Forgiven but Not Forgotten?

by Abby Green

  He felt her open-mouthed gasp of surprise before he registered that he’d felt an impediment to his movement. Sweat broke out on his brow. He drew away and looked at Siena, every nerve and muscle protesting at this interruption.

  ‘What…?’

  Siena was pale, and the unmistakable light of shock shone in her eyes. Stripped bare of that hazy pleasure he’d seen a moment ago. He flexed his buttocks and saw her wince as he moved a bit deeper. Her arms tightened around his neck. Andreas felt something cold prickle at his neck. It couldn’t be possible… The information simply wouldn’t compute…

  He spoke out loud. ‘You can’t be…’

  Siena was biting her lip now, and Andreas saw the sheen of moisture in her eyes. It was as if a two-ton lorry had crashed into his chest. He started to withdraw, but as he did he saw that moisture fade and a light of determination come into those glorious eyes.

  She tightened her legs around his waist. ‘No.’ Her voice sounded raw. ‘Don’t stop.’

  It hurt to breathe, but Andreas managed to get out, ‘I’ll hurt you…if we move—’

  ‘No.’ Siena’s legs tightened even more. ‘We do this. Here. Now. Just the way you said you wanted to five years ago…’

  Andreas’s brain felt as if it would explode. He was caught between heaven and hell. Siena’s musky scent was all around him, her body clasped him, but not in the way he knew it could. He cried out for release.

  And there was something so…determined about her. The fact that she was still a virgin was too much to process right now.

  Andreas gave in. ‘Try to relax your muscles…it’ll be easier…’

  He could see how she concentrated and he felt her body allowing him to go deeper. He all but groaned out loud at the exquisite sensation. She was so tight around him, almost painfully tight.

  Moving her slightly, he bent his head and drew one taut nipple into his mouth, rolling it, sucking it back to life. He could feel what it did to Siena when her body relaxed even more, and with an exploratory move Andreas thrust a little higher. She hitched in a breath but he could sense that it wasn’t a breath of pain. It was a breath of awareness.

  When he lifted his head to look at her again she was not pale any more. She was flushed, biting her lip again. Slowly he withdrew from her body and then thrust back in, going even deeper this time.

  Her hips twitched against his. She was breathing heavily now, saying almost against her will, ‘I feel so full…’

  ‘I know…just let me…trust me…it’ll ease.’

  Andreas was surprised he could string a sentence together. His world was reduced to this moment, this woman, this inexorable slide of his body in and out of hers. His passage was becoming easier and sweeter with every second. Siena’s head fell back against the door and he could see her eyes closing.

  Andreas put his hand to her chin and tugged it down. ‘Look at me…Siena.’

  She opened her eyes and they were feverish. With a feeling of triumph Andreas felt the ripples of her body around his as the onset of her orgasm approached. Ruthlessly he held his own desperate need for release at bay and pushed her higher and higher, seeing how her eyes widened, her cheeks flushed deep red. Her lips were engorged with blood. Her breasts were flushed, nipples like tight berries.

  Somewhere in his head a voice crowed, She’s undone. But it barely broke through Andreas’s single-minded need to drive her over the edge. And when she fell it was spectacular. Her eyes grew even wider. She stopped breathing. Her whole body grew as taut as a string on a bow and then he saw the moment she fell and felt her body clench so tightly around his in waves of spasms that he was helpless except to allow his own release to finally break free.

  He could do nothing but close his eyes and bury his head in her breast. Their laboured breathing sounded harsh in the silence of the foyer. His body pulsed within hers minutely. He felt her grip around his neck grow slack as if she couldn’t hold on any more.

  Eventually Andreas found some strength from somewhere and straightened. Siena was avoiding his eyes now, and she winced slightly as he pulled free and helped her to stand. Their clothes were strewn around them in chaotic abandon, but she still wore the necklace and bracelet.

  Andreas had a sudden visceral need to take the jewellery off Siena. It was a reminder that wasn’t welcome now. He undid the clasp of the necklace, letting it fall heavily into his hand, and then the bracelet. They clinked together with a hollow sound.

