke up, going about their business, opening a clear view for Liam. Camo Man was halfway down the block.

  “Wait, please,” he told the boy’s mother.

  Liam ran to catch up with Camo Man and swiveled to a stop in front of him. “Thank you. What’s your name?”

  “Gabriel.” He shifted his feet, and looked over Liam’s shoulder.

  “You kept me from getting hurt. Appreciate it.” Taking Zoe’s example, he offered the man a meal.

  The man refused, nodded, and ambled off.

  Liam yelled after Gabriel. “You taught me something, Gabriel. Thank you.”

  A hero of the streets. More for Liam to contemplate. He jogged back to the toddler, who squirmed to get down from his mother’s arms. “Here’s my card. I need your permission to keep, and possibly sell, any photos I snapped of your son.”

  She smiled, guided the tot’s head to her shoulder. “It should be fine. I’ll speak to my husband and give you a call.”

  Liam tipped back his head and scanned the cerulean sky above the high-rise rooftops. Greek influenced the architecture on this block. One corner held an urn, while the opposite corner’s masonry gapped where a matching urn once must have stood. He zoomed in, angled the camera at a slant, and snapped the standing urn. Looking around him to make sure his feet were secure, he tracked a line of what looked like Xs and Os, no doubt crafted by European artisans.

  Zoe didn’t seem to approve of his snaps of inanimate objects, but he now knew what to give her for Christmas. He moseyed down the block, taking note of iron braces above his head. He peered down
alleys. Deep in his creative zone, he was on a mission to find her the perfect gift.

  It lightened his heart, the concept of a photo search for someone other than a project for himself.

  A text ping jarred him from deep concentration. Zoe…time to pick up Meredith.

  ~*~

  Zoe burst out in giggles over Liam’s race through the courtyard gate.

  He skidded to a stop in front of her, panting. “Let me stash my camera, and I’m all yours.”

  I wish.

  He left his door open, and rejoined her in seconds. They took off, eager to reach the parking garage.

  She nestled her hand in his. “Ice cold. And I’m wearing gloves. You need to invent some kind of super thin gloves that you can wear while shooting. You must have found something interesting to keep you on the streets so long this afternoon. I handed out your business card to a handful of people who lingered at your window. Have a feeling you’ll be busy come December 26th.”

  “Thanks, old friend.”

  “Who’s old?”

  He pulled her in close to his side and tapped her nose. “You know what I mean. Long-time friend from the past. Did you keep busy so the time passed quickly?”

  “Women came in today, last minute gifts for their children. In most cases, those items are necessities. I sent home countless candy canes for the kids.”

  “You’re a thoughtful woman. Those moms and kids should thank God for you.”

  “Aren’t you full of nice things to say?”

  They didn’t speak again until they left the parking garage.

  Zoe zipped along on 10th Street. She wanted to ask what Liam had been taking pictures of, but they could talk about that with Meredith. “I’m glad to be this close to the airport.”

  “Yeah, it’d be a bummer to drive across town when everyone is getting off early to start Christmas vacation.”