  * * *

  The sound of the jewellery knocking together seemed to resonate deep within Siena. Avoiding looking at Andreas, she bent down to pick up her dress, holding it against her like a very ineffectual shield. Resounding in her head with crystal clarity was the fact that she’d just lost her virginity to this man while standing up, against the door of his apartment.

  She could remember the moment when she’d thought he was about to pull away, perhaps to take her into the bedroom. There’d been a look in his eyes that had threatened to shatter something inside her. And then the memory of that dawn morning in Paris, when Andreas had admitted that he’d wanted to take her up against the wall of the dressing room had rushed back.

  Siena had seized on it and fought against the pull to make this easier…to be taken to surroundings more conducive for making love for the first time. Because this was not about romance.

  She didn’t want to think of the deeply disturbing emotion which had surged the moment he’d joined their bodies. That had made her feel weak and tender.

  ‘Theos, Siena…’ Andreas rasped. ‘You were a virgin. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  She looked at Andreas and paled when she saw the look on his face, relieved to see that he’d pulled on his trousers. She couldn’t handle him naked. Desperate to convince him it meant nothing, so that she could consider what it did mean in a private space on her own, she shrugged. ‘It’s no big deal. I was a virgin and now I’m not.’

  Andreas’s mouth twisted. ‘So your father really was going to offer you up to a crusty blue-blooded relic like some virginal sacrifice?’

  Siena’s chest tightened. That was exactly what he’d planned. ‘Yes,’ she whispered, her bravado slipping. ‘Something like that.’

  Andreas cursed and Siena tried to avoid looking at his bare chest. It reminded her of how it had felt, crushed against her breasts.

  ‘You should have told me, Siena…’ he grated. ‘If I’d even suspected you were innocent I’d have gone slower…been more gentle.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Siena muttered, picking up her shoes, still avoiding looking at Andreas.

  The air around them smelled of something unfamiliar but heady. Sex. Siena was too overwhelmed even to acknowledge that after the initial pain it had transcended anything she might have imagined.

  She saw Andreas’s bare feet come into her line of vision and gulped. As his finger tipped up her chin her eyes moved up and took in the fact that his top button was open, revealing that tantalising line of hair which led down— Her gaze landed on his face.

  She felt the urge to strike first and said, ‘Don’t look so shocked just because I was a virgin, Andreas.’

  He was angry, eyes blazing now. ‘If I’d known I would never have taken you like that…’

  ‘Why?’ she taunted. ‘It’s exactly how you wanted to take me before—I didn’t want to deny you the chance to fulfil your fantasy.’

  Siena heard the words but wasn’t really sure where on earth the nerve to say them was coming from. She saw Andreas’s face turn expressionless, shuttered. He took his hand away and stepped back, making Siena feel bereft.

  ‘You should have a bath. You’re likely to be sore.’

  Siena was a lot more intimidated by this cool specimen than the anger Andreas had just displayed. The idea that he might have cared enough about her innocence to make it a more pleasurable experience was…

  Before she could say anything else that might betray her, Siena fled.

  Andreas watched Siena retreat and cursed silen
tly. He’d expected that after making love to her, finally, he would be feeling a whole lot more sated and at peace. It was laughable. He’d never felt less sated and at peace. He wanted her again—now. Wanted to taste that lush, mutinous mouth, to make her eyes widen with desire again. Wanted to watch her tumble over the edge and feel her body clamp around his with those spasms of orgasm.

  Andreas ran a hand through his hair impatiently and then bent to pick up the rest of his own clothes. Under the stinging hot needles of his shower a few minutes later he cursed again, volubly. He certainly hadn’t intended on mauling Siena in the back of his car, but by the time they’d been pulling up outside his apartment and he’d realised what he was doing he’d had her panties in his hand, ready to take her there and then in the back seat.

  From some distant area of his brain he’d managed to find something to mutter to make it sound as if he’d fully intended divesting her of her underwear so that they could continue where they left off as soon as as they were in a private space. Outside the car, though, she’d all but spat at him—and could he blame her? He’d never been so unrestrained with a woman.

  He should have remembered that evening in Paris. Remembered how she was capable of making him lose all sense of civility. But when they’d danced in that hotel… Andreas had been sorely tempted to drag her into the lobby, demand a suite and take her upstairs right there. It was little wonder he’d been unable to resist touching her in the back of the car… she’d been melting into him like his hottest fantasy and he’d been lost.

  Andreas switched off his shower with a curt flick of his wrist. Siena had been a virgin. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw how fiercely his eyes glittered.

  It was the one thing he had not expected in a million years. A lot of his bitterness about what had happened in Paris had centered around the belief that Siena had knowingly seduced him because she was bored…and experienced. But she’d been a virgin. And what virgin got hot and heavy with a hotel duty manager? He knew damn well that if they hadn’t been interrupted he would have discovered her innocence that night.

  He recalled her pale face when she’d bumped into him the following morning. The way she’d looked when he’d told her how he should have taken her up against the wall of the dressing room. He’d said that because he’d felt like such a fool. Because he’d felt exposed, betrayed. Because he’d believed she was experienced, like all those other scarily worldly-wise debutantes.

  The irony of it was Siena had been the real deal. Probably the only one there. And how in hell had she stayed a virgin till now? Andreas wanted to smash something with his fist.

  He heard a faint noise from outside his bathroom and hitched a towel around his waist before going out. Siena was standing in the centre of the room, in a voluminous towelling robe, hair damp, and his body reacted instantaneously.

  His recent unwelcome revelations made Andreas say curtly, ‘Yes?’

  He saw how Siena tensed and it only made him want to snarl more—but not at her. At himself.

  ‘I just want you to know that it didn’t mean anything…the fact that you were my…first. And you’re right, I should have told you. But I thought…’

  Andreas saw her falter and bite her lip for a second. She looked almost unbelievably vulnerable. Then she went on, ‘I thought you wouldn’t notice, I didn’t realise it would be so…obvious.’

  Siena wanted the ground to swallow her whole and she looked down.

  For a long moment nothing happened, and then Andreas conceded, ‘It might not have been obvious to some men…but I knew.’

  Siena flushed. She could imagine the kind of man her father would have wanted her to marry—some old lecher from the Italian Middle Ages—and just how that scenario might have played out.

  She stubbed her toe against the luxurious carpet of his bedroom. ‘Yes, well, I just wanted to assure you that it doesn’t change anything.’

  Siena looked up warily, very aware of Andreas’s naked chest and long powerful legs. The excuse for a towel that barely covered his intense masculinity. Unbelievably, Siena could feel herself clench inwardly at the thought of how he’d surged up and into her…how it had felt when he’d slid in and out, taking her higher and higher.

  Too late she realised her mistake in coming here like this and turned to leave, but quick as a flash Andreas inserted himself between her and the door.

  ‘Where do you think you’re going?’

  Siena gulped. ‘To my room. To bed.’

  Andreas smiled and it was wicked. ‘There’s a perfectly good bed here.’

  Siena blanched. As responsive as her body was proving to be, she didn’t in all honesty think she could take a repeat so soon. She’d stung when she’d lowered herself into the bath and she ached all over.

  Reading her mind, Andreas said, ‘Don’t worry, I think it’s too soon—but there are other ways of achieving the same result.’

  He took Siena by the hand and led her unresisting—much to her disgust—to the bed. He sat down and pulled her between his legs. His towel parted and when Siena looked down she could see the dark thatch of hair and his body stirring and hardening.

  Andreas was undoing her robe and then pulling it open. Siena felt absurdly shy and tried to stop him, but he was too strong. It was off her shoulders, falling down her arms to the ground, and she was naked.

  Andreas’s gaze was fixed on her breasts and Siena could feel them grow, the tips hardening, tingling. She wanted to groan. How could she be so affected when he just looked at her?

  With his hands clamped around her waist, Andreas brought her even closer and lavished her breasts with attention, licking and suckling until Siena wanted to cry out. The first time round it had all been happening so fast she hadn’t had a chance to draw breath, drowning in sensations before she could really register them.

  Now Andreas was conducting a slow, sensual torture, and Siena found it almost overwhelming. With a smooth move he caught her just as her legs threatened to buckle and laid her on the bed. He whipped aside his towel so that he was naked.

  Siena said brokenly, ‘I thought you said—’

  He put a finger to her mouth and said, ‘Shh, I did.’

  Siena felt something scary erupt in her chest, because in that moment she realised that she trusted Andreas. He wouldn’t hurt her, or push her further than she could go. But now his mouth was on hers and his hands were moulding and cupping her breasts and Siena gave up any coherent thought.

  By the time his hand reached between her legs and sought where she felt so hot and wet Siena’s hips were rolling impatiently. She wanted Andreas to take her again, soreness be damned. But he wouldn’t.

  Almost crying with frustration, she felt him move down her body and replace that hand with his mouth. He’d touched her like this before, but now it felt much more intimate. Siena was aware of how wanton she must look—legs stretched apart, hands clutching at Andreas’s head, breathing fast, heart thumping painfully.

  Andreas found her sensitised clitoris and flicked it with his tongue, while thrusting two fingers into her clasping body. This was what Siena wanted and needed. Her back arched and her hips all but lifted off the bed as she became some primal being, focused solely on Andreas’s mouth and fingers as they made that tension within her coil so tight that she shouted out as he finally tipped her over the edge.

  Siena seemed to float for a long time on a blissful haze of sated lethargy before she opened her eyes and realised that Andreas was lowering her into her own bed and pulling the covers over her. He’d carried her here, after pleasuring her senseless.

  Siena quickly clamped her eyes shut again, not wanting to see the expression on his face and not liking how ambiguous her feelings were about his putting her back in her own bed. Eventually she heard his footfall and the sound of her door clicking shut. Her eyes opened again, seeing nothing for a moment in the darkened gloom.

  Her whole body tingled and hummed with pleasure…and yet Andreas hadn’t sought his own rele
ase. Siena turned over and looked unseeingly into the dark. She had no frame of reference for this kind of a relationship, but she hadn’t expected Andreas to be a selfless lover.

  Her head felt tangled and jumbled. She’d somehow naïvely expected that a physical relationship with Andreas would be something she could ultimately rise above, remain immune to, even if she fell apart slightly. She felt anything but immune now. She felt as if she’d been turned inside out and reconfigured and—terrifyingly—she wasn’t sure if she even knew who she was any more.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  THE FOLLOWING DAY, Siena was in one of Andreas’s chauffeur-driven cars, being transported to a private airfield. She’d found a cheerful Mrs Bright in the kitchen that morning, and she had directed Siena’s attention to a note left for her by Andreas.

  Siena had been inordinately relieved not to have to face him again so soon. She’d read the note.

  I have a meeting in Paris tomorrow morning. We will spend tonight there and go to the opera this evening. Pack accordingly and be ready to leave at three p.m. Andreas

  Siena could see that they were approaching the airfield now, and felt nervous at the thought of confronting Andreas again after he’d explored her body with such thorough intimacy and then deposited her back in her bed like an unwelcome visitor.

  They swept in through wide gates and Siena could see a small Lear jet and a sleek silver sports car nearby. Andreas was taking out a small case and suit bag. Her belly swooped. He looked so tall and handsome. Intimidatingly so. Especially now that she knew the barely leashed power of the body underneath that suit.

  The car stopped and Siena saw Andreas register it and straighten up. He looked intense, serious, and her nervous flutters increased. She had no experience of how to handle this situation. She smoothed her hand down her dress, feeling vulnerable now when she thought of how she’d chosen it over more casual clothes, how carefully she’d chosen a dress for the evening, along with the ubiquitous jewelry Andreas would expect her to wear. Because, after all, an inner voice reminded her, she’d demanded it